BUSY

I've been running the roads this holiday weekend and will post details later. Hope everyone has a safe and Happy Memorial Day. Lets all remember our soldiers and past heroes on their special day.

THE ANNOYING THING

I'm crushing on a frog, and he ain't Kermit!! He's the Evel Knievel of the amphibian world. Why am I always the last to know about all the "coolest" things? Is it because I live in 'Bama or because I'm getting a little "long in the tooth"? The Cheesemistress had this link to an animation of The Annoying Thing . You can get Annoying Thing downloads for your 'puter here.

He's been "the shit" for the last couple of years, with ringtones & videos for your cell phone, games, and much more. There's even an animated movies in the works. The artist behind the animation of the Annoying Thing is 27 year old Erik Wernquist.

Who would have ever thought that a strange exhibitionist blue-grey frog with a dangling ding-a-ling wearing a helmet and goggles, revving up an imaginary motorbike while making an infuriating "ding ding dididing" noise could be so addicting!!! But I can't stop watching that flash video. It's my prozac of the moment, it always gives me a giggle and relaxes the tension in my shoulders. I think he's much better than Badger Badger Badger video!

If you haven't seen either one of them, check them out.

HUMOR - LIFE IN ALABAMA

The Civil War has resurrected itself using humor as a weapon. One of my Yankee friends sent these jokes to me. Y'all need to help me come up with a few Yankee jokes to retaliate with, PLEASE! After all, if you can't laugh at yourself, everyone will laugh at you!

The owner of a golf course in Alabama was confused about paying an invoice, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the University of Alabama and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, then replied, "Everything but my earrings."
You gotta love those Alabama women.

A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.
"Where's Henry?" the others asked.
"Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied.
"You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired.
"A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!"

Regarding the year 2000, a senior at Alabama was overheard saying "when the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Alabama." When asked why, he replied he'd rather be in Alabama because everything
happens in Alabama 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world.

The young man from Alabama came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"
Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?"
The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."

NEWS FLASH! -
Alabama's worst air disaster occurred when a small two-seater Cessna 150 plane, piloted by two University of Alabama students, crashed into a cemetery earlier today. Search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect the number to climb as digging continues into the evening. The pilot and copilot survived and are helping in the recovery efforts.

An Alabama State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65.
The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"
The driver replied, "Bout whut? "

A man in Alabama had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car & one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.
The man replied, "I have a flat tire."
The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"
The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back and wait for help! I never did understand it - but it worked ! "

Isn't life in Alabama grand !!!!!!

HOW TO CLEAN THE TOILET

1.Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
2.. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bath room.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids.
You may need to stand on the lid.
4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the toilet three and or four times. This provides a "power-wash."
6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet , streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.
9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.


Sincerely,


The Dog

BLIMEY! THAT BIRD HAS BACK WHEELS HANGING BELOW IT'S GREYHOUND!!!

anglophile - noun {C} A person who is not British but is interested in, likes or supports Britain and its people and customs

Lots of people love all things British. Me, I love both Australian and British accents and the amazing slang terms which spice up those different versions of our common language.

I found this English slang site which lists some great examples of terms we Americans very seldom hear, several very risque', for instance...........

aeroplane blond - one who has dyed her hair but still has a 'black box"!

back wheels - balls, testicles. An example of this would be "Cor, I got a great blowjob last night, she even got me back wheels in!". You could also use vulgar terms like "Right up to the back wheels" etc.

beer scooter - the ability to get home after a night out on the booze and not remember it, i.e. "I don't even remember getting home last night, I must have got the beer scooter".

Bruce Lees - erect nipples (as in a pair of hard 'nips').

bunny boiler - an unhinged and overly possessive woman. From the rabbit boiling scene in the film "Fatal Attraction", e.g. "I don't like the look of her mate, could be a bunny boiler".

feeding the pony - to arouse a woman using one's digits ! Also see 'badger scratching'

greyhound - a very short skirt. From the fact that a greyhound (on a race track) is close to the hare (hair), i.e. "Blimey, look at the greyhound on that bird!".

mumblers - used when you spot an attractive girl in tight shorts or similar clothes, i.e. you can see the 'lips' moving but can't quite make out what they're saying.

Folks, you can spend all day on this site and not find all the wonderful colloquialisms there. If you want to indulge a little farther, here is a link to a selection of Australian slang sites, some of which use rather colourful language.

BLOG IT FORWARD

The rules are really simple. All you have to do is pick someone (or sometwo or somethree) from your blogroll and post (on your site) just what makes them linkworthy. I mean, there's obviously a reason that you allow them to take up that valuable real estate on your site, right? But who do you pick?

I can hold my head up in pride!! Pammy of Lollygaggin has chosen me as one of her Blog It Forward nominees. This is a really great idea that seems to have taken the Blogsphere by storm. I'm not going to put in several of my favorite bloggers, they already get tons of traffic. So doing my best game show host imitation here for your enjoyment and entertainment I offer:

LIFE DROPPINGS - This is my sister Donna's site. Although she doesn't post as often as some of us (she battles with depression), on up days her writing is funny enough to make you snort coffee up your nose [go read To Boob Or Not To Boob and Tales of the Outhouse - Drawers Down ]. Most of her stories are about our growing up in a rural family with 5 girls. And don't believe everything she says about me [I'm Vicki]. I DID NOT lead her astray near as often as she claims!

IN HIGH COTTON - The Grey Biker's description "Random passing thoughts, humorous observations of daily life, occasional rants, and down to earth reality from a native southern guy living out in the country in Georgia. " and describes himself as "Male. 46 years old. A Libra. A real southerner and proud of it. I've lived in Georgia all my life. I live on a dirt road about 45 miles south of Atlanta, Georgia. Probably the last bit of country left this close to Atlanta. Drive a old Ford 4 wheel drive pick-up and ride a Harley. I have ridden motorcycles since I was 16. Have 2 dogs, a Cardigan Corgi and a Yellow Lab". Now people, you know that nothing's better than spending time with a good old boy!

THE PISSED KITTY COMETH - Pisser is a West Coast gal who works in the film industry. She has a take-no-prisoners style and a warped sense of humor that is great. I love her take on life in the big city and having to deal with the so called "beautiful people". Warning: She tends to have adult content!

Go check them out and tell them that I sent you and encourage them to BLOG IT FORWARD.

ONE, NO LONGER A LONELY NUMBER

I'm a confirmed, happily single woman. I can't say I'll never remarry, but I've been divorced for 19 years and plan to stay that way. I've had numerous relationships with men, some of them actually good, that ended because of distance or mutual agreement on both our parts. I've received my share of marriage proposals but never been tempted.

The reason I bring all this up is because for a long time all the books and articles you saw written for or about women were romances. Everyone always got married and lived happily ever after. That's changed. For instance, this article from MSN Women. Here is a taste of it...

"Yet the advantages of unmarried life seem perfectly obvious to me: I never have to do anything to accommodate the "other." I cook dinner if and when I feel like eating it, and only if I'm in the mood to cook. I stretch out all over my queen-sized bed. If I wake up in a good mood, I don't have to contend with someone who wakes up in a bad one -- and vice versa. It's nobody's business but mine if I spend too much money on clothes or makeup. I don't have to put up with anybodies boring friends or annoying relatives, or listen to the football game blaring from the den. If I decide I'd like to vacation in Mexico, I just do it. I could go on for pages without exhausting the list of petty annoyances inherent in a good marriage, without even beginning to address the miseries of a bad one."

Third Age has personal ads for travel companions, where you can specify if you want to share with someone of same or opposite sex, for people who want to go see the world but not alone. You can find a roomie or a Romeo!! The first time I ever flew or went anywhere alone, I went to Hawaii for a week and had a blast. Traveling alone has become my favorite way to travel. I can do and go and act the way I want.

It's nice that now-a-days you don't have to be part of a couple to be considered whole. Several of my friends still have problems with going out alone, but I'm working on them. At least we no longer have to put up with being called "spinster" or "old maid". When dining alone the waiter USUALLY doesn't stick us at the undesirable table next to the kitchen. We can walk unescorted into a bar without some guy wondering aloud "how much" we charge.

In the immortal words of Loretta Lynn, "WE'VE COME A LONG WAY BABY"!!

Rules Men Wish Women Knew

I stole borrowed this from Paul. I figure the ladies need to know what you guys expect and this is straight from the horse's mouth!!

Rules Men Wish Women Knew:

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he can find the perfect present, again!
5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
6. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
7. Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lent, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.
8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat.
9. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
10. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
11. Shopping is not sport.
12. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
13. You have enough clothes.
14. You have too many shoes.
15. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.
16. Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot and your Dad probably is too.
17. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
18. No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
19. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
20. Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes-what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
21. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
22. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
23. Your Mom doesn't have to be our best friend.
24. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
25. Check your oil.
26. Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will do.
27. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
28. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
29 .Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
30. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
31. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
32. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
33. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
34. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done not both.
35. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
36. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
37. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
38. Consider Golf a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just like you do.
39. Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty and it's certainly not going to deter us from reading the magazines.
40. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.
41. Anyone can buy condoms.

So there you have it ladies. Now you know how the lads really feel when you ask "How do I look". I have to admit I agree with a few of these rules. Condoms should be in every single woman's purse/bedside table. And if you fake it you're only cheating yourself. Don't let him off that easy. When he starts to roll over and grab a nap after "old faithful" erupts grab him by the ears and tell him "Where do you think you're going, we're just now getting started".

TOO OLD TO GO STEADY

Tonight the topic of middle aged dating came up here at the papermill. Guys and gals, I need some input and a few fresh ideas. The fellows I work with all read this blog and want to know the opinions of the Blogsphere.

I and most of my workmates are in our 30s, 40s or 50s. There are quite a few of us who are single (swing shift is hell on relationships). So the questions are..........

What do you call your amour when it's more than a date but not quite an engagement? "Girlfriend/Boyfriend" sounds childish. "Lover" is too much info for
the general public. "Friend" trivializes something precious. So who is that person hanging onto your arm and trying to crawl into your bed???

What do you call your relationship? "Going Steady" smacks of highschool and teen
crushes. What do you call a mature relationship??

Come on folks, inquiring minds are waiting for the benefit of your wisdom and imagination.

Quiz Day

I found this Animal Personality quiz over at Darla's. I actually agree with the results for a change. Most of these quizes don't seem to get very close.



What Is Your Animal Personality?
brought to you by Quizilla

Then there was this personality test........

Your #1 Match: ENTP

The Visionary You are charming, outgoing, friendly. You make a good first impression. You possess good negotiating skills and can convince anyone of anything. Happy to be the center of attention, you love to tell stories and show off. You're very clever, but not disciplined enough to do well in structured environments. You would make a great entrpreneur, marketing executive, or actor.

What's Your Personality Type?

SENIOR SEX

This story from Kim proves that you never get too old for sex or to get a little freaky, but you should try not to disturb the neighbors! Great story, gave me my giggle for the day.

The write up about an Oldsters Orgy over at Suddenly Senior is a hoot, too. According to the article.... "three wrinkly Romeos and six sagging seductresses ranging in age from 73 to 98 gathered together in the rec room and stripped to the buff". The nursing home staff found them "surrounded by candles and dressed in their birthday suits slathered with baby oil, the horny nine were wing-dinging in dusty corners". Go and read the whole thing, I promise you won't be able to keep from laughing! Gives a whole new meaning to the term "Granny Panties".

Nice to know that I have something to look forward too!! Trouble is, we women out number men already and the guys generally die at a younger age. So the older I get, the slimmer the pickings will be. I'll just have to date younger men, I guess. Hey, when I'm 60 can I have two 30 year-old men?? The arithmetic works!

MONDAY MEME

I got this meme from Bryan Leighty who was kind enough to comment on one of my posts. Here goes......

My uncle once: Came to our house wild-eyed drunk out of his mind. I was young, but I remember Dad trying to calm him down and take him home. But a phone call showed that my aunt didn't want him there, I think they had been in a knock-down-drag-out fist fight. Amazing what memories stay with you!

When I was five: I would use the fence to climb up on the bare back of my horse and stay gone for hours without permission. My Mom had a terrible time keeping up with me! I've always loved animals and had an independent streak.

I once met: George C. Wallace. I actually marched in his inaugural parade while in my high school band. Not that I agree with his politics, but hey! I was young and it was a fun trip with overnight accommodations and a chance to meet boys from other schools!!

There's this girl I know who: uhhhh, most of the people I know are guys. I work with all men and don't have much free time for a social life. I do know a girl with OCD. She can't leave the house without sweeping the kitchen and owns 2 vacuums, 1 for each section of the house . She vacuums the floors at least 3 times a day! I wish some of that energy would rub off on me.

Once, at a bar: I received my first blackeye in a female/female fight (I've recieved several for abusive men) when a drunk gay female jumped in my lap, wrapped her arms around my neck and tried to run her tongue down my throat! I kicked away from the bar and tipped the barstool backward while trying to get away. I landed on my back in the floor and she landed on top of me with her elbow smacking me in the eye. My friend, the bartender, rescued me. True Story.

Last night: I worked.

Next time I go to church I: I'm not a church goer, I'm an agnostic who doesn't believe in the hypocrisy of organized religion. A higher power, yes. Snobs and racists and homophobes, no. Don't tell me how to live my life and I won't tell your wife that I saw you in the bar or that you tried to hit on me and every other female in sight.

When I turn my head right, I see: A dark window with steam lines running past it. I'm at work. It's night.

You know I'm lying when: I look guilty. I'm a terrible lair, I don't get enough practice.

What I miss most about the eighties: My figure. Damn I looked fine back then!! Age and gravity are a bitch that will not be denied.

If I ever go back to school I'll: take random courses that interest me and enjoy the hell out of it!

You know I like you if: I confide in you. I don't trust a lot of people. You have to earn trust.

If I won an award, the first person I'd thank would be: My parents. I just wish they could be around to here me say it.

My ideal breakfast is: Diet Mountain Dew. Gotta do the Dew.

A love song I love, but do not have is: Donna Summer's "Love to Love You Baby" . Excellent song to make love by!

If you visit my hometown, I suggest: Don't blink, you'll miss it.

Why won't someone invent: A real orgasmatron for we single ladies. And for couples to share. You should date someone if you like them, not because you're horny or lonely.

If you spend the night at my house, don't: Expect the place to be spotless. Clean, but lived in, that's me. But I do promise lots of fun, food, friends, and laughter.

I'd stop my wedding for: anything! I have no urge to tie the knot with anyone. A lifetime partner would be nice, though. The only logical reason to get married is to raise kids.

The world could do without: abusive relationships. That includes everything from dating to war.

If I do anything well, it's: hide my emotions. And learn really, really fast. I'm a quick study on most anything.

The last time I was drunk, I: was with my ex-boyfriend shooting pool out in my detached garage that sits on the far side of 2 acres from the house. I couldn't beat him at pool so I drank a quart bottle of Tequila. Shots with lime and salt! I love Tequila. I DID manage to wobble all the way across the yard, get in the house, undress, and fall across the bed on my own power. Then I passed out.

I brake for: Animals if possible. I hate to hurt anything, but I'm not going to wreck my car and kill myself to save one.

There you go. Now you know more about me than you need too.

WEEKLY 25 WORD CHALLENGE

Time for another 25-word challenge over at Michelle's. The rules are simple. She'll start a story with 25 words. You add your own 25 words (no more - no less) to the comment thread. You can certainly post more than once, but no consecutive posts by the same person, please. Hit F5 to refresh the page and see if anyone has added a new line to the comment section.
This week's theme is sex and romance. She starts it off with...........

"He quietly climbed into bed beside her, careful not to awaken her. He lay in the
stillness, the evening's events still fresh in his mind. "

Go and play. It's fun and free.

WHY POO MAKES YOU GO "PHEW"

The New Scientist has a question and answer page. One of the questions was "It's an unfortunate question I know, but why does human excrement smell so badly? I realize cows eat different foods, but their excrement is far less offensive. Why is ours so awful?"

There were several long and involved answers but the one that blew me away was---

"The smelly substance in excrement is skatole (3-methylindole), and it is the substance to which the human nose is most sensitive on a per molecule basis. No doubt it is present in feces because it is a breakdown product from hemoglobin that enters the gut via bile. We have evolved to be repelled by it because excrement transmits disease and we should steer clear. However, skatole doesn't always trigger the disgust reaction in humans, nor is the reaction shared by the whole animal kingdom. The substance is used in small amounts as flavoring in food, notably in vanilla ice cream. Dung flies are attracted to it, and the phallus-like spadix of the arum lily (Zantedeschia aethiopica) synthesises skatole to attract flies that pollinate the flowers. The civet cat also has glands that produce skatole, presumably to mark territory and repel others. This gland is used in perfumery."

Now I could maybe understand perfume, some of it is rather stinky. But ICE CREAM???? Say it ain't so!!!

I can see some of Ben & Jerry's new flavors now................

"Chunky Chocolate CaCa"
"Banana Butt Butter"
"Diarrhea Daiquiri"
"Turd Truffles"

"Pooty Tuity Fruity" anyone

Darwin Awards 2005

Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. The Darwin Awards salute the improvement of the human genome by honoring those who remove themselves from it in really stupid ways. It's even the theme for a movie that's now in production. Here then, are the glorious winners.

Darwin Award Winner:

1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.....

And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean busdriver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then
delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from being hit by an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer,the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15. (If
someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head,
knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police
apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes,officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without
a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal
gasoline but plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

In the interest of bettering human kind please share these with your friends and family ... unless of course one of these 10 individuals by chance is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost..

HOLLA WHAT?

God, I'm getting old! I actually had to go to the Urban Dictionary and look up hollaback girl. I love Gwen Stefani's music, but I was clueless about what this song was all about. The tune is catchy (reminds me of the oldie "Hey Mickey") but it's one of those songs that will give you an earworm. I have to admit I liked her better with No Doubt.

I think it's stress. Keeping up at work, at home, social responsibilities, family responsibilities, money, kids, grandkids, and ALSO having to keep up with the current "Hep" jargon. That's a lot to do. I get a little overwhelmed sometimes.

I need a vacation. Lots of sun and sex wouldn't hurt either. A cold libation and a hot man. Yeah, I feel better thinking about it. Excuse me while I go and fantasize for a bit. I'll be back latter, hopefully with a smile on my face and a song in my heart (NOT my head).

TIME WASTER--- yep, I'm Southern!

Your Linguistic Profile:

55% General American English

35% Dixie

10% Yankee

0% Midwestern

0% Upper Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

And a true Scorpio!!

Your Birthdate: November 16

Your birth on the 16th day of the month gives a sense of loneliness and generally the desire to work alone. You are relatively inflexible, and insist on your being independent. You need a good deal of time to rest and to meditate. You are introspective and a little stubborn. Because of this, it may not be easy for you to maintain permanent relationships, but you probably will as you are very much into home and family. This birth day inclines to interests in the technical, the scientific, and to the religious or the unknown realm of spiritual explorations. The date gives you a tendency to seek unusual approaches and makes your style seem a little different and unique to those around you. Your intuition is aided by the day of your birth, but most of your actions are bedded in logic, responsibility, and the rational approach. You may be emotional, but have a hard time expressing these emotions. Because of this, there may be some difficulty in giving or receiving affection.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

PIGGY PORTRAIT

This website has you sketch a pig and then does a personality profile based on how you did. I have to admit that some of it got pretty close to the mark. And you have to admit that my sketch on the left leaves a lot to be desired. I never claimed to be artistic!!!!!!!!!!!!Go and try it. Let me know how you scored! I'm supposed to be............

You are a realist
You believe in tradition, are friendly, and remember dates (birthdays, etc.)
You are emotional and naive
You care little for details and are a risk-taker.
You are secure, stubborn, and stick to their ideals
You are a good listener
Your sex life, "The more the better

Some of the drawing are great and some little more than scribbles. They even have a Hall of Fame. Go the the gallery and cruise through them a while.

90 DEGREES

I've got my first sunburn of the year while mowing the lawn and it's not full summer yet. I can't wait for all this overtime to cease. I plan to go to the river and drown a few worms/crickets while drinking more than a few cold ones!! And after buying a new tent (my last one died of old age) I'll be spending days at a time camped on the banks of the Tennessee River.

The lyrics below, from a song by Eric Carmen of The Raspberries, are a moldy-oldie, but they fit. If you're old enough you may recall his songs "All By Myself" and "Almost Paradise" (Love Theme From Footloose).

I may be showing my age with these songs, but I've never lied about it yet and don't plan to start now. My motto is "I may grow old, but I refuse to grow up." This song fits how I hope this summer turns out. When I get too old to have fun or fall in love, y'all just kick some dirt over me, cause I'll be dead!

Top Down Summer


Wakin' up
And the sun is in my eyes
Temperature is rising
It's so hot

Shake it up
I go racing through the streets
Howling in the heat
And you know why

Girls in cars are driving through the city
Breaking hearts, but looking awful pretty
Baby, not so fast
Make the summer last

Top down summer
Are you ready for love?
Top down summer
We can drive to forever tonight
Hey baby, the right time's finally here
The top down time of the year

Take your Mustang off the blocks
Ain't nobody walks when it's sooo hot

Me and you
We can ride to town in style
Flash 'em all a smile
And you know what

I'm so high whenever we're together
I wish we could feel this way forever
Love is weatherproof
C'mon raise the roof

Top down summer
Are you ready for love?
Top down summer
We can drive to forever tonight
Hey baby, the right time's finally here
The top down time of the year

Are we close enough to touch
(Baby, let me show you how)
It's too hot to wear too much
(It's too late to turn back now)

Top down summer
Are you ready for love?
Top down summer
We can drive to forever tonight
Hey baby, the right time's finally here
The top down time of the year

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

It's been almost a year since Mom passed away, and just over a month since Dad went to join her. Instead of being morbid, I'm going to pass on a link that my friend, Carol, sent to me.

This link takes you to a series of pictures documenting the hatching and growth of a humming bird family. It's amazing how tiny both the Mom and chicks are. Be sure to click on the next page link at the bottom of each page. Mother Nature at her best. Happy Mother's Day, y'all.

P.S. Here's a Mother's day present for all the Ladies. The National Milk Council and Curves have teamed up. Click on the picture to the left and sign up for a weekly drawing for a FREE 2 YEAR MEMBERSHIP AT CURVES! You can sign up once a day and the contest runs for the rest of this month. I'm already going to Curves and I can tell the difference!

The site also has the GREAT AMERICAN WEIGHT LOSS CHALLENGE. Quote..."Are you ready to take the plunge and lose weight with milk? The got milk? Great American Weight Loss Challenge maps out a plan for putting the milk and weight loss research into action and provides tools to lose weight in a healthy way by consuming 24 ounces of milk every 24 hours as part of a reduced-calorie diet. Our 12-week plan was developed by weight loss and women's health expert Pamela Peeke, MD, MPH, who's created a program that keeps sight of your health along with your weight. You'll find: Daily guidelines for healthy weight loss Sample meal plans that include 24 ounces of milk Online food and activity journals Weight loss tools and calculators." Check it out.

Good Luck. I wish we all could win. Do you feel lucky???

PYROMANIA

Tuesday night I was sound asleep, a who-done-it novel turned upside-down on the mattress beside me. The bedside clock had just flipped over to 2:30 in the morning and I was starting to hit that really good REM zone where your eyeballs get all twitchy, you have impossible dreams of gorgeous men, adventure, true love and other fairy-tale-type stuff while your body actually gets some much needed beauty rest. Right in the middle of that elusive feel-good zzzzzzzzzz phase my son barged through the bedroom door yelling, “Mom, something big is on fire right down the road!”

I stumbled outside wearing just my nightshirt and stood rubbing my eyes while my sleep-fuzzed brain tried to make sense of the bright orange and yellow flames that were roaring high above ancient oaks and lighting up the bottom of the clouds. Sparks swirled upward like reversed shooting stars. You could actually stand in my front yard and hear the wood snap and pop as it burned, it was that close. At least 15 or 20 minutes passed before we heard a siren. The old home place, whose yard had been fenced in with a pasture a couple of years ago, burned down to its foundations as fireman struggled to dodge panicked livestock and keep the fire from spreading to the neighboring homes.

The next day I met my middle sister and her daughter, who’s husband just happened to be a fireman, for lunch. But this time we didn’t just gossip about our friends and relatives. It seems that Lawrence County has a firebug! An actual arsonist!! I knew that the woods behind my house have been set on fire several weeks ago. What I didn’t know was that a surprising number of grass and wood fires have been deliberately set this year. And a scary number of houses have been torched. Every time in the early morning hours , always unoccupied, and always total loses.

They haven’t been able to get anything on the guy or gal or whatever (must be PC no matter what you know). Granted we’re rural and located in the South, but someone somewhere should know something! We need Lieutenant Columbo or Hercule Poirott or CSI to come help! Where’s a first class detective when you need one?

My friend Karen freaked when I called her about the fire. Her family home is empty, falling apart, and located to the side of her lawn. The same night as the fire she heard a motor and looked out to find a large, light colored car with it’s lights out sitting in the drive of the old house. When they saw her step out on her porch the would-be intruders pulled all the way down past the house, still with their lights out, and attempted to turn around. Bad idea! That drive is rough in the daytime when you know all the ruts and curves! When at last they managed to get back on the road they didn’t turn on the car’s headlights until they were a long way down the road. She looked the next morning and the car had torn up the grass and came close to getting stuck! But all she could think of was her dog, Curly, that’s chained up behind the old house. She’s more worried about him that any property damages!

This is big city stuff. We country folk don’t need or want this kind of excitement! I like a campfire or bonfire as much as the next person, but what is the thrill in burning old homes and grass? The lure of the forbidden? The thrill of dodging the law? Is it sexually or just crazy? All I can say is they best stay away from my house. I’ve got several guns locked and loaded, and a son who will come closer to shooting you than his Mom will. And Karen is a pistol packing Mama from way back that is a dead shot. So Mr. Firebug, you better find a new playground, or you’ll be the one getting singed next time.

THROUGH THE EYES OF A CHILD

This thought provoking article tugs at your heart strings, brings a tear to your eyes, and makes you want to hug the nearest child.

The organization Human Rights Watch, while studying the genocide in Sudan, traveled to neighboring Chad and interviewed refugees who had fled across the border. The doctors wanted to concentrate on the adults in the group, so they provided the children with crayons and paper to keep themselves amused. The surprise was what the children drew, and the explanations they had for the "artwork".

The resulting drawings shows the effects of war on children, in graphic detail that you wouldn't think some of these children could understand at such a young age. Everything from genital mutilation to rape.

It reminds me a lot of the way psychologists treat children here who have been abused. All the movies and books show the Dr. giving a doll or art supplies to a child and interpreting the results. These pictures don't need an interpreter. They speak for themselves.Loud and Clear.

Thanks to Tom for the link, and to Cyn for finding it in the first place. And thanks to my 5 year old grandson for staying innocent for a little longer. I'd hate to think of him with those kinds of images locked in his little head!

FAN FAILURE

The fan on my 'puter has died, so posting will be slow until I get it replaced!