HNT

It's Half Nekkid Thursday, and my first HNT post. Here's my 50th birthday tattoo.




Don't ask where to see where the dragons' tails end, I don't know y'all that well! Let's just say they end on my rear-end.

I was gonna post a picture of the coconut bra that B'Tude sent me, but couldn't get a picture I was comfortable posting. Maybe I'll come up with something later.

FLIPP FLOPPING AROUND

I stole purloined borrowed this from Bitichitude, she always has cool toys and will sometimes share them if you ask nice (but don't bend the pages or get them dirty!)

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Junebugg!

1. If your ear itches, this means that someone is talking about Junebugg.
2. If you kiss Junebugg for one minute you will burn six or seven calories.
3. The water in oceans is four times less salty than the water in Junebugg.
4. By tradition, a girl standing under Junebugg cannot refuse to be kissed by anyone who claims the privilege.
5. Junebugg was originally called Cheerioats!
6. A lump of Junebugg the size of a matchbox can be flattened into a sheet the size of a tennis court.
7. Junebugg can eat up to four kilograms of insects in a single night!
8. The difference between Junebugg and a village is that Junebugg does not have a church!
9. The Australian billygoat plum contains a hundred times more Vitamin C than Junebugg!
10. There are 336 dimples on Junebugg.

I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

And now for the flip side. Hey, B'Tude, does this mean that I'm schizophrenic? No? Excellent, that means that the voices in my head aren't from a guilty conscience!!

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Vicki!

1. About one tenth of Vicki is permanently covered in ice.
2. 68 percent of all UFO sightings are by Vicki.
3. Humans share over 98 percent of their DNA with Vicki.
4. If you drop Vicki from more than three metres above ground level, she will always land feet-first!
5. Vicki is physically incapable of sticking her tongue out!
6. Fish travel in schools, but whales travel in Vicki!
7. Vicki can use only about ten percent of her brain.
8. Only 55 percent of Americans know that the sun is made of Vicki.
9. Olive oil was used for washing Vicki in the ancient Mediterranean world.
10. Vicki does not have toes.

I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

TUESDAY TIME WASTER

I found this meme at Poiesia's and because it's totally different and much easier than most of the rest, I decided to give it a try.

Here are the instructions:

1. Go to your blog archive
2. Find the 23rd post
3. Find the 5th sentence
4. Post the text of the sentence in a blog entry
along with these instructions
5. Tag five other people (which I'm not gonna do)

What I came up with was this post and this line:

aeroplane blond - one who has dyed her hair but still has a "black box"

Kinda one of those things that make you go "HHHMMM ain't it.

HNT - WANTA SEE MY COCONUTS?

It's Half Nekkidd Thursday, and my first HNT post. Here's my 50th birthday tattoo.


Don't ask where to see where the dragons' tails end, I don't know y'all that well! Let's just say they end on my rear-end.

I was gonna post a picture of the coconut bra that B'Tude sent me, but couldn't get a picture I was comfortable posting. Maybe I'll come up with something later.

Traveling Lei Part 3

CrazyRideLady has her Traveling Lei question up!

YOU WANT TO STICK WHAT WHERE!!!

Well, I have an official (of a sort) diagnosis of what ails me. One of the guys here at work has decided that I have distemper because his prize birddog had the same symptoms!


He kindly offered to bring his cattle syringe and farm-grade penicillin out to the plant and give me a shot, claiming that it cured the K-9 so of course it’ll cure a person. Lucky for me I’m allergic so I could turn down his compassionate offer without getting snotty and offending his fragile male ego. I guess you could say that he would qualify as my Redneck Hero for at least caring enough to offer.

I finally found some Triaminicin at Walgreens. Triaminicin is the only thing that really works for me other than NyQuil which of course I can't take at work. It seems that Walgreens scored the patent on Triaminicin and no one else is allowed to sell it. At last, GOOD DRUGS!

I think I might live now.

DON'T FEEL TOO GOOD

Remember when you were little and sick how your Mom spoiled you? You'd lie in bed watching cartoons while she plied you with soup and ice-cream and jello. If you were really sick she'd wipe your face with a cool washcloth and fret and worry over you. Man I miss those days!


While I was asleep last night, a slime monster crawled up my nose and lodged in the top of my head. I woke up with snot oozing out of both nostrils and an invisible band is being tightened around the top of my head. My eyes feel like they’ve been French fried and my throat has been sandpapered. In other words, I'm sick and I feel like warmed-over shit.

I stopped by First Aid on the way into the plant to score some free drugs. I signed in but was so woozy-headed that I couldn’t remember my department number (which I know as well as I know my own name). Major Brain Fart! You have to have that number for everything.

So I'm standing there, slightly wobbly, holding the ink pen and trying to remember while the medic is holding a handful of drugs WHICH I NEED right in front of me but won't let me have them because I'm so sick I can't remember a blasted 3 digit number. Damn Tease! I finally had a memory flash, wrote down the required number and snatched the drug packets before the Med Nazi took them back.

Now I'm parked here at work sneezing and snorting and blowing my nose. The slime monster is starting to move down my throat and into my chest. Sorry ass cheap drugs, I need some industrial strength stuff! The guys are staying on the other side of the room and making the sign against the evil eye every time I get close to them.

I want to go home and go to bed with a hot toddy and someone to tell me that I'll get better soon. 4 more days, I'll get a day off on Friday, if I live that long.

Send tissues, whiskey, and good drugs. I need a care package.

MY TAIL IS NOT FUZZY!

Stole Borrowed this from B'Tude.

you are the cute but psycho happy bunny. You
adorable, but a little out there. It's alright,
you might not have it all, but there are worse


which happy bunny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

SCHOOL DAZE

I realize that I've been missing in action, but I have a good excuse! The company has had me and several other operators in a Instrument/Electrical Precision Maintenance class. (Like I've ever been precise about anything!) Me, doing precision maintenance, that's a scary thing!

It was a good class, but the math just about had me pulling my hair out. It's like playing House or Columbo, taking a bunch of symptoms or clues and diagnosing what needs to be repaired. Except the patients/victims are pumps, transmitters, valves, level controls, etc. etc.

The downside was a loss of off days and free time. The upside is at graduation they gave me a diploma (good if I ever need to find another job) and a Dell Axim 51 handheld with

* Microsoft® Windows MobileTM 5.0 software with Windows Media Player 10 Mobile
*Powered by the Intel® XScaleTM PXA270 Processor at 416MHz
*Brilliant 3.5" color TFT display
*Integrated BluetoothTM Wireless Technology
*Packed with 64MB SDRAM and 128MB Flash ROM
*Integrated CompactFlash Type II and Secure Digital / SDIO Now! / MMC card slots provide flexible expansion
*Removable Primary Battery with optional High Capacity Battery
*3.5mm Headphone / Headset Jack for Headsets to support voice recognition applications
*Built-in microphone and speaker for easy recording on the go
*USB Sync Cable
*Leather Case
*Cradle/Recharger

Now I gotta learn to operate the thing. That little stick is going to take some getting used to but it gives me something new to play with (I tend to get bored easily). And it WAS FREE!

In other news, CrazyRideLady has sent me her SNAIL MAIL addy and I'll be putting her prize package in the mail ASAP. Y'all stay tuned for her version of the Traveling Lei contest.

FOUR THINGS

Stolen from Kylz.

Four Jobs You've Had In Your Life:
1. Welder/Pipefitter at Nuclear Facility (certified MIG, TIG, and stick)
2. House Painter
3. Carpenter Helper
4. Secretary for government (security clearance and everything)

Four Things You'd Watch Over and Over:
1. African Queen (Hepburn is wonderful in anything)
2. Anything by Alfred Hitchcock
3. Enemy Mine
4. Men in Black

Four Places You Have Lived:
1. Moulton, Alabama
2. Decatur, Alabama
3. Town Creek, Alabama
4. Speak, Alabama

Four TV Shows You Love to Watch:
1. Bones
2. Sex in the City
3. Law & Order: SVU
4. Anything on the Food Channel ( I zone out in front of the cooking shows)
Honorable mention: I loved the mini-series Rome on HBO but it's no longer on.

Four Places You've Been On Vacation:
1. Bahamas
2.Hawaii
3. Mexico
4. Grand Caymans

Four Websites You Visit Daily:
1. My Blog Buddies
2. My Email site
3. Google
4. Decatur Daily (the local paper)

Four of Your Favorite Foods:
1. Anything Chocolate
2. Perfectly Grilled Rare Steak
3. Good Cheese
4. Pinto Beans, Fried 'Taters & Cornbread With Real Butter (I'm Southern, Y'all, That all goes together )

Four Places You'd Rather Be Right Now:
1. Anywhere (I'm at work at 2:30 AM)
2. In Bed (See Above)
3. In the Bar for Last Call
4. Having Wild Kinky Sex

ONLY A MAN WOULD DO THAT.......

One of my co-workers, Stan, sent me this email. This has gotta be a guy thing, because no female I know would even think about trying it!



IT'S A LESSON LEARNED ABOUT TASOR GUNS

To give you some background information, Greg, the author of this email, is 58 years old about 6'3" and 220 lbs and contrary to this story, he is quite an intelligent person.

Dear Friends,

My wife is fond of saying that my last words on this earth will be something akin to "Well, I have out done myself once again." No doubt you will see this true story chronicled in a Life Time movie in the near future. Here goes.

Last weekend I spied something at the pawn shop that tickled my fancy. (Note: Keep in mind that my "fancy" is easily tickled.) I bought something really cool for my wife. The occasion was our 12th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my sweet girl. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Taser gun with a clip.

For those of you who are not familiar with this product, it is a less-than-lethal stun gun with two metal prongs designed to incapacitate an assailant with a shock of high-voltage, low amperage electricity while you flee to safety. The effects are supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, but allowing you adequate time to retreat to safety. You simply jab the prongs into your 250 lb tattooed assailant, push the button, and it will render him a slobbering, goggle-eyed, muscle-twitching, whimpering, pencil-neck geek. If you've never seen one of these things in action, then you're truly missing out - way too cool!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was so disappointed. Upon reading the directions (we don't need no stinkin' directions), I found much to my chagrin that this particular model would not create an arch between the prongs.

How disappointing! I do love fire for effect. I learned that if I pushed the button, however, and pressed it against a metal surface that I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs that I was so looking forward to. I did so. Awesome!!! Sparks, a blue arch of electricity, and a loud pop!!! Yipeeeeee. I'm easily amused, just for your information, but I have yet to explain to my wife what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, etc., etc. There I sat in my recliner, my dog looking on intently (trusting little soul), reading the directions (that would be me, not the dog) and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh and blood target.

I must admit I thought about zapping the dog for a fraction of a second and thought better of it. She is such a sweet pup, after all. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong? Was I wrong to think that? Seemed reasonable to me at the time.

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, Taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. All the while I'm looking at this little device (measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference, pretty cute really, and loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries) thinking to myself, "no friggin' way!" Friggin' way - trust me, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best. Those of you who know me well have got a pretty good idea of what followed. I'm sitting there alone, the dog looking on with her head cocked to one side as if to say, "don't do it buddy," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny lil' ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. (Sound, rational thinking under the circumstances, wouldn't you agree?)

I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the hell of it. (Note: You know, a bad decision is like hindsight-- always 20/20. It is so obvious that it was a bad decision after the fact, even though it seemed so right at the time. Don't ya hate that?)

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY *********!!!!

I'm pretty sure that Jessie Ventura ran in through the front door, picked me up out of that recliner, then body slammed me on the carpet over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, soaking wet, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position. The dog was standing over me making sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, please do it again!"

(Note: If you ever feel compelled to mug yourself with a Taser, one note of caution.. There is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You're not going to let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. Then, if you're lucky, you won't lodge the prongs 1/4" deep in your thigh like yours truly.)

SON-OF-A-***** that hurt! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at this point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get there??? My triceps, right thigh and both titties were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, as my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. give or take an ounce or two, I'm pretty sure.

By the way, has anyone seen my testicles? I think they ran away. I'm offering a reward. They're round, rather large. Miss 'em ..... sure would like to get'em back.

Greg

TOP 25 REASONS WHEN YOU KNOW YOU'RE NOT 20 ANYMORE

My friend Carol sent me this email, and damn if it ain't true!

TOP 25 REASONS WHEN YOU KNOW YOU'RE NOT 20 ANYMORE!
1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and" break up."
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because "those f**king kids next door won't turn down the stereo".
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You take naps from noon to 6 PM.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19. If you're a gal, you go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff.".
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you, and can't find one to save your sorry old a$$.

BIRTHDAY WISHES

My sister Donna is 48 today, and she's had a hard time lately. She suffers from depression, the loss of our parents has hit her really hard, she's had family problems, and her only daughter has just announced that she's getting married and moving away.

Why don't y'all go and say "Happy B-Day" to her? I hijacked her blog and posted on it (that'll teach her to give me her password HEE-HEE).

AND THE TRAVELING LEI WINNER IS.....

It's been really really hard to pick a winner out of all the wacky entries that you people had posted on the Traveling Lei Contest.

I gotta say that some of you know some strange gift-givers! What with used granny bras, sex toys on the 2nd date, sex toy gift certificates from entire divisions of the military, Christmas stocking tampons, banana roasters (I still haven't figured that one out) I've almost pulled my hair out trying to select the oddest present (and there's nothing worse than a bald-headed Junebugg!) .

So the winner of the Traveling Lei and the 'Bama Gift Pack is (drumroll please).................................

CrazyRideLady! Yes fellow Bloggers and Bloggettes, she won with this entry.

One year I recieved a very nice set of earrings, in a small metal box that was welded shut! I had to get my dad to cut it open with a torch for me!

I don't know about y'all, but having to use a torch to open a present is right up there at the top. I'll be senting her an email and getting all the details to mail the package to her.

Thank y'all for making this so much fun, and stay posted for CrazyRideLady's version of the Traveling Lei Contest.

FRIDAY 13TH - LEI IN ONE MORE DAY

OK People, it's Friday 13th (did you know that Paraskevidekatriaphobia means Fear of Friday the 13th) and tomorrow the Traveling Lei Contest will be over.

Time for the really freaky entries to show up! So go to the entry below and let us know just how kinky and weird your gift giving friends and family REALLY are!

TRAVELING LEI - PHASE 2

OK People, it's time for PHASE 2 of DB's TRAVELING LEI CONTEST.

Since we just had Christmas, the burning question y'all gotta answer to get lei'd is...... (drumroll please)......

"Name the strangest, weirdest, wackiest or most unusual gift that you've ever received."

It doesn't have to be a Christmas present, and you didn't have to get it this year. Answer in the comments and answer as often as you like. The contest is going to run until 2 weeks from today. Then I'll chose the winner and announce it here, send them an e-mail so they can send me their snail-mail addy and I'll mail the lucky person their goodies.



The Rules for Traveling Lei contests:

1. At the end of the contest, the current lei holder will ship the Traveling Lei to the next lucky winner.
2. Along with a small gift from your own state or country.
3. You must attach a creative tag to the "traveling lei", such as "Aloha from Hawai`i", or "Howdy from Texas", etc, and your blog address. The tag should be no larger than the size of an airline baggage tag or Xmas tag so we can get lots of them on there
4. When you receive the lei, you must post a picture of yourself wearing it and holding a sign that says "I got lei'd by DB in Hawaii!" (or whomever you got the lei from) like this time it's "I got LEI'D by Junebugg in Alabama" . Also post a link back to me and the person you got the lei from so we can keep track of our Aloha, as well as these rules personalized to your own site.
5. Then create your own contest for the next winner, but the rules for the traveling lei will remain the same. The contest should run for no shorter than a week and no longer than two weeks.

DB has created a Traveling Lei Page on his blog (complete with pictures of the past winners, like ME) so we can keep up with it's progress around the world. You get the beautiful lei in the picture plus whatever winnings I come up with from the beautiful state of Alabama here in the heart of Dixie.

I'm leaving this post at the top of my site until the contest is over. Come on y'all, most people get a measley kiss for New Year's. You can get LEI'D!

UPDATE: Folks, we're offical. The Traveling Lei Contest has been listed and linked on the Blog Contest Site.

TIME WASTER

Stolen Borrowed from Pammy. I got nothing else right now.

How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside. You tend to avoid confrontation and stay away from sticky situations. You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly. Some of your past dreams have disappointed you, but you don't let it get you down.

How Do You Live Your Life?

FRIDAY NITE AT THE MOVIES

I cried when King Kong died.

GIVING GOOD LEI - 2ND PLACE

YEAH ME! I placed 2nd in B'Tude's Giving Good Lei contest. Congrats to Christine for nailing 1st place. We are two lucky women, I want you folks to check the prize package that Christine is getting, and B'Tude claims that I'm getting something almost as good.

I have to hand it to B'Tude and DB, these folks really know how to get something started. I've had a blast playing both B'Tude's Giving Good Lei and DB's Aloha Traveling Lei.

That's the bestest thing about having a blog, you meet the nicest people! You get to learn about other places, hear about different ways of life, and if you're really really lucky...

YOU GET LOADS OF NEAT STUFF, FREE!