CHOCOLATE

While shopping with Karen the other day, it struck me how out of shape and "well rounded" I've become. While the size 2 hussy was happily browsing in the Jr. Department {bitching the whole time about everything being too big} all I could think was, "I couldn't put one leg in those jeans if my life depended on it!" She handed me a slinky top that looked like something Barbie would wear & sported a Jr. XLG tag, gushing "That'd be so cute on you". But when I held it up to my bulging bosoms no matter how much I stretched the darn thing its side seams barely reached from nipple to nipple. So we moseyed over to the Women's Department in search of something stylish for me. Yeah, you guessed it. All the outfits my size looked like something my Grandmother would wear.

Damn it, I may be 50 but I'm a long way from being MATRONLY! I'm a hip, happening adult woman in the prime of my life with my best years ahead of me (I hope they're not behind me, I haven't done half the things I planned to do with my life!!) I'm still sexy {shut up, I hear snickering}, attractive {I SAID SHUT UP OUT THERE!}, and desirable.
{OK go ahead and laugh. Let me know when you're finished so I can continue this post}.

I'm not stupid, I know I need to lose a pound or 10 and that my blood sugar has been running a little high. I just hate to give up cooking and eating good food, and trying to find time to do that dreaded torture {deep breath}, EXERCISE.

I vowed to myself that I would do better. After all, Jackie Sue has been low carbing it for a while now and bragging about how her shorts are starting to sag off her butt and how her cheekbones are showing for the first time in a while. I'll just use ol' JS for inspiration!

So I packed a good-for-me lunch to bring to work: celery sticks, baby carrots, a salad with one of those spritz dressings, eggs and spinach. Low carb, low fat. Good for me even if not very appetizing.

Repeating to myself "The snack machine is evil and I will not be drawn in by it's promises of sweetness and pastries" over and over in the car, I drove right by all the fast food places in town and zoomed by all the service stations along the 23 mile trip I make each way every day and into the parking lot at work, battling visions of Nacho BelGrandes, Big Macs and Krispy Kreams the entire way.

I marched by the company cafeteria, where the tempting odors of fried fish, fried shrimp, French fries & chocolate cake tickled my nose with their greasy Siren call all the way through the clock alley and out the door. OK, I'm doing extremely well! The 10 minute walk through the plant to where I work is even exercise! See, I can do this.


Then Disaster! IT'S SCHOOL FUND RAISING TIME. Right next to my work station is a great big box of those $1 chocolate bars! Ones with Almonds! Enticing me, luring me, teasing me and I've stuck here with Hershey's goodness stareing me in the face for 12 solid hours.

I'm a weak person......... A bad woman............ A glutton............ I have no will power.

{hangs head in shame}

I'VE GOT CHOCOLATE ON MY FINGERS

I feel soooooo guilty. Can I have a do-over? I'll start again tomorrow........ I promise I'll do better............

HEY! Wait a minute, does this mean I can eat all the chocolate I want tonight?????