Friday, November 09, 2007

ADVISE FROM MY FRIENDS

THE WOMEN:

“It’s about time you dumped the guy. We missed ya.”

“You didn’t cry when you kicked that loser to the curb, did ya? Cause men’s egos always make ‘em think that you’re bawling over losing them when you’re actually crying over the thought of getting nekked in front of a brand new feller and wondering if he’s noticing your wobbly bits.”

“The way to get over a man is another man. It’s like when you get thrown by a horse, you gotta get right back on or you’ll be scarred for life. And it’s gotta be just for fun, you don’t want someone to fall in love with, just a nice warm body to rock your world one time and one time only. I recommend that you don’t give him your number and you can even lie about your name if you want.”

“Speaking of new studs, here ya go: from me to you” (waving a gaily ribbon wrapped, large economy sized box of condoms with “RIBBED FOR HER PLEASURE” in bold print on the front for the whole restaurant to see). “Remember, no love without a glove. If the man wants to play, he has to dress for the party!”

Naw, what she needs is a new BOB(battery operated boyfriend). “No muss, no fuss, always ready when you are and won’t bother you when you’re tired. Plus it don’t care about love handles, saggy boobs, or a big ass; and it doesn’t eat your groceries or cheat on ya.”

“The old man has a friend….he ain’t nothing pretty, got a pot belly and a bald spot but he’s sweet and he’s got a brand new Harley that’s FINE.”

THE MEN:

“If you ever decide to fool around with a married man be sure I’m the first to know”

“Hell, you got a good job, money, land, and your own house: you’ll have to beat the men off with a stick.”

“I’ll volunteer to be your ‘friend with benefits’. Just call when ever you get an itch and I’ll scratch it for ya, baby!”

4 comments:

ell said...

See? You made the right choice! :-D

Just don't go changing your mind and take him back, 'cause I'll have to figure a way to track you down and give you a personal tongue lashing.

Gordon said...

*sniggers* Sorry Junebugg just have to laugh at this post so funny, so true though, yeah don't let the asshat back in...
WoW did I just call someone an asshat, guess I did, oh there I go again...

yellowdog granny said...

if men were as good in bed as they say they are....they would go fuck themselves...


being alone is not the same as being lonely....

should be getting a package any day now....

texlahoma said...

There is one piece of advice that I don't agree with "you’ll have to beat the men off with a stick.”
My old girlfriend and I tried a lot of things and this one just doesn't feel good at all.