Saturday, November 08, 2014


Mikel Chane Crook 1974-2014
It seems that some of my family and friends aren't  pleased with the way that I've been grieving the loss of my 39 year old son. Several of them  have made comments to others about why haven't I had a public breakdown. I've even been accused of trying to wipe Chane’s memory away or of being glad that he’s gone. It hurts that my so-called loved ones seem to be actively waiting for the pity party so they can critique my heartache.

People, GRIEF IS NOT A SPECTATOR SPORT! I  have never been one to show my feelings in public. I didn't have a public come-a-part when I lost either of my deceased husbands nor at the deaths of both of my parents. I prefer to lose it in private.

No one but my dog is around when I cry while watching funny movies. I don't share the fact that I find myself wondering what Chane wants for dinner before I remember that he’s not coming home ever again or how in the grocery store I pick up something that he loves and I hate before it hits me that I'm buying groceries for one now.

So don't judge me or others on how we behave in public. Everyone isn't a Drama Queen who wants to be the center of attention. A few of us hold our feeling close and choose to deal with life’s disasters in our own way, on our own terms. Just because we don't broadcast our sorrow doesn’t make it less real, and finding that our support system is waiting for us to fall makes the hurt doubly deep.


Wil said...

You go girl. Just because I CHOSE not to advertise my profound grief upon the death of my youngest brother and only living relative, doesn't mean it didn't tear me up inside then, as it does still today, eight years later.

Vicki June Waters said...

Thanks Wil, went and read your blog. Sorry you're in poor health, hope you heal quickly and enjoy life for years to come