Thursday, August 24, 2006

SUSPICIOUS MINDS

I'm sitting here at work waiting on quitting time and the beginning of 2 weeks of vacation when the phone rings. "Good, You're there. I just had a bad dream.....and I didn't like it so I had to call and check to see if it was true."

Well shit, I knew I was a woman of various strange, weird, and wonderful powers .......... but affecting someone's dream-state from 30 miles away is a little much, even for me! I don't do dream interpretations and I don't like the sound of this one. But being the daredevil witch .... bitch .... wench that I am, I foolishly asked "Just what exactly did you dream about?" Big mistake, I should have known better.

"You were with another man and I didn't like it!"

Bloody Hell!! I work 12 hour swing shift with a fair amount of overtime and if I do have a day off he's either at the house or calling me or wanting to know where I've been. It's not like I have a lot of time or opportunity PLUS the last time I checked there wasn't a large demand for women who are 50, fat pleasingly plump (don't you dare snicker at me, I'll have Jackie Sue bip ya') and losing the battle with gravity.

Now I don't know if he's done something naughty and is worried about retribution (squeaky wheel and all that) or if he's just lost his ever loving mind. I'm not a trusting sort to begin with and this has made me all suspicious and shit.

Maybe I should be looking for a new feller, just in case? Hey, it's like window shopping:

LOOKING'S FREE, IT'S WHEN YOU GO TO HANDLING THE MERCHANDISE AND TRYING THINGS ON FOR SIZE THAT YOU GET INTO TROUBLE!

Besides, if I'm going to be considered guilty I ought to do the crime.

Actually, what I ought to do is load up and disappear for a week or so. Let everyone have time to get their shit together and me time to mellow out. Any of y'all got a spare bed?


PS...all the images were made with Typo Generator, you ought to go check it out.

3 comments:

Pisser said...

I have a spare futon that hardly counts as a bed, and is covered with cat hair, and possibly worse - but you're welcome to it if you can tolerate the smell! ;)

Hey, don't underestimate yourself. In the interest of defending a lady's honor, I got into it with this lame, creepy, fat-hating, woman-hating, insulting cockpunch. After that I needed a big ole dose of Junebugg. You always make me feel better somehow. Thanks :)

anonymous jones said...

Keep him on his toes and retain your mystery is what I say!

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

You're a dream-hussy.