Monday, March 05, 2007


I’ve decided that I’ll probably live.

For awhile I had my doubts. Anytime someone’s breathing sounds like a rusty hacksaw trying to slice through cast iron there’s something seriously wrong, and that bad metaphor describes me trying to suck some O2 into my poor aching body for the last couple of weeks. My carp-like gasping for air would have made a great sound track for a horror movie; I could have sound-dubbed for a monster lurking in the dark or an obscene phone caller.

I spent the entire weekend rolled up in a quilt and napping. I think the only time I got up was to go to the bathroom, to hunt for more tissue, to swallow more drugs, to refill a never ending glass of green tea and to attend my niece’s wedding.

The wedding was the typical mad rush; complete with pre-wedding jitters and a comedy of errors.

First, almost everyone was late getting to the church. That morning the bride-to-be, at her grandmother’s rural home and already dressed in her wedding gown, locked her keys in her car WITH THE MOTOR RUNNING. They had to call a locksmith from town to come and get the door open; then poor Wendi drove, quote “900 MPH”, to the church. I wish I could remember how she told the story; the way she described her skirts bellowing up over her head and how she was driving with one had on the wheel and the other one holding her dress down was hilarious. Several people saw her but their description was “A red streak flying down the road with a bunch of white material blocking the window.”

Then the flowers weren’t what Wendi ordered, the cake wasn’t cooperating at all, several family members didn’t get to see the ceremony because they were still prepping for the reception and the in-laws-to-be made several rude and crude remarks about how their son was “marrying down” but it all worked out.

Wendi was a beautiful, glowing bride; she and Scott had a wonderful ceremony that went off without a hitch. The reception was great with a big crowd and lots of tasty food (including the lop-sided cake, several folks thought it was supposed to be one of those modern designs!).

I spent most of the wedding fending of relatives. As soon as they’d move in for a hug I’d do the hands-up fending-off motion, explaining that I was sick and didn’t want to contaminate anyone else (which also got me out of kitchen duty). I left right after the reception started to go back home and curl up with my quilt and tissues again but from all reports everything else went well.

Although not completely well, this morning I feel 100% better than I did. I’m sorry I didn’t post any over the weekend. Hell I did good to watch TV and the only time I set foot out of the house was to go to the wedding, but I believe I’m on the mend now and hopefully I’ll soon be back to my ranting raving blogging ways. Did ya’ll miss me?

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