SILVER THREADS & RICHARD LAYMON

I love this quote. Makes me look at my graying hair in a totally different way.

Then he gave his long hair a few flings with his fingers. "You see all this-here silver?"

Both his mustache and his hair were mostly black, but streaked with plenty of shiny strands.

"Know what it is, Willy?"

"Gray hair, is it?"

"Silver, Precious silver. It's the pay you get for staying alive. The longer you go without getting perforated by various rapscallions and Indians - or scalped - the more you collect. All you gotta do is take a gander at a man's head and you can get yourself a fair estimate of his worth. You see much silver up there, you know he ain't easy to kill."

YELLOWDOG GRANNY, WESTFEST AND HURRICANES

I reached West ½ an hour before Jackie was due to get off of work, so I decided to cruise around on my own and check things out. One of the first things to catch my eye was the Family Dollar sign and a light bulb went off over my pointy little head saying: “Hey, didn’t Jackie say that she worked at the dollar store?” So I parked, walked in and the first thing I see is Jackie at the register holding court with 4 or 5 people surrounding her. So there I stood in the middle of the store waiting for her to notice me.

Notice me she did but didn’t know who I was, thinking that I was there to see Inky. She pointed me out to Inky and he was “Who’s that?” when Jackie finally figured out “That’s Junebugg” and ran around the counter to hug me. I hung around Family Dollar until time for her to clock out and then we met Babs for get-to-know-each lunch where I had my first skunk egg (a wonderful tennis ball sized wad of ham, chicken, bacon, cheese and who knows what else that's been breaded and deep fried). Then it was on to Jackie’s house where I met and was approved by Queen Annie, one of the most regal felines on the planet.

Let me tell you people, Jackie fed me like a queen while I was in Texas. Country fried steak with all the fixings, ring bologna & cheese, the woman cooked up a storm; when she wasn’t cooking we were going out for kolaches (wonderful things, kolaches, I do they’re addicting). She made me feel pampered and spoiled and I dreaded going home where I’m the one doing all the work. It’s a good thing that I don’t live in West or I’d weigh 300 pounds!

The next few days were spend getting to know each other with Jackie taking me on a grand tour of West, pointing out all the highlights and giving me a running commentary on every building’s history and introducing me around to the local citizens. I believe the woman knows everyone within a 50 mile radius! The town’s not that big and traffic is almost nonexistent, at least until Friday. When the crowd showed up for Westfest Jackie would sit at a stop sign waiting to pull out going “Fucking Tourists, fucking tourists, damn it go home!”

We both got to march in the Westfest parade but I kept losing Jackie. She was handing out the candy instead of throwing it and stopping to talk to everyone (I told you she knew everyone!) Babs had put me in charge of making sure that Jackie didn’t overdo because of her high blood pressure but when I tried to fuss she told me “The hazard pay ain’t high enough and I don’t need a MAMA." so I gave up and let her be. We had made “Obama Mama” t-shirts the night before when she had made signs for the democratic float, but the markers weren’t waterproof. So I look over at Jackie about half way through the parade and she’s got black streaks on both arms from sweating and rubbing her arms across her boobs (big boobs are a bitch sometimes). We both about melted in the Texas sun and afterwards went to get some water but all the stores had already sold out.

Gady (another one of Jackie's blog buddies) drove down to go to stay with Jackie and go to Westfest with us. Lucky feller, staying all night with two women and all. So off we go and he keeps losing one of us in the crowd. First I wondered off and then we lost Jackie. I almost chocked when he panicked and told me that he was an “Alpha Male” and it was his job to take care of the women. I can’t remember the last time that I needed taken care of and I don’t think that Jackie was ever helpless, but men can’t help being men what with all those male hormones messing with their brains. Besides, it was kinda sweet.

I learned to do the Chicken dance, drank 3 Pevos (beer) and had a great time. Who knew that polka was such a big draw? The place was packed and everyone seemed to be having a blast, I even ran up on a guy from Alabama! I watched in amusement as an older gentlemen went around kissing all the young girls on the hand as he leered down their cleavage and there was a young man dressed in costume leaning on a tent pole holding a sign that said “Will dance for pevo” who Jackie tried to give some money to.

After Westfest we dropped in at a bar that Jackie knew. Gady was a little hesitant about going in because the lot was almost empty and dark and the building was “rustic”; but we females started in without him and you know that an “alpha male” wasn’t about to let the females go alone. Of course Jackie knew everyone inside and we all shot several games of pool. Jackie kicked my ass and then she played Gady. He won but I’m almost positive that she was sandbagging so as not to hurt his delicate male pride.

Home again; me on the couch, Jackie in the recliner and Gady in Jackie’s bed. Wonder how long it’s been since there’s been a man in Jackie’s bed??????? He leaves out first thing the next morning and we girls laze around and gossip about the night before (ain’t that what women usually do after a night out?)

I leave West in the leftovers of Hurricane Gustav. The weather doesn’t get bad until I’m leaving Dallas (thank Goddess, I hate driving in Dallas) and I had serious doubts about making it home that day. But all the rooms are taken up by refugees from Louisiana and the radio keeps promising that by the time I reach Memphis the rain will quit so I drive on. Visibility is nil, 18 wheelers are throwing up sheets of water and the interstate is flooded so I’ve got a death grip on the steering wheel driving while peering through the monsoon. I call Jackie at a rest stop to let her know that I’m OK so far and I can tell that she’s worried but I’m a stubborn cuss and keep on driving.

I made it home in 12 hours and 15 minutes, not too shabby for driving so far in a hurricane without any “alpha male” to hold my hand. I’d love to visit Jackie again, but I think that next time I just might fly.

GODS IN ALABAMA

How could I pass up a book with the first line: "THERE ARE GODS in Alabama: Jack Daniel's, high school quarterbacks, trucks, big tits, and also Jesus". All true, although I think that "big tits" should count as Twin Goddesses.

When running through WalMart on the way to work, the title caught my eye (hello - I live in Alabama!) and then the first page grabbed me. The story might be crap (haven't read it yet) but I have high hopes. This isn't my usual type of reading material, so we'll just have to wait and see.

Now I gotta go and pretend to know what I'm doing here at the slave factory. A boiler has crashed, everybody and his brother are on site (ON A SUNDAY) and the place is a madhouse. Hopefully all the VIPs will go home soon so we can get things squared away and have a peaceful night.

Last week it was in the high 70's here; all the windows at home were open and you saw people out wearing shorts and tank tops. Tonight it's in the low 20s with a wicked wind that cuts right to the bone, no matter how warmly you're dressed. If there are "Gods In Alabama", the Weather God is either schizophrenic or bi-polar!

ONLINE BOOK RESOURCE

Working midnight shift, on the few occasions that things run smoothly, it sometimes gets hard to stay awake. I usually resort to covert blogging, smuggling in a verboten book (no VIPs here at 2 in the A.M. to ask if it's work related) or mindless eating. However, several days ago while cruising the web I struck pay dirt!

I happily stumbled on The Online Books Page, which is a"website that facilitates access to books that are freely readable over the Internet. It also aims to encourage the development of such online books, for the benefit and edification of all." In other words, it doesn't host books but instead links to ones already on the web. The page formats are whatever the author or poster selected, so you find everything from plain text to wonderful artwork and some of the works are really old obscure writings that wouldn't see the light of day without being on the web.

It has everything from novels to poems, short stories and history, fact and fiction, written by authors both known and nobody. If you have a book or short story already on the web you can have it listed there for free. All this has given me access to stories and information that I would have never found before and damn if I don't love it!

I'm currently reading "The Ape Man" by James Ogilvy (1834-1914) which is sourced from the ERBZine, The Official Edgar Rice Burroughs Tribute and Weekly Webzine Site (owners Bill and Sue-On Hillman love ERB, whom they have dubbed "Master of Imaginative Fantasy Adventure Creator of Tarzan® and "Grandfather of American Science Fiction") as "The Ape-Man: his Kith and Kin A collection of texts which prepared the advent of Tarzan of the Apes by Edgar Rice Burroughs". I don't know if old Edgar ever read the story, but it follows along the same lines As Tarzan and is definitely keeping me awake!

Check it out some time, it makes for some interesting browsing and you never know what forgotten gem you might uncover. Happy reading, y'all.

BONUS: Check out the picture stating ONLINE BOOKS in my sidebar, it links to a page with lots more online book resources!