YELLOWDOG GRANNY, WESTFEST AND HURRICANES

I reached West ½ an hour before Jackie was due to get off of work, so I decided to cruise around on my own and check things out. One of the first things to catch my eye was the Family Dollar sign and a light bulb went off over my pointy little head saying: “Hey, didn’t Jackie say that she worked at the dollar store?” So I parked, walked in and the first thing I see is Jackie at the register holding court with 4 or 5 people surrounding her. So there I stood in the middle of the store waiting for her to notice me.

Notice me she did but didn’t know who I was, thinking that I was there to see Inky. She pointed me out to Inky and he was “Who’s that?” when Jackie finally figured out “That’s Junebugg” and ran around the counter to hug me. I hung around Family Dollar until time for her to clock out and then we met Babs for get-to-know-each lunch where I had my first skunk egg (a wonderful tennis ball sized wad of ham, chicken, bacon, cheese and who knows what else that's been breaded and deep fried). Then it was on to Jackie’s house where I met and was approved by Queen Annie, one of the most regal felines on the planet.

Let me tell you people, Jackie fed me like a queen while I was in Texas. Country fried steak with all the fixings, ring bologna & cheese, the woman cooked up a storm; when she wasn’t cooking we were going out for kolaches (wonderful things, kolaches, I do they’re addicting). She made me feel pampered and spoiled and I dreaded going home where I’m the one doing all the work. It’s a good thing that I don’t live in West or I’d weigh 300 pounds!

The next few days were spend getting to know each other with Jackie taking me on a grand tour of West, pointing out all the highlights and giving me a running commentary on every building’s history and introducing me around to the local citizens. I believe the woman knows everyone within a 50 mile radius! The town’s not that big and traffic is almost nonexistent, at least until Friday. When the crowd showed up for Westfest Jackie would sit at a stop sign waiting to pull out going “Fucking Tourists, fucking tourists, damn it go home!”

We both got to march in the Westfest parade but I kept losing Jackie. She was handing out the candy instead of throwing it and stopping to talk to everyone (I told you she knew everyone!) Babs had put me in charge of making sure that Jackie didn’t overdo because of her high blood pressure but when I tried to fuss she told me “The hazard pay ain’t high enough and I don’t need a MAMA." so I gave up and let her be. We had made “Obama Mama” t-shirts the night before when she had made signs for the democratic float, but the markers weren’t waterproof. So I look over at Jackie about half way through the parade and she’s got black streaks on both arms from sweating and rubbing her arms across her boobs (big boobs are a bitch sometimes). We both about melted in the Texas sun and afterwards went to get some water but all the stores had already sold out.

Gady (another one of Jackie's blog buddies) drove down to go to stay with Jackie and go to Westfest with us. Lucky feller, staying all night with two women and all. So off we go and he keeps losing one of us in the crowd. First I wondered off and then we lost Jackie. I almost chocked when he panicked and told me that he was an “Alpha Male” and it was his job to take care of the women. I can’t remember the last time that I needed taken care of and I don’t think that Jackie was ever helpless, but men can’t help being men what with all those male hormones messing with their brains. Besides, it was kinda sweet.

I learned to do the Chicken dance, drank 3 Pevos (beer) and had a great time. Who knew that polka was such a big draw? The place was packed and everyone seemed to be having a blast, I even ran up on a guy from Alabama! I watched in amusement as an older gentlemen went around kissing all the young girls on the hand as he leered down their cleavage and there was a young man dressed in costume leaning on a tent pole holding a sign that said “Will dance for pevo” who Jackie tried to give some money to.

After Westfest we dropped in at a bar that Jackie knew. Gady was a little hesitant about going in because the lot was almost empty and dark and the building was “rustic”; but we females started in without him and you know that an “alpha male” wasn’t about to let the females go alone. Of course Jackie knew everyone inside and we all shot several games of pool. Jackie kicked my ass and then she played Gady. He won but I’m almost positive that she was sandbagging so as not to hurt his delicate male pride.

Home again; me on the couch, Jackie in the recliner and Gady in Jackie’s bed. Wonder how long it’s been since there’s been a man in Jackie’s bed??????? He leaves out first thing the next morning and we girls laze around and gossip about the night before (ain’t that what women usually do after a night out?)

I leave West in the leftovers of Hurricane Gustav. The weather doesn’t get bad until I’m leaving Dallas (thank Goddess, I hate driving in Dallas) and I had serious doubts about making it home that day. But all the rooms are taken up by refugees from Louisiana and the radio keeps promising that by the time I reach Memphis the rain will quit so I drive on. Visibility is nil, 18 wheelers are throwing up sheets of water and the interstate is flooded so I’ve got a death grip on the steering wheel driving while peering through the monsoon. I call Jackie at a rest stop to let her know that I’m OK so far and I can tell that she’s worried but I’m a stubborn cuss and keep on driving.

I made it home in 12 hours and 15 minutes, not too shabby for driving so far in a hurricane without any “alpha male” to hold my hand. I’d love to visit Jackie again, but I think that next time I just might fly.

ON THE ROAD AGAIN

Lord, it’s been so long since I’ve flexed my writing muscles that I think they’ve atrophied (lets hope that brain-rot hasn’t set in also!). For those of y’all who’ve had the patience to hang around waiting for me to post, thank you from the bottom of my little old southern heart. I love y’all for your tolerance and promise to try to do better, but as you’ve heard before: "The best-laid plans of mice and men” - not to mention us females. Now for my long delayed Westfest post.

I left North Alabama on Wednesday morning (8/27) driving to the town of West, Texas, for a much anticipated visit with Jackie Sue (aka Yellowdog Granny) whom I’ve been online friends with for years but hadn’t actually met face-to-face. Friends, family and coworkers were all freaking out about me driving so far alone but really, what’s the big deal? Most accidents happen just miles from home because familiar territory causes us to let our guard down; you’re just as likely to get mugged at Wal-Mart or the grocery store as on the interstate, and if I drive solo I can stop when I want and drive all day if I feel like it. I’ve never had a problem with the fear of being alone and I’m a firm believer in “just doing it”. I truly think that if more people would just do what they want instead of being hampered by fear of the unknown, worrying about what someone else thinks is right, waiting for the perfect time or weight or age or income, yada, yada, yada; if you just do whatever the hell it is that’ll make you smile, then the world would be a richer and happier place.

Everyone was also tripping about me going to visit someone who was practically a stranger; going on and on about how Jackie Sue could be an ax murder, psychopath or bull dyke lesbian (did I point out what a vivid imagination they all have, plus I think some of the guys were using my trip as an excuse to concoct some major girl-on-girl fantasy action. When I mentioned that another female blogger lived in the area one of my coworkers got all excited and exclaimed “You mean that y’all are gonna have a “Ménage a twat”. Yeah, I work with a bunch of redneck hard ankles). The fact that Jackie Sue and I had had multiple phone conversations, exchanged gifts and cards and so on and so forth for a long period of time didn’t seem to mean a thing to anyone but what the hell, let ‘em have their daydreams.

I took the southern route, driving down to Birmingham and then swinging west through Jackson, MS and Shreveport, LA. Traffic was light and the weather was beautiful with the sun shining behind me and the car’s A/C keeping the 90+ heat outside. I had the cruise control set on 80 MPH and the stereo jacked up loud, singing my heart out with no one to tell me how off key I was. People everywhere I went were friendly and I didn’t have the first minute’s trouble with anything or anybody.

I crossed the Texas border that evening and spent the night in Marshall, with plans to drive cross-country on minor roads and do a little sight seeing the next day. I didn’t have a problem getting a room; as a matter of fact since I was a single female the hotel put me on the ground floor close to the desk where someone would always be close in case I had a problem. The desk clerk said that starting Monday that everything was booked because of the oncoming hurricane. I didn’t realize then that I was going to wind up driving home in Hurricane Gustav.

This is going to be a multi-part post, so stay tuned and I’ll let you know about all the doings at Westfest.

BIRTHDAY SNOW

Yesterday was my sister Donna’s 50th birthday (she's next to me, I'm the oldest of we 5 sisters) the big FIVE OH that women dread so much, but she couldn’t go out and celebrate because of family obligations; so today Karen, Donna and I became “ladies who lunch” and went to Ryans/Fire Mountain (the local all you can eat buffet) where you can pig out on wonderful food and a dessert bar to die for. Hey, it’s a party; I can eat cake and ice cream and not feel guilty, right?

When I turned 50 I came home from work to find that Donna and her kids had decorated the entire yard with black balloons and crepe paper and a huge sign (painted in glitter paint no less) proclaiming that I was over the hill and my age for all the word to see; but since I was working on her birthday I couldn't return the favor. Of course posting her age on the web is the next best thing. So there ya go Donna, I got you back on the age advertising thing.

We wound up sitting next to an older couple and a young woman who were either Amish or Mennonites, I can’t tell the difference. They were dressed the part with the women in baggy dresses and the man in his black suit, long gray hair and beard. The young woman looked pregnant, but it could have been the sack of a dress that she had on. Karen said a cuss word and then instantly felt bad, blushing blood red and slapping her hand over her mouth while Donna kept lusting after those little white bonnets the women wore. Not sun bonnets like my grandmother wore to work in her garden but close fitting gauzy cap deals that tied underneath the chin.

Then Karen noticed some big guy who she claimed kept watching her eat, she said that he wanted her food but after he made three trips back to the buffet I tried to convince her that he thought the way she was eating was erotic and wanted to stuff something of his own in her mouth. Of course Donna jumped right on that, telling her how what he offered would be all hot and creamy, but Karen refused to play along.

Yeah, we’re goofy but hey, we had a good time. Of course people keep looking at us as we giggled and laughed and had a blast but the hell with them. What’s wrong with 3 women over the age of 50 sounding in high spirits? Besides, I’ve always heard that when you get older you can do anything that you want; it’s one of the few perks of aging.

Afterward, we hit the Dollar Tree where everything is $1 and you can load up a shopping cart for $20. While we were inside everyone started running to the windows and yelling “It’s Snowing!” The white fluffy stuff is rare here in Alabama, my 8 year old grandson can only remember 1 other time that it snowed, so it’s a big deal.

When we checked out and walked to the car it was snowing heavily, big fat flakes falling straight down. By the time I got to the car the shoulders of my coat were frosted white and I was wishing glasses came with windshield wipers. The drive home was almost a white out, you couldn’t see but a few car lengths in front of you, but the ground was warm and it melted as soon as it hit. It’s stopped now and they’re predicting sleet and rain tonight so I guess that today was our one snow for the winter. I guess you could say that Donna got snow for her birthday.

While I’m on the subject of birthdays, today’s Bitchitude’s, go tell her and Donna both ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY” if you want.

NEW YEAR'S EVE POST

Wahoo! I actually got 24 hours off Sunday (worked off midnights at 6 AM and came back this morning at 6AM. Working is a bitch but it pays the bills). I went home, fell into bed with a puss cuddled on each side, took a nap until noon and then went to town with my buddy Carol.

Carol was on a mission, in search of the perfect curtains. We hit Target, Wal-Mart, TJ Maxx and K Mart. The perfect curtain had to be navy blue, room darkening, and kid proof; not too much to ask but it seems that solid color curtains aren’t in fashion. She finally bought some at Wal-Mart but they weren’t exactly what she wanted.

Along the way I wound up buying a new plaid trench coat for 50% off and several pieces of amber jewelry (I’ve got a thing for amber). I also got lucky and found some digital Christmas ornaments (you download pictures onto the permanent memory and they act like a digital picture frame hanging on your tree) for 75% off at Target. That’s a great deal, marked down to $7 from $29.99; I got one and Carol got the only other two left. The ornaments were hidden behind some other stuff; otherwise they would have been gone because all the after-Christmas stuff was really picked over.

While standing in the checkout line I always pass the wait by reading the magazine headlines. I pointed out one on Cosmo to Carol that said in big bold letters “DIRTY SEXY SEX” and remarked to her that although it’s been a while, the last I remembered, if sex isn’t sexy then you’re doing it wrong! After all our ramblings I got home around 8 PM, passed out on the couch until 10:30 and then went to bed and slept until the alarm went off this morning.

The weather man is predicting our first snow flurries in the morning, Alabama isn’t known for the white stuff so they're making a big deal out of it (any time the forecast is for snow or ice everyone here makes a run on the grocery store and buys out all the bread and milk, I have no idea why). Tomorrow night it’s supposed to get down to 18 degrees so I guess I’ll have to break out the long johns and heavy socks. I just hope the road doesn’t ice over because I drive up and down mountains on narrow 2 lane roads and we don’t get weather days at the paper mill. Gotta remember to get some more cedar shaving for the dogs house on the way home this afternoon, too. Nothing worse than frost-bitten pooches.

I hope all of you have a Happy New Year; I’ll be snug in bed long before midnight so if you celebrate, drink one for me.

CLOSE CALL

I had a close call with The Grim Reaper today.

As I was exiting the post office my traffic light was green, but just as I entered the highway some ditzy blonde bitch in a green Ford pickup blew right through the red signal moving well above the speed limit, staring at me the whole time like “What the hell are you doing pulling out in front of me!”

I slammed on the brakes (never let anyone tell you that a front wheel drive car won’t leave black marks) slid sideways and slung all my junk that stays heaped in the backseat into the floorboard. The Ford Floozy just kept on keeping on, never once hitting her brakes or even slowing down. Thank Goodness I was only going about 3 MPH or else there would have been a mating of vehicles and not in a good way.

All I could do was sit there, half in the road and half in the parking lot, trying to get my heart out of my throat and my breathing under control. Luckily I stopped just short of T-boning the Hurrying Harlot but it was too damned close for comfort. I realize everyone is running around like crazy trying to get ready for the holidays but come on people, Safety First and all that. What kinda Christmas is your family gonna have if you’re in the hospital or even worse in the morgue?

In other news: the living room floor is piled up with wrapped presents, the stocking are hung and I have a fine collection of Christmas cards from friends and family. The cats have been playing King of The Mountain on the stacked boxes, shredding paper and unraveling bows to their furry hearts content. Everyone’s been bought for so no more fighting crowds and I actually have several days off next week. Barring schedule changes, I work off Tuesday morning and don’t have to go back until Christmas night. I can’t remember the last time I had Christmas Eve off from work!

Sorry I haven’t visited everyone’s blogs, I can’t do it at work and I haven’t had time what with working OT and trying to get all the shopping done. I promise to get around to everyone as soon as possible, but until then know that I’m thinking of you all and wishing y’all a Merry (and safe) Christmas.

Cowboy Crosses Country on Horseback to Reveal Unseen American Culture

Now this man has my respect! Go and read the entire story.

Weary of the daily drumbeat over war, crime, poverty and assorted social ills, he and his wife are burning through their life savings to tell the stories of hardworking, honest everyday people in rural America. Inman soaks it all in atop Blackie, a 16-year thoroughbred-quarter horse mix who's averaging 20-25
miles a day along backroads from Oregon to North Carolina.

ROAD TRIP

Flashing blue lights illuminate a sullen young man being shaken down by two cops underneath an overpass. Bumper to bumper traffic in both directions as far as the eye can see. A young homeless woman walking slump-shouldered beneath the shade of a broken black umbrella in the 105 degree heat, dragging all her worldly belongings stuffed in a lawn-sized black trash bag and piled on top of a child’s toy wagon with a broken wheel behind her.

These are some of the sights that greeted me in Marietta, Georgia, where I’ve been on a work project for the last three days. I’m just a simple country girl from a small town. We don’t have homeless people sleeping in doorways, a traffic jam is usually caused by an accident, and the police are more likely to be seen in the diner than doing a roadside pat down. I’ve traveled a great deal for personal reasons and I’ve visited large cities before; but this was my first job related trip and my first taste of the life of a “road warrior”. After seeing this side of city life I was glad to come back to Moulton, Alabama.

I went to Marietta, Georgia (Marietta is the third largest of three principal cities and is included in the Atlanta-Sandy Springs-Marietta, Georgia Metropolitan Statistical Area) with a couple of co-workers, one of our E/I (electrical/instrumentation) guys, and an engineer to help design new operating software for our department at the plant. We met with a company named Feed Forward Inc and a rep from Rockwell Automation who did the actual programming. It was an interesting trip, I learned a lot about the tech side of my job and I’ll be one of the people teaching the rest of my co-workers how to operate the new systems when it gets implemented.

Any thoughts of spending nights out on the town were banished by the long hours we put in. We got to the offices early and worked late; leaving at dark-thirty gave us just enough time to go eat and crash in our respective rooms so we could do the same thing the next day.

I’m proud to be home, and I want to thank the guys at Feed Forward who treated us well, fed us great food on the job and were extremely patient with all my dumb questions. There’s no way I could do their job (who knew that you could do so much with just 1s and 0s) and I was impressed with the job they did.

Now I’m off to check in on my blog buddies, I’ve missed y’all.

BIKERS FOR BABIES 2006

At last, I'm posting the long awaited 2006 March of Dimes Bikers for Babies pictures. Sorry it took so long, I have no good excuse and I'm too lazy to make one up. As usual, if you wanta see a bigger version just click on the picture.

I took tons of pictures in the Barber Vintage Motorsports Museum but I'm only going to post a few. If you're interested, the site has a wonderful slide show that I highly recommend.

No snide comments about me and Sweet Thang's du-rags, after several hours wearing a helmet, your hair is smooshed flat and needs covered up so you don't scare small children!



This sculpture is out front of the museum. Isn't it wonderful! And the men are naked (the pic on the website shows full-frontal!)

Muscle Shoals, Alabama has enjoyed a long and successful music tradition and BLACKLAND is another band that is putting Fame studio on the map. They kicked butt in Leeds with Rock & Roll featuring bold guitar playing and blues driven vocals.

I'm not sure what that smirk means, I kinda caught him unaware. I forgot to make him put sunscreen on his face and you see a little pink, but the next day he was bright red and a day after that he was peeling. Hey, he's a grown man and it wasn't my pay to take care of him! I put my sunscreen on!!
All those female riders made me lust after a bike of my own, but I don't see it happening anytime soon. As much as I love to ride I hate to spend that much on something that I can't use all year round. I'll just continue to ride behind Sweet Thang and save my $$$ for fancy vacations and exotic shoes.