STOLEN FROM THE INTERNET

He Bought An Electric Fence To Prevent Burglaries. Then This Happened.

GASSY

Ever notice how your mind wanders when you’re under gas at the dentist?

While having my teeth cleaned today I had a wonderful idea for a blog post while under the effects of laughing gas. Problem is that now, hours later, I can't for the life of me remember what it was. It's gone, floating out there somewhere in the land of lost thoughts.

 I blame it on the nitrous oxide, not my advanced years. Yeah, that’s my story and I'm sticking to it.

MY ADDICTION

I blame my sister Donna for my addiction.

True, in the past I had dabbled and experimented on my own. Nothing hardcore you understand. Just a taste, only once in a great while, to see if it still felt as good as the last time. Never enough to dig deeply into my pocketbook nor draw attention to my habit. Only quite a little personal fancy to mix color and designs in a way that made me happy.

After a while Donna slowly started to lead me astray. First she had me printing quilt patterns off for her. Then I started helping her to mix tones and patterns; offering my opinions like I knew what I was talking about when Donna had always been the artistic one of us. And she listened!  

And then it happened. I've started hoarding fabric in every hue known to man and a few patterns that had to be inspired by either drugs or insanity. I dream of quilt designs and new ways to combine different blocks to make something that is strictly mine. I now lust after color and texture and the mixing of different textiles into something that hopefully will become a simi-work of art where before I was content to ooh and ahhh over someone else's efforts.

The lawn is overgrown, the flowerbed has a fine crop of weeds, the housework is weeks behind and still I spend all my spare time enveloped in my

FABRIC OBSESSION.

And it's all Donna's fault.

Vicki  Waters

COONDOG QUILTS

Coon hunting is an old and time honored Southern tradition where men go out in the fall to let their prize hounds run through the woods in search of a raccoon. My sister Donna & I have been making Coondog Quilts in honor of our Dad, Arbon Wayne "RED" Waters, who was a coon hunting fanatic. All his dogs were named "Blue" no matter their color or breed. He very seldom killed anything, just went out with his buddies & listened to the dogs run. I can still remember him coming in late at night, smelling of the cold & woods, talking about how some wily old coon gave Blue a run for his money before going to tree. He could tell all his dogs apart by sound of their bark alone & know if they were running or barking "treed". The quilt on the left is mine & the one on the right is Donna's.

 

Love you Dad, and still miss you every day

 

 

SILVER THREADS & RICHARD LAYMON

I love this quote. Makes me look at my graying hair in a totally different way.

Then he gave his long hair a few flings with his fingers. "You see all this-here silver?"

Both his mustache and his hair were mostly black, but streaked with plenty of shiny strands.

"Know what it is, Willy?"

"Gray hair, is it?"

"Silver, Precious silver. It's the pay you get for staying alive. The longer you go without getting perforated by various rapscallions and Indians - or scalped - the more you collect. All you gotta do is take a gander at a man's head and you can get yourself a fair estimate of his worth. You see much silver up there, you know he ain't easy to kill."

45 LIFE LESSONS

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me.It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone...
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first pay check.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, and wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion,Today is special.
22. Over prepare, and then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone and everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give it time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now..
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42.. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

BORROWED POEM

Things Every Woman Should Have and Should Know

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
enough money within her control to move

rent a place of her own,

even if she never wants to or needs to...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
something perfect to wear if the employer,

or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
a youth she's content to leave behind....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to

retelling it in her old age...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .....
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
one friend who always makes her laugh...

and one who lets her cry..

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal,

that will make her guests feel honored...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a feeling of control over her destiny..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to fall in love without losing herself..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to quit a job,break up with a lover,

and confront a friend without;

ruining the friendship...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW..
when to try harder...

and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that she can't change the length of her calves,

the width of her hips,

or the nature of her parents..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that her childhood may not have been perfect...

but its over...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW..
what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to live alone...

even if she doesn't like it...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.. ..
whom she can trust,

whom she can't,

and why she shouldn't take it personally...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
where to go...

be it to her best friend's kitchen table..

or a charming inn in the woods...

when her soul needs soothing...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she can and can't accomplish in a day...

a month...

and a year...

This lovely work was written by:Pamela Redmond Satranhttp://www.pamelaredmondsatran.com/articles.php
See an article Pamela wrote on the Huffington Post about this subject.
Author Pam Satran

The Internet: Google’s hidden secrets

Here's a few more Google Goodies.

Google.org/flutrends is an “early-warning system” for flu outbreaks. By collating data on flu-related Google searches, the service compiles a state-by-state, “color-coded” breakdown of estimated flu activity.

Mail.google.com/mail/#settings/labs features add-ons for Google Mail. One, “Mail Goggles,” stymies drunken e-mailing, blocking access at certain times until you’ve “answered five mental math problems in 60 seconds.”

Google.com/alerts is a free “personal clipping service.” Type in a search phrase—your name or company, for instance—to receive an e-mail whenever the term’s mentioned online.

Reader.google.com lets you “subscribe” to sites that cover your favorite topics, and then will deliver their text to you daily, “all nicely congregated on a single page."

Source: The New York Times

ON THE ROAD AGAIN

Lord, it’s been so long since I’ve flexed my writing muscles that I think they’ve atrophied (lets hope that brain-rot hasn’t set in also!). For those of y’all who’ve had the patience to hang around waiting for me to post, thank you from the bottom of my little old southern heart. I love y’all for your tolerance and promise to try to do better, but as you’ve heard before: "The best-laid plans of mice and men” - not to mention us females. Now for my long delayed Westfest post.

I left North Alabama on Wednesday morning (8/27) driving to the town of West, Texas, for a much anticipated visit with Jackie Sue (aka Yellowdog Granny) whom I’ve been online friends with for years but hadn’t actually met face-to-face. Friends, family and coworkers were all freaking out about me driving so far alone but really, what’s the big deal? Most accidents happen just miles from home because familiar territory causes us to let our guard down; you’re just as likely to get mugged at Wal-Mart or the grocery store as on the interstate, and if I drive solo I can stop when I want and drive all day if I feel like it. I’ve never had a problem with the fear of being alone and I’m a firm believer in “just doing it”. I truly think that if more people would just do what they want instead of being hampered by fear of the unknown, worrying about what someone else thinks is right, waiting for the perfect time or weight or age or income, yada, yada, yada; if you just do whatever the hell it is that’ll make you smile, then the world would be a richer and happier place.

Everyone was also tripping about me going to visit someone who was practically a stranger; going on and on about how Jackie Sue could be an ax murder, psychopath or bull dyke lesbian (did I point out what a vivid imagination they all have, plus I think some of the guys were using my trip as an excuse to concoct some major girl-on-girl fantasy action. When I mentioned that another female blogger lived in the area one of my coworkers got all excited and exclaimed “You mean that y’all are gonna have a “Ménage a twat”. Yeah, I work with a bunch of redneck hard ankles). The fact that Jackie Sue and I had had multiple phone conversations, exchanged gifts and cards and so on and so forth for a long period of time didn’t seem to mean a thing to anyone but what the hell, let ‘em have their daydreams.

I took the southern route, driving down to Birmingham and then swinging west through Jackson, MS and Shreveport, LA. Traffic was light and the weather was beautiful with the sun shining behind me and the car’s A/C keeping the 90+ heat outside. I had the cruise control set on 80 MPH and the stereo jacked up loud, singing my heart out with no one to tell me how off key I was. People everywhere I went were friendly and I didn’t have the first minute’s trouble with anything or anybody.

I crossed the Texas border that evening and spent the night in Marshall, with plans to drive cross-country on minor roads and do a little sight seeing the next day. I didn’t have a problem getting a room; as a matter of fact since I was a single female the hotel put me on the ground floor close to the desk where someone would always be close in case I had a problem. The desk clerk said that starting Monday that everything was booked because of the oncoming hurricane. I didn’t realize then that I was going to wind up driving home in Hurricane Gustav.

This is going to be a multi-part post, so stay tuned and I’ll let you know about all the doings at Westfest.

SATURDAY SUNSHINE

After lots of thunder and lighting plus some wind damage severe thunderstorms Thursday left us wonderful weather in its wake. Clean air, sunny skies and moderate temps in the 50s made me want to play hooky today so bad that I could taste it, but duty calls so off to the slave shop I went.

The drive to work this afternoon was picturesque; too bad I had to make a straight line to the mill instead of meandering up and down the back roads. I wish I had thought to bring my camera and had the time to snap some of the sights on the way. You know which ones; those special moments that capture your eye and intrigue your mind. All too often they pass in a blink and get forgotten in the press of everyday life.

I spent several minutes trailing a vintage horse and buggy driven by an older couple, their white hair gleaming in the sunshine as they leaned their heads together. I swear their tilted bodies and touching foreheads formed a perfect heart-shape just like something on the front of a Hallmark card. You could see the happy pair’s smiles flashing from a mile away as their scarves waved gaily in the breeze. Young love be damned, it looked like these oldsters were doing just fine in their golden years. We should all be so lucky.

A bit farther down the road a youngster on a shiny new ATV (obviously gotten for Christmas) was zigzagging up and down the ditch banks; cutting donuts and slinging dirt all over a much used and abused older trail bike sitting on the side of the road with a “FOR SALE’ sigh on the handle bars. I couldn’t help but feel sorry for the poor trail bike. Old, worn out, unloved and unwanted, discarded and replaced as soon as a newer younger shinier model becomes available. I think there are a lot of us who know the feeling, even if we won’t admit it to anyone but ourselves.

I don’t own a full length mirror. I live and work in jeans and casual shirts in blue-collar industry, so dressing up is a rare occasion. So the other night when I went to get slicked up for a co-worker’s retirement party it came as something of a shock when all my dressier clothes were tighter than I remembered. OK ........ I’m 52 and some of this stuff has been in the closet for years, I can deal with the thicker waist, broader hips and sagging girls. My face is aging well (I guess) and makeup does wonders when I take the time to apply it. After all, age hits us all differently, I have a friend whose body is the same size 4 as when she was young but her face shows her years of chronic sun worship. We all have our flaws; so I take a deep breath, throw on a respectable outfit whose buttons don’t pop over my bulging bosom, paint my face, twirl around and model for my son and the 2 cats who give their approval, and off I go.

It wasn’t so long ago that I had to be careful of appearance and body language at dinners and meetings; my co-workers’ wives considered me a threat just because I was decent looking and had a boobilicious rack. But the other night as I was introduced to the other ladies their eyes glanced at me, slid from my artfully streaked gray hair and down my ample curves. And then dismissed me. I mean they totally looked away and never acknowledged my existence again. Not in words, looks, acts, nothing. They saw an older overly-plump over-the-hill female who wasn’t worth the time of day because she could never interest their men. It seems that if I’m not a threat I’m not worth the time of day. WTF!

These younger (I’m talking 30-something) women spent the night huddled next to their guys shooting glares at each other while I and the few other “matrons” laughed and giggled and wondered what was wrong with the pseudo fem-fatales at the other tables. And it was unanimous; all we “middle-aged ladies” agreed that they didn’t consider us worth anything because we weren’t a threat.

When did women become each other’s worse enemies? And what the hell makes them think that anyone else would want the testosterone-sodden pot-bellied male who shares their bed? What happened to female comradely? Hell, I always have more fun with my girlfriends than with a date; I don’t have to impress the girls; I can eat with my fingers, get slightly tipsy on too much wine, do the funky chichken if I want, and I don’t have to hold my breath so my gut doesn’t pooch out as much when I’m with my buddies.

I just don’t get it. We dismiss each other based on age, weight, shape and if we think someone looks better than us. I thought it was bad enough when men did it to us, but now we’re doing it to ourselves. Girls, this shit has GOT TO STOP!

REVISITING FAVORITE BOOKS

"He had discussed it in great detail with the two people in the world closest to him: his wife and his mistress. Anna, a middle-aged, ugly, bitter woman of peasant stock, had ordered him to keep away from the airport and stay in the background so that he could not be blamed if anything went wrong. Melina, his sweet, beautiful young angel, had advised him to greet the dignitaries. She agreed with him that an event like this could catapult him into instant fame. If Skouri handled this well, at the very least he would get a raise in salary and - God willing - might even be made Commissioner of Police when the present Commissioner retired. For the hundredth time Skouri reflected on the irony that Melina was his wife and Anna was his mistress, and he wondered again where he had gone wrong."



Damn, I wish I could write like Sydney Sheldon!

MY SO CALLED LIFE

I don’t know what’s been wrong with my blogging lately. Something interesting or out of the ordinary will happen and I’ll think “Wow, that’ll make a good blog entry” and start composing a post in my head, but when I finally get time to sit down at the ‘puter my pea sized intellect goes totally blank. Maybe it’s the much ballyhooed “writer’s block” (although I don’t consider myself much of a writer) or old-timer’s disease, could be I’m just in a rut; but I apologize for the lack of recent posts. I would promise to do better but I’ve already done so and then reneged.

Today I went on a small shopping spree; got a several of those retro Jackie-O style jackets with bracelet length sleeves (one a black and white houndstooth, one dark gray and last but not least a brown tweed; I'm trying to match the stuff already in my closet) and a pair of elbow length gloves. I may be too "long in the tooth" for fashion but what the hell; I figure at the ripe old age of almost 52 (as of next month) I can wear what I want.

I’ve also been trying to do a little closet purging before I drag out the cold weather stuff. Why is it that you always find things with the tags still on that you’ve never worn or even forgot that you bought? I wear jeans and casual tops to work (one of the downfalls of a blue collar job) so most of the nice clothing that I lust after sits in the closet waiting for that proper occasion that never comes up. I guess I’ll have to start dressing up to go to Wal-Mart or the grocery store. It’s not like I have a lot of events to attend, what with my work schedule I’m lucky to get dinner and a movie and my “girls night outs” have been few and far between.

My buddy Karen is side-lined with 3 broken ribs. Her husband and son were sitting up scaffolding to paint their 2 story home while she was mixing paint and one of the scaffolds fell on her back, pinning her to the ground on top of a fire ant bed until someone heard her yelling and came to her rescue. So she’s house bound for a couple of months per the Dr. and in a lot of pain. She’s so hyper that I can’t imagine her being down that long, so we’ll see how well she obeys orders. Until she’s back on her feet we do a lot of phone tag and I try to keep her in reading material. She doesn’t care much for books so I drop off magazines and gossip rags for her to read at her leisure. Wish I could more but I’m not sure what that would be.

Sweet Thang is back at work until next month when they plan surgery to remove the biggest bolt that runs from the outside of his hip through the pelvic bone into his lower spine (he claims that he can feel it every time he sits down. Nothing worse that a bolt in the butt!). His Dr. says that Sweet Thang will be back at work in a couple of weeks so I hope that maybe it won't be long till he’ll be able to start living a more active life. Our social life has consisted of watching TV together and I’m ready to get out of the house and enjoy some of this glorious fall weather.

OK, that’s all that’s happening in my life lately. And how have y’all been doing?

I'M STILL HERE.......

The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of family related activities. The wedding of my nephew to the great-niece of one of my nearest and dearest friends (which I guess makes us in-laws or outlaws or something along those lines). The funeral of my semi-adopted son’s paternal grandmother. My grandson’s 8th birthday and Sweet Thang’s first day back to work after his traumatic motorcycle accident last April. Working 12 hour shifts on a10 day shutdown at work myself. And on and on and so forth; the responsibilities of real life sometimes leave little time for the things we love to do.

In other words, I haven’t posted because I’ve barely had time to sleep or do laundry or any of other mundane chores that we all have to do on a daily basis, much less try to come up with something witty or entertaining to put out on the web. Not to say that I’m ever witty or entertaining, but you get my meaning.

Perhaps fall’s cooler weather and slower pace will bring about a new scattering of posts along with the fallen leaves that are starting to cover my much neglected lawn. I hope that y’all will bear with me and I promise that I’ll get around to visiting your sites just as soon as I catch my breath.The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of family related activities. The wedding of my nephew to the great-niece of one of my nearest and dearest friends (which I guess makes us in-laws or outlaws or something along those lines). The funeral of my semi-adopted son’s paternal grandmother. My grandson’s 8th birthday and Sweet Thang’s first day back to work after his traumatic motorcycle accident last April. Working 12 hour shifts on a10 day shutdown at work myself. And on and on and so forth; the responsibilities of real life sometimes leave little time for the things we love to do.

In other words, I haven’t posted because I’ve barely had time to sleep or do laundry or any of other mundane chores that we all have to do on a daily basis, much less try to come up with something witty or entertaining to put out on the web. Not to say that I’m ever witty or entertaining, but you get my meaning.

Perhaps fall’s cooler weather and slower pace will bring about a new scattering of posts along with the fallen leaves that are starting to cover my much neglected lawn. I hope that y’all will bear with me and I promise that I’ll get around to visiting your sites just as soon as I catch my breath.

6 WORD STORY

I got the idea from here and thought "What a great idea for a post!"

Hemingway once wrote a story in just six words
("For sale: baby shoes, never worn.")
and is said to have called it his best work.

These are some of my favorite examples given in the article:

Longed for him. Got him. Shit.- Margaret Atwood
With bloody hands, I say good-bye.- Frank Miller
The baby’s blood type? Human, mostly.- Orson Scott Card

I even found this where the author composed 6 Word Stories to match her Flicker Photos. So I guess I need to write mine and then I want y'all to post your 6 Word Story in the comments. OK, how hard can it be? Only 6 words, here goes nothing.......

Potato peels. Bloody knife. Band-aid. Ouch!

I know, not great writing. So what if I used band-aid as one word!!! It has a hyphen so I'm gonna keep it as one word. Let's see YOU do better.