THUMB'S UP

A big thumbs up to the guy I saw in Decatur, AL yesterday. Two women's car had broken down in the middle lane of a busy highway and they were attempting to push it out of the way. Traffic was buzzing past them in the 103 degree heat with everyone looking and pointing but no one even considered stopping to help. While I was hunting a place to stop my car and help, this fine sample of Southern gentlemanhood stopped in the middle of the road, put his emergency flashers on, removed his suit jacket and helped the ladies to push their car into a nearby service station.

Who said that chivalry is dead? So to the white haired feller with the cute white goatee, well done and thumbs up!

ROAD TRIP

Flashing blue lights illuminate a sullen young man being shaken down by two cops underneath an overpass. Bumper to bumper traffic in both directions as far as the eye can see. A young homeless woman walking slump-shouldered beneath the shade of a broken black umbrella in the 105 degree heat, dragging all her worldly belongings stuffed in a lawn-sized black trash bag and piled on top of a child’s toy wagon with a broken wheel behind her.

These are some of the sights that greeted me in Marietta, Georgia, where I’ve been on a work project for the last three days. I’m just a simple country girl from a small town. We don’t have homeless people sleeping in doorways, a traffic jam is usually caused by an accident, and the police are more likely to be seen in the diner than doing a roadside pat down. I’ve traveled a great deal for personal reasons and I’ve visited large cities before; but this was my first job related trip and my first taste of the life of a “road warrior”. After seeing this side of city life I was glad to come back to Moulton, Alabama.

I went to Marietta, Georgia (Marietta is the third largest of three principal cities and is included in the Atlanta-Sandy Springs-Marietta, Georgia Metropolitan Statistical Area) with a couple of co-workers, one of our E/I (electrical/instrumentation) guys, and an engineer to help design new operating software for our department at the plant. We met with a company named Feed Forward Inc and a rep from Rockwell Automation who did the actual programming. It was an interesting trip, I learned a lot about the tech side of my job and I’ll be one of the people teaching the rest of my co-workers how to operate the new systems when it gets implemented.

Any thoughts of spending nights out on the town were banished by the long hours we put in. We got to the offices early and worked late; leaving at dark-thirty gave us just enough time to go eat and crash in our respective rooms so we could do the same thing the next day.

I’m proud to be home, and I want to thank the guys at Feed Forward who treated us well, fed us great food on the job and were extremely patient with all my dumb questions. There’s no way I could do their job (who knew that you could do so much with just 1s and 0s) and I was impressed with the job they did.

Now I’m off to check in on my blog buddies, I’ve missed y’all.

FISHING STORY

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")

"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman."

But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

(Got this from my cousin Danny C.)

NOT YET

Elliott Funeral Home
Peace-of-mind from knowing “it’s all been taken care of.”
15215 Court Street*Moulton, AL 35650

Dear Junebugg,
You’d be surprised. Funeral pre-planning (yes, funeral pre-planning) actually can be interesting and quite pleasant. Within a friendly and comfortable setting, you’ll discover the one memorial style most right for you-the one memorial style most right for celebration your life.

WTF! At the admittedly advanced age of 51 I realize that I’m no spring chicken, any delusions of youth I still harbored in my pea sized brain were squashed after the first dozen or so mailings from AAARP and then I find this invitation to plan my own going away party in the mailbox. I do not, and let me repeat this loud and clear so there can be no misunderstanding, DO NOT have any intention of starring at my own funeral any time soon.

How can anyone possibly think planning for your own demise would in any way possibly be “quite pleasant”? Myself, I prefer to pretend that I’ll live forever because I subscribe to the philosophy that “Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting "...holy shit..., what a ride!” I’ll celebrate my life while I’m still living, thank you very much. Maybe I’m wrong but I think I’d enjoy the party much more if I’m still breathing while it’s going on.

Besides, I’ll be deceased, departed, gone. Why would I care if my casket is pine or mahogany, bronze or brass? Heck, stick me in a cardboard box for all I’ll mind because I’ll be dead, people. Sing any hymens you want, talk bad about me, tell any embarrassing stories that you can think of and maybe even make up a few extra because, not to repeat myself but, I’ll be dead.

I’d rather spend my money on new shoes, a day at the spa, a few hang gliding lessons and a 6 month cruise around the world. I’ve spent my whole life taking care of other people; the least they can do is plan my funeral for me when I’m gone.

YEA ME!

Wahoo! This morning for the very first time I actually lasted a full 20 minutes on the elliptical machine. Not too shabby considering it was 4:00 A.M and I haven't been quit smoking for that long; plus the first time that I set foot on the damn thing I couldn’t even go 3 minutes. Granted I was melting and dripping all over the floor this morning but damn it, I did it!!!!!! I would have done a happy dance all over the gym but my knees were wobbly and I didn’t want to embarrass myself by falling on my face in front of all my workout buddies.

Wonder how long I’d have to stay on the evil elliptical to work off all that gloriously fattening but oh so tasty, totally to-die-for 4 cheese baked polenta (that’s Italian grits for all y’all Southerners out there) that I cooked and ate yesterday? Leftovers are hidden in my lunch for today, yum!

COOL IDEA

I found this over at Spicy Bug's and just had to jump on the bandwagon.

COOL IDEA

Join the Google PR Chain!! You don’t have to be on this list to join. Just grab it and join.

** Start Copy Here **

We all know how important getting link backs is and with this chain, you can get the ball rolling! You don’t have to be an established blogger to take part in this chain.

Here are the rules:
1. Copy this post from the point where it says “Start Copy Here” to the point where it says “End Copy Here”
2. Add yourself and 5 of your favorite bloggers to the end of the list.
3. Post this on your blog

The Prize Blog, Enkay Blog, Ms. Danielle, Cash For Comments, BetShopBoy, JohnCow, Mr. Gary Lee, Jon Lee, Dosh Dosh, Some Make Money, The King Kong Blog, RomanDock, Michael Kwan, Ed Lau, Jane May, Sam Breadstone, Samanathon, Shadowscope, My Single Mom Life, The BenSpark, Tricia’s Musings, GeekySpeaky, TJ’s Anti-Contrarian Blog , Public Pondering , Freedom Now , Neocon Command Center , Woman Honor Thyself , We Can’t All be Washingtons , The Sassy Southerner, Vegan Momma, Just a touch of sweetness, BushMackel, Suncoast Scribe, Hippiespelunker, Kshippychic, A Purple Shade of Black, MACKEYDOODLE, Spicy Bug, Maryannaville, G-Man, Whatever Blows My Skirt , Transformations, B-My Life My Thoughts, Raising L, Reconstitution , Wasted Days Wasted Nites, Cyber Outlaw's Hangout, Boobs Injuries and Dr. Pepper, Yellowdog Granny, Life of the Cake Lady, Got Nothing But Toe Jam,
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**End Copy Here**

MOVE YOUR ASS

As I’ve complained bragged talked about before, I’ve been on a self improvement kick (i.e. quit smoking, move my ample derriere and get some exercise, maybe even try to eat a little healthier). Sweet Thang is still recovering from his motorcycle mishap; after 3 months being bed-ridden and wheelchair-bound, you’d think he would be chomping at the bit to get back in shape. So the obvious idea would be that we do things together, providing each other with encouragement etc etc . Wrong.

Although Sweet Thang is hobbling around on a cane, he can’t hold out for very long. I’ve been trying to get him to go walking with me but he moans that it’s too hot. Don’t tell his Mom, but the only outing that he’s been interested in is going to the bar and shooting pool while drinking beer with his hard ankle buddies. As a matter of fact, it's the first place he drove when he managed to escape from Mom's watchful eye. So I suggested “mall walking” and he actually got insulted; informing me that’s what “old women do”. Hell, the oldest woman I know can run circles around him; if he doesn’t get his fat ass in gear he’ll never be able to go back to work and I’ll be damned if I’ll feel sorry for him OR support him.

I took him to Sears just to get him out of the house and he lasted about 30 minutes; heck I thought every man alive could spend all day in Sears! The same thing happened at Hartselle’s indoor flea market; 30 minutes and we had to go. I managed to get him to go to the movies and he did stay for the whole film (Live Free or Die Hard; excellent flick, lots of bang for your buck). However he shifted and moaned and groaned the whole time and when it came time to leave it took him 10 minutes just to get out of his seat. The man's gotta start moving or he's going to develop rust!

I know it’s gonna be a long, hard recovery but Sweet Thang has got to get out from in front of the TV and put forth some effort. It’s been 4 months; the bones have healed but his muscles have gone to shit. Yeah, I know it hurts but nothing’s going to make it better other than just grit your teeth and “Get ‘Er Done”. His Aunt has offered the use of her swimming pool for the aqua therapy that his Dr. recommended but I can’t get him to even try. Maybe if I get a cattle prod and keep zapping him he’ll get in gear………..

In other news, I’ve got a new ‘do, y’all. I’ve been foiled! As Ashley worked on giving me a metal head, I glanced in the mirror and scared myself! The image reflected back at me looked like something from SETI looking for radio signals. You know, evidence of life on other planets. ET, phone home!!

So now I have lovely tri-tone tresses, my ever increasing gray hairs are camouflaged, and the guys at work are actually giving me compliments. I must look OK, usually I have to shave my head before they notice so compliments are a big deal. Plus they keep asking me how much weight I’ve lost. My clothes fit differently, I can actually shimmy into some jeans that I haven’t worn in several years and zip them while standing up, but the dad gummed #%*^%^# scales haven’t budged.

I guess I’m rearranging my body even if I haven’t dropped any pounds. I did get my body fat content and measurements taken at Curves the other day; every thing was about what I imagined, not good but improving. But I was shocked at my bust measurement, I'm 48 inches around the boobs! Now I know why I weigh so much, I've got 50 pounds of titties weighing me down. I knew I wear several sizes bigger in tops than bottoms but dang y'all. Now I feel lop-sidded.

Sorry I’ve been MIA, I promise to do better. I just got high speed at home so it should be easier for me to post from there. Heck; new hair, new modem, tighter ass ………. Who knows what’ll happen next!