BORROWED POEM

Things Every Woman Should Have and Should Know

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
enough money within her control to move

rent a place of her own,

even if she never wants to or needs to...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
something perfect to wear if the employer,

or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
a youth she's content to leave behind....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to

retelling it in her old age...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .....
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
one friend who always makes her laugh...

and one who lets her cry..

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal,

that will make her guests feel honored...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a feeling of control over her destiny..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to fall in love without losing herself..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to quit a job,break up with a lover,

and confront a friend without;

ruining the friendship...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW..
when to try harder...

and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that she can't change the length of her calves,

the width of her hips,

or the nature of her parents..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that her childhood may not have been perfect...

but its over...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW..
what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to live alone...

even if she doesn't like it...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.. ..
whom she can trust,

whom she can't,

and why she shouldn't take it personally...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
where to go...

be it to her best friend's kitchen table..

or a charming inn in the woods...

when her soul needs soothing...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she can and can't accomplish in a day...

a month...

and a year...

This lovely work was written by:Pamela Redmond Satranhttp://www.pamelaredmondsatran.com/articles.php
See an article Pamela wrote on the Huffington Post about this subject.
Author Pam Satran

What Women Should Know About Men

1. If you think the way to a man's heart is through his stomach you're aiming to high.

2. Women don't make fools of men -- most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

3. The best reason to divorce a man is a health reason: you've got sick of him.

4. Never trust a man who says he's the boss at home. He probaly lies about other things too.

5. A woman's work that is never done, is the stuff she asked her husband to do.

6. If you want a nice man go for a bald one -- they try harder.

7. Go for younger men. You might as well -- they never mature anyway.

8. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men -- "don't" and "stop" (but not used together).

9. Men are all the same -- they just have different faces so you can tell them apart.

10. Definition of a man with manners -- he gets out of the bath to pee.

11. Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will usually find that he is.

12. Scientists have just discovered something that can do the work of five men -- a women.

13. There are a lot of words you can use to describe men -- strong, caring, loving -- they'd be wrong but you could still use them!

14. Men are like animals -- messy, insensitive and potentially violent -- but they make great pets!

15. Mens brains are like the prison system -- not enough cells per man.

16. Husbands are like children -- they're fine if they're someone else's.

NO NEWS IS GOOD NEWS

I came home from work and mowed 1/2 the yard, the sun went down before I could get finished. But the sun is shining and Friday when I finally get a day off it's supposed to rain so I have to "make hay while the sun shines" as it were.

I'm supposed to have the weekend off (crosses fingers) so maybe I'll have something to blog about. The roller derby is in Huntsville and I'd like to go, maybe the Gods will smile on me and I'll get to have some live entertainment.

SUNSHINE ON MY SHOULDER

Finally, a day off and the sun is shining! It seems like it's been raining forever, and the weatherman says that it's gonna rain again tomorrow. I managed to get the jungle that passes for a lawn mowed; I had to go over it twice and still there's stalks of grass that defied my poor tired old mower. At least now you can see the rose that managed to bloom in the midst of the knee high weeds/grass.

I don't have anything to blog about, all work and no play makes for a dull Junebugg.

BAD ASS

This happened not far from where I live, that's what I call one bad ass. From the Florence Times Daily, Farm Animal Believed To Have Killed 6' Alligator.

ROGERSVILLE - Jay Cornelius knew his family's donkeys and mules are fearless when it comes to protecting the horses they share a pasture with, but he never dreamed they would take on an alligator.

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

What ever happened to summer? After weeks of weather in the 70s; everyone wearing tank tops and flip flops, its frigging cold! The radio said it was in the 20s when I left work this morning with threats of snow flurries today and tonight. It’s almost Easter, this is Alabama for Pete’s sake; it’s supposed to be warm and Good Friday is the traditional day to plant your garden. All the trees are budding, the fruit trees are in full bloom and now they’ll all get frost bitten and there go the fruit crops.

Cold or not, I’m off for the next few days and I’ve got tons of stuff to do. One of the need-to-dos is the yard but that’s gotta wait until the temp rises a few degrees. My new dog (that I rescued from the truck stop parking lot near work) has dragged home all the neighbors’ garbage. He doesn’t get in my trash, just collects stray shoes and clothing and cans from somewhere else and brings it to me. Maybe he thinks that I need more stuff or else it’s all supposed to be presents. Who knows what goes on in his adorable pointy little head?

I’m off now to find something warm to wear and maybe browse a few blogs while doing laundry. Maybe I’ll even visit a few of y’all.

HONEY, I'M HOME

It’s been one of those weeks, and not in a good way. My allergies have been kicking my ass from all the pollen in the air (yellow dust all over the place, I had to run the wipers to clear my windshield before leaving the house). I’ve got bloodshot eyes and I’ve blew my poor nose so many times that I’ve suffered nose bleeds a couple of times, plus the constant tissue contact has made me look like Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer! Scarlet laced eyes, crimson nose, not a good look for an old woman; plus they don’t go well with the double chin and chipmunk cheeks.

Now that the rain has hit maybe my ruby colored snout will get better. I went grocery shopping in the sunshine and just as I walked out the exit the heavens opened and a solid sheet of rain poured down. I looked like a drowned rat by the time I got to the car and was dripping wet after getting everything in the trunk. The pollen was making golden ripples on top of the water running across the parking lot; I’m hoping that the air has been washed clean as well. I’m home now; the thunder is rolling, the rain is pounding on the roof and the TV is ranting about hail and possible tornadoes. Ah, life in the glorious South.

Tuesday I went to the funeral home for 2 different neighbors. They lived right across the road from each other and died on the same day (who would have thunk it). One had been sick for a long time and the other guy broke his ankle and died from a blood clot. I grew up with their kids and renewed several friendships at the funeral home, not the best place to run up on old friends but what can you do?

I need to go do some housework now, gotta go back to work tomorrow night and when I’m working all I do is work and sleep. I usually cook a lot on my off days and load the fridge so I can grab and go and not eat a lot of takeout. Hope y’all are all well and I’ll try to do better at the blog posting thingy.

The Internet: Google’s hidden secrets

Here's a few more Google Goodies.

Google.org/flutrends is an “early-warning system” for flu outbreaks. By collating data on flu-related Google searches, the service compiles a state-by-state, “color-coded” breakdown of estimated flu activity.

Mail.google.com/mail/#settings/labs features add-ons for Google Mail. One, “Mail Goggles,” stymies drunken e-mailing, blocking access at certain times until you’ve “answered five mental math problems in 60 seconds.”

Google.com/alerts is a free “personal clipping service.” Type in a search phrase—your name or company, for instance—to receive an e-mail whenever the term’s mentioned online.

Reader.google.com lets you “subscribe” to sites that cover your favorite topics, and then will deliver their text to you daily, “all nicely congregated on a single page."

Source: The New York Times

AND I QUOTE:

I've never been one to fear my own death. Not that I want to die, of course. I've just always seen death as a lights-out proposition. You're gone. Either it's the end of you ... or it's a beginning. Either way, I don't imagine there's much looking back. I've never bought the whole fire-and-brimstone thing, the concept of reward or punishment at death. The idea that a tally has been kept of our good or evil or mediocre deeds, and that the soul is filed away accordingly for all eternity, just doesn't ring true. Humans judge that way. I tend to think that God probably doesn't. He or she just keeps doling out the lessons with endless patience until you finally "get it" in this life or the next.
"Sliver of Truth" by Lisa Unger

THANKSGIVING REPEAT POST

Happy Thanksgiving y'all. Today's pretty busy here at work, so I'm gonna repeat one of my favorite posts. I know most of y'all have already read this, but it fits right in with the giving thanks theme.

WHERE I'M FROM
I'm from home-made dresses sewn on Mom's Singer sewing machine with loving hands, patched jeans, bare feet and cousin's hand-me-downs.

I'm from white frame houses beside sway-backed barns on dusty back roads, party lines, baths in a #10 wash tub set in the kitchen floor and window fans stirring humid summer air while little girls turn a TV antenna trying to locate one of the three local stations

I'm from spring-fed creeks, hills and hollers veiled with woods, Tarzan vines and wild flowers; rural mysteries, dreams and adventures just waiting to be found.

I'm from Grady and Elsie, Don and Byrd, Wayne and Ruth; hard headed, hard working, hard loving people who raised 5 girls with whippings and hugs dealt out in equal measure.

I'm from an Amazon tribe of 5 sisters who fought and scratched and battled each other but presented a united front to any outsider who dared to cross one of us.

I'm from dancing for joy under an outdoor shower made from an old bucket full of holes, hung overhead and the water hose stuffed in it; tire swings and tree houses and camping under the stars.

I'm from Baptists with creek-side dunkings and Church of Christs who claim to be "the only ones"; purple Kool-Aid and cookies at Vacation Bible School and pictures made of glued-on pasta in Sunday School.

I'm from Moulton on the edge of Bankhead Forest in the north of Alabama, with the blood of Cherokee Nations, Black Dutch, Germans, Irish Immigrants, and Mayflower Pilgrims running through my veins.

I'm from sweet tea, corn bread with real butter, mac and cheese, peach cobbler and fresh garden vegetables raised in the back yard along with banana kisses, Vienna sausages and Mountain Dews devoured at Bass's service station.

I'm from Teresa who threw a match in gas and lived to tell about it, Tina with the red-headed temper, Donna, my sidekick who always followed me and Karen around and Lana who'll always be "PeeWee" to the rest of us.

I'm from Dad who quit school in the 6th grade and got an education in the air force and Mom, who met him on a blind-date and eloped with him 10 days later; a True Romance story for the ages.

I'm from goofy school photos featuring missing teeth and messy hair, candid snapshots made with an old Brownie camera showing little girls with skinny legs and big smiles, all stuffed out of sight in drawers and closets and the bench of Mom's old piano.

I'm from a wild neighborhood posse of boys and girls who roamed for miles on horseback, getting drunk on vodka bought from the local bootlegger & paid for by picking up drink bottles from the side of the road, teaching each other how to kiss, scaring each other to death with seances and graveyard stories, fighting with and for each other all through childhood.

I'm from The South with our slow talking, sweet sounding accents, folks who are so friendly we'll speak and wave at friends or strangers, where everyone's raised to have manners and use them--even on those that don't deserve to be Sir'ed and Mam'ed.

WORSE THAN WE THOUGHT

Forget third world countries, this article in Fox News is scary and happening right here on our very own door step. The opening paragraph says it all:

WASHINGTON — Some 691,000 children went hungry in the U.S. sometime in 2007, while close to one in eight Americans struggled to feed themselves adequately even before this year's sharp economic downtown, the Agriculture Department reported Monday

.
Go and read the rest for yourselves. With the economy failing, companies closing all over and people losing their homes no matter how hard they try going hungru is something one might have expected to hear, but this report was for last year and things are much worse now than it was then.

Here's the holidays knocking on our doors, and while most of us are buying turkeys and planning menus "Tiny Tim" down the street is scraping the bottom of the peanut butter jar while his mom cries in helplessness.

Wonder how many little ones are going to bed hungry tonight?

STORE CLOSINGS AFND LAYOFFS

I got this in an email from a friend and thought it worth passing on. If you have gift cards, hurry up and use them!!

Ann Taylor closing 117 stores nationwide. A company spokeswoman said the company hasn't revealed which stores will be shuttered. It will let the stores that will close this fiscal year know over the next month.

Bombay Company: (Freehold Mall store closed) The company unveiled plans to close all 384 U.S.-based Bombay Company stores. The company's online storefront has discontinued operations.

Women's retailer Cache announced that it is closing 20 to 23 stores this
year.

Circuit City - Initial statements suggest that 150 of Circuit City 's 1484 stores in the US and Canada may be shut down. In addition to the closings, Circuit City may be liquidating up to $350 million in inventory, likely at fire sale pricing.

CompUSA (CLOSED) clarifies details on store closings. Any extended warranties purchased for products through CompUSA will be honored by a third-party provider, Assurant Solutions. Gift cards, rain checks, and rebates purchased prior to December 12 can be redeemed at any time during the final sale. For those who have a gadget currently in for service with CompUSA, the repair will be completed and the gadget will be returned to owners.

Dillard's to close more stores. Dillard's Inc. said it will continue to focus on closing under performing stores, reducing expenses and improving its merchandise in 2008. At the company's annual shareholder meeting, CEO William Dillard II said the company will close another six under performing stores this year.

Disney Store owner has the right to close 98 stores. The Walt Disney Company announced it acquired about 220 Disney Stores from subsidiaries of The Children's Place Retail Stores. The exact number of stores acquired will depend on negotiations with landlords. Those subsidiaries of Children's Place filed for bankruptcy protection in late March. Walt Disney, in the news release, said it has also obtained the right to close about 98 Disney Stores in the U.S. The press release didn't list those stores.

Eddie Bauer to close more stores. Eddie Bauer has already closed 27 shops in the first quarter and plans to close up to two more outlet stores by the end of the year.

Ethan Allen Interiors: The company announced plans to close 12 of 300+ stores in an effort to cut costs.

Foot Locker to close 140 stores. In the company press release and during its conference call with analysts today, it did not specify where the future store closures - all planned in fiscal 2008 - will be. The company could not be mmediately reached for comment

Gap Inc. closing 85 stores. In addition to its namesake chain, Gap also owns Old Navy and Banana Republic . The company said the closures - all planned for fiscal 2008 - will be weighted toward the Gap brand.

Home Depot store closings. ( E. Brunswick , Rt 18 just put up their closing sign) ATLANTA - Nearly 7+ months after its chief executive said there were no plans to cut the number of its core retail stores, The Home Depot Inc. announced Thursday that it is shuttering 15 of them amid a slumpingU.S. economy and housing market. The move will affect 1,300 employees. It is the first time the world's largest home improvement store chain has ever closed a flagship store for performance reasons. Its shares rose almost 5 percent. The Atlanta-based company said the under performing U.S. stores being closed represents less than 1 percent of its existing stores. They will be shuttered within the next two months.

J. C. Penney, Lowe's and Office Depot are scaling back.

KB Toys posted a list of 356 stores that it is closing around the United States as part of its bankruptcy reorganization. To see the list of store closings, go to the KB Toys Information web site, and click on Press Information.

Lane Bryant, Fashion Bug, Catherines closing 150 stores nationwide. The owner of retailers Lane Bryant , Fashion Bug , Catherine's Plus Sizes will close about 150 under performing stores this year. The company hasn't provided a list of specific store closures and can't say when it will offer that info, spokeswoman Brooke Perry said today.

Goodbye Levitz - closed already. The furniture retailer, which is going out of business. Levitz first announced it was going out of business and closing all 76 of its stores in December. The retailer dates back to 1910 when Richard Levitz opened his first furniture store in Lebanon , PA. In the 1960's, the warehouse/showroom concept brought Levitz to the forefront of the furniture industry. The local Levitz closures will follow the shutdown of Bombay (see above).

Gift retailer Lillian Vernon, based in Virginia Beach , Va. , said it will evaluate whether to sell itself.

Linens 'n' Things - Earlier this week, Linens 'N Things backed out of restructuring plans that included some store closures and decided to shut its remaining 371 stores in 48 states.

Macy's - 9 stores

Mervyns - Mervyns, the 59-year-old department store chain based inHayward, is closing up shop. The ailing retailer, which filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection in July and planned to close 26 stores, said Friday it now plans to liquidate its remaining 149 locations and shutter the business after the holiday season. "We are disappointed with this outcome but the company's declining liquidity position and the extremely challenging retail environment, together with the fact that we have exhausted all other possibilities, requires that we take this action," said John Goodman, Mervyns' chief executive, in a statement.

Movie Gallery - 160 stores as part of reorganization plan to exit bankruptcy The video rental company plans to close 400 of 3,500 Movie Gallery and Hollywood Video stores in addition to the 520 locations the video rental chain closed last fall.

Pacific Sunwear will close its 154 Demo stores after a review of strategic alternatives for the urban-apparel brand. Seventy-four under performing demo stores closed last May.

Pep Boys - 33 stores

Sharper Image: The company recently filed for bankruptcy protection and announced that 90 of its 184 stores are closing. The retailer will still operate 94 stores to pay off debts, but 90 of these stores have performed poorly and also may close.

Sprint Nextel - 125 retail locations. New Sprint Nextel CEO Dan Hesse appears to have inherited a company bleeding subscribers by the thousands, and will now officially be dropping the ax on 4,000 employees and 125 retail locations. Amid the loss of 639,000 postpaid customers in the fourth quarter Sprint will be cutting a total of 6.7% of its work force (following the 5 000 layoffs last year) and 8% of company-owned brick-and-mortar stores, while remaining mute on other rumors that it will consolidate its headquarters in Kansas . Sprint Nextel shares are down $2.89, or nearly 25%, at the time of this writing.

Steve & Barry's Earlier this month, Steve & Barry's LLC, once a growing force in low-priced fashion, filed for Chapter 11. Steve & Barry's, which has 276stores in 39 states, tossed itself into Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection, the latest victim of a steep downturn in the retail sector and tighter credit markets. Mall owners have delayed reimbursing the discount fashion chain for store-opening expenses, further constricting its cash flow, the company said

Talbot's, J. Jill closing stores. About a month ago, Talbot's announced that it will be shuttering all 78 of its kids and men's stores. Now the company says it will close another 22 under performing stores.. The 22 stores will be a mix of Talbot's women's and J. Jill , another chain it owns The closures will occur this fiscal year, according to a company press release.

Wickes is going out of business. Wickes Furniture is going out of business and closing all of its stores, Wickes, a 37-year-old retailer that targets middle-income customers, filed for bankruptcy protection last month. They have already closed the Minnesota stores.

Wilsons the Leather Experts - 158 stores.

Zales, Piercing Pagoda closing stores. The owner of Zales and Piercing Pagoda previously said it plans to close 82 stores by July 31. Today, it announced that it is closing another 23 under performing stores. The company said it's not providing a list of specific store closures. Of the 105 locations planned for closure, 50 are kiosks and 55 are stores.

MY FAMILY CREST

(Locality). A name given to one who navigated the waters, or resided near them.

HAPPY HAUNTING

Well, it’s official. My grandson is growing up to be a hard core, dyed in the wool, full blooded Alabama Redneck. When I left for work this afternoon he was perched in the top of a tree with his trusty B-B gun in hand and blowing like his life depended on it on an old duck call someone had given him. Now this wouldn’t be so funny except I don’t live anywhere near anything resembling a duck habitat and his call sounded like a duck that had personality issues or throat cancer or something. Oh well, at least he’s live entertainment for the squirrels.

Tomorrow is Halloween and I hope y’all have a good time. I have plans with friends to hit a haunted house, go out for dinner and then take in a horror movie. Then on Saturday several of us are dressing up and having a witch’s brew night with game playing, Bloody Champaign Mimosas and lots of laughs and giggles.

Happy Haunting Y’all. Hope you get treated and not tricked.

WHAT'S THE VOTE?

I love this new widget! There are four icons you can put on any blog or web page. When a page containing one of them is loaded, the browser goes to this site to fetch the icon containing the current predictions. Clicking on the icon takes you to the site. Why don't ya go and get yours?

WORKING FOR A LIVING

Up at 3 AM, home anytime between 6 PM and 7 PM: every day, 7 days a week. This has been going on since I got home from Texas but I'm not gonna complain because I realize that I'm in better shape than a lot of other people. I know a lot of families making getting by on low wages who would love to be in my position. Yeah, I knew all this and more, but this article in MSNBC really opened my eyes. You should go read it and count your blessings. Here are a few highlights:

Nearly 61 percent of local and state homeless coalitions say they've experienced a rise in homelessness since the foreclosure crisis began in 2007, according to a report by the National Coalition for the Homeless. The group says the problem has worsened since the report's release in April, with foreclosures mounting, gas and food prices rising and the job market tightening.
..........
*The relatively tony city of Santa Barbara has given over a parking lot to
people who sleep in cars and vans.
*The city of Fresno, Calif., is trying to manage several proliferating tent cities, including an encampment where people have made shelters out of scrap wood.
*In Portland, Ore., and Seattle, homeless advocacy groups have paired with nonprofits or faith-based groups to manage tent cities as outdoor shelters.
*Other cities where tent cities have either appeared or expanded include include Chattanooga, Tenn., San Diego, and Columbus, Ohio.

The article goes on about how an unbelievable number of folks have lost their homes. Being homeless no longer means being a drunk or drug addict who doesn't work much less bathe. It now means whole families who couldn't make their house payment sleeping in the family car.

Thankfully I have a good paying job and a home that's paid for. It's easy to complain about high gas prices and long work hours but sometimes we need to be reminded that we're lucky to have a job and a car to put gas in and a roof over our head when it rains.

We (and the rest of the world for that matter) think of America as the land of the entitled. When we see pictures of homeless people, starving children, people sleeping on the ground with no clothes and nothing to eat we think of a third world nation but Wake up folks, this is happening here in the USA!

YELLOWDOG GRANNY, WESTFEST AND HURRICANES

I reached West ½ an hour before Jackie was due to get off of work, so I decided to cruise around on my own and check things out. One of the first things to catch my eye was the Family Dollar sign and a light bulb went off over my pointy little head saying: “Hey, didn’t Jackie say that she worked at the dollar store?” So I parked, walked in and the first thing I see is Jackie at the register holding court with 4 or 5 people surrounding her. So there I stood in the middle of the store waiting for her to notice me.

Notice me she did but didn’t know who I was, thinking that I was there to see Inky. She pointed me out to Inky and he was “Who’s that?” when Jackie finally figured out “That’s Junebugg” and ran around the counter to hug me. I hung around Family Dollar until time for her to clock out and then we met Babs for get-to-know-each lunch where I had my first skunk egg (a wonderful tennis ball sized wad of ham, chicken, bacon, cheese and who knows what else that's been breaded and deep fried). Then it was on to Jackie’s house where I met and was approved by Queen Annie, one of the most regal felines on the planet.

Let me tell you people, Jackie fed me like a queen while I was in Texas. Country fried steak with all the fixings, ring bologna & cheese, the woman cooked up a storm; when she wasn’t cooking we were going out for kolaches (wonderful things, kolaches, I do they’re addicting). She made me feel pampered and spoiled and I dreaded going home where I’m the one doing all the work. It’s a good thing that I don’t live in West or I’d weigh 300 pounds!

The next few days were spend getting to know each other with Jackie taking me on a grand tour of West, pointing out all the highlights and giving me a running commentary on every building’s history and introducing me around to the local citizens. I believe the woman knows everyone within a 50 mile radius! The town’s not that big and traffic is almost nonexistent, at least until Friday. When the crowd showed up for Westfest Jackie would sit at a stop sign waiting to pull out going “Fucking Tourists, fucking tourists, damn it go home!”

We both got to march in the Westfest parade but I kept losing Jackie. She was handing out the candy instead of throwing it and stopping to talk to everyone (I told you she knew everyone!) Babs had put me in charge of making sure that Jackie didn’t overdo because of her high blood pressure but when I tried to fuss she told me “The hazard pay ain’t high enough and I don’t need a MAMA." so I gave up and let her be. We had made “Obama Mama” t-shirts the night before when she had made signs for the democratic float, but the markers weren’t waterproof. So I look over at Jackie about half way through the parade and she’s got black streaks on both arms from sweating and rubbing her arms across her boobs (big boobs are a bitch sometimes). We both about melted in the Texas sun and afterwards went to get some water but all the stores had already sold out.

Gady (another one of Jackie's blog buddies) drove down to go to stay with Jackie and go to Westfest with us. Lucky feller, staying all night with two women and all. So off we go and he keeps losing one of us in the crowd. First I wondered off and then we lost Jackie. I almost chocked when he panicked and told me that he was an “Alpha Male” and it was his job to take care of the women. I can’t remember the last time that I needed taken care of and I don’t think that Jackie was ever helpless, but men can’t help being men what with all those male hormones messing with their brains. Besides, it was kinda sweet.

I learned to do the Chicken dance, drank 3 Pevos (beer) and had a great time. Who knew that polka was such a big draw? The place was packed and everyone seemed to be having a blast, I even ran up on a guy from Alabama! I watched in amusement as an older gentlemen went around kissing all the young girls on the hand as he leered down their cleavage and there was a young man dressed in costume leaning on a tent pole holding a sign that said “Will dance for pevo” who Jackie tried to give some money to.

After Westfest we dropped in at a bar that Jackie knew. Gady was a little hesitant about going in because the lot was almost empty and dark and the building was “rustic”; but we females started in without him and you know that an “alpha male” wasn’t about to let the females go alone. Of course Jackie knew everyone inside and we all shot several games of pool. Jackie kicked my ass and then she played Gady. He won but I’m almost positive that she was sandbagging so as not to hurt his delicate male pride.

Home again; me on the couch, Jackie in the recliner and Gady in Jackie’s bed. Wonder how long it’s been since there’s been a man in Jackie’s bed??????? He leaves out first thing the next morning and we girls laze around and gossip about the night before (ain’t that what women usually do after a night out?)

I leave West in the leftovers of Hurricane Gustav. The weather doesn’t get bad until I’m leaving Dallas (thank Goddess, I hate driving in Dallas) and I had serious doubts about making it home that day. But all the rooms are taken up by refugees from Louisiana and the radio keeps promising that by the time I reach Memphis the rain will quit so I drive on. Visibility is nil, 18 wheelers are throwing up sheets of water and the interstate is flooded so I’ve got a death grip on the steering wheel driving while peering through the monsoon. I call Jackie at a rest stop to let her know that I’m OK so far and I can tell that she’s worried but I’m a stubborn cuss and keep on driving.

I made it home in 12 hours and 15 minutes, not too shabby for driving so far in a hurricane without any “alpha male” to hold my hand. I’d love to visit Jackie again, but I think that next time I just might fly.

ON THE ROAD AGAIN

Lord, it’s been so long since I’ve flexed my writing muscles that I think they’ve atrophied (lets hope that brain-rot hasn’t set in also!). For those of y’all who’ve had the patience to hang around waiting for me to post, thank you from the bottom of my little old southern heart. I love y’all for your tolerance and promise to try to do better, but as you’ve heard before: "The best-laid plans of mice and men” - not to mention us females. Now for my long delayed Westfest post.

I left North Alabama on Wednesday morning (8/27) driving to the town of West, Texas, for a much anticipated visit with Jackie Sue (aka Yellowdog Granny) whom I’ve been online friends with for years but hadn’t actually met face-to-face. Friends, family and coworkers were all freaking out about me driving so far alone but really, what’s the big deal? Most accidents happen just miles from home because familiar territory causes us to let our guard down; you’re just as likely to get mugged at Wal-Mart or the grocery store as on the interstate, and if I drive solo I can stop when I want and drive all day if I feel like it. I’ve never had a problem with the fear of being alone and I’m a firm believer in “just doing it”. I truly think that if more people would just do what they want instead of being hampered by fear of the unknown, worrying about what someone else thinks is right, waiting for the perfect time or weight or age or income, yada, yada, yada; if you just do whatever the hell it is that’ll make you smile, then the world would be a richer and happier place.

Everyone was also tripping about me going to visit someone who was practically a stranger; going on and on about how Jackie Sue could be an ax murder, psychopath or bull dyke lesbian (did I point out what a vivid imagination they all have, plus I think some of the guys were using my trip as an excuse to concoct some major girl-on-girl fantasy action. When I mentioned that another female blogger lived in the area one of my coworkers got all excited and exclaimed “You mean that y’all are gonna have a “Ménage a twat”. Yeah, I work with a bunch of redneck hard ankles). The fact that Jackie Sue and I had had multiple phone conversations, exchanged gifts and cards and so on and so forth for a long period of time didn’t seem to mean a thing to anyone but what the hell, let ‘em have their daydreams.

I took the southern route, driving down to Birmingham and then swinging west through Jackson, MS and Shreveport, LA. Traffic was light and the weather was beautiful with the sun shining behind me and the car’s A/C keeping the 90+ heat outside. I had the cruise control set on 80 MPH and the stereo jacked up loud, singing my heart out with no one to tell me how off key I was. People everywhere I went were friendly and I didn’t have the first minute’s trouble with anything or anybody.

I crossed the Texas border that evening and spent the night in Marshall, with plans to drive cross-country on minor roads and do a little sight seeing the next day. I didn’t have a problem getting a room; as a matter of fact since I was a single female the hotel put me on the ground floor close to the desk where someone would always be close in case I had a problem. The desk clerk said that starting Monday that everything was booked because of the oncoming hurricane. I didn’t realize then that I was going to wind up driving home in Hurricane Gustav.

This is going to be a multi-part post, so stay tuned and I’ll let you know about all the doings at Westfest.

Petition For Brest Cancer

From a nurse:

I'll never forget the look in my patients' eyes when I had to tell them they had to go home with the drains, new exercises and no breast. I remember begging the Doctors to keep these women in the hospital longer, only to hear that they would, but their hands were tied by the insurance companies. So there I sat with my patients, giving them the instructions they needed to take care of themselves, knowing full well they didn't grasp half of what I was saying, because the glazed, hopeless, frightened look spoke louder than the quiet 'Thank You' they muttered. A mastectomy is when a woman's breast is removed in order to remove cancerous breast cells/tissue. If you know anyone who has had a Mastectomy, you may know that there is a lot of discomfort and pain afterwards. Insurance companies are trying to make mastectomies an outpatient procedure.

Let's give women the chance to recover properly in the hospital for 2 days after surgery. It takes 2 seconds to do this and is very important. Please take the time and do it! If there was ever a time when our voices and choices should be heard, this is one of those times.

There's a bill called the Breast Cancer Patient Protection Act which will require insurance companies to cover a minimum 48-hour hospital stay for patients undergoing a mastectomy. It's about eliminating the 'drive-through' Mastectomy where women are forced to go home just a few hours after surgery, against the wishes of their doctor, still groggy from anesthesia and sometimes with drainage tubes still attached.

Lifetime Television has put this bill on their Web page with a petition drive to show support. Last year over half the House signed on. PLEASE!! Sign the petition by clicking on the web site below. You need not give more than your name, state, and zip code.

http://www.mylifetime.com/community/my-lifetime-commitment/breast-cancer/petition/breast-cancer-petition

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GLOW IN THE DARK JUNEBUGG

My life has become a comedy of errors; “Murphy’s Law” has attacked me with a vengeance. I have big plans to drive out and visit Jackie Sue in Texas during Labor Day, I already have 2 weeks vacation scheduled and I am going if I can still walk but it seems that fate is trying to throw me a curve ball. Read on to see what I mean.

As some of you already know, a tree (well, half a big tree) fell onto the roof of my house. Not good but no one was hurt, the damage was minimal, the leaks were all in the overhang and I’m insured. Then …….

Wednesday, while watching the tree people remove several large specimens from beside the deck, my tummy started rolling and growling and just feeling not so good in general. By 11 AM I was having chest pains and by 3 PM I was in the emergency room convinced that I was having a heart attack.

After being poked and prodded, forced to drink gallons of barium, injected with radioactive dye and zipped numerous times through a CT scanner they decided to admit me to the hospital and try to find out what was wrong. Days of stress tests, entire pints of blood being drawn every 4 hours, more radioactive dye injected and no heart problems anywhere. Dr. Dick (I swear that was his real name!) kept dropping by asking questions, dreaming up more tests and promising me that I was going to be OK. He was kinda cute, real flirty and if I had felt better I would have enjoyed his company but damn it; I wanted to go home.

Skip to Saturday, still in the hospital, both arms black and blue (but my-oh-my the morphine was nice!) and I find out that my gallbladder has one itsy bitty tiny gallstone that was causing all the trouble. So they send me home with some antacid pills and hopeful comments about how I may never have any problems out of that pesky gallbladder again, surgery wouldn’t be necessary at this time. But ……. if I do it won’t take but a minute to suck that nasty little bugger right out of my belly button. Promises, Promises.

So, I’m felling better, the roofers are supposed to be here next week and I decide to mow the yard. Just a few passes around the back yard the dad blasted mower belt breaks. Damn it I can’t seem to get a break. Wonder what’s gonna happen next? I quit smoking and my body starts falling apart. I make plans and things keep trying to get in the way.
Now tell me, am I losing my mind or ……. Do y’all see a trend here?