MY FRIENDS THINK THEY'RE FUNNY

I got to work this morning and found these funnies in my company e-mail. It seems that my friends have missed my charm and witty repartee causing them to track me down here at work. Resourceful little devils, I have no idea how they got the addy!

I guess they were afraid that I wouldn't check my personal e-mail. Thank God they didn't send any pictures of naked men {I hope I find a few of those in my personal e-mail!!!!!!!!!!} First they make fun of my Celtic heritage and then they get political. I LOVE MY FRIENDS! {This includes you guys, too}.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
The man said, "I do Father."
The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."
Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to got to heaven?"
"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.
"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.
Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."
The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Paddy was in New York. He was patiently waiting, and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing.
The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, "Okay, pedestrians." Then he'd allow the traffic to pass. He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.
After the cop had shouted "Pedestrians" for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend Finney.
"Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"
"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The! state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
"Just water," says the priest.
The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says,
"Good Lord! He's done it again!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Subject: I Love Grandmas
Here's a quote from someone who witnessed a recent interaction between an elderly woman and an antiwar protester in a Metro station in DC:

There were protesters on the train platform handing out pamphlets on the evils of America. I politely declined to take one. An elderly woman was behind me getting off the escalator and a young (20ish) female protester offered her a pamphlet, which she politely declined. The young protester put her hand on the old woman's shoulder as a gesture of friendship and in a very soft voice said, "Ma'am, don't you care about the children of Iraq?"

The old woman looked up at her and said, "Honey, my first husband died in France during World War II, my second husband died in Korea, one of My sons died in Vietnam, a Grandson died in Desert Storm, all so you could have the right to stand here and bad mouth our country. If you touch me again. I'll stick this umbrella up your ass and open it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hey I like this last one. Go Grandma!!!

TWINKLE, TWINKLE LITTLE STAR

Driving in to work this morning I was admiring all the Christmas lights and decorations that have sprung up since Thanksgiving. Most of the houses I pass are starting to look quite festive. It's almost enough to put me in the holiday mood. BUT I kept punching the "scan" button on the radio trying to escape all the same old Christmas carols. Don't get me wrong, I like "Dashing Through The Snow", "Chestnuts Roasting Over An Open Fire" and "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" as much as the next person. But enough is enough people, it's not even December yet.

Ever notice how the stars seem so much brighter and closer when the weather is cold? The rain is gone, chased away by a cold front. At 4:30 AM the sky was crystal clear and packed full of twinkling stars that put the Christmas lights to shame. No matter how much we spend on lights and trimmings, nothing can touch Mother Nature when it comes to lavish displays.

It's the simple pleasures like star gazing and children's hugs that make life worthwhile. I almost pulled over to the side of the road to admire the show but work was calling and I had to go.

BLOWING IN THE WIND

It's raining like pouring piss out of a boot and we're under a tornado watch until 6 PM. Here I am trapped at work waiting to see if I get to go home or get froze on emergency duty.

I love living in the South, but sometimes the weather sucks. Like right now in the middle of tornado season. Here's what the weather channel says about us.

TORNADO WATCH 884 REMAINS VALID UNTIL
6 PM CST THIS AFTERNOON FOR THE FOLLOWING
AREAS IN ALABAMA THIS WATCH INCLUDES 11
COUNTIES IN

NORTH CENTRAL ALABAMA
CULLMAN LIMESTONE MADISON MORGAN

IN NORTHEAST ALABAMA
DEKALB JACKSON MARSHALL

IN NORTHWEST ALABAMA
COLBERT FRANKLIN LAUDERDALE LAWRENCE

THIS INCLUDES THE CITIES OF.ATHENS.CULLMAN...DECATUR.
FLORENCE.FORT PAYNE.GUNTERSVILLE.HUNTSVILLE.
MOULTON. MUSCLE SHOALS.RUSSELLVILLE
AND SCOTTSBORO

.

Yep, Moulton in Lawrence County. That's me.

LAY A LITTLE LOVIN' ON ME

The clock has stopped! No really, it has. I've been sitting here staring at it and the hands aren't moving. Time has frozen and I'll be stuck here at work forever. NOOOOOOOOOOO! Oh, wait. There, the minute hand moved. I'm safe.

After working all these 12-hour midnight shifts in a row I actually get 24 hours off! Yes people, when I escape this place at 6 AM Sunday morning I don't have to come back until 6 AM Monday morning. That's one whole off day if I manage not to fall asleep.

And I have plans. To hell with the basket of dirty laundry (I've got tons of clothes, I just never get to go anywhere to wear them). The cat can lick the dishes piled in the sink clean. The messy house won't bother me. "Why", do you ask?

Because I'm not going home. It's cold and rainy and my big empty bed doesn't sound inviting. It's Sunday and Sweet Thang doesn't have to work today. I plan to go to his house and bang on the door until he gets up and lets me in. Then I'm going to crawl into his nice warm bed and cuddle up with him skin to skin.

Yes people, I'm going to get naked and wrap myself around that 6'5" hunk of maleness and insist that he warm me up. I'll leave how to his imagination. And we all know how men are in the morning!

BLACK AND BLUE FRIDAY

I refuse to do the after holiday sale shit. Always have and my friends have never understood why. Now I have proof that I'm a semi-smart lady to do so. I'm not taking my life in my hands just to save a $$$

Josephine Hoffman, 73, falls to floor amid mad rush at Sawgrass Mills Mall in Broward County, Fla. (courtesy South Florida Sun-Sentinel)

And this insanity in the same Walmart. Check the news, this stupid behavior is happening all over the country, not just in Florida. What happened to manners and common decency? When did it become alright to hit and shove and trample in the name of "SALE"?

Go here to see a video of an fight at an Orlando Walmart. What is the world coming to when people trample elderly women and come to actual fist fights to save a few dollars? I think I'll do most of my shopping online this year.

PREGNANT TURKEY

I recieved this e-mail today and just had to share it. Aren't families wonderful! I promised not to name the person who told this story but YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE and I love ya. You can tell she's not a Southerner because she says "stuffing" instead of "dressing".


PREGNANT TURKEY

One Christmas, my Mom (who is now deceased) went to
my sister's house for the traditional feast. Knowing how
gullible my sister is, Mom decided to play a trick.

She told my sister that she needed something from the store.
When my sister left, Mom took the turkey out of the oven,
removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, and inserted it
into the turkey, and re-stuffed the turkey. She then placed
the bird(s) back in the oven.

When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey
out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing.
When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in
and pulled out the little bird. With a look of total shock
on her face, our Mother exclaimed,"Patricia, you've cooked a
pregnant bird!"

At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to
cry. It took the family nearly two hours to convince her
that turkeys lay eggs!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

Here's a couple of funnies to get you in the Thanksgiving mood. I'm so thankful for my friends, family, and good health. I'm also extremely thankful for you guys, all my blog buddies, who lighten up my day, make me giggle, make me think and most of all give me something to look forward to.





And then we have the Butterball Turkey Hotline (800-323-4848 ) odd questions as vetted by Scopes.com.

One of the more unusual questions handled by Butterball's Turkey Talk-Line (which the company has operated since 1981) comes from those who have mistaken a well-traveled joke for an actual recipe: They call to ask if they can pop popcorn in the turkey's cavity during the roasting process. (The joke's punch
line is: "You know the turkey is done when the popcorn pops and blows the rear off the bird.") And no, you can't.

The hotline has heard from a gal who couldn't find the turkey she buried in a snowbank, a guy who wanted to know how to carve his bird with a chain saw, and a mechanic who worried about using motor oil as a baste.

Then there was the young mother who failed to notice her
children playing near the oven-ready bird. The kids decided the turkey's cavity was a good place to park toy cars. Their mom didn't discover Ol' Tom was doubling as a garage until after the turkey had been roasted.

Another confused cook called the Butterball line after cleaning her turkey because she wanted to know how to get the metal pieces out. "Apparently," said one of the Butterball economists, "she had scrubbed her bird with a steel scouring pad." A
West Coast woman who had taken anti-bacterial precautions too far called Butterball to find out how to get the bleach she'd used off her bird.

Butterball turkey experts still talk about the Kentucky woman who called in 1993 to ask how to get her dog out of her turkey. It seems the woman's Chihuahua had dived into the bird's cavity and become trapped there. The woman tried pulling the pooch and shaking the bird, all to no avail. A Butterball economist finally suggested the woman carefully cut the opening in the turkey wider to release the captive canine.

The Reynolds Wrap Turkey Tips Line (800-745-4000) took a query from a woman who wanted to know if she could cook
her turkey by placing it in a Reynolds Oven Bag, putting it in the window in the back of her car, and letting the heat from the sun bake the turkey. (She was told that would be an uncontrolled heat source and was instructed to use an oven instead.)

The folks at Butterball have also dealt with cooks determined
to roast turkeys on the back ledges of their cars. And they've had people call to ask if they could cook their holiday birds on radiators. Then there was the bride who had a small, apartment-size range and was worried the turkey would get larger as it cooked (similar to a loaf of bread rising) — she was fretting she
wouldn't be able to get it out of the oven after it was done.

There are those whose problems are not how to get the turkey out of the oven, but when. Said Nancy Rodriguez, coordinator of the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line in 1985, "One lady in Arkansas had her five-pound turkey in the oven 24 hours — did we
think it was done? Another caller wanted to know the best method for reattaching the thighs and drumsticks when they fall off. His 12-pound turkey had been in the oven since 8 a.m. the day before."

The self-cleaning option offered on a number of ranges has caused its share of Thanksgiving troubles when confused cooks have inadvertently started its cycle while their birds were in
the oven. Others have different range-related questions, such as: "Your directions say to roast the turkey, but my oven says only bake or broil; how do I set it?"

BORROWED WISDOM

As a lot of you know, my sisters and I lost both of our parents in the past year. So when I found this, time went rolling back and I could once again hear the voice of my Mom yelling lecturing me and my 4 sisters on our constant misbehaving. Isn't it amazing how parents the world over seem to say the same thing?

I just had to steal borrow this from Sorcha over at We Are NOT Amused. Obviously, she's a lady with a lot of wit and wisdom. I wish I could take credit for this but Sorcha is the woman of the day.

Sorcha, thanks for bringing back my childhood and the memories of Mom this holiday season. It's not the same without her and Dad, but the happiness of our shared family funnies and the love we found together helps.

I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE."If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION."You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL."If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC."Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC."If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT."Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY."Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS."Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM."Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA."You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER."This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY."If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE."I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION."Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY."There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION."Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING."You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE."If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP."Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR."When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT."If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS."You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS."Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM."When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE."One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you".

TATTOOED

Sorry I haven't posted. There's been some family drama going on, but I can't talk about that.

On my birthday the girls and I went to Ink City Tattoos. For my 50th birthday I got my first tattoo, pictures of which will be posted as soon as I have some. Karen also got a small winged tattoo but we couldn't talk Carol into biting the bullet and getting inked, although she did hang around and lend lots of moral support. There you go folks, female bonding at it's finest.

I now have two Celtic dragons interlocked into the symbol for infinity residing on my lower back. At first I got that particular tattoo because it just spoke to me.

I didn't even notice it was the symbol for infinity until Sweet Thang pointed it out while rubbing lotion on it for me. He also pointed out that the two dragons seemed to be locked in battle like as in good verses evil and that it was the same as the yin/yang symbol. Later, I got to doing some research and everything clicked. I was meant to have that tattoo!

I have Celtic heritage. The dragon is a symbol of power, wisdom, and one who has overcome an adversary or fortress (like maybe 50 years of life and family strife of every kind??) and exemplifies elemental power, especially of the earth. It is sometimes a waterserpent or monster and haunt wells or pools (I'm a Scorpio, a water sign).

Infinity, well, 50 sure seems like forever sometimes. I'm always locked in a battle between good and evil. I mean, I know what I should do, but what I want to do is usually something entirely different!!

So, there you have it. I've been inked and now I have to get pictures. I need to figure out how to do it and still stay PG rated. Those dragon's tails go, well, lets just say they go lower than my lowest pair of hip huggers. I'm sure Sweet Thang will be more than willing to play photographer!!

THE BIG 5-0

Happy Birthday to me! This is the big 5-0 and I swear I don't feel that old. It's amazing how time changes your outside, as you can see from the pictures. Getting old is not my idea of fun, but it sure beats the alternative! My girlfriends and I are going out tonight and see what we can get into. I'll give you all the sorted details later, if we don't get into something that I can't talk about with incriminating someone!

My God, don't you just hate those school pictures!

Damn, I looked good at 18!


Me and Mom in better days.

Me now, all work and not near enough play.

MY GUYS

These are the two men in my life. Chane, my son, and Drennon, my grandson. Aren't they handsome devils!


Never too young to want to see a wet T-shirt!


Dad's turn!


Late night TV.


Smile!


Fun with Scooby Doo!

INNER DRAGON

My Wiccan friends are really into dragons right now. They say that the dragon is a mighty magical animal that is a creature of fire but is also related to the Power of the Land. The whole Earth was viewed by the Druids as the body of the Dragon. Of course, these are supposed to be some of the most powerful elementals that can be called on.

They're all taking this inner dragon quiz at Dragon Hame. I was amazed at how close to home the description was! What's your inner dragon?

My inner dragon is:

Diamond Dragon

In the war between good and evil, a Diamond Dragon tends to walk the fine line of Neutrality.

When it comes to the powers of Chaos vs. those of Law and Order, your inner dragon is a risk taker and answers to no one.

As far as magical tendancies, a Diamond Dragon's nature does not lend itself well to the ways of Magic.

During combat situations, a true Diamond Dragon prefers to defeat opponents by the use of spells and other tactics.

Dragon Description:

The Diamond Dragon is most at home in Cool, Sunny Regions. They are Multi-Facetted individuals who inspire others to better themselves and the world around them. Unless a Diamond Dragon is the CENTER of attention, they appear to be dulled and yearning for the lime-light.

Though a Diamond Dragon is quite rare to find, if you happen upon one, be sure to be a true friend. Diamond Dragons don't like to be lied to or back stabbed. Lest they turn on you the same way, tenfold. They are Loyal, fun loving, gentle, honest, caring, and extremely wise. They also tend to be introverted when hurt by someone close, and their friends or companions are like family. So beware not to anger them. While they look and for all intents and purposes are easy going, when it comes to family and friends, they will defend to the death if need be and you may just find yourself enemy number one.

This Dragons favorite elements are: Fire, Diamonds, Deep Caverns

KEYWORDS

I'm always amazed at what brings people to this sorry excuse for a blog. See what I mean?

senior sex
linky & dinky
previous fan failure
irish slang tomboy
naked cowboys
brunettes
higher pain tolerance
grayson capps washboard lisa video clip
wasted days lyrics
wasted days and wasted nights
redheads tolerance for pain
http://www.snopes.com/photos/animals/mulelion.asp for pics

AGING OUT LOUD-From Entertainment to Empowerment

This sounds like something that I would love to see but I live in the sticks (Alabama) and the show doesn't appear here, darn it! If you get a chance to go and see it drop me a note and tell me if it's as good as it sounds.


Menopause The Musical®: Inspired by a hot flash and a bottle of wine, writer/producer Jeanie Linders created the show as a celebration of women who are on the brink of, in the middle of, or have survived The Change. Since its first performance, the show has evolved as a "grassroots" movement of women who deal with life after 40 and all the challenges that result in the mental, physical and spiritual freedom of over 38 million post WW2 baby boomer females.


REVIEWS: The Times“Flash! 'Menopause the Musical' Sizzles”
Janis ThortonMay 27, 2005
Having a hot flash? No sweat. It's cool to be among the demographic that probably is. “Menopause the Musical,” the joyous, rollicking celebration of sisterhood -particularly for those sisters of a “certain” age - is making it all OK at Indianapolis' American Cabaret Theatre. “Menopause the Musical” is one of those rare, little gems whose popularity snowballs because it resonates so perfectly precisely with its selected audience. The loose storyline involves four women, strangers to one another, each well past 40, who meet at the lingerie table at Bloomingdale's. Fighting over the same marked-down undergarment, they start to lament about the realities of their stage of life. Then they let loose in song and dance. Parodying 25 hit, Baby Boomer pop songs, the cast-featuring a soap star, a power woman, an earth mother and a sheltered Iowa housewife-leaves no stone unturned in its examination of the female journey. Song such as “Chain of Fools,” “I Heard It Through the Grapevine,” “Puff the Magic Dragon,” “My Guy” and “Staying Alive” take on new life with new lyrics. These familiar ditties are transformed into “Change, change, change...change of life,” “I heard it through the grapevine; you no longer see 39,” “Puff, my God I'm draggin',” “My thighs” and “Stayin' awake.”
No menopausal milestone is too sensitive for this cheeky quartet. Frugging about the stage, belting out the high notes, they explore flashing, wrinkles, night sweats, insomnia, mood change, weight gain, sex-and lack of it. In the midst of the cast's unbridled sass and attitude, the mainly female audience simply cannot remain seated and spends much of the show on its feet, dancing and cheering. The festive exploration crescendos and ends finally as it should, with the four embracing their glorious femaleness, realizing their strengths, their innate power and “a new attitude.” “Menopuase...,” the 90-minute musical-comedy, opened Off Broadway just a couple of years ago, a sort of revived women's movement. Today it is on the brink of creating its very own movement with productions mounted coast-to-coast.
It was written by Jeanie Linders, who minted the characters as a compilation of all women who are post-World War II babies. The enormously talented Indianapolis cast features Tiffanies Bridges, Holly Stover, Ellen Kingston and Catherine Mobley.
The beautiful American Cabaret Theatre at 401 E. Michigan St., Indianapolis, is the ideal venue, with its stylishly retro, art deco trim and its tiered, night-club style seating. Performances are 8 p.m. Tuesday-Friday; 5 and 8 p.m. Saturday, and 3 p.m. Sunday. Tickets are $37.50. They can be purchased at the box office or online at www.ticketmaster.com. Discounts are available for seniors and groups by calling (317) 632-5182. “Menopause the Musical” delivers entertaining fun for everyone-any age, either gender. It has an unlimited run. But hurry. Go see it now. Don't chance missing it. It's Hot.

MISSPOKEN OR TYPOS?

They're Back! Church Bulletins: Thank God for church ladies with
typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services. I swear, I couldn't make-up stuff like this if I tried!!:
----------------------------------------------------------------------
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon
tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in
the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid
of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your
husbands.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to
a conflict.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who
doesn't care much about you.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving
obvious pleasure to the congregation.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
nursery downstairs.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the
help they can get.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir
will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
Music will follow.
------- --------------------------------------------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is
Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of
several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be
recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
person you want remembered.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment
and gracious hostility.
------------------------------------------------- --------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They
may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park
across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All
ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is
done.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation
would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next
Sunday.
-------------------------------------------- --------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please
use the back door.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in
the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to
attend this tragedy.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian
Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing
campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours"
---------------------------------------------------------------------

TIME WASTER

Found at Thanks For The Ride, Lady:


You are Lucy!


Which Peanuts Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I'm not sure that I like this result, I may have to retake that stupid test!!

NEW EARTH FESTIVAL

This weekend I attended my first New Earth Festival! It was in Huntsville on the UAH campus. Vendors of all kinds, New Agers and psychics of ever stripe were there. You could definitely find anything that your little heart desired, no matter how odd or off the wall.



You could get your aura photographed, your chakras checked, tarot readings, holistic health scans, Crystal balls and jewelry (including crystal penises!!), books of every kind, reflexology foot massages, you name it was there.

I was scanned, got my tarot read, had my chakras checked, and had my aura photographed. My scanner is broke, or I'd post the pic.

I was disappointed because everyone else had lots of different colors in their's and mine was solid turquoise with dark blue squiggles but the folks doing the aura thingy said that I HAVE A BEAUTIFUL AURA! The colors were that way supposedly because I'm so well balanced. Man, they don't know me well , do they? Oh, and my chakras were wonderful, too. Fooled them, Ha Ha.

One lady, Twilah Nickens, was scary (in a good way) because she seemed to be the real deal. She's legally blind, but sees more than most sighted people. More about that later.

TWILAH NICKENS
Vibrational Healing Traditional and Non-Traditional Medicine,
Bridging the Gap, Ways to raise your vibrations in order to heal yourself. Touch Practitioner, Medical Intuitive, Ordained Minister, Naturalist and Spiritualist. She has 35 years experience in the Medical Field , 25 years in Alternative
Medicine and Vibrational Healing, 20 years as a Medical Intuitive, and over 12 years of college in Modern and Alternative Medicine. She has a Ph.D. in Metaphysics, and has studied Quantum Physics and Religion. Twilah became an Ordained Minister in 1996.

Twilah did a full body scan, read my cards and did automatic writing while holding my hand. She hit all my personality and life events right on the money, including the fact that I had tumors and needed surgery and suffered from headaches. She also told me to take red raspberry for hot flashes.

I've never met the lady, so there's no way she could know and she didn't ask any questions before she started. Then she told me that I was going through a PERIOD OF CLEANSING, CLEANING, AND CHANGING.

Supposedly, I'm in the process of becoming an emotional swan (her words, not mine). Too bad it's not physical, I could use a little outer beauty to go with all this inner beauty that I'm (so called) going through gaining right now.

My lucky number is 8 and any day that adds up to 8 is lucky (8, 17, 26). The year 2008 is supposed to be my MY YEAR! Oh yeah, she says that I have the aspect of a raccoon, because I tend to mask my emotions and feelings. That's right emotionally but I promise I do not in any way resemble a small furry critter nor do I have rings around my tail!

I was also told (by a different person) that I was a natural witch who was wasting her powers by not using them. So I bought several books, including Sexy Witch. I also bought some wonderful smelling herbal soap, some jewelry, and a crystal divination pendulum. Lets see just how witchy I am. Who knows, I may have some of those mind-over-matter powers. If nothing else, it'll be a good ice-breaker at bars and parties.

My friend, Karen, was standing 5' or 6' away and Twilah suddenly asked who was there and then proceeded to give her a free reading. She got everything about her right too! Not bad for a blind woman.

There might not be anything to all this stuff, but it was different, couldn't hurt and might just give me some food for thought. If you get the chance to attend a similar event, I highly recommend it. If nothing else, for the entertainment value.

SELF ANALYSIS & STOLEN LINKS

I found this test in a novel and tried it. I know, novels are fiction but this turned out to be interesting. It gives you a lot of food for thought.

First, answer the questions. Then go to my comments to see what personal aspect each question stands for. Finally, do your own analysis. The interpretation is up to you and can be seen in several different ways. Try it and let us know if you learned anything new about yourself.

1. If you were thinking of yourself in terms of an animal, what would it be?

2. What's your favorite color?

3. If you thought of yourself as a body of water, what would it
be?

4. What does a small, black room with no windows and no door represent to you, in one or two words.

I actually did this using different answers, such as now my favorite color is green but when I was younger it was purple. And the way I've changed as I've matured matched the way the answers turned out.

There you go, instant analysis. See, no need to shell out the big bucks for some idiot in an office to fill your head with psycho-babble.

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UPDATE: I found this pic at DB's and just had to steal borrow it. He got it from The Smallest Minority where you can read the full story.

OPENING QUOTE: Once Marine Gunnery Sgt. Michael Burghardt realized he could wiggle his toes and fingers, he had one message for the insurgents who wounded him - defiance.


Yep, folks. He's one of ours and I for one are proud to claim him and all the others like them. Here's to our guys and gals over there in the thick of it. God Bless and Give Them Hell.

DIET HUMOR

Sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying! Take it from me, never try to quit smoking and lose weight at the same time.

WEIRD

Now go see Sandy at The Pea Patch for your "cuteness" fix for the day. She's got up some pics that'll make you go smile and go "AH".