Saturday, November 04, 2006

WAKE ME WHEN IT'S OVER


I overslept this morning, for the second day in a row!

The first time I had a good excuse, when I set the alarm I accidentally set it for PM instead of AM. Honest mistake, could happen to anyone, right? I'm sure you've all done the vary same thing at least once. But the second time was my own fault.

3:30 AM the local rock station blasted at full volume causing me to pop from under the covers like a Jack-in-the-box wearing a bad imitation of
Phyllis Diller bedhead. (Guys, real women don't wake up looking well coiffed and radiant like those women in the ads on TV, at least none of the females I know. Remember, commericals lie)

I peered at the glowing numbers of the clock (I'm blind as a bat without my specs, ya know or then again, maybe you didn't.....), slapped the aggravating thing into submission & snuggled back under the covers telling myself "Five more minutes".

BIG MISTAKE!

When I woke up again it was 5:45 and I'm usually at work at or before 5! Talk about an Adrenalin rush! I sprinted from the bedroom with my shoes in one hand and my pants in the other, scaring the hell out of the cats (I don't think they've ever seem me move that fast). Thank the Goddess for baseball caps, because they are the only thing that will tame wild hair when you don't have time to shampoo.

I get dressed at record speed and am trying to brush my teeth & run around searching for the cordless phone so I can call in to work, all without falling over the cats who are winding around my feet demanding to be fed; but when I find the phone the battery is dead, thank you 31- year-old son of mine who can't put things where they belong. {{{{{{{breath}}}}}}}}}}}

At last I'm semi-presentable and head out the door, yelling and cussing as I dodge the 10 dogs on the carport who are banging against my legs, jumping on me (big dogs!) & also demanding to be fed. "Sorry Boys and Girls, Mama's late and I'll feed you later, it's not like you're starving, you pot-bellied gluttons". I get in the car, carefully back out so as to not flatten any wayward k-nine who is stupid enough to get in my way and leave black marks as I take off. I have plans to break all my speed records for the 23 mile drive to the paper mill.

Have you ever noticed that when you're in a real hurry-

I mean when time is of the essence and you just have to be somewhere YESTERDAY-

that you always get behind the slowest drivers in the world with no way to pass? I travel a two-lane highway that swoops & swerves as it winds down Courtland mountain. I fumed and fussed as I tailgated dwaddling farm trucks and lumbering log haulers around blind curves & glared at the clock that kept reminding how late I was going to be. At last I got to the foot of the mountain, pass the drag-asses who have driven me nearly to the point of madness; almost there; then I come to the train crossing.

The Choo-Choo is sitting on my left, sitting still but it's right at the spot that triggers the crossing guards. Both candy-stripped arms lower, hover for about 5 minutes, raise up and just as my foot leaves the brake pedal they fall again. It's like the damn things are daring me! Flapping it's guards like waving a red cape in front of an enraged bull! I watch for a few minutes, get my timing right and dart past. HA, you thought you'd crunch my car, didn't you you stupid mechanical asshole!

I made it the rest of the way safely and have been picked on the rest of the day with offers of Wake-Up Calls and several more to spend the night "just so you'll wake up on time". Considering that I'm the only female, we all know where that was going........................

One more day, I have to get up early one more day. I'm on vacation next week. Think I might just hibernate for a day or so.........................................


1 comment:

yellowdog granny said...

ohh man..don't you just hate that? one time i was late for lunch cause bill my dog hid my jeep keys..yes, he really hid them..they didnt belive me at work either, but it's true...enjoy your vacation...