SPA NIGHT

I've been in a funky, can’t get my butt off the couch mood for the last few days and I'm on my three day break so this is an unforgivable waste of off days! All I've done is read, cuddle with the cat, and watch trash TV. No motivation at all, although I did go for a half hour walk in the city park this afternoon.

So tonight I decided to do one of those at home spa days you see talked about in all the women's magazines. I went the whole nine yards; candles around the tub, good jams on the stereo, good smelling lotions and potions. Even one of those "make you look 10, no 20, years younger" facials with oatmeal and primrose oil and lots of other stuff I can’t pronounce.

So I put my hair up on top of my head and smeared the facial goop all over my face and down my neck. Hey, I’m fixing to hit the big 5 0 and I have to start worrying about the "turkey wattle" neck thing. Sure hope I look better when I wash this stuff off because it ain't making me look any better with it on. What I see in the mirror as I get ready to step into the steaming tub looks like one of those aborigines you see on the National Geographic channel with mud smeared all over them.

I shaved legs and pits and bikini line without nicking myself for once!! I scrubbed and buffed every inch of my body with this stuff that has ground-up almond shells that takes off the first layer of skin and claims to give you a healthy, youthful glow. Let me tell you, there are some places that are hard to reach yourself!! I scrape and grate and pumice the dead skin on my feet. Finally, I washed the "make you look 21 years old" goop off my face.

After I dryed off, I put self tanner on my now exfoliated legs and smeared hazelnut-shea butter over the rest of my body and braced myself to look into the mirror. I’m clean, smooth, smell better, and I’m no longer fuzzy in all the wrong places. But all this spa stuff didn’t do a thing for love handles, sagging boobs, drooping jowls, or freckles (OK, age spots). I don’t look any younger (darn it) and I’m still not motivated. At least I tried.

Think I’ll go see whats on late nite TV. Evening y’all.