Sunday, July 31, 2005

LINKY DINKY

I don't have much to blog tonight, so I'm gonna give you links to some of the blog entries that tickle my funny bone. I hope you enjoy them and be sure to leave a comment telling the blogger how you felt about his writing. Saying that I sent you won't hurt my feeling, either.

Fat Guy writes about "The Quite Pee" and reading it made me want to go to the bathroom, just in case. He's a New Yorker and I love his take on things.

Kim links back to "The True Meaning of MILF" (an earlier post). This story had me laughing out loud (much to the amusement of the guys here at work) and is a must-read for anyone with teenagers.

Pisser is blogging about "Scratch and Sniff Tampon boxes". She has a unique writing style all her own, lives on the West Coast, works in the movie industry and reading her blog always gives me my daily giggle.

Pammy is having a case of menopausal PMS. She lives with Lizzy (a ferret) and Ziggy (he's not a ferret LOL). While you're visiting her check out Ferret Flambe'. Pam describes herself as "average, down to earth, chubby, middle-aged woman with a twisted, quite often bawdy sense of humor, a generous helping of common sense and an unusually warped outlook on life". Go and check her out.

My sister Donna writes about our childhood and don't believe anything she tells on me (I'm Vicki)! She talks about the women in our family being cursed with huge tits in "To Boob or Not To Boob", growing up in the country with "Tales of the Outhouse - Drawers Down" and breaking our citified friends into country entertainment in "A City Slicker Goes Frog Gigging " . All her stories are mostly true, but she doesn't write much lately. Donna is fighting an ongoing battle with depression and blogging only happens when she feels up. It's a waste because she has such good story telling abilities. I hope she starts back writing soon.

For a little action go to Tim Zimmerman's Wetass Chronicles and watch this BASE jumping video (scenes from around the world with soundtrack by the Stones), it'll get your heart pumping. Those guys have more nerve than they do sense!! Tim's an extreme sports writer who travels the world and posts some excellent pictures and a "Wetass Video of the Week". browse through his archives, I go there whenever I want to be amazed, amused, and awed!


I've got loads of great blogs on the right in my "links" section. Help yourselves to a few and say "Hi" to them when you visit.

Saturday, July 30, 2005

NIGHTMARES

I’ve been having the weirdest dreams lately. I don’t usually remember my dreams or maybe I don’t dream all that often, but these night-terrors have been jerking me out of a sound sleep. I’ll be sleeping the sleep of the innocent (hey it sounded good) and suddenly find myself sitting straight up in bed with my heart pounding a mile a minute, straining to hear some menace (real or imagined) in the dark that may have caused me to wake up in a panic.

Last night I dreamed my Dad and I were at my parents’ home and everywhere I looked we were surrounded by tornadoes. Pieces of the roof from the barn were flying by, the sound was deafening, and we were both standing in the front yard watching our world fall apart. No matter how much I begged or how hard I struggled to drag him by the arm I couldn’t get him to go to storm shelter just at the bottom of the terrace.

This one is easy. Dad died without a will (although we begged him to write one) and having to go through probate and all the sisters, in-laws and outlaws squabbling is tearing our family apart.

A couple of days ago I had a quirky dream. I’m dreading having to go on a diet to control my blood sugar and I’m scheduled to attend a Diabetic Class this coming Tuesday afternoon. I’m not diabetic but pre-diabetic and the Dr. says that I have to start eating right to keep from going into Type 2.

I’ve been talking to friends who are diabetic and everyone says the same thing, “You have to give up all celebrations unless you’re a masochist”. Baby showers, reunions, Church functions, get-to-gathers with friends, house-warmings, and parties of any kind: all social gatherings of any kind revolve around food and drink.

I’ve been looking on the internet to get an idea of how to eat. It seems mostly vegetables and only certain ones at that. One friend’s Dr. doesn’t allow her any fruit of any kind, no oil of any kind, no carbs of any kind, no red meat, no beans except green beans and English peas, no sauces, etc, etc. The woman lives off of oatmeal for breakfast, dry baked chicken, green beans, and salad with no dressing. She’s been eating this for 3 years! She’s also stopped going out or doing anything but attending Church twice a week (being sure to leave before any refreshments are served!). The woman is a hermit and lonely. But her blood sugar is doing well.

I dreamed that I stayed on her diet for I don’t know how long before I decided that kind of life wasn’t worth living and slit my wrists to escape such a torturous existence. But I’d eaten so many green vegetables that when the razor parted the skin my blood squirted out as a green fountain shooting up into the air! I looked down, saw this alien-looking blood oozing from my arm and woke up screaming!

I know, it won’t be that bad. Tell my subconscious. I’ve been binging lately. Big Macs, chocolate, steak and baked potatoes, pintos and cornbread; everything that I’ll never be able to eat again. I tell anyone who fusses that I haven’t been to school yet, so I can pretend not to know any better. I’m a big girl; I can lie to myself if I want to!!

Enough, the dreams get weirder and I’m not even going to get into the sexy ones (I’m weird that way too). Wish me luck and pass the chocolate.

GHOST RIDER

I just found out that a movie based on the comic book (which I don't remember reading) and starring Eva Mendes, Nicolas Cage, Peter Fonda, Wes Bentley, and Sam Elliott is in the works for next summer. With a cast like this I started doing a little web-research.

The plot of the movie is based on the Marvel Comic Book Series where a motorcyclist makes a deal with the devil in order to save his mentor from cancer. What he doesn't realize is that he gets more than he bargained for. By day, he's Johnny Blaze, by night, he is the Ghost Rider- a humanoid with a flaming skull as a head that makes those who are guilty pay the price. Kinda the typical hero but with a twist.

The roles so far as I can find out are: Nicholas Cage as Johnny Blaze/Ghost Rider, Wes Bentley as Blackheart, Eva Mendes as Roxanne Simpson, Daniel Frederiksen as Wallow, Laurence Breuls, Matthew Wilkinson, Matt Long as Young Johnny, Sam Elliott as Caretaker, Peter Fonda as Mephisto, and Donal Logue as Mack.

I'm not sure how the movie will turn out, but with an all star cast like this someone will have to really mess up for the film not to be a hit. This looks like one for the entire family. I've got my fingers crossed. Besides, Sam Elliott is one of my heart throbs. My god, his voice sends chills down my spine. I'm looking forward to seeing this one.

Friday, July 29, 2005

BAH HUMBUG

I was playing around with my template and lost all my add ons!!!

IS YOUR BRA GIVING YOU CANCER?

Shape magazine has an article in it's August 2005 issue destroying, debunking and otherwise setting straight various myths about what does or does not cause cancer. I've heard the ones about artificial sweeteners, cell phones and routine X-rays. Here are some of the new (to me at least) myths.

Did you know some people believe that wearing an underwire bra can give you cancer (NOT!). It's supposed to somehow constrict the lymphatic system. I thought the purpose of underwire bras was to poke you under the arm (usefull to stay awake during long meetings) and make you long to rush home and rip off your bra before the door completely closes!

Antiperspirant is supposed to cause cancer because it stops you from sweating and causes a buildup of toxins. I thought that "stopping sweat" was the whole purpose of wearing it, hence the name "antiperspirant"!

Shampoo is also supposed to cause cancer because of an ingredient called "sodium laureth sufate". Is that why "bed head" came into fashion?

Thank God all these are myths or I guess we'd have to stop wearing bras, shampooing our hair or wearing antiperspirant. It's hard enough to feel attractive and sexy using all the weapons I can find to beat Mother Natue and Father Time into submission! I can see it now.........

Women everywhere with greasy hair, BO that you could smell from 6 foot away and sagging boobs hanging down so far you could (and do) trip over them!! Now ain't that a picture you would hate to get stuck in your head!

And now for this quiz stolen borrowed from Danial Sale's blog.

You Are 20% Weird

Not enough to scare other people...
But sometimes you scare yourself.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

WHY WOMEN CRY

Image hosted by Photobucket.comA little boy asked his mother, "Why are you crying?" "Because I'm a woman," she told him."I don't understand," he said. His Mom just hugged him and said, "And you never will."Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?""All women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say.The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the phone, he asked, "God, why do women cry so easily?"God said:"When I made the woman she had to be special.I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world,yet gentle enough to give comfort.I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children.I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly.I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed.""You see my son," said God, "the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides." Image hosted by Photobucket.com

MEME

Lippy tagged me to do this meme. Although I feel like I'm getting "old timer's" disease I'm gonna attempt to answer all these questions truthfully. If I lie, it'll be an accident. No, I swear!! I wouldn't lie to you, my most trusted friends, on purpose!!!! It's taken me a while to do this one. I guess you could say that I'm slow, but I'm sure.

What I was doing 10 years ago: Damn, I'm supposed to remember that far back?? I know I was single, because I've been divorced for 19 years. I believe that was when I was dating a REAL cowboy from Oklahoma. Yes, a REAL cowboy. He traveled the rodeo circuit. The best thing about dating him was getting to watch all those young cowboys strip down to their tighty-whiteys and change their clothes behind the arena before the rodeo began. Ah, the good old days.

1 year ago: I had surgery and lost my Mother to a long drawn-out illness. I'm still getting over both.

Yesterday: Worked 12 hours and came home to crash on the couch. Yep, I lead an exciting life.

5 snacks I enjoy: Chocolate, Hot Tamales candy, Cheese, Popcorn, Ice cream of any flavor

5 songs I know all the words to: Damn, my memory is shot. Not only can I not remember the words, but I can't think of any songs. But I hum really well.

5 things I would do with $100 million: Travel the world, donate to my favorite charities, Build a house with LOTS of closets, set up a trust for the grandson, set up an industry that would provide jobs for my little part of the world, do all the things that I only dream about now.

5 locations I would like to run away to: Egypt, Australia, Spain, Belize, some private island with no phones or bills or TV

5 bad habits I have: My continuing battle with smoking, snacking on junk food, spending all my time reading and/or daydreaming, looking in the mirror finding all the physical things I don't like about myself, procrastinating

5 things I like doing: Lazing in bed or the hammock with a book, time with my friends and family, cooking, traveling, anything to do with music

5 TV shows I like: I don't watch much TV. I watch mostly the Discovery Channels, A &E, and the Food Channel

5 biggest joys of the moment: the Grandson, my Friends and Family, my pets, the new stack of books next to my bed and whatever happens to catch my attention at the moment

5 favorite toys: I don't have any toys :-(

Monday, July 25, 2005

MUSIC AT THE RIVER

I just got back from the weekly Concert in the Park at Decatur's Rhodes Ferry Park which features different bands each week. They were jamming with Bishop Black and Leaky Sneaker! The bands played every thing from Southern Fried Rock to Headbanger Hits to Moldy Oldies. Excellent tunes and quality company in the great outdoors.

Karen and her son Brock went with me. We carried a cooler of drinks and a sack full of Dairy Queen $.99 cheeseburgers and had us a picnic with live music. We sat our folding chairs in the shade (the heat index today was 110 degrees!) and just enjoyed ourselves. And it was free! Man, it don't get better than that.

Now I gotta go beddy-bye, I have to work tomorrow and 3:30 comes early. I hope everyone else had as good a day as I did.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

GIRLFRIENDS

Carol sent this to me in an e-mail.


I'm only as strong as the cocktails I drink, the hairspray I use, and the girlfriends I have. Here's to you! Why do we only have parties for each other when one of us gets married, pregnant, has a birthday, or retires? What would most of us do without our sisters, confidants, and shopping, lunching and travelling girlfriends? Let's celebrate each other for each other's sake! Pass this on to your girlfriends! If you get this twice or more, you are lucky to have more than one girlfriend. Be happy!

Someone will always be prettier.
They will always be smarter.
Their house will be bigger.
They will drive a better car.
Their children will do better in school.
And their husband will fix more things around the house.
So let it go, and love yourself and your circumstances.

Think about it.
The prettiest woman in the world can have hell in her heart.
And the most highly favoured woman on your job may be unable to have children.
And the richest woman you know....
she's got the car, the house, the clothes....might be lonely.

And the word says if "I have not Love, I am nothing."
So, again, love yourself.
Love who you are
.
Look in the mirror in the morning and smile and say
"I am too blessed to be stressed and too anointed to be disappointed!"
"Winners make things happen. Losers let things happen."


Be Blessed ladies and pass this on to encourage another woman.

"To the world you might be one person,
but to one person you just might be the world".

Sunday, July 17, 2005

OLDER

I’ve always been told that when you reach the age of 40 your body falls apart. It’s supposed to be the beginning of the end. That’s a lie. It’s 50, not 40 when everything falls, fails, or quits. Father Time becomes the enemy and there’s nothing you can do about him. Plastic surgery might help, if you don’t mind having a plastic face. But when you fix one thing it makes everything else look worse.

I just had my annual checkup. Suddenly I find out that my thyroid has quit, my cholesterol is elevated, and that my blood sugar has decided to go out the roof. Added to the fact that I found out last year that I have a leaky heart valve (mitral valve regurgitation) it seems that my physical self has gone kaput. I used to be disgustingly healthy, what happened!!

The doctor wants me to go to a diabetic clinic and learn how to eat. I know how to eat. I eat very well. But it seems that chocolate (desserts of most any kind), steak, pasta, stuffed baked potatoes and all the other good things that come on a plate are verboten. Damn, if you can’t enjoy food what’s the use in living? How am I supposed to go out to dinner with friends? I can see it now. Everyone is eating wonderful foods and I sit there with dry lettuce and ice water.

It seems that everything in life that is enjoyable is either illegal, immoral, or fattening. It’s bad enough that what used to be my cheekbones are now jowls hanging on each side of my chin ala the bulldog look (not very fashionable, let me tell you), I don’t have wrinkles thanks to the fat keeping my face round, my love handles are very much in evidence, I fight a losing battle at keeping the gray covered and my thighs have thickened. Now I can’t eat what I want, alcohol is a no-no, I’ve already given up my bad habits because of workplace drug testing and sex is deadly. What’s left??

Looks like I’ve got to develop a new life style. Tofu and bean sprouts. Salad with no dressing. Pills for breakfast. A personal relationship with my pharmacist. Sounds like fun, doesn’t it?

I don’t mind getting older. I’ve never worried about the outward signs of aging. But my body failing never occurred to me. Wrinkles and gray hair? OK I can deal with those. But what about the pleasures in life? What will they be? What’s left?

Sunday, July 10, 2005

MOBILE, AL WEATHER

WKRG News in Mobile, Alabama has WEB-TV Watch News 5 Online and
WATCH CONTINUOUS HURRICANE DENNIS LIVE COVERAGE and it's own blog to chronicle events and pictures during Hurricane Dennis. I stole borrowed this poem that a viewer sent in (so cute).

Dennis, don't be a Menace
We only like gentlemen in Mobile
It's not that we're unfriendly --
But your behavior has no appeal.
You need to mind your manners
If you want to be our friend
Don't get so agitated
Stop spilling water and breaking wind!


Go and check out their site for up to the minute news of the "Big Blow" such as:
Features
Hurricane Dennis Photo Gallery

I hope everyone stays safe, I've got friends and family down there.

Saturday, July 09, 2005

ABC ME

I stole borrowed this from Kenju.

A is for Age: Hitting the big 5-0 in November Damn It!
B is for Booze: I love margaritas and other salty drinks. Beer for knocking around. I'm not much into wine.
C is for Career: Control Room Operator in the power plant of a Paper Mill. Means I sit on my butt surrounded by computers for 12 hours a day. But if I goof, building and people go "Boom". Scary thought, a woman having your life in her hands, ain't it?
D is for Dad's name: Arbon Wayne
E is for Essential Item to bring to a Party: Me!! What else could you need?
F is for Favorite Songs at the Moment: Blues! This is the time of year for all the Blues festivals in my part of the world.
G is for Goof-off thing to do: Lie in the hammock with a book, go to the river and swim or fish. Ride the backroads or hike in Bankhead.
H is for Hometown: Moulton, Alabama
I is for Instrument you play: Clarinet in high school band. Now the only things I play are the radio and the air guitar
J is for Jam or Jelly you like: there is NO flavor I don't like, but my favorite is blackberry
K is for Kids: one
L is for Living arrangement: Small 2 bedroom house on 2 wooded acres in the country that is over run with squirrels, rabbits and dogs.
M is for Mom's name: Ilda Ruth
N is for Names of best friends: Karen, Carol, Hippy
O is for overnight hospital stays: Wow, I've had my share, starting when I had my tonsils out the first time (don't ask) at the age of 6 and last time was last year when I had a hysterectomy
P is for Phobias: I have trust issues, does that count?
Q is for Quote you like: "When I'm good, I'm good. But when I'm bad, I'm even better". Mae West
R is for Relationship that lasted longest: 5 years with my ex-husband. After 18 years of being divorced he still calls several times a year to check on me and say Hello.
S is for Siblings: I'm the oldest of 5 girls. Everyone say it togather "Wow, your poor parents!"
T is for Texas, ever been?: Yes, but I never got out of the airport.
U is for Unique trait: independent/stubborn to a fault.
V is for Vegetables you love: fresh tomatoes
W is for Worst traits: independent/stubborn to a fault. Unique doesn't always mean good.
X is for X rays you've had: nearly everything at one time or another.
Y is for Yummy food you make: Hey, I'm a great cook but I do have trouble with homemade bread
Z is for Zodiac sign: Scorpio

Now you know more than you need too!
EFF-Electronic Frontier Foundation (a nonprofit group of passionate people — lawyers, technologists, volunteers, and visionaries — working to protect your digital rights) will be be holding a special event in San Francisco July 19 exploring the legal issues surrounding blogging ( like the Legal Guide For Bloggers) such as the case in which Apple Computer, Inc., is seeking to unmask the journalists' confidential sources for articles about a future Apple product.

7:00 p.m. to 9:30 p.m., Tuesday, July 19, 2005
111 Minna Gallery
111 Minna StreetSan Francisco, CA
94105
Tel: (415) 974-1719


More about bloggers' rights.

DENNIS THE MENACE

My ex-husband Doyle (who's been my ex for almost 19 years, but checks in several times a year to say Hello) called last night. He lives in Gulf Shores, Alabama and says it's getting rough down there. Hurricane Dennis is making it's presence felt, also this warning about about the tide was issued.
...STORM SURGE FLOOD AND STORM TIDE IMPACTS...ASTRONOMICAL HIGH TIDES WILL OCCUR AROUND MIDDAY ON SUNDAY...AND COMBINED WITH THE SURGE FROM DENNIS...COULD RESULT IN A STORM SURGE BETWEEN 10 AND 14 FEET IN AND NEAR WHERE DENNIS MAKES LANDFALL. THIS WILL RESULT IN MAJOR DESTRUCTION ALONG COASTAL AREAS...SIMILAR TO WHAT HURRICANE IVAN PRODUCED LAST YEAR
Doyle is headed north to safety and family, and wanted to let me know he's gonna be around a couple of days.

Gulf Shores is still rebuilding from the last big blow. Friends who went down recently said that the beach was covered in heavy equipment and that hotel rooms were hard to find because reconstruction was everywhere.

Hope everyone stays safe. Now some hurricane facts:

The word hurricane is used only to describe tropical cyclones with winds of at least 74 miles per hour that occur in the North Atlantic Ocean, Gulf of Mexico, Caribbean Sea or the eastern North Pacific.

The Saffir-Simpson Hurricane Scale is a 1 to 5 rating based on a hurricane's intensity, principally wind speed.
Category One: Winds 74 to 95 mph. Storm surge generally four to five feet above normal.
Category Two: Winds 96 to 110 mph. Storm surge generally six to eight feet above normal.
Category Three: Winds 111 to 130 mph. Storm surge generally nine to twelve feet above normal. Terrain lower than five feet above sea level may be flooded inland eight miles or more.
Category Four: Winds 131 to 155 mph. Storm surge generally thirteen to eighteen feet above normal. Low-lying escape routes may be cut by rising water three to five hours before arrival of the hurricane center. Major damage to lower floors of structures near the shore. Terrain lower than ten feet above sea level may be flooded as far inland as six miles.
Category Five: Winds greater than 155 mph. Storm surge generally greater than eighteen feet above normal. Massive evacuation of residential areas on low ground within five to ten miles of the shoreline may be required. Only 6% of hurricanes ever reach Cat 5 level winds. Only 22 have been recorded as Cat 5 and 15 were Cat 5 for one day only.

Around here we have tornadoes. They're bad enough, y'all can keep thehurricaness.

Friday, July 08, 2005

CITIZEN JOURNALISTS REPORT

I know that we've all seen the news reports of the terrorist attacks in London and are tired of hearing the "same old same old". But the words of the actual victims, not professional newsmen, are so much more personal and touching. Go here at MSNBC to read stories written by the people who were there and lived to tell about it.

My heart goes out to the injured and the families of the dead. There will always be the crazies and the religious fanatics. The scary thing is, they're not all Muslim and they walk among us. The best we can hope for is that we see them coming before they bomb a train, a bus or an abortion clinic. Yes Religious Right, there is no difference between your bombings and those of the al-Qaeda.

All I can say is "If your God tells you to go out and kill other people, regardless of who they are or the "sin" they are accused of committing, you're praying to the wrong deity!"

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

LAZY DAY


I haven't done anything today but lay around and read. I think I'm just being lazy, but we all need a lazy day now and then. Tomorrow I have to get out and take care of some business because I go back to work on Friday.

I did receive a very nice e-mail from a guy who found my blog from my profile on match.com. I uploaded some pictures on it, but they haven't shown up yet. Here's one of my and my grandson if any other interested parties drop by.

I'm going back and finish my book. Hope everyone else is having a good day.

Monday, July 04, 2005

ICE-CREAM AND FIREWORKS

I hope everyone has enjoyed this holiday. I’m back at work, but I did manage to do a little celebrating of my own yesterday.

One of my sisters cooked out and several of us went over to eat. The kids played in the pool all afternoon; the so-called adults ate and drank too much. I make homemade Oreo Ice Cream

2 large boxes Jello Oreo instant pudding mix (or favor of your choice)
2 cans evaporated milk
whole milk.
1 tablespoon butter or run flavoring

Mix both pudding mixes and both cans of evaporated milk. Pour into ice cream freezer. Top off with whole milk. Turn freezer on and wait until done. Enjoy.

This ice-cream is smooth and creamy without ice crystals. You can change up flavors and add various things to make your own favorites. Cheesecake pudding and sliced strawberries are a favorite. Sugar-free pudding, fat-free evaporated milk and skim milk produce a diet ice-cream every bit as good as anything you can buy. Just don’t mix before hand, the pudding gets too thick.

We finished with several hundred dollars worth of fireworks. Everyone had a good time except for some family strife, but that seems to be par for the course. I guess when our parents died, our family did also. If any of my sisters are reading this, Happy Holidays.

Sunday, July 03, 2005

ODE TO A MAMMY GRAM

I can't take any credit, this came from an e-mail that a friend sent to me. This is dedicated to Melinda, who just had to have a breast biopsy for the third time.

GO GET YOUR MAMMIES GRAMMED

For years and years they told me,
Be careful of your breasts.
Don't ever squeeze or bruise them.
And give them monthly tests.

So I heeded all their warnings,
And protected them by law.
Guarded them very carefully,
And I always wore my bra.

After 30 years of astute care,
My gyno, Dr Pruitt,
Said I should get a Mammogram
"OK," I said, "let's do it."

"Stand up here real close" she said,
(She got my boob in line),
"And tell me when it hurts," she said,
"Ah yes! Right there, that's fine."

She stepped upon a pedal,
I could not believe my eyes!
A plastic plate came slamming down,
My hooter's in a vise!

My skin was stretched and mangled,
From underneath my chin.
My poor boob was being squashed,
To Swedish Pancake thin.

Excruciating pain I felt,
Within it's viselike grip.
A prisoner in this vicious thing,
My poor defenseless tit!

"Take a deep breath" she said to me,
Who does she think she's kidding?!?
My chest is mashed in her machine,
And woozy I am getting.

"There, that's good," I heard her say,
(The room was slowly swaying.)
"Now, let's have a go at the other one."
Have mercy, I was praying.

It squeezed me from both up and down,
It squeezed me from both sides.
I'll bet SHE'S never had this done,
To HER tender little hide.

Next time that they make me do this,
I will request a blindfold.
I have no wish to see again,
My knockers getting steam rolled.

If I had no problem when I came in,
I surely have one now.
If there had been a cyst in there,
It would have gone "ker-pow!"

This machine was created by a man,
Of this, I have no doubt.
I'd like to stick his balls in there,
And, see how THEY come out!

IS THIS YOUR DOG?

I had the heck scared out of me this afternoon! I opened the door to step outside and nearly got bowled over by a huge monster of a bulldog! He was sitting on the doorstep and was determined to come into the house. This thing weighs at least 60 or 70 pounds and has a head bigger than mine! I thought he was attacking me and slammed the door in his face. We don’t have a dog pound or dogcatcher here in rural Alabama, so my options were limited.

I got to thinking about being trapped in my own house by a strange dog, got mad enough to be brave (or stupid) and opened the door again with all intentions of running the intruder off of my carport and out of my yard. Instead he darted by me and ran into my living room.

All I could think of was “What if he jumps on my cat? I’ll never be able to save poor Rufus if a bulldog gets a hold of him!” I was too worried about saving my cat to be scared for myself. First I tried leaving the door open and running the dog outside with a clothes hanger, but all he did was hunker down between the footstool and the couch and look up at me with those big, sad puppy dog eyes like you see in the paintings. It was kinda funny seeing something that big and scary looking that heartbroken. I finally just grabbed him by the collar and drug him outside. He didn’t want to go, but he never made a sound or tried to get away. Wound up he was nothing but a big baby.

Luckily the dog never saw the cat. It was hiding in a kitchen chair with every hair on his body standing straight up and growling. But Rufus was a smart enough kitty to know to growl softly, that dog would have eaten him in one bite! He’s still nervous, stalking around the house checking corners for stray dogs invading his territory.

So now I have a large stray dog sitting on my doorstep waiting to try and get inside again. Actually, I don’t think he’s a stray. He looks well fed and he has a collar on, but it doesn’t have a tag or anything to identify where he came from. He tried to get into the truck with my son when he left. Maybe he jumped out of the back of someone’s truck as they went by the house. I haven’t seen him before, so I don’t think he belongs to any of my neighbors. If he’s still here tomorrow, I’ll go around and ask to see if I can find his owner.

He acts gentle, I’m sure he’s someone’s pet. And for all his size, I believe that he’s a young dog, not more than a year or so old. His ears have been trimmed but his tail was never cropped. I believe that’s the way they do pit bulls when they want to fight them (I can’t see this dog fighting, he’s to docile). It appears he once was a house dog. I figure that he was raised inside and got put out when he became big enough to take up the whole couch! But bulldogs install terror in anyone who doesn’t know them, what with all the news articles about them attacking and mauling people, including their owners. But he hasn’t made any aggressive moves toward my dog or the puppy.

I’ve already inherited a cat and two dogs by taking in strays, I don’t need any more. Besides, this bulldog is big enough that I bet he eats more than all three of my critters combined. At least with him on the doorstep I don’t have to worry about strangers coming up. His appearance in enough to keep anyone from getting out of the car!

Saturday, July 02, 2005

YOU DID WHAT?

I filled out a free profile at Match.com on a lark. But instead of paying for a membership I included this blog address so if anyone is interested enough to look they can leave a comment or give me an e-mail without going through Match.

Lets see if any of those guys look far enough to find me here. Who knows, I might meet a few nice men.

IDIOT SIGHTINGS

My buddy Hippy sent me this.


Subject: Idiot Sighting

They walk among us ......

* IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:*

I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: "too many deer were being hit by cars" and he didn't want them to cross there anymore. This one was from Kingman, KS.

*IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:*

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg. And he was a Kansas City chef!

*IDIOT SIGHTING:*

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge? To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know? He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask." Happened in Birmingham, Ala.

* IDIOT SIGHTING:*

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!" She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS

*IDIOT SIGHTING:*

At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to "downsizing," our manager commented cheerfully, this is fun. We should do this more often." Not a word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare. This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.

* IDIOT SIGHTING:*

I work with an individual who plugged her power strip Back into itself and for the life of her couldn't understand why her system would not turn on. A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff's office no less.

*IDIOT SIGHTING:*

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey, "I announced to the technician, "it's open!" To which he replied, "I know - I already got that side." This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, Mississippi!


They walk among us ... AND REPRODUCE!!! So much for survival of the fittest.

Friday, July 01, 2005

I AM NOT!

I got this from Sadie. I have to say that I disagree with the results, but then some of the questions could have been answered either way being as they all stated "always" when I don't always do anything!!

DisorderRating
Paranoid:Low
Schizoid:Low
Schizotypal:Low
Antisocial:Low
Borderline:Low
Histrionic:Low
Narcissistic:Moderate
Avoidant:Low
Dependent:Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:Low

-- Personality Disorder Test --
-- Personality Disorder Information --

AGELESS PROJECT

This is a shameless plug for one of my favorite sites, The Ageless Project. It lists blogs by the author's birth date, is free to join, and is a blast to visit although you do have to admit when your birthday is (you could lie, who would know?). You can visit any one of any age, from Ed Weiland who was born on June 19, 1923 and was a newspaper reporter for nearly 50 years to Jewelx Schafer who was born on December 10, 1990.

It's interesting to look and see what people your own age are thinking and doing. Kinda lets you see if you're normal, as if there were such a thing. Plus it gives you the opportunity to visit sites that you might never have found on your own. Lets the voyeur in all of us have a little peek into the live of strangers. After all, isn't that one of the perks of reading other's blogs?

There's no pressure to cruise other sites like you get on BlogHop or BlogExplosion. All they ask is that you put a link on your site so visitors can find you.

Try it, you might like it. You don't have to sign up to visit the members' blogs and there's no limit to how often you go back. Go see what the older generation think of us, or what the youngsters are up to. You might be surprised what you find.

PS - Go here to see pictures of the Gay Pride Parade in NYC 2005 taken by Jeff who is a great photographer.

Also, Tom had a link where you send a message of support to American military personnel in the field, Thank the Troops. It's a quick-and-easy message form. You can click a link in the upper right corner of the webpage to read responses. Remember our boys and girls in the service this 4th of July. All the things that go bang aren't fireworks you know, and these fine people are in the line of fire serving us and our way of life.