MEMORIAL DAY

LEIGHTON TORNADO

Tornadoes hit near my home AGAIN! Watch the video here, at least this time people didn't die. Seems like this may be a bad tornado year for North Alabama.

EMAIL

I recieved this today and it hit me just right.:

The other day a young person asked me how I felt about being old. I was taken aback, for I do not think of myself as old.

Upon seeing my reaction, she was immediately embarrassed, but I explained that it was an interesting question, and I would ponder it, and let her know.

Old Age, I decided, is a gift.

I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body, the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror who looks like my father!), but I don't agonize over those things for long.

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend.

I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.

I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon?

I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 50's, 60's & 70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love ... I will.

I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. They, too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet dies?

But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day. if I feel like it.

Green Beer

BE CAREFUL ABOUT EXACTLY WHERE YOU FIND THAT
POT OF "GOLD"!

DAMNED INTERESTING

Welcome to my latest obsession: the website "DAMNED INTERESTING". At least its my favorite for now, until the workplace 'puter police find out about it and block it from the work PC.

Don't just look at the first subject, browse through some of the many and varied offerings; this site has something for everyone. I'll warn ya now, it's almost addictive. You just might find yourself glancing at the clock and being amazed at how time flys by. Interesting and educational, what more can you ask for?

SNOW

Last night snowflakes swirled and danced across both outside monitors, coloring the nasty gray tire chip pile and the dusty mountain of shredded bark a clean, frosty white. Steam billowed off of sludge and ash, obstructing my view of machinery, bins and hoppers; forcing me to guess-ta-mate on whether they were full or empty but damn, it sure was prettier than my normal view here at work.

Others may watch life pass them by on TV or out of their home’s windows, but we shift workers have to rely on wall-mounted monitors to tell us if the sun is shining, a tornado about to blow us away or if it’s suddenly snowing after a week of 70 degree weather.

When you work inside a windowless, climate controlled room the outside world becomes remote and your whole universe becomes the circle of ‘puter monitors surrounding you and the voices of your coworkers on the radio. Then you walk outside at the end of a 12 hour shift and get all squinty eyed; blinking at the sun while tears stream down you cheeks from the wind and cold.

Man, I need some time off. I drove home this morning on a sheet of ice and snow; giggling as my little front-wheel-drive economy car passed a shiny new 4X4 asshole deep in a ditch, with the tracks & ruts to prove that he wound up there after sliding across all 4 lanes (when will those rednecks learn just because it's a 4 wheel drive doesn't mean that it'll stop on ice?) It was a good day to snuggle with the cats and sleep long and hard, which I did until it was time to go back to work. I don't think I even rolled over and I didn't even stay to work out in the gym this morning, all I could think about was a warm bed and flannel PJ's.

Hope y'all are alright, I promise to post more often because they've gotta give us some time off soon. The company has some ads up for job openings so maybe they'll hire us some more help (hopefully someone young , cute and with a strong back. Hey, I deserve some eye candy!).

It's time to embrace being Miss Average

This article in The Daily Mail really hits home! I think all women should read it and take it to heart. Here's one highlight:

After all, some of the most contented women I know are average in the
nicest possible way.

They are attractive enough to avoid weeping when they look in the mirror and to acquire a nice boyfriend, while being not quite beautiful enough to make other women hate them and to be shackled to maintaining their look well past the time at which they might have the energy to do so.

They are blessed with enough nous to navigate their way through life relatively smoothly without the pitfalls inherent in being a tortured genius, and they earn enough to pay the bills and finance the odd luxury mini-break, even if they will never hold a platinum card.

In short, they're ordinary.

You don't have to be the youngest, richest, thinnest, prettiest woman in the world to be happy; so all of us "normal" women have something to celebrate. Don't wait until you lose 10 pounds or the house is perfect to do the things that make you happy. Go on a trip, wear that red dress and enjoy life. If you keep waiting, it may be too late before you have the time/money/looks to do what you want.

MORE MAXINE

Sex, Dress, and Power in 2008

I got this email today and thought I'd share the love. Sad to say, it seems that we females will always be doomed, with society judging us by our appearance; the color and cut of our clothing or the size of our boobs instead of our brains.

The Clothing Chronicles So, what's on tap for today's article? How to dress like a leader. Enjoy! Diana diana@fashionforrealwomen.com ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ FEATURE ARTICLE Sex, Dress, and Power in 2008 Does what you wear have an impact on how you're perceived as a leader? That's the question that's been burning up the fashion blogosphere the last few weeks, ever since Hillary Clinton declined to appear on the cover of VOGUE magazine and Editor Anna Wintour took umbrage. The story makes an interesting case study regardless of your politics, because it reinforces the importance of knowing how to dress appropriately for your industry and position. If you work in a male-dominated field, I encourage you to take notes. Here's the story: Senator Clinton was invited and agreed to appear on the February cover of VOGUE. The day she was supposed to be photographed and interviewed, she bowed out, saying that on second thought, she had decided that being on the magazine would make her seem "too feminine" in her race for the presidency. Annoyed, Ms. Wintour responded at length in the February issue of the magazine, saying, among other things, "The notion that a contemporary woman must look mannish in order to be taken seriously as a seeker of power is frankly dismaying. How has our country come to this? This is America, not Saudi Arabia." So who's right and who's wrong: Clinton or Wintour? They both are. Right and wrong, that is. The reasons are subtle and not politically correct, but let me take a stab at it: On the one hand, you have a woman who has made it to the top of a female-dominated industry. Fashion magazines have been published regularly since "Godey's Lady's Book" appeared in 1830, and women have been writing for them almost as long - one of the few industries where women were welcomed early on. Not only does Anna Wintour wear whatever she wants to work, she influences what millions of OTHER women wear to work through her magazine's layouts, articles, and ads. Of course she can't understand why a woman can't be both feminine and powerful; she's been feminine and powerful her entire career. On the other hand, you have a woman who has made it to the top of a male-dominated industry. Hillary Clinton started practicing law in the early 1970's when women were few and unwelcomed in the courtroom. She's had things said and done to her that would have sent other women screaming in the other direction, and she has the battle scars to prove it. Now, as the first woman to run for president, she's again treading into unfriendly territory. She dresses plainly and conservatively because she learned long ago that being feminine in a male industry is a liability instead of an asset. Not fair, you say? Life rarely is. But if you look at the underlying psychology, you'll begin to see why things have evolved the way they have. Western women are not required to don the traditional abaya worn by their Islamic sisters, as Ms. Wintour suggests, but they do need to understand a few things about how to dress when working with men. Let's break this down to basics: In the animal world, all the species have lived or died based on their ability to reproduce. When fish, animals, and insects look for mates, they seek the strongest, healthiest, most powerful specimens in order to accomplish this goal. It's the same in the human world. Our language, manners, and culture may set us apart from the animals, but our basic, most primal urge is still the same: to attract the strongest, healthiest, most powerful mates in order to reproduce. Even if we're not conscious of this, even if we have no plans to reproduce, from exercising to exfoliating, women and men still regularly engage in behaviors to attract mates. So what does this have to do with Senator Clinton and VOGUE? Keep reading. It will make sense in a minute. In her book "Survival of the Prettiest" (1999), Dr. Nancy Etcoff, a psychologist at Harvard Medical School, reports that while we're told as children that "beauty is only skin deep" or "in the eye of the beholder," the reality is that attractive people have long be rewarded for their beauty throughout history in nearly every culture in the world. Pretty girls have more friends as children, are sought after by more men as adults, and are hired more quickly and paid higher wages than their less attractive counterparts. Women learned long ago that beauty is a commodity, which is why we have evidence of lipstick dating from 5,000 B.C., why Cleopatra bathed in milk and honey for luminous skin, and why we spend more money on beauty products today in the United States than on education and social services combined. Beautiful models and actresses are among the highest paid women in the world. For women throughout history and around the world, beauty equals power. But for men, physical prowess and ample resources equal power. Just as male lions, gorillas, and deer viciously fight each other for the right to claim females and territory, so do men battle each other for the right to claim women and property. Sometimes it's been just that base, as in war, but more often it's played out elaborately over time by growing strong, gaining knowledge, and accumulating wealth. To this end, as in the animal kingdom, men create an ongoing, unspoken dominance hierarchy in order to establish who's the "alpha male" in any given situation. Dr. Etcoff describes it this way: Males form ranks quickly, even as boys. In boys' camps, rank order develops in cabins within an hour. The top-ranked boy isn't necessarily the biggest, but often the best-looking, most athletic boy who shows the most mature physique. The top boy initiates and organizes, and lower-ranking boys obey and question. Their submission is rewarded by the dominant boy's protection and his leadership. (1) The medieval feudal system is a formal example of this hierarchy, as are the various ranks in military, government, churches, and corporations. But it's not always so formal. Watch any group of men together and you'll see this dynamic in action, even if they're all completely unaware of it. Ever wonder why young men always seem so hot-tempered and quick to come to blows when they disagree? They're trying to establish dominance. Ever wonder why guys like to watch football, boxing, or movies with gory battle scenes? Because they like seeing OTHER strong males establish dominance. Guys learn early how to demoralize their opponents and how to find and exploit each other's weaknesses to gain the upper hand. Even when they're just joking around with their friends, men say things to each other in this ranking ritual that would end a similar friendship between women. Now take a bunch of these strong, dominant males who are used to battling each other for resources, and drop an attractive, feminine woman into the mix who seeks the same resources. What do you get? Well, once they stop laughing, as they did at the beginning of the women's movement, their first impulse might be to either sleep with her or push her into a low-ranking position out of their way. If she resists, then they'll treat her like any other challenging male: they'll "tap swords" to get an idea of her strength before they start looking for weaknesses and testing her endurance. Often, they'll set aside the nice manners they use to court women and revert to the rougher "locker room" language and behavior they use among themselves. So what if she's offended? It means she's weak and doesn't belong. Now obviously, this doesn't describe every man on the planet. There are lots of nice guys out there all along the alpha-omega scale. Kind, funny, helpful, and respectful, they barely resemble the dominant males I just described. But those dominant alphas are out there, mark my word. They tend to congregate en masse in high power, high income, male-dominated industries like law, medicine, politics, and professional sports, and in departments where big egos and big paychecks go hand-in-in. They may treat their sweethearts like princesses, lavishing them with pretty baubles, then turn right around and steamroll any woman that gets in their way, including competitors and support staff. If you plan to do battle with them, you must go prepared. So dress femininely to attract men, but gender-neutrally to do business with them? That hardly seems fair! It isn't. But in many male-dominated, highly competitive industries, it's the reality. Yes, I know it defies logic - kind of like the ongoing fascination with Britney Spears - but research shows it's the most effective way to go about it. Women have a lot more latitude now that we did thirty years ago, and certainly much more freedom than many women around the world, but I think it's going to be a while longer before we can dress in feminine frills and still be perceived as a strong leader of men. See how subtle and "un-p.c." this is? So to return to the original question: does what you wear have an impact on how you're perceived as a leader? Absolutely! If you're in a women-dominated industry (fashion, beauty, interior design, the arts) dressing fashionably and femininely can have a positive impact on your bottom line. If you're lauded for your beauty or sense of style and grace, then you're a woman to be envied and emulated. But in male-dominated industries (finance, science, electronics, oil), where strength and power are desired, being fashionable and feminine is seen as a weakness. You need clothes that are strong and crisp and that draw attention to your business savvy rather than your feminine curves. You want men to listen to your ideas, not check out your cleavage. So yes, Anna Wintour is correct in saying that women can dress femininely and still be taken seriously - but only in certain fields. Spending too much time on how you look can hurt your credibility in many industries. And yes, Senator Clinton is correct in saying that appearing on a fashion magazine may make her seem "too feminine" in her quest for the presidency. At the same time, UNDER-estimating the importance of wardrobe can also hurt your credibility. I believe Senator Clinton suffers from this. While her clothes are usually conservative and modestly cut, which is appropriate for politics, she sometimes wears colors, patterns, and styles that don't flatter, fit, or command attention. Her selections seem haphazard. She has no signature look. She may be seeking the highest office in the land, but you wouldn't know it by how she dresses. By contrast, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice "gets" power dressing. Tailored, flattering cuts in rich fabrics and strong colors, you know at a glance that she's a powerful, wealthy woman by how she dresses. Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi has also does a very good job of sporting flattering styles in luxe fabrics. Her color choices sometimes stray off the power path - like the lilac-colored suit she wore for the last State of the Union Address, for example - but by and large, she also dresses like a powerful woman in a male-dominated industry. So yes, what you wear has a HUGE impact on how you're perceived as a leader. So make sure your clothes say that you're ready, willing, and able to do the job, and nothing's going to stand in your way. Need more advice on what's appropriate for your industry? Download a copy of BUSINESS WEAR MAGIC: http://www.businesswearmagic.com/ To learn how to "dress for success" in your field. (1) "Survival of the Prettiest" by Nancy Etcoff, Anchor Books (1999), pages 74-75. ************** Until next time, Diana Pemberton-Sikes FashionForRealWomen.com AccessoryMagic.com BusinessWearMagic.com OccasionMagic.com WardrobeMagic.com TheClothingChronicles.com ===================== Published by: Top Drawer Publications, LLC 256 S. College Ave. Newark, DE 19711 USA Copyright © 2008 by Diana Pemberton-Sikes All rights reserved.

TWISTER

I guess y’all heard about the tornados wrecking parts of the South. What y’all didn’t hear was that they came within a nat’s ass of hitting my house. I got lucky, only a few shingles gone and a few limbs down in the yard, but lots of my neighbors weren’t so fortunate. I went to school with one of the people who got killed, the elderly woman who just died lived a few miles down the road and dozens of people within rock throwing distance of my yard are now homeless.

The Governor toured yesterday and gave a speech our local church, plus the President was supposed to come today. Speeches are all well and fine but what we need are more weather sirens; the nearest one to my house is in Hillsboro, 20 miles away, and there’s no way I could have heard it. My power went out before the storm hit, so there was no way for me to have any warning; the family storm shelter is at the home place and all my sisters plus their families were in it but I had to ride out the tornado in my living room. By the time I heard that freight train sound it was too late to go anywhere.

The twister made a half circle around my place leaving a trail of wreckage in its wake. All I have to do is open my door to hear the chainsaws going, clearing trees off of my neighbors’ homes. Donna and I went out that morning and were both shocked by all the destruction of the houses that we grew up around. What hit me most were the pets. You would expect people to be wandering around in shock but the poor dogs were standing in yards and pastures looking at what used to be their homes or hunting for their owners who had too much on their minds to wonder were Fido and Bowser were.

I didn’t have power for a long time and the cable (which means both the TV and the internet) are still going in and out so I had to come to work to post. All my loved ones are OK, we’re really proud of Donna’s son the fireman who worked all night and most of the day helping the survivors dig out, and our prayers go out to everyone who was hit by the first tornado of the year.

Go click on the Fatal Winds tab for a slide show of some of the damage.

SAY IT AIN'T SO

On my trek from the powerhouse to the parking lot I encountered an male acquaintance that I haven’t seen since last summer.

He: How’s your boyfriend, did he get over his motorcycle wreck?
Me: I don’t have a boyfriend.
He: Damn, did he hit his head that hard?
Me: Huh?
He: The idiot must have brain damage to let a woman like you get away!

My head and ego both swell up at the compliment.

Me: Thank you! That’s a really sweet thing to say.
He: Yeah, you’re funny, smart and you got a damn good job. Any man who lets a woman with money get away is an idiot.

Can you hear the hissing of my head and ego both deflating at an alarming rate? At least I know that I can weigh 400 lbs, be as wrinkled as a Chinese Shar-Pei and look like shit and still attract a man as long as I have a job.

OLD AGE

SPECIAL POEM FOR OLDER FOLKS
A row of bottles on my shelf
Caused me to analyze myself.
One yellow pill I have to pop
Goes to my heart so it won't stop.
A little white one that I take
Goes to my hands so they won't shake.
The blue ones that I use a lot
Tell me I'm happy when I'm not.
The purple pill goes to my brain
And tells me that I have no pain.
The capsules tell me not to wheeze
Or cough or choke or even sneeze.
The red ones, smallest of them all
Go to my blood so I won't fall.
The orange ones, very big and bright
Prevent my leg cramps in the night.
Such an array of brilliant pills
Helping to cure all kinds of ills.
But what I'd really like to know...........
Is what tells each one where to go!

There's always a lot to be thankful for if
you take time to look for it. For example
I am sitting here thinking how nice it is
that wrinkles don't hurt...

BRRRRRR SHIT, IT'S COLD!

Location: Work

Time: 1:30 AM

Temperature: 19F

Wind Chill: 9F

AND IT'S GETTING COLDER BY THE MINUTE!

We Southerners aren't used to this kind of weather. The heater is cranked up but it isn't doing that much. Our control room is suspended over a roadway really high up and between two other buildings and the wind seems to be attacking from all sides. I'm wearing a sweatshirt over a long sleeved shirt indoors and my hands are freezing. PLUS: This place needs to invest in heated toilet seats (I believe my bottom got frost bit on that last potty break!).

DAMN I dread that 15 minute walk to the parking lot at 5:30 AM! Wish the car would start on a timer and be all toasty warm when I got to it, I just hope I don't have to scrape the windshield again this morning.

BORED

I lead such a piss poor boring life – nothing blog worthy going on unless you wanta hear about work or Shitty Kitty using my tired old body for a trampoline while I was trying to sleep today. Naw....... I didn’t think you would be interested in that.

I’ve actually got 3 whole days off this weekend (YEAH!) but don’t have anything interesting planned. I’m thinking about going bowling; I haven’t been in almost 5 years and the weather’s supposed to be cold and messy (rain, sleet, high winds and low temps in the teens) so some sorta indoor activity seems to be called for. Now if I can find someone interested in going with me; Donna has bad knees and Karen has a bad wrist (plus she claims that her allergies kick up every time she steps foot outside) and most everyone else is either working or has family stuff going on. I could go alone but it’s so much more entertaining when you’re competing against someone else. People tend to look at ya funny when you trash talk yourself.

Seems like all my buddies’ bodies are falling apart, various ailments and illnesses keeping them from doing the fun things that we used to take for granted. And the bad thing is they’re all younger than me! Damn that’s a scary thought. I guess it’s only a matter of time before I start to deteriorate too; age and gravity are already doing a number on my weight and shape so I guess my ability to do anything that I want will be next. Getting old sucks big time but it sure beats the alternative.

I’ll report back if and when something happens that merits a word or three. Until then y’all keep safe and warm.

JIGGLE QUEENS

I thought the my sisters and I held the record for bouncing bosoms but these ladies have us beat! Behold the QUEENS OF JIGGLE. Turn your speakers up and watch the tops of these boobilicious corsets. (Stole this from Straight White Guy) These women are having a ball.





I thought the one on the right was gonna fly right out of her stays!

BIRTHDAY SNOW

Yesterday was my sister Donna’s 50th birthday (she's next to me, I'm the oldest of we 5 sisters) the big FIVE OH that women dread so much, but she couldn’t go out and celebrate because of family obligations; so today Karen, Donna and I became “ladies who lunch” and went to Ryans/Fire Mountain (the local all you can eat buffet) where you can pig out on wonderful food and a dessert bar to die for. Hey, it’s a party; I can eat cake and ice cream and not feel guilty, right?

When I turned 50 I came home from work to find that Donna and her kids had decorated the entire yard with black balloons and crepe paper and a huge sign (painted in glitter paint no less) proclaiming that I was over the hill and my age for all the word to see; but since I was working on her birthday I couldn't return the favor. Of course posting her age on the web is the next best thing. So there ya go Donna, I got you back on the age advertising thing.

We wound up sitting next to an older couple and a young woman who were either Amish or Mennonites, I can’t tell the difference. They were dressed the part with the women in baggy dresses and the man in his black suit, long gray hair and beard. The young woman looked pregnant, but it could have been the sack of a dress that she had on. Karen said a cuss word and then instantly felt bad, blushing blood red and slapping her hand over her mouth while Donna kept lusting after those little white bonnets the women wore. Not sun bonnets like my grandmother wore to work in her garden but close fitting gauzy cap deals that tied underneath the chin.

Then Karen noticed some big guy who she claimed kept watching her eat, she said that he wanted her food but after he made three trips back to the buffet I tried to convince her that he thought the way she was eating was erotic and wanted to stuff something of his own in her mouth. Of course Donna jumped right on that, telling her how what he offered would be all hot and creamy, but Karen refused to play along.

Yeah, we’re goofy but hey, we had a good time. Of course people keep looking at us as we giggled and laughed and had a blast but the hell with them. What’s wrong with 3 women over the age of 50 sounding in high spirits? Besides, I’ve always heard that when you get older you can do anything that you want; it’s one of the few perks of aging.

Afterward, we hit the Dollar Tree where everything is $1 and you can load up a shopping cart for $20. While we were inside everyone started running to the windows and yelling “It’s Snowing!” The white fluffy stuff is rare here in Alabama, my 8 year old grandson can only remember 1 other time that it snowed, so it’s a big deal.

When we checked out and walked to the car it was snowing heavily, big fat flakes falling straight down. By the time I got to the car the shoulders of my coat were frosted white and I was wishing glasses came with windshield wipers. The drive home was almost a white out, you couldn’t see but a few car lengths in front of you, but the ground was warm and it melted as soon as it hit. It’s stopped now and they’re predicting sleet and rain tonight so I guess that today was our one snow for the winter. I guess you could say that Donna got snow for her birthday.

While I’m on the subject of birthdays, today’s Bitchitude’s, go tell her and Donna both ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY” if you want.

TEE HEE GIGGLE {{{SNORT}}}

SATURDAY SUNSHINE

After lots of thunder and lighting plus some wind damage severe thunderstorms Thursday left us wonderful weather in its wake. Clean air, sunny skies and moderate temps in the 50s made me want to play hooky today so bad that I could taste it, but duty calls so off to the slave shop I went.

The drive to work this afternoon was picturesque; too bad I had to make a straight line to the mill instead of meandering up and down the back roads. I wish I had thought to bring my camera and had the time to snap some of the sights on the way. You know which ones; those special moments that capture your eye and intrigue your mind. All too often they pass in a blink and get forgotten in the press of everyday life.

I spent several minutes trailing a vintage horse and buggy driven by an older couple, their white hair gleaming in the sunshine as they leaned their heads together. I swear their tilted bodies and touching foreheads formed a perfect heart-shape just like something on the front of a Hallmark card. You could see the happy pair’s smiles flashing from a mile away as their scarves waved gaily in the breeze. Young love be damned, it looked like these oldsters were doing just fine in their golden years. We should all be so lucky.

A bit farther down the road a youngster on a shiny new ATV (obviously gotten for Christmas) was zigzagging up and down the ditch banks; cutting donuts and slinging dirt all over a much used and abused older trail bike sitting on the side of the road with a “FOR SALE’ sigh on the handle bars. I couldn’t help but feel sorry for the poor trail bike. Old, worn out, unloved and unwanted, discarded and replaced as soon as a newer younger shinier model becomes available. I think there are a lot of us who know the feeling, even if we won’t admit it to anyone but ourselves.

I don’t own a full length mirror. I live and work in jeans and casual shirts in blue-collar industry, so dressing up is a rare occasion. So the other night when I went to get slicked up for a co-worker’s retirement party it came as something of a shock when all my dressier clothes were tighter than I remembered. OK ........ I’m 52 and some of this stuff has been in the closet for years, I can deal with the thicker waist, broader hips and sagging girls. My face is aging well (I guess) and makeup does wonders when I take the time to apply it. After all, age hits us all differently, I have a friend whose body is the same size 4 as when she was young but her face shows her years of chronic sun worship. We all have our flaws; so I take a deep breath, throw on a respectable outfit whose buttons don’t pop over my bulging bosom, paint my face, twirl around and model for my son and the 2 cats who give their approval, and off I go.

It wasn’t so long ago that I had to be careful of appearance and body language at dinners and meetings; my co-workers’ wives considered me a threat just because I was decent looking and had a boobilicious rack. But the other night as I was introduced to the other ladies their eyes glanced at me, slid from my artfully streaked gray hair and down my ample curves. And then dismissed me. I mean they totally looked away and never acknowledged my existence again. Not in words, looks, acts, nothing. They saw an older overly-plump over-the-hill female who wasn’t worth the time of day because she could never interest their men. It seems that if I’m not a threat I’m not worth the time of day. WTF!

These younger (I’m talking 30-something) women spent the night huddled next to their guys shooting glares at each other while I and the few other “matrons” laughed and giggled and wondered what was wrong with the pseudo fem-fatales at the other tables. And it was unanimous; all we “middle-aged ladies” agreed that they didn’t consider us worth anything because we weren’t a threat.

When did women become each other’s worse enemies? And what the hell makes them think that anyone else would want the testosterone-sodden pot-bellied male who shares their bed? What happened to female comradely? Hell, I always have more fun with my girlfriends than with a date; I don’t have to impress the girls; I can eat with my fingers, get slightly tipsy on too much wine, do the funky chichken if I want, and I don’t have to hold my breath so my gut doesn’t pooch out as much when I’m with my buddies.

I just don’t get it. We dismiss each other based on age, weight, shape and if we think someone looks better than us. I thought it was bad enough when men did it to us, but now we’re doing it to ourselves. Girls, this shit has GOT TO STOP!

SAM JAM

Why does it always seem like I have to work when the good stuff happens?

It's time for the "Sam Jam" honoring Sam Phillips, the father of Sun Records (Sun Records was located in Memphis, TN, but Sam was always proud of his hometown of Florence, AL) . For those of you who don't know, Sam Phillips founded Sun Records, which gave birth to the music of rock 'n' roll pioneers such as Elvis Presley, Jerry Lee Lewis, Roy Orbison, Carl Perkins, Johnny Cash, Charlie Rich and blues artists B.B. King and Howlin' Wolf.

And of course, the one band that I really really want to see, The Paul Thorn Band, is preforming and I've gotta work, DAD DANG IT! Paul is a great musician but he's famous as a song writer. Yep, you've heard lots of his music just being preformed by other folks. Paul Thorn was a prizefighter and skydiver before becoming a rootsy singer/songwriter. As a boxer, Thorn once fought against Roberto Duran and as a musician, he has toured and collaborated with Sting, Paul Carrack, Joe Diffie, Tanya Tucker, Ronnie Milsap, and Carole King. He released his debut album, Hammer & Nail, in 1997 and followed it with Ain't Love Strange three years later.

I sent several of y'all homemade CDs of Paul Thorn around Christmas so you know who I'm talking about. Don't you just love his music, his way with lyrics, the way he says what you always think but never come right out and say, the way he makes you bust a gut laughing! I bet a live concert would be the highlight of the year, if I could only goooooooooooo........................... Having to work for a living sucks. All y'all who never heard of Paul Thorn, go and listen to some of this stuff. The rest of y'all, put in one of his CDs and listen along with me. cause I'm gonna rock the powerhouse tonight. Even if I can't see him live, I'm gonna "Burn Down The Trailer Park"

Paul Thorn Live - Burn Down the Trailer Park

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RULES FOR 2008

RULE #1. NEVER WEAR A 'BOGGIN, WATCH CAP OR KNIT HAT WHILE WEARING MULTIPLE EARRINGS --- DAMN, THAT SHIT HURTS!!!!!