SHE'S BACK!

I’ve got a nice start on a summer tan and a whole new crop of freckles (yes Donna, they are FRECKLES, not age spots!). I and a bunch of other hooligans, all family members ranging from ages 4 to 49, spent the day at my company’s private park on the Tennessee River for the second time this week. We ate and swam and water battled and had a great time. Man, I wish I was on vacation all the time.

I know, I know! The sun is bad for you and a tan is out of fashion right now, but I don’t give a hoot. I plan to enjoy life to the max. Hey, I wore sunscreen!! Laugh lines and freckles give you character. I don’t care if I look my age, as long as I’m happy. What fun is it if all you do is stay indoors and hide from the sunshine, which in my humble opinion is one of the most glorious things in the world? Nothing beats lounging in the heat of a Southern summer day like a big lizard and letting all your cares evaporate in the warmth of the sun. That’s why my hammock is one of my favorite places. A pretty day, a good book, a cold drink, a little music in the background or just the sounds of nature. Man, it doesn’t get any better.

I’ve been too busy to get on line and report the goings-on in my little part Lawrence County. Lets just say that I haven’t been to work and don’t miss it at all. I’ve shopped, went to several movies, been in both a pool and the river multiple times, bar-b-qued, had more than a few drinks, spent time with my much neglected but understanding friends and enjoyed every minute of it all.

I hope everyone else’s week has been as enjoyable as mine. The annual 4th of July Spirit of America festival happens this weekend complete with the Miss Point Mallard Pageant (which is a step toward Miss America), multiple stage acts (this year starring Collective Soul) and what is usually a very impressive fireworks show. Then I’m invited to a cook-out this Sunday, and it’s back to work on Monday. Everyone have a happy 4th!!

SAY WHAT???

Thought for today...

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2020, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections, but absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

The Urinal Is Too High

A group of 3rd, 4th and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack (Churchill Downs) to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting Bourbon industry, but mostly to see the horses. When it was time to take the children to the bathroom it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the little boys up one by one holding onto their "wee wees" to direct the flow away from their clothes. As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, "You must be in the 5th grade." "No, ma'am, " he replied. "I'm the jockey riding Silver Arrow in the seventh race".

WEEKEND WONDERLAND

I’ve had a really good weekend! When I finally got an off day I actually got 3 in a row and you better believe that I made the best of them. I didn’t do anything that needed doing, but I did manage to do a whole lot of goofing off and socializing.

Friday after I got home from work at 7 AM and took a nap I went fishing with Theresa. Although we didn’t catch Moby Dick and the bass weren’t hitting, we did have fun catching a beginner’s tan and dozens of small bream and perch. We decided that quantity was better than quality as we didn’t plan to keep any of them anyway. Then it was back to her house for grilled chicken kabobs, bruschetta and a couple of bottles of wine. Afterward we watched a movie and drank a few beers before I went home and passed out.

Saturday was girls’ day out with Lana and Karen. We spent the day shopping, wandering around a car show where one of my friends had entered his car, eating, and going to see Mr. And Mrs. Smith. The company was excellent, the car show was fun, the food was OK and the movie was predictable. It would have been better if all the best parts hadn’t already been shown in the movie trailer. Got home late again.

Sunday Chane, Drennon, Teresa, Randy, Quin, Tina, Britney, Bradley, Bradley’s girlfriend whose name I’ve forgotten (hangs head in shame) and I all loaded up and spent the day at the river. The plant that I work at has a private park on the Tennessee River for the employees. Bradley lost his keys and took 2 hours to finally figure out that he laid them in his console. Except for that everything went wonderfully. No one got hurt, mad or more than mildly sunburned, which is major for our bunch. We usually have a trip to the emergency room or have to break up a scuffle. Too much sun, too many hotdogs, too much junk food and in a few cases a few too many beers later we loaded up the vehicles and wagon trained home so we could keep an eye on each other in case someone did a little too much weaving between the yellow lines. Threw all the wet towels and bathing suits in the laundry, took a long shower and crawled into bed a happy exhausted Junebugg.

Today it’s back to work, but I feel rested and relaxed for a change. I’ve got a week off starting next Monday and I’m already making plans.

EXCUSE ME, THERE'S A CHURCH BREAKING INTO YOUR SCHOOL

I can't believe it. Here's my local newspaper headline - Proposed Southern Baptist resolution wants churches to watch out for 'agenda'. This means that they want the right to investigate our public schools, accusing the system of allowing a homosexual "agenda". Here is the actual online site = r2005 SBC EDUCATION RESOLUTION-GET THE KIDS OUT.

Check out these quotes. "education is primarily a religious exercise " and "Jesus taught that any individual who teaches children contrary to faith in Christ, it would have been better to let them drown with a millstone around their neck".

I always thought that school was for education. You know, reading, writing, arithmetic. My parents were the ones who were responsible for my moral upbringing and church attendance. Who gave these self-righeous yahoos the right to dictate what our children are taught in class. Hell, they don't even believe in pure science. Evolution, anyone?

What would happen if the Muslims wanted the same right to inspect and pronounce sentence on our schools? Or the Catholics? The Jews? These holy-than-thou bigots would scream bloody murder!!

Why is it that in a country where we are supposedly free we have people trying to force us to live by someone else's tenets? Our forefathers came here to get away for having someone else's religion dictated to them. The so-called Christian Right wants us to sacrifice our freedoms to the close-minded and selfish views of their particular faith. History has seen it before.

All terrorists start out as religious fanatics. For years religious people have bombed clinics and it gets worse every day. Countless women, doctors, nurses, and even innocent bystanders have died in the name of some misguided "Christian" who knew better than anyone else. Now they want our kids. Get 'em while they're young and you can train them the way you want.

I have nothing against private schools. If you're afraid your child might get "unclean" thoughts or sexual "cooties" from my kid then by all means send him to your private brain-washing camp. Just leave my kid and his school alone. I prefer education over religious indoctrination any day. Someday that young'un will have to get a job and being able to recite chapter and verse of the Bible will not get him far in the real world.

I have my own spiritual beliefs, I don't need you to force me to my knees and make me pray to your deity, thank you very much. A person should be allowed to make up their own mind about religion and lifestyle. Rant finished. I'm getting pissed off and that's not good.

BORROWED TIME WASTER

I found this at Pammy's. My results may not turn out as funny as hers, but I thought I'd give it a try.

Go to Google Images, look for images of the following, then post either the first image (or your favorite image) that pops up when you type in what you're searching for. Search for: Place you grew up. Place you live now. Your name. Your Grandmother’s name. Your favorite food. Your favorite drink. Your favorite song. Your favorite smell.

This is downtown Moulton, the County seat of Lawrence County, AL. where I was born and raised.



I still live in Moulton. This area of Alabama is known for it's lakes and mountains. This is Smith Lake in Bankhead. We are famous for our fishing, hunting, hiking, camping and just about anything else you want to do outdoors. I spend as much time as I can just soaking up all that fresh air and sunshine!!



Not me, but close enough! She does have the same name as I do. I look like this when the moon is full LOL.



I didn't know Grandmother had a cigar named after her!



Yes, I am a chocaholic!!



Salt, tequila, AHHHHH.



The song was "I Want You To Want Me" but this came up on Google.



I love the spiciness of Sandalwood.



Enough time waster. Mine wasn't as funny as Pammy's, but I think I did OK.

WHITE TRASH WEDNESDAY LATE ENTRY

Here's my late entry for WHITE TRASH WEDNESDAY. I'm from Alabama, so that gives me the right to poke fun at my fellow Rednecks!!

Redneck Cat Carrier


Redneck Water Faucet



Redneck Palm Pilot


Redneck Mailbox


Redneck Lottery Winner


Redneck Door Bell


Now what y'all gotta say about all that!! Bet you Yankees never saw anything like these pictures!

MOM

Mom and Me in better times.

Mom passed away a year ago today. She was the anchor that stabilized us all. The family unit has been falling apart every since she left us. Without her to settle the squabbles and harsh words that siblings all too often fling at each other the sisters have withdrawn into their own worlds.

Sadly, we no longer rejoice in our closest relatives. Our children will never know the feeling of having a large extended family that we took for granted growing up. Family holidays seem to be a thing of the past because certain ones can't or won't be in the same room. I dread Christmas. It won't be the same without being with our sisters, nieces, nephews, cousins, etc, etc ,etc.

It's a shame that we adults still act like children and even though we're all in our 40's, we still need our parents to keep us in line.

Mom we miss you.

MOANS AND GROANS

12 hour midnight shift. The rough edges of my tied and knotted bra strap digging into the back of my neck. The faint stirrings behind my temple that signal the beginnings of a major headache brought on by stress, lack of sleep, and being pissed off because the strap of my best bra snapped just as I walked into the plant. .

Extra people in the room talking loudly as they finalize plans for a shutdown tonight. They came in when I did at 6, but their work doesn’t start until midnight. The room’s crowded, the air conditioner isn’t working well, and I’m starting to feel claustrophobic. I wish I had something good to eat, but all I’ve got is a frozen diet pizza. Damn, it’s a long time till morning.

SICK 'PUTERS AND CYBER SEX

I'm sooo jealous. My 'puter has a more exciting life than I do!! The fan went out, so I had to leave it off before it overheated. I can't remember the last time I got overheated!

Now my 'puter guy is taking it home with him and the lucky machine gets to ride on his motorcycle (actually in the trailer behind). I haven't gotten to ride on the back of a man's bike in ages.

Hell, I haven't even held hands with a man in a while. I need to get out more. I feel the need to sow a few wild oats, but at my age all I have left to sow are probably Johnson grass and weeds. I've got a few weeks vacation coming up, maybe I'll go somewhere no one knows me and have a fling.

Or I could just get the 'puter back and have cyber-sex. But first, one question. How do you type and take things in hand at the same time? Inquiring minds want to know.

BLOGAHOLIC

I was reading through some of the comments over at Johnnies blog and Amie made the statement that blogging seems to follow a certain pattern. I hadn't thought about that before and lifted her list to share with y'all.

PS - After going to Amie's blog I find she gives credit for this list to others, so it's making the rounds.

PPS - I was given to link to the full length version of The Blogger's Life Cycle in my comments by a gracious reader.

They say a blogger has a Life Cycle

1. You start reading blogs.
2. You start a blog.
3. You become a stats whore.
4. You become really personal on your site as the online and real-life worlds start confusing you.
5. You faux retire from blogging.
6. You cave back into blogging in less than 72 hours.
7. You decide to get serious about blogging.
8. You have a pseudo flirty im/blogging/flickr flirting relationship with another blogger whom you have never met.
9. You decide that you must meet other bloggers.
10. You take a step back and metablog about blogging and what blogging has done about your blogging.
11. See step 5.
12. You decide that as a result of step 10 and having repeated step 5 more than 3 times in the course of your lifecycle as a blogger, that you need to sanitize or reinvent your blog.
13. You either lose your job because of blogging, are afraid of losing your job for blogging, or join a company that builds blogging tools.
14. You decide to start an anonymous livejournal blog.

What do you think? I've deleted this blog once in a fit of pique. It was all of 3 days before I started to have withdrawal systems. Every time something interesting happened or I heard a good joke I automatically started composing a blog entry in my mind.

Then............. "Damn, I don't have a blog anymore!!" It was like losing my bestest buddy and not having someone to talk to. Is there a Blogaholic's Anonymous? Do I need the 12 Steps?

I couldn't stand it. So I redid my blog usuing the same addy and Blog Title and got my fix, which puts me at step 6. I'm a Blogaholic and proud of it. All you Blogaholics out there stand up and be counted!! WE ARE BLOGGERS - HEAR US ROAR!!!!!!!!!!

MEMORY MEME

I've been tagged by Pammy at Lollygaggin for this nostalgic meme.

The rules:
Remove the #1 item from the following list, bump everyone up one place and add your blog's name in the #5 spot. You need to link to actually link to each of the blogs for the link-whorage aspect of this fiendish meme to kick in.

1. The Pirate's Cove
2. Fistful of Fortnights
3. Feisty Repartee
4. Lollygaggin
5. Junebugg

MY MEMORIES:

1. Fighting with my sisters and being able to makeup with each other by dinner time.
2. My parents' love, support, and having them there to refer our sisterly squables.
3. My horse, Thunder. Riding bareback, horseback rotten tomato battles The freedom that he gave me to roam the neighborhood.
4. My awesome treehouse.
5. The easy way everyone make friends and how close someone could seen in just days.

Now tag 4 more people. I tag......

1. Donna
2. Hugshy Hermit
3. Chicken
4. Johnnie

STRAYS & SOFT HEARTS

Your Brain is 66.67% Female, 33.33% Male

Your brain leans female You think with your heart, not your head Sweet and considerate, you are a giver But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you!

What Gender Is Your Brain?

Maybe this why I'm such a sucker for strays. I live out in the country at the intersection of 3 rural roads and people seem to think it's the perfect place to dump unwanted pets. I have both a cat and a dog who just showed up at the house (NOT on the same day LOL) in the past year. Now I seem to be the not-so-proud owner of another puppy. A girl dog (moan).

This one is tiny, furry, lovable and has captured the heart of my 5-year-old grandson (he's already calling her Coco and claiming she's HIS dog). She sits on the door step and waits on someone to come out. Then she sits on your foot and looks at you with those soulful eyes or rolls over on her back so you can give her a belly rub.

I don't need anymore critters. But she's soooooooo cute. Damn It.! I guess I'll have to keep her. I wouldn't be able to sleep if I ran her off thingking that she'd starve if I did, and the pound will gas her if I turn her in to the Animal Police.

Maybe she just got lost and belongs to one of the neighbors down the road. Yeah Right! Dream on Junebugg. I'm are now living at the Zoo. I'll be the one imatating a Coo Coo Bird.

I AM MAD AS HELL ABOUT THE WAY THINGS ARE AND I’M JUST NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANY MORE!!

I visited Bitchitude and found this rant. She had links to where it started at DB's blog. DB says that if you'll leave a comment and let him know, he'll add your list to everyone else's. This Pissed Off List is quite impressive already and promises to keep growing. So like a good little blogger, I'm adding my gripes and encouraging everyone to add theirs.

JUNEBUGG'S PISSED OFF LIST

1. 20 and 30 year old somethings who don't go to school but won't get a job and leave home. Mommy and Daddy raised you. The free ride is over. It's your turn to punch a time clock and pay taxes. The party is over and last call was yesterday. GET OFF YOUR BUTT AND GO TO WORK ALREADY. This includes my 30 year old son.

2. People who stay in abusive relationships. It's not your fault except for the fact that you're still there. Stop being a door mat, call the law, and go to protective services. Living alone IS NOT the worst thing that can happen to you. Getting maimed and killed by your lover is.

3. The Moral Majority telling me what to believe, to read, who to fuck, how I got here, and any thing else. I will believe what I want, have sex how, where and with whom I please and read any damn book I choose. This is still a free country. So far anyway.

4. People judging everyone else by body mass, money, and age. I'm not too old to do anything IF it's what I do. That chubby person may not be lazy, she might have PCOS. And that guy in the 'vet is in debt to his eyeballs while the one in the work shirt and faded jeans has a bank account that will knock your socks (and your panties) off.

5. If you tell me you'll do something, do it!!! I'm tired of making plans and people not showing up or calling with some excuse. Let me know so I can do something else. And if you're in some form of public service ....... if I have an appointment, I expect to see you at a reasonable time NOT 4 hours later unless you're a Dr. who had to go to emergency.

6. Don't lie to me. Don't tell me what you think I want to hear. Don't try to con me. Don't ask for more than you would be willing to do for me.

OK, I'm going to get really pissed off if I continue and I'm at work. These guys are trapped in here with me for 12 hours and I'd hate to go bat-shit crazy on them!! Add your list and vent a little yourself.

PANTY PICTURE-Song

What song was #1 on your birthday

Challange Darth Vader

FAT AND HAPPY

I have decided that I was born too late. Lets look at history and see what I mean. How many of us look like the picture at the left but have a better hair-do?? LOL Maybe not JUST like her but a little more curvy than we would like.

This is the Venus of Willendorf and she was estimated to have been carved 22,000 to 24,000 years ago. Her vulva, breasts, and rounded gut are very pronounced, suggesting a strong connection to fertility and her generous curves would represent high status in the hunter-gatherer society and she was an emblem of security and success. I can see a woman looking like this standing up and shouting "I am woman, hear me roar!"

I guess when you had to run down your dinner and bash it in the head in order to eat, a person who was "well fed" WAS a status symbol. Plus any man can tell you that a well padded female will keep him warmer on a cold winter night than some bony little Twiggy.

This is the female form that has been idealized for centuries. She is the familiar hourglass or pear-shaped woman of wide hips, an ample bust, plump cheeks, soft-full lips, and a generally healthy profile of alluring curves and crevice's. Only in recent history have women been told to look like boys with boobs.

Throughout history, skinny women were less desired and valued than a woman with a Rubenesque figure. All the Roman Goddess statues had ample figures. This carried on into the Middle Ages. For example, check out Peter Paul Rubens "The Three Graces". These ladies are being held up as examples of grace and beauty and they all have ass cheek dimples, thunder thighs, love handles, cellulite, and pot bellies!!

Ladies, we should be proud of our curves! Women on those TV plastic surgery shows are getting boob implants, butt implants, calf implants just in order to have a few curves like we already do. Damn it, we look good already!!

What about the woman from the time of the Gold Rush era and the Wild West saloon girls? Look at Snake Hips Lulu (on the left) and Diamond Tooth Lil (on the right) who were well-known dance hall girls in Dawson, Alaska. These women are a healthy size. They wouldn't have survived the rigors of the Alaskan gold mining camps and the dubious attentions and rough handling of the unwashed, horny miners who made up the majority of these ladies' paying customers if they hadn't had a little padding on their bones.

So Ladies, lets celebrate our bodacious bodies. There's nothing wrong with a little jiggle in certain places. And if we don't love ourselves, who else going to love us??? Live, love, laugh and quit starving yourself. Being healthy and being thin are not the same thing! Eat what you want but don't substitue food for love. Then get out and move. Play ball, dance, chase your dog, child, or grandchild. Make love WITH THE LIGHTS ON. Enjoy life. I know I'm going to give it a try. Join me.

BLOG WESTERN FINISHED

I seem to have such talented people in my blogroll! I'm so impressed with this BLOG WESTERN which originated with Christina. Truly inspired, surprising, and well ............ you'll just have to go and read it yourself. I can't help but try and cast the characters for this to go to film.

Kudos to Dax, Moogie, Mark, Kelley, Eric, Pammy, and Velociman. I stand in awe of such brillance. Well, maybe not, but ya'll did Damn Good!

Dax's Chapter One
Moogie's Chapter Two
Mark's Chapter Three
Kelley's Chapter Four
Eric's Chapter Five
Pammy's Chapter Six
Velociman's Chapter Seven!

I NEED DRUGS OR A SHRINK OR BOTH

The past 12 months have been very eventful.

My Mom died and we girls had to make the call to discontinue life support. I had major surgery a week later (believe me I was really uneasy about getting "knocked out"). A little latter I got used, abused and dumped (aka, he just stopped calling after standing me up) by a 380 pound Blob of a boyfriend. Then I was stupid enough to believe him and all his lies about being sorry and what a mistake he'd made by losing me and take him back after he begged for months. Suddenly my Dad died with no warning and no written will. In no time at all I got dumped (stood up with no warning, AGAIN) by the Blob. Notice the weird way the Blob disappears whenever there's a crisis?

Now my four sisters are in the middle of a feud over who gets what and whither we should sell the family home and divide the money or try to divvy up the land. Baby Sis is supposed to get the home place, but it's looking iffy on that. Most of them want the money and everyone's at each other's throats. I'm so tired of ......
"She said" and
"It's not fair" and
"I want" and
"Daddy said" and
"I'll never speak to her again" and
"But she got" and
"She lied" and
"You're dead to me if you sell" and
"You're no longer my sister" and
"All my sisters were always were mean to me" and
"I'm not getting screwed over AGAIN"
And on and on and on.

Stop the world, I want to get off!!! I've stopped sleeping at night because of bad dreams where my sisters actually cause physical harm to each other. I'm afraid to say anything to any one because it always starts WW3. My family has fallen apart and I'm truly an orphan. I daydream about moving away where I don't know anyone until everything settles down and relatives don't fight any more than normal.

If this was a movie it would be one of those "National Lampoon" movies with Chevy Chase, except we're all female.

VACATION IS OVER

Hope everyone had a good Memorial Day, I know that I did!

I went to Point Mallard Park in Decatur for their annual Alabama Jubilee where they had hot air balloons, an antique car show (some of my buddies from work had cars entered), a craft fair, rides for the kids and live entertainment. I even had a charcoal sketch made of myself. The artist made me look even better than I do in real life!!

I spent the rest of the time making rounds of friends' homes where I ate entirely too much, drank more than usual, lost badly playing cards, hit the holiday sales (spending too much money) and all in all having a great time.

Tomorrow I go back to the slave factory. All these days off spoil a person. Wish I could afford to retire and be on vacation all the time. Oh well, someone has to go out and keep the economy alive!