ADVISE FROM MY FRIENDS

THE WOMEN:

“It’s about time you dumped the guy. We missed ya.”

“You didn’t cry when you kicked that loser to the curb, did ya? Cause men’s egos always make ‘em think that you’re bawling over losing them when you’re actually crying over the thought of getting nekked in front of a brand new feller and wondering if he’s noticing your wobbly bits.”

“The way to get over a man is another man. It’s like when you get thrown by a horse, you gotta get right back on or you’ll be scarred for life. And it’s gotta be just for fun, you don’t want someone to fall in love with, just a nice warm body to rock your world one time and one time only. I recommend that you don’t give him your number and you can even lie about your name if you want.”

“Speaking of new studs, here ya go: from me to you” (waving a gaily ribbon wrapped, large economy sized box of condoms with “RIBBED FOR HER PLEASURE” in bold print on the front for the whole restaurant to see). “Remember, no love without a glove. If the man wants to play, he has to dress for the party!”

“Naw, what she needs is a new BOB” (battery operated boyfriend). “No muss, no fuss, always ready when you are and won’t bother you when you’re tired. Plus it don’t care about love handles, saggy boobs, or a big ass; and it doesn’t eat your groceries or cheat on ya.”

“The old man has a friend….he ain’t nothing pretty, got a pot belly and a bald spot but he’s sweet and he’s got a brand new Harley that’s FINE.”

THE MEN:

“If you ever decide to fool around with a married man be sure I’m the first to know”

“Hell, you got a good job, money, land, and your own house: you’ll have to beat the men off with a stick.”

“I’ll volunteer to be your ‘friend with benefits’. Just call when ever you get an itch and I’ll scratch it for ya, baby!”

GOT ONE RIGHT

At last, a horoscope that rings true!

Scorpio
Junebugg,
You will know that thoughts of passion are now deflated by the illusions a partner had about you. The tension between true and false is uncomfortably apparent. Look to move on rather than change who you are to fit someone else's desires.

ALONE AND LOVING IT

“I don’t think I’ve ever felt love; I don’t think I’ve ever loved anyone, even when I was married. I care more about some people than others but I’m self-centered. Can’t help it, I’ve always been that way. I’m not sure I even love my parents; I feel obligated to them for all they’ve done for me, especially after the way they’ve taken care of me after my wreck and all. Hell, I don’t even know what love feels like. But I do like you, I feel comfortable around you, I like your company. I just don’t have strong emotions of any kind. But I’m not gonna be alone, I’ll always have some female to keep me company if you’re not interested.”

Isn’t the lack of any kind of emotion the description of a serial killer?

This is the excuse I got the next day; after Ex-Sweet Thang called, told me he’d be over soon and then didn’t show up, didn’t call, didn’t answer his cell. AGAIN. It’s the same way he disappeared for months twice before in the last 4 years: breaking up by disappearing until he got lonely; until he found out that the younger prettier thinner women weren’t interested in a self-centered overweight 47 year old blue collar worker. Then it's time to call Junebugg again: the doormat, the one who spoils her men, the one who always seems to be around until something better comes around.

And what am I, a holey pair of jeans that you put on when you don’t care what you look like, when all the nicer jeans aren’t available?

Fuck that!

So I’m now foot loose and fancy free. No more sitting at home waiting on someone who may or may not show up or call or even just think of me once in a while. No more putting my life on hold until someone else feels like doing something.

I want passion in my life! I want feelings: love, anger, sex, hate. I want to feel alive, and if I’m with someone I want them to do more than feel “comfortable”. I realize that I'm out of shape and over 50 (of the 57 million American women 45 and up, nearly half—25 million—are unmarried, outnumbering entire populations of countries such as North Korea, Taiwan, and Australia) and that demand for women of my age aren't in high demand. I don't care, being alone is the way that I've spent most of my life.

I do believe it’s time for a girls night out.

IN THE MOOD

Happy Halloween Y'all! I'm trying to get in the mood so I found I found these lovely dark abodes at Fritemares, the official homepage of author, film maker, and photographer, J. W. James. Go visit, he has some online stories to put a shiver down your back.



I'll have to work on Halloween, darn it. I missed the Blood and Roses Vampire Rave last night (although I've had reports they had "a bloody good time") and now I won't get to wear my witchy/bitchy black velvet dress for All Hallows Eve. Last year we went to Tennessee for the haunted house from hell and then had a few drinks in the local Applebee's where our costumes got lots of attention. But that was last year, this year ain't looking too good.

I never get to have any fun, it's just not fair! I wanta get out and do a little tricking and a lot of treating myself. Being a responsible adult ain't no fun! I'm looking forward to my second childhood when I'll be old enough to know better and young enough at do it anyway!

Anywho, Boo Y'all. Lets get in the mood and go bob for apples, drink strange mixed drinks and stagger around in the dark. Anyone wanta come play with me?

NEVER TOO LATE

Wednesday night Sweet Thang’s parents hosted a dinner and I was fascinated watching his elderly aunt and her new husband.

It’s not often that you see an older couple showing public displays of affection like these two. As they sat side by side telling the story of how they met, lost each other and rediscovered love in their twilight years his age spotted hand caressed her leg. Even though she was beyond plump, he was thin with major hearing loss, and both were white-headed, their love showed in every action. Every time they glanced at each other you could see a twinkle in their eyes. At a remark about them still “honeymooning” both oldsters started giggling like a couple of teenagers. These two couldn’t seem to keep their hands off of each other and you never saw one of them unless the other was only a few feet away. Not bad for a couple in their 70s.

I don’t remember the complete romance story but it goes something like this (any errors are due to my bad memory):

He was her first date when she was 14. They got more and more infatuated with each other but then he went away to fight in the war. After being discharged he had problems settling down (as he put it, back then no one had ever heard of “battle fatigue” so the VA didn’t offer any medical help).

Both married and raised families. Then in their golden years, each of them widowed and at an age when society expects you to be asexual, unattractive to the opposite sex, dateless, old and alone {much less fall in love and marry} they rediscovered each other and tied the knot.

Just goes to show, it’s never too late for love. Sounds like a good story line for the Lifetime Movie Channel, doesn’t it?

Kiss My Grits

Turn the speakers up and listen close to the lyrics!

REUNION

Family reunions; that quintessential mixture of love, laughter and loss. Relatives hold forth with the same verbal sparring that they’ve mastered over the years, but now there’s more gray heads than sparkling eyes in the mix. Hugs encompass the shoulders of loved ones present and accounted for, making the black hole of deceased family members all the more obvious and heartbreaking. Oldsters catch-up with each other while youngsters ask “Who are you?” “Whose your Mom/Dad?” before adjourning outside to toss a football as if they’ve known each other forever. Old memories are shared and new ones made as long lost kin reminisce and new babies are introduced to strangers whose genes they share.

Saturday was the first reunion in years of The Curnutt Clan, my Mom’s family. It was hosted by my Cousin Danny at CR Mechanical (his company) in Tanner, with Danny furnishing hotdogs and hamburgers and the rest of the relatives bringing covered dishes. Of course there was an overabundance of food; 2 tables groaned beneath the weight of casseroles and desserts of every kind (ain’t it always that way at reunions!) All the cooks urged everyone to “Try some of this, I brought it!” as paper plates were filled to overflowing and frost-bitten hands dug into coolers searching for the beverage of choice. Several cameras snapped at odd times, capturing candid photos of bulging cheeks and wide open mouths with food being shoveled in for all prosperity. I can see my grandson years from now asking “Who’s the old man with half a hotdog hanging out of his mouth?”

One of my cousins walked by, patted me on the tummy and asked “Getting kinda fat, aren’t ya?” Later I told my sister Donna that our sisters and kids were the biggest bunch at the reunion (meaning there were more of us) and she replied “Yeah, in more ways than one” and it’s true. Most of Mom’s relatives are on the slender side while we Waters Women take after our Dad’s family (a much sturdier stock). Kinda funny when you consider the fact that my Grandmother Curnutt was known to all as “Big Mother”.

The reunion was held just down the road from the old Curnutt home which had been condemned and is being torn down. Of course everyone had to go look and recall stories about our growing up in and around the ancient two story house. When we were kids it seemed gigantic, but as adults it’s hard figure out how the heck they got so much furniture in the tiny rooms. Donna got several hand-made cinder bricks from the old fireplace as mementoes, but I prefer my memories to solid objects which will only catch dust. You can take memories out and play with them whenever you want and they don’t take up space in my already cluttered life.

After all, aren’t good memories kept bright and shiny from constant use the best tribute that you can give a loved one, whither they’re alive or deceased? To all my family, I love y’all and I’m proud to be a part of the clan. I hope you feel the same way about me.

A special thanks to Cousin Danny for the use of his time and business place. Love Ya.

PS: The computer censer at work has blocked this website and any other with the term "blogspot" in the address, so I don't have as much time to visit my blogbuddies. Sorry for not getting around to everyone as much as usual

MY SO CALLED LIFE

I don’t know what’s been wrong with my blogging lately. Something interesting or out of the ordinary will happen and I’ll think “Wow, that’ll make a good blog entry” and start composing a post in my head, but when I finally get time to sit down at the ‘puter my pea sized intellect goes totally blank. Maybe it’s the much ballyhooed “writer’s block” (although I don’t consider myself much of a writer) or old-timer’s disease, could be I’m just in a rut; but I apologize for the lack of recent posts. I would promise to do better but I’ve already done so and then reneged.

Today I went on a small shopping spree; got a several of those retro Jackie-O style jackets with bracelet length sleeves (one a black and white houndstooth, one dark gray and last but not least a brown tweed; I'm trying to match the stuff already in my closet) and a pair of elbow length gloves. I may be too "long in the tooth" for fashion but what the hell; I figure at the ripe old age of almost 52 (as of next month) I can wear what I want.

I’ve also been trying to do a little closet purging before I drag out the cold weather stuff. Why is it that you always find things with the tags still on that you’ve never worn or even forgot that you bought? I wear jeans and casual tops to work (one of the downfalls of a blue collar job) so most of the nice clothing that I lust after sits in the closet waiting for that proper occasion that never comes up. I guess I’ll have to start dressing up to go to Wal-Mart or the grocery store. It’s not like I have a lot of events to attend, what with my work schedule I’m lucky to get dinner and a movie and my “girls night outs” have been few and far between.

My buddy Karen is side-lined with 3 broken ribs. Her husband and son were sitting up scaffolding to paint their 2 story home while she was mixing paint and one of the scaffolds fell on her back, pinning her to the ground on top of a fire ant bed until someone heard her yelling and came to her rescue. So she’s house bound for a couple of months per the Dr. and in a lot of pain. She’s so hyper that I can’t imagine her being down that long, so we’ll see how well she obeys orders. Until she’s back on her feet we do a lot of phone tag and I try to keep her in reading material. She doesn’t care much for books so I drop off magazines and gossip rags for her to read at her leisure. Wish I could more but I’m not sure what that would be.

Sweet Thang is back at work until next month when they plan surgery to remove the biggest bolt that runs from the outside of his hip through the pelvic bone into his lower spine (he claims that he can feel it every time he sits down. Nothing worse that a bolt in the butt!). His Dr. says that Sweet Thang will be back at work in a couple of weeks so I hope that maybe it won't be long till he’ll be able to start living a more active life. Our social life has consisted of watching TV together and I’m ready to get out of the house and enjoy some of this glorious fall weather.

OK, that’s all that’s happening in my life lately. And how have y’all been doing?

DNA

Stolen borrowed from Bitchitude.

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

THINK PINK

October is National Breast Cancer Month. I'm sure we all know someone who is suffering from or has survived this terrible disease. As you can see on the image on the left, breast cancer affects men as well as women so we're all at risk.

"Breast cancer may be one of the oldest known forms of cancer tumors in humans. The oldest description of cancer ....... discovered in Egypt and dates back to approximately 1600 BC." ....... In the United States, breast cancer is the third most common cause of cancer death (after lung cancer and colon cancer). In 2007, breast cancer is expected to cause 40,910 deaths (7% of cancer deaths; almost 2% of all deaths) in the U.S.{from "breast cancer" in Wikipedia}.

So go to a rally, enter a race or fundraiser,put a pink ribbon on your car or person and for goodness sakes check your boobs for lumps and bumps and such {if you need instructions for a self-check, here they are).

Even more fun, get someone else to massage your titties for you! At the least it could lead to a little lovin' and at the worse you might catch the "Big C" before it gets too far along to correct.

REDNECK WEDDING

After all these weeks I've finally gotten around to developing the pictures I took at my nephew's Redneck Wedding. It's a bitch when real life interferes with the pleasures of life but I gotta work to eat, so what's a girl to do.

I have to admit that this was the best wedding that I've ever been to. It was outdoors, they served pintos and cornbread at the reception, the bride's relatives provided live entertainment and everything came off without a hitch (bad pun; hitch, getting hitched. Oh well, you get it).

My sister Teresa (mother of the groom), 3rd of us 5 girls, and her husband Randy.
Both the groom and groom's man wore high top Converse sneakers.
Whispering sweet nothings
Told you it was redneck! Brock, the groom's man.
Paul and Erica, the happy couple


The bride and bride's maid buck dancing at the reception.

I wish Paul and Erica all the happiness in the world. If their mariage goes half as well as the wedding did they'll be an old couple holding hands while they watch their grandchildren play. We should all be so lucky.......

REAL WOMEN

This is a post from last year that is near and dear to my heart considering that I have always had an "hourglass figure" and now that I'm over 50 I seem to have more "sand" than ever! Let's hear it for us "real women"!

Auguste Renoir once said "There is enough ugliness in the world -- why should we paint ugly pictures?" So, this young lady, the subject of Seated Bather (1883-1884) certainly wasn't what he considered ugly! She fits the lush, rounded style of Renoir's era.

It seems I was born too late, dang it.

Gustave Klimt is considered one of the foremost definers of the Art Nouveau movement, which emphasised use of sensuous curving lines and forms. There is nothing "supermodel-like" about his Danae (1907). Her thigh is much more familiar to most of us than the thin, tubelike thighs that are considered attractive now

This painting by Pablo Picasso (one of my favorite artists) always makes me smile, just for the sheer joy and fun of it! Bet you thought that Picasso only painted what looked like bits of people all stuck together the wrong way? That was only one of his artistic periods.

Though the perspective and proportions are deliberately skewed, and this is not an attempt at realism, these women are definitely of "heroic" proportions. Don't they look happy? Who says you have to have ribs sticking out to be joyous and attractive? Why wait until you lose weight before you start doing all the things you want to do?


Here are some statistics for you:
*Most fashion models are thinner than 98% of American women
*The average fashion model is 5'9" to 6' tall, weighs 110 - 118 lbs and is seventeen to twenty-six years old & wears a size 6 - 8 dress.
*The average American woman is 5'5" tall, weighs 142 lbs, and is 44 years old.
*Forty percent of women wear a size 14 or above...
*Sales of plus-size clothes in 1996 were more than $20 billion...
*Plus size sales rose to $47 billion in 2005.
*Lillian Russell, the leading sex symbol at the end of the 19th century, weighed over 200 pounds.
*Marilyn Monroe would be considered "overweight" by today's standards. She fluctuated between a size 14 and size 18 dress

I'M STILL HERE.......

The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of family related activities. The wedding of my nephew to the great-niece of one of my nearest and dearest friends (which I guess makes us in-laws or outlaws or something along those lines). The funeral of my semi-adopted son’s paternal grandmother. My grandson’s 8th birthday and Sweet Thang’s first day back to work after his traumatic motorcycle accident last April. Working 12 hour shifts on a10 day shutdown at work myself. And on and on and so forth; the responsibilities of real life sometimes leave little time for the things we love to do.

In other words, I haven’t posted because I’ve barely had time to sleep or do laundry or any of other mundane chores that we all have to do on a daily basis, much less try to come up with something witty or entertaining to put out on the web. Not to say that I’m ever witty or entertaining, but you get my meaning.

Perhaps fall’s cooler weather and slower pace will bring about a new scattering of posts along with the fallen leaves that are starting to cover my much neglected lawn. I hope that y’all will bear with me and I promise that I’ll get around to visiting your sites just as soon as I catch my breath.The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of family related activities. The wedding of my nephew to the great-niece of one of my nearest and dearest friends (which I guess makes us in-laws or outlaws or something along those lines). The funeral of my semi-adopted son’s paternal grandmother. My grandson’s 8th birthday and Sweet Thang’s first day back to work after his traumatic motorcycle accident last April. Working 12 hour shifts on a10 day shutdown at work myself. And on and on and so forth; the responsibilities of real life sometimes leave little time for the things we love to do.

In other words, I haven’t posted because I’ve barely had time to sleep or do laundry or any of other mundane chores that we all have to do on a daily basis, much less try to come up with something witty or entertaining to put out on the web. Not to say that I’m ever witty or entertaining, but you get my meaning.

Perhaps fall’s cooler weather and slower pace will bring about a new scattering of posts along with the fallen leaves that are starting to cover my much neglected lawn. I hope that y’all will bear with me and I promise that I’ll get around to visiting your sites just as soon as I catch my breath.

MEN ARE LIKE.......

For all those men who say "Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free", here's an update for you: Now days, 80% of women are against marriage. WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.


Men are like....
1. Men are like ...Laxatives ...... They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like. Bananas ....... The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like ...... Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like .......Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like .....Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like .... Commercials ....... You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
8. Men are like ......Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like .....Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like .Popcorn ..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like Snowstorms .... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like ....... Lava Lamps .... Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like Parking Spots .......... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

THUMB'S UP

A big thumbs up to the guy I saw in Decatur, AL yesterday. Two women's car had broken down in the middle lane of a busy highway and they were attempting to push it out of the way. Traffic was buzzing past them in the 103 degree heat with everyone looking and pointing but no one even considered stopping to help. While I was hunting a place to stop my car and help, this fine sample of Southern gentlemanhood stopped in the middle of the road, put his emergency flashers on, removed his suit jacket and helped the ladies to push their car into a nearby service station.

Who said that chivalry is dead? So to the white haired feller with the cute white goatee, well done and thumbs up!

ROAD TRIP

Flashing blue lights illuminate a sullen young man being shaken down by two cops underneath an overpass. Bumper to bumper traffic in both directions as far as the eye can see. A young homeless woman walking slump-shouldered beneath the shade of a broken black umbrella in the 105 degree heat, dragging all her worldly belongings stuffed in a lawn-sized black trash bag and piled on top of a child’s toy wagon with a broken wheel behind her.

These are some of the sights that greeted me in Marietta, Georgia, where I’ve been on a work project for the last three days. I’m just a simple country girl from a small town. We don’t have homeless people sleeping in doorways, a traffic jam is usually caused by an accident, and the police are more likely to be seen in the diner than doing a roadside pat down. I’ve traveled a great deal for personal reasons and I’ve visited large cities before; but this was my first job related trip and my first taste of the life of a “road warrior”. After seeing this side of city life I was glad to come back to Moulton, Alabama.

I went to Marietta, Georgia (Marietta is the third largest of three principal cities and is included in the Atlanta-Sandy Springs-Marietta, Georgia Metropolitan Statistical Area) with a couple of co-workers, one of our E/I (electrical/instrumentation) guys, and an engineer to help design new operating software for our department at the plant. We met with a company named Feed Forward Inc and a rep from Rockwell Automation who did the actual programming. It was an interesting trip, I learned a lot about the tech side of my job and I’ll be one of the people teaching the rest of my co-workers how to operate the new systems when it gets implemented.

Any thoughts of spending nights out on the town were banished by the long hours we put in. We got to the offices early and worked late; leaving at dark-thirty gave us just enough time to go eat and crash in our respective rooms so we could do the same thing the next day.

I’m proud to be home, and I want to thank the guys at Feed Forward who treated us well, fed us great food on the job and were extremely patient with all my dumb questions. There’s no way I could do their job (who knew that you could do so much with just 1s and 0s) and I was impressed with the job they did.

Now I’m off to check in on my blog buddies, I’ve missed y’all.

FISHING STORY

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")

"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman."

But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

(Got this from my cousin Danny C.)

NOT YET

Elliott Funeral Home
Peace-of-mind from knowing “it’s all been taken care of.”
15215 Court Street*Moulton, AL 35650

Dear Junebugg,
You’d be surprised. Funeral pre-planning (yes, funeral pre-planning) actually can be interesting and quite pleasant. Within a friendly and comfortable setting, you’ll discover the one memorial style most right for you-the one memorial style most right for celebration your life.

WTF! At the admittedly advanced age of 51 I realize that I’m no spring chicken, any delusions of youth I still harbored in my pea sized brain were squashed after the first dozen or so mailings from AAARP and then I find this invitation to plan my own going away party in the mailbox. I do not, and let me repeat this loud and clear so there can be no misunderstanding, DO NOT have any intention of starring at my own funeral any time soon.

How can anyone possibly think planning for your own demise would in any way possibly be “quite pleasant”? Myself, I prefer to pretend that I’ll live forever because I subscribe to the philosophy that “Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting "...holy shit..., what a ride!” I’ll celebrate my life while I’m still living, thank you very much. Maybe I’m wrong but I think I’d enjoy the party much more if I’m still breathing while it’s going on.

Besides, I’ll be deceased, departed, gone. Why would I care if my casket is pine or mahogany, bronze or brass? Heck, stick me in a cardboard box for all I’ll mind because I’ll be dead, people. Sing any hymens you want, talk bad about me, tell any embarrassing stories that you can think of and maybe even make up a few extra because, not to repeat myself but, I’ll be dead.

I’d rather spend my money on new shoes, a day at the spa, a few hang gliding lessons and a 6 month cruise around the world. I’ve spent my whole life taking care of other people; the least they can do is plan my funeral for me when I’m gone.

YEA ME!

Wahoo! This morning for the very first time I actually lasted a full 20 minutes on the elliptical machine. Not too shabby considering it was 4:00 A.M and I haven't been quit smoking for that long; plus the first time that I set foot on the damn thing I couldn’t even go 3 minutes. Granted I was melting and dripping all over the floor this morning but damn it, I did it!!!!!! I would have done a happy dance all over the gym but my knees were wobbly and I didn’t want to embarrass myself by falling on my face in front of all my workout buddies.

Wonder how long I’d have to stay on the evil elliptical to work off all that gloriously fattening but oh so tasty, totally to-die-for 4 cheese baked polenta (that’s Italian grits for all y’all Southerners out there) that I cooked and ate yesterday? Leftovers are hidden in my lunch for today, yum!

COOL IDEA

I found this over at Spicy Bug's and just had to jump on the bandwagon.

COOL IDEA

Join the Google PR Chain!! You don’t have to be on this list to join. Just grab it and join.

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We all know how important getting link backs is and with this chain, you can get the ball rolling! You don’t have to be an established blogger to take part in this chain.

Here are the rules:
1. Copy this post from the point where it says “Start Copy Here” to the point where it says “End Copy Here”
2. Add yourself and 5 of your favorite bloggers to the end of the list.
3. Post this on your blog

The Prize Blog, Enkay Blog, Ms. Danielle, Cash For Comments, BetShopBoy, JohnCow, Mr. Gary Lee, Jon Lee, Dosh Dosh, Some Make Money, The King Kong Blog, RomanDock, Michael Kwan, Ed Lau, Jane May, Sam Breadstone, Samanathon, Shadowscope, My Single Mom Life, The BenSpark, Tricia’s Musings, GeekySpeaky, TJ’s Anti-Contrarian Blog , Public Pondering , Freedom Now , Neocon Command Center , Woman Honor Thyself , We Can’t All be Washingtons , The Sassy Southerner, Vegan Momma, Just a touch of sweetness, BushMackel, Suncoast Scribe, Hippiespelunker, Kshippychic, A Purple Shade of Black, MACKEYDOODLE, Spicy Bug, Maryannaville, G-Man, Whatever Blows My Skirt , Transformations, B-My Life My Thoughts, Raising L, Reconstitution , Wasted Days Wasted Nites, Cyber Outlaw's Hangout, Boobs Injuries and Dr. Pepper, Yellowdog Granny, Life of the Cake Lady, Got Nothing But Toe Jam,
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MOVE YOUR ASS

As I’ve complained bragged talked about before, I’ve been on a self improvement kick (i.e. quit smoking, move my ample derriere and get some exercise, maybe even try to eat a little healthier). Sweet Thang is still recovering from his motorcycle mishap; after 3 months being bed-ridden and wheelchair-bound, you’d think he would be chomping at the bit to get back in shape. So the obvious idea would be that we do things together, providing each other with encouragement etc etc . Wrong.

Although Sweet Thang is hobbling around on a cane, he can’t hold out for very long. I’ve been trying to get him to go walking with me but he moans that it’s too hot. Don’t tell his Mom, but the only outing that he’s been interested in is going to the bar and shooting pool while drinking beer with his hard ankle buddies. As a matter of fact, it's the first place he drove when he managed to escape from Mom's watchful eye. So I suggested “mall walking” and he actually got insulted; informing me that’s what “old women do”. Hell, the oldest woman I know can run circles around him; if he doesn’t get his fat ass in gear he’ll never be able to go back to work and I’ll be damned if I’ll feel sorry for him OR support him.

I took him to Sears just to get him out of the house and he lasted about 30 minutes; heck I thought every man alive could spend all day in Sears! The same thing happened at Hartselle’s indoor flea market; 30 minutes and we had to go. I managed to get him to go to the movies and he did stay for the whole film (Live Free or Die Hard; excellent flick, lots of bang for your buck). However he shifted and moaned and groaned the whole time and when it came time to leave it took him 10 minutes just to get out of his seat. The man's gotta start moving or he's going to develop rust!

I know it’s gonna be a long, hard recovery but Sweet Thang has got to get out from in front of the TV and put forth some effort. It’s been 4 months; the bones have healed but his muscles have gone to shit. Yeah, I know it hurts but nothing’s going to make it better other than just grit your teeth and “Get ‘Er Done”. His Aunt has offered the use of her swimming pool for the aqua therapy that his Dr. recommended but I can’t get him to even try. Maybe if I get a cattle prod and keep zapping him he’ll get in gear………..

In other news, I’ve got a new ‘do, y’all. I’ve been foiled! As Ashley worked on giving me a metal head, I glanced in the mirror and scared myself! The image reflected back at me looked like something from SETI looking for radio signals. You know, evidence of life on other planets. ET, phone home!!

So now I have lovely tri-tone tresses, my ever increasing gray hairs are camouflaged, and the guys at work are actually giving me compliments. I must look OK, usually I have to shave my head before they notice so compliments are a big deal. Plus they keep asking me how much weight I’ve lost. My clothes fit differently, I can actually shimmy into some jeans that I haven’t worn in several years and zip them while standing up, but the dad gummed #%*^%^# scales haven’t budged.

I guess I’m rearranging my body even if I haven’t dropped any pounds. I did get my body fat content and measurements taken at Curves the other day; every thing was about what I imagined, not good but improving. But I was shocked at my bust measurement, I'm 48 inches around the boobs! Now I know why I weigh so much, I've got 50 pounds of titties weighing me down. I knew I wear several sizes bigger in tops than bottoms but dang y'all. Now I feel lop-sidded.

Sorry I’ve been MIA, I promise to do better. I just got high speed at home so it should be easier for me to post from there. Heck; new hair, new modem, tighter ass ………. Who knows what’ll happen next!

6 WORD STORY

I got the idea from here and thought "What a great idea for a post!"

Hemingway once wrote a story in just six words
("For sale: baby shoes, never worn.")
and is said to have called it his best work.

These are some of my favorite examples given in the article:

Longed for him. Got him. Shit.- Margaret Atwood
With bloody hands, I say good-bye.- Frank Miller
The baby’s blood type? Human, mostly.- Orson Scott Card

I even found this where the author composed 6 Word Stories to match her Flicker Photos. So I guess I need to write mine and then I want y'all to post your 6 Word Story in the comments. OK, how hard can it be? Only 6 words, here goes nothing.......

Potato peels. Bloody knife. Band-aid. Ouch!

I know, not great writing. So what if I used band-aid as one word!!! It has a hyphen so I'm gonna keep it as one word. Let's see YOU do better.

BODY IMAGE

“I used to have a body like this”.

I flashed the picture of a skinny, bikini clad, hard body, anorexic 20-something model on the cover of Fitness magazine at Sweet Thang as he gave me a much deserved foot rub.

“Yeah, I remember when you looked like that”.

One of my patented over-the-glasses go-to-hell looks.

“You know Baby, you still look like that to me.”

Smart man, very very smart man………

WORKOUT

THE HARDER I TRY.......

It came out of the dark and hit me like a ten pound hammer. That damn craving, the one I thought was gone for good. My mouth filled with slobber and I strangled the steering wheel in a white-knuckled death grip. I gulped air, practicing those deep breathing exercises that’s supposed to help and all the while hungered for a smoke with every atom of my being.

Thank whatever deity that was looking after me, at 3:30 AM on rural highway 33 as it wound down Courtland mountain with moonlight sifting through the woods and coyotes' eyes gleaming in the dark, there was nowhere to buy a pack and no one to bum off of; I was safe from temptation. After checking the mirror to make sure I wasn’t foaming at the mouth like a rabid dog I drove the rest of the way into work and hit the gym, hoping to sweat out this devilish hankering for a cancer stick.

I’ve been soooooooo good for so long. Why now, after weeks of being smoke free, do I crave the damn things? When will I be free from this weakness? I haven’t even attempted a diet, just tried to stay smoke-free and away from the lure of other smokers.

I come from the age when smoking was considered "grown up" and "romantic". You know, back in the stone ages before Uncle Sam let us all know that tobacco was a killer. Watch any old movie, the hero always lights his lady love's cig. Then you have the gratuitous dual "smoking in the bed after sex" scene. Hell, back then smoking was cool and sexy and almost everyone lit up. Now old folks like me are fighting the habit, and some of us are fighting a losing battle.

Almost my entire family smoked back then, most of them still do. The habit contributed greatly to my Mom's death; so I know it's bad for me, that it stinks and is a nasty habit. But damn it's hard to give up!

Work opened a really nice gym on the plant site and I’ve been going in early on days and staying over after midnights in the hope of gaining a little muscle and thinking perhaps my gasping for breath on the cardio portion would help me resist the siren call of tobacco. I usually do 10 minutes of stretches, 20 minutes of cardio, 20 minutes of weight training, 20 more minutes of cardio and then a final 10 minutes of stretches. I've even conquered the incline sit-up bench! Not too shabby for an over-the-hill old broad who sits on her arse 12 hours a day for a living.

The plan was to get off of tobacco, get in semi-shape and then work on the food portion of my “get healthier.” plan. When you pass the age of 50 you have to work a lot harder on getting in shape. Plus I’m a hedonist so I’ve been putting off the diet part; I didn’t think I could give up good food and smoking at the same time.

Oh well, I guess it's back to one day at a time. I've resisted Demon Tobacco, now if I can just kick my honey bun habit.......

Gettin' Old

You know you're getting old when you get dirt on your boobs and not one of the hard-ankles that you work with offer to help dust them off..........

ONLINE BOOK RESOURCE

Working midnight shift, on the few occasions that things run smoothly, it sometimes gets hard to stay awake. I usually resort to covert blogging, smuggling in a verboten book (no VIPs here at 2 in the A.M. to ask if it's work related) or mindless eating. However, several days ago while cruising the web I struck pay dirt!

I happily stumbled on The Online Books Page, which is a"website that facilitates access to books that are freely readable over the Internet. It also aims to encourage the development of such online books, for the benefit and edification of all." In other words, it doesn't host books but instead links to ones already on the web. The page formats are whatever the author or poster selected, so you find everything from plain text to wonderful artwork and some of the works are really old obscure writings that wouldn't see the light of day without being on the web.

It has everything from novels to poems, short stories and history, fact and fiction, written by authors both known and nobody. If you have a book or short story already on the web you can have it listed there for free. All this has given me access to stories and information that I would have never found before and damn if I don't love it!

I'm currently reading "The Ape Man" by James Ogilvy (1834-1914) which is sourced from the ERBZine, The Official Edgar Rice Burroughs Tribute and Weekly Webzine Site (owners Bill and Sue-On Hillman love ERB, whom they have dubbed "Master of Imaginative Fantasy Adventure Creator of Tarzan® and "Grandfather of American Science Fiction") as "The Ape-Man: his Kith and Kin A collection of texts which prepared the advent of Tarzan of the Apes by Edgar Rice Burroughs". I don't know if old Edgar ever read the story, but it follows along the same lines As Tarzan and is definitely keeping me awake!

Check it out some time, it makes for some interesting browsing and you never know what forgotten gem you might uncover. Happy reading, y'all.

BONUS: Check out the picture stating ONLINE BOOKS in my sidebar, it links to a page with lots more online book resources!

BURPPPPPPPPPPPPP

Can you OD on food? I think I’ve turned into a food zombie this week! You know what I mean, one of those walking talking overstuffed brainless eating machines. Sweet Thang’s relatives from several outlaying states came home for the holidays; so as a result the entire week has gone by in a blur of gluttony and “Now which one is she?” I'm good at remembering faces but names elude me and this week I was in the midst of lots of unknown folks.

The grill and fish fryer smoked like wildfires, TWO ice-cream freezers sat on the patio whirling and churning all manner of creamy goodness (they made strawberry, coconut, and peach ice-cream), friends and family made a constant parade of covered dishes emitting savory aromas, cakes pies and deserts lined the kitchen counter, and the air conditioner rumbled incessantly in a losing battle to cool down a house where both the stove and oven worked nonstop and the doors never stayed shut. I guess it's true, "Nothing says lovin' like something from the oven".

Everyone ate till they 'bout popped then sat around moaning, groaning, burping, farting and napping until it was time to do it all again. About sundown the game boards, dominoes and cards came out and the house echoed with catcalls and taunts because the entire clan are completive and love to best each other at anything. The house was packed with people and a loving atmosphere; at bed time they were draped over every couch and chair plus the kids camped out in the yard, all the little boys terrorizing the girls with spooky stories and then slipping up in the dark to scratch on the tent or make “spooky” noises. The crowd started arriving on Saturday and most of them left on Friday, although one or two are still lingering.......

This is the first time my family hasn’t gotten together for the 4th. I didn’t even buy any fireworks (the grandmonster was at his house). It felt kinda weird so I’m glad I had somewhere to go and people to keep me company. I guess with the passing of both of my parents it’s to be expected that all the old traditions would fall apart but it still doesn’t feel right. I miss all the sisters, nieces and nephews getting together. I’m afraid that before long we’ll be like me and my multitude of cousins, strangers meeting in town and thinking “That looks like Shelia, but it’s been so many years ……. Should I speak or wait to see if she recognizes me?”

Oh well; time moves on, and I guess, so should I. Besides I’ve got my blog family to keep me company and listen to me rant and rave (you do listen, don't ya?).

Hope everyone had a good holiday. I think I need to go to the gym and work off some of this ice-cream that has settled on my arse........

RAIN, RAIN

Hallelujah! It’s finally raining in North Alabama! Although we really need a slow steady rain that lasts for days on end, I’ll settle for these hit or miss thunderstorms that rolled in over the weekend. Mother Nature has been celebrating the 4th of July with thunder, lighting, some gusty winds and even a small tornado or 2; but it’s so dry here that everyone will take any moisture that they can get and be tickled about it.

We’ve been under the highest warning level of drought here in ‘Bama. The powers-that-be had even banned fireworks on the 4th, but after receiving all that wonderful precipitation the burn ban has been lowered to allow sparklers, firecrackers, and any other form of "boom stick" that doesn’t shoot up in the air. My grandmonster is so tickled that he couldn’t wait to light up the night. I'm gonna miss all the dazzling light shows, but after seeing all those wildfires on CNN I'd just as soon not risk it.

Sweet Thang is hobbling around on a walker, looking like a hunkered over old man; but hey, its lots better than the wheelchair! He’s actually starting to get around a little faster, although he’s still a long way from being able to chase me around the house, darn it! At least he's semi-mobile and we're working on him being able to get into and out of my car so we can go places. He's so tired of being house bound that he's threatened to tie his wheelchair to the bumper and let me drag him. One of Sweet Thang's wishes for a 1st outing is going to see the Transformers (guess he's just a big kid after all.)

His Mom and Dad have out-of-town company staying with them this week, so with Sweet Thang already staying there, they’ve got a houseful. They a busy social life anyway, and now they have parties, fish fries and bar-be-ques planned for the entire week. Hey, free food and I don't have to cook? Count me in, I'll bring paper plates and plastic cups in holiday colors so as not to be a bum!

Between Sweet Thang and the grandmonster it sounds like my calendar for the week is full. Y'all have a happy and safe 4th, and don't forget what the day symbolizes besides food and fireworks.

HAPPY DANCE

The current drought has caused a lot of bizarre things here in Alabama this summer: fruit and vegetables at selling at sinful prices, foliage in the colors of autumn instead of banners in the usual Red, White & Blue herald the 4th of July, grass crunches underfoot making it impossible for kids to sneak up on one another during games of tag or hide & go seek, deadly smog levels in our usually fair Southern metropolises have caused cities to put up signs begging folks to stay home and not drive, a lack of summer color because all the flowers are wilted and sere are making this a drab and dreary season instead of the usual floral showstopper that the South is known for.

But it has also brought one sight that I would have never dreamed of; something so fantastic that it brought an instant smile to my face and caused me to wish that I owned a video camera. People, this was an occasion! An event that I have never heard spoken of before, one that I would have never believed if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes.......


I saw a squirrel doing a happy dance underneath a lawn sprinkler.

Not just a quick and accidental dash through the shining drops. Nay, that frisky little squirrel spent several hours prancing and dancing, twirling and spinning amid the shower of wetness. I don’t know of any way to describe it other than pure animalistic joy in the hedonistic feel of wet fun on a hot day.

Dang, I love country living!

MARATHON MEME

*WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?…. I'm not sure; Mom told me that as soon as Dad found out that she was in "the family way" he announced that the impending tot (me) would be either Ricky or Vicki. Don't know if he just liked the name or if I was named after someone important in his life. When asked, the only answer I got from Dad was a smile

*WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?…. Last week while watching a movie that I can't even remember the name of

*DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?…. I have nice handwriting but lately it has suffered from lack of practice, too much typing and not enough letter writing - dang email

*WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?… I don't have a real favorite but smoked turkey is always welcome

*DO YOU HAVE KIDS?…. Just the one son; raising him was enough heartache/headache - thank you very much

*IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?… I'd like to think so, I'm a nice person and I enjoy my own company........

*DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?.. WHO? ME?

*DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?…. Nope, and believe it or not I had them taken out TWICE! Maybe I'm part lizard because one of the dad-gummed suckers grew back

*WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?….. When I was younger, maybe, actually probably because I used to be an adrenaline junkie ; but not now that I'm older. My bones break more easily and it takes longer to heal up in my old age

*WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?… Applejacks but I don't eat them anymore, too much sugar in them

*DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?… Yep

*DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?…. Mentally and emotionally, yeah. But the body is starting to slide downhill - gotta start working on that

*WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?… homemade anything

*WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?…. If they'll make eye contact with me -- but I guess that comes from years of having men talk to my chest. "Hey you, the part up here is where the brain resides!"

*WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?…. My lack of patience and my inability to say "NO" to friends and family

*WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?…. My Mom

*WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?…. a pair of Levi’s blue jeans…. and white/gray New Balance

*WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?…. Taco Salad

*WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?…. The hum of motors from outside the control room here at work

*IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?…. either teal or forest green

*FAVORITE SMELLS?…. Sandalwood, jasmine, fresh cut wood or grass , woodsmoke, the smell of burning leaves, fresh baked bread

*WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?… Karen

*FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?…. I don't do sports

*HAIR COLOR?… Natural - light reddish brown but it's streaked with blond right now

*EYE COLOR?… hazel…. a green, gold & brown mix….

*DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?…. No

*FAVORITE FOOD?… anything Italian or Latin

*SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?…. Depends on my mood

*LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?… Ghost Rider

*WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?… Buttercup Yellow

*SUMMER OR WINTER?… Actually spring or fall, but I guess summer

*HUGS OR KISSES?… kisses….

FAVORITE DESSERT?…. Boston Cream Pie

*WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?… Raptor by Gary Jennings (Author of Aztec, one of my all time favorite books) Excellent reading but might not suite everyone, historical fiction with lots of adult content

*WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?… Microsoft logo

*WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT?…. Nothing, worked midnights

*FAVORITE SOUND?…. A child's laughter, rain on a tin roof

*ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?…. The Stones of course

*WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?… Hawaii

*DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?…. Doesn't everyone?

*WHERE WERE YOU BORN?… Moulton, Alabama

STOLEN FUNNY

I stole this from Nitwit because it's too good not to share. Who of us wouldn't love to go back to "the good old days"?

RESIGNATION

I am hereby officially tendering
my resignation as an adult.

I have
decided I would like to accept the
responsibilities of an 8 year-old again.

I want to go to McDonald's and think
that it's a four star restaurant.

I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud
puddle and make a sidewalk with rocks.
I want to think M&Ms are better than
money because you can eat them.

I want to lie under a big oak tree and
run a lemonade stand with my friends on
a hot summer's day.

I want to return to a time when life was
simple; when all you knew were colors,
multiplication tables, and nursery
rhymes, but that didn't bother you,
because you didn't know what you
didn't know and you didn't care.

All you knew was to be happy because you
were blissfully unaware of all the things that
should make you worried or upset.

I want to think the world is fair.
That everyone is honest and good.

I want to believe that anything is
possible.

I want to be oblivious
to the complexities of life and be
overly excited by the little things again.

I want to live simple again.

I don't want my day to consist of
computer crashes, mountains of paperwork,
depressing news, how to survive more days
in the month than there is money in the
bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness,
and loss of loved ones.

I want to believe in the power of
smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth,
justice, peace, dreams, the imagination,
mankind, and making angels in the snow.

So . . . here's my checkbook
and my car-keys, my credit card bills
and my 401K statements.

I am officially
resigning from adulthood.

And if you want to discuss this
further, you'll have to catch me
first, cause........

......"Tag! You're it."

DRY AS A SNAKE SHED..........

I swear, if I didn’t know better I’d think it were the dog-days of autumn instead of almost the 4th of July. My poor drought stricken trees are shedding russet colored leaves all over the yard and striding across the sun-seared lawn produces crackling sounds that would be much more appropriate in a Rice Krispy commercial. It’s so dry that all the critters are out hunting water including the Devil’s totem, that universal symbol of evil, the snake.I mentioned awhile back that I had lost 3 puppies to snakebite, but the other day I almost lost my future niece-in-law to a copperhead! I wasn’t there when it happened, so I don't know what is the honest truth, but it seems that a birthday party was going on when Erica heard a friend’s 3 year old son hollering outside. Looking out the door she was horrified to see the youngun’ running across the porch with arms outstretched, attempting to grab a baby copperhead that was sunning itself on the warm boards. When Erica snatched up the little boy the snake struck and caught her in the ring finger. (I also heard that she was trying to catch the snake but I’m gonna put that down to idle gossip). The copperhead only managed to scratch a small place, there wasn’t any real penetration by a fang, and everyone thought things would be OK.

The snake was dispatched, Erica wrapped a ponytail elastic around her finger and started to drive herself home, but on the way she started to feel “funny” and dropped by the local emergency room. When they removed the elastic her whole had ballooned up and her fingers started to turn black, so the hospital loaded Erica in an ambulance and shot her off to Huntsville hospital. Now days later they say she’ll be alright but might lose a fingernail.

I can’t help but think that if she hadn’t looked outside when she did that the little boy wouldn’t have lived. There’s no way a 3 year old could have gotten inside and explained that a snake had bitten him in time to have gotten to the hospital for a shot of antivenin. Not only that, the medical people would have to have know what type of snake it was before giving him that injection.

Copperheads bite more people in most years than any other U.S. species ....... A difference between copperheads and the other species appears when they are approached. Most rattlesnakes vibrate their tails and most cottonmouths sit with mouth open when a human comes near ....... the copperhead is different ....... most copperheads strick out immediately when they felt threatened.

BTW: Sweet Thang goes back to the Dr. on the 26th and then maybe we can work on the walking thing. He’s so bored that he’s taken up watching golf on TV! Thanks to everyone for asking about him

"8 Facts/Habits About Myself"

I know I've been MIA, again! Sorry about that, but I'm back and catching up with everyone as fast as I can. As most of you know, if you miss a meeting everyone else nominates you for the committee or team or whatever while your back is turned and Lady K has continued the tradition by tagging me with this meme (just kidding Lady K, I'd love to do your meme).

Here are the rules: Each player lists 8 facts/habits about themselves. The rules of the game are posted at the beginning before those facts/habits are listed. At the end of the post, the player then tags 8 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know that they have been tagged and asking them to read your blog.

Trying not to repeat anything that I've previously posted is hard but I'm giving it a shot, so here goes:

1. I have a hard time with moderation; such as my ongoing struggle with nicotine addiction. I’ll go days without smoking, no problem, and then suddenly the cravings will hit and I’ll suck down an entire pack in just a few hours. The same goes for good food. I love to cook and to sample both my (or anyone else’s) edible delights, as anyone can tell from looking at my “curvaceous” body. Hey, I’ve still got my hour-glass figure; I’ve just got more sand now! Guess you can say that I’m an “All or Nothing Gal”.
2. I’m addicted to reading (at least I’ve got 1 healthy addiction!) In a pinch I’ll read anything; sales papers, the guys at work’s hunting & farming magazines, tech manuals on equipment that I don’t have a chance in hell of understanding. I was actually reading before I started school (thanks Mom!) and now-a-days I read around 250 words-per-minute and at least 4 novels a week. All this makes me a walking-talking fountain of useless trivia; I know a lot about a little but not a great deal about any one thing.
3. I never went to college. As a consequence of not having a higher education but enjoying a voracious appetite for reading, I know the definition of a plethora of words but have no idea of how they’re pronounced. It’s like knowing a foreign language but not being able to speak it.
4. I love to travel alone. The first time I ever flew in an airplane or left the continental USA I went to Hawaii for 8 days, ALONE. Had a great time; rented a ‘vert and roamed the island at all hours of the day and night. Traveling with a partner is fine but nothing beats the freedom of doing what you want and changing plans at the last minute without a fuss. Yes, I know about all the dangers, but believe it or not most people and service personnel will go out of their way to assist a single woman whereas they’ll ignore a couple.
5. I firmly believe that being in a relationship is a luxury, not a necessity. How in the world can someone expect others to enjoy their company or love them if they can’t love themselves or enjoy a little alone time? Face it folks, if you can’t be happy all by your lonesome, then you’ll never be happy with someone else.
6. I’m a low maintaince type of gal. Although I make a decent wage, I seldom wear make-up & I usually dress very casually; my home is old, small & rundown, I don’t drive a new or expensive car and my favorite jewelry is costume stuff that I pick up here and there. But if I decide I want something I usually get it. My tastes are simple and I’ve rather go on a trip or read a good book that spend a fortune on looking good or trying to impress others.
7. Speaking of looks; I still haven’t gotten used to seeing this older, thick-waisted crone who inhabits every mirror that I look into. I’ll be feeling really good, sexy, feisty; having one of those “I feel like I can take on the world” days and suddenly I see my reflection in the nearest shiny surface. When the hell did those gray hairs creep in? My love handles have run amuck and met in the front, forming what I would call a pouch if I were only a kangaroo! My boobs have started to migrate South and I keep trying to convince myself that those dark spots are freckles. When did I get so old? I don’t feel like an old woman, I still feel as if I’m in my 30s but the mirror won’t agree with me, darn it.
8. I’ve discovered in my old age that sometimes the fact that others have a lot of confidence in your abilities can be a bad thing. The better you do, the more they expect. This includes work, family and friends. Sometimes it’s better to mess up just a teeny tiny bit; that way some of the pressure to be perfect will let up and people will start to have a more realistic idea of your abilities. What I mean is; do your best, but don't beat yourself up if your best isn't good enough. Superman/Wonder Woman are cartoons, people. Real life doesn't always come out perfect, the good guy doesn't always win, and sometimes people just have to take what they can get. (Just be sure to mess up on something that’s not vital to your job or someone else’s health.)

I'm not gonna tag anyone else but y'all are welcome to play if you want. Just say so in the comments and we'll all come by and see if you reveal any deep dark secrets!

HOG WILD!

Down here in 'Bama, our men start doing all those manly type things at a young age (which ain't necessarily a good thang!). Plus this picture proves that Texas ain't the only place where things grow bigger. (Sorry JS!)

Jamison Stone, 11, with the wild pig he killed near Delta on May 3 that reportedly weighed 1,051 pounds and measured 9-feet-4-inch. (article in Decatur Daily)

Man, that's a lot of pork chops on the hoof!

HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND

I don't have anything interesting to blog about - so I thought I'd just wish everyone a safe and happy holiday weekend and maybe even give you a giggle to start you out in a good mood.

One day while passing a nursing home I noticed six old ladies lying naked on the grass. I thought this was a bit unusual, but continued on my way to the store.

On my return trip, I passed the same nursing home with the same six old ladies laying naked on the lawn. This time my curiosity got the better of me and I went inside to speak with the manager.

I asked:
"Do you know there are six ladies laying naked on your front lawn?" "Yes", he said.
"They're retired prostitutes having a Yard Sale."

(The sexy 'toon is from Suddenly Senior, a wonderful site for the over 50 crowd. If you haven't checked it out, hurry over. It's got tons of links about everything from legal advise to cartoons to senior travel deals.)

SWEET THANG

Many of you have asked about how Sweet Thang is recovering from his motorcycle mishap. Sorry it’s taken so long to reply; I haven’t given you a progress report because there hasn’t been much progress to write about.

So far it’s been 4 weeks, well almost 5, and things are pretty much the same. Sweet Thang is still wheelchair bound although he can manage the bed to wheelchair and back transfer on his own. A large bedsore has developed on one heel but it’s starting to heal up (that’s almost a pun!). He’s still in a lot of pain, one of the plates runs across his lower back and is attached to his tail bone, so he can only sit up for a few hours before the aching forces him back to bed. He’s taking a lot of pain meds; between the meds, inactivity and the aftereffects of the surgery he’s having a lot of problems with constipation which doesn’t make things any more comfortable.

The poor dear is going back to the Doctor on Thursday so maybe before too long he’ll get the go ahead for physical therapy to start; when he was in the hospital they said it would take between 6 and 8 weeks for the bones in his hip to heal enough to bear some of his weight. Although learning to walk again will involve more pain of a different sort, at least it'll be a step (another pun!) in the right direction and something to work toward. We have been told to expect between 3 to 6 months before he can actually walk once he starts trying to use the broken hip, so Sweet Thang still has a long way to go.

Speaking of weight, Sweet Thang has dropped a lot of pounds but not in a good way. You know how you can sometimes see suffering in a person’s face? That’s the way he looks now. His cheekbones are sharp looking, jutting out from his face like blades and beneath his eyes are bruised-colored dark hollows. This once amazingly strong man now has trouble doing his 3 times a week sessions with the Home Health person using only 5 pounds weights where before he could toss my ample ass around as if I were a 50 pound kid.

It hurts my heart to see Sweet Thang reduced to having to have his Mom wash his hair for him and to hear the weakness in his voice, but he’s doing his best to keep his spirits up. His birthday is June 5 and I’m trying to come up with some way to make the day special. My sister Teresa is making him a boob cake, which I hope will bring a smile to his face (it’ll the closest he’s been to having sex in a long time and it appears that it’s going to be even longer before we can remedy that situation!)

Once again, thanks for all the support. Both Sweet Thang and I appreciate it.

GOOD READ

Serial killer? Massive amounts of blood and gore and absolute evil? For those of you who are fans of the books "Silence of the Lambs" and "Red Dragon", you need to check out "Shadow Man" (click on the picture on the left to go to it's Amazon site). This first novel is the beginning of a new series by a promising author named Cody McFadyen and the story is so good that several of my coworkers are arguing over who gets dibs on reading it next.

The series stars a hard-luck female FBI agent named Smoky Barrett (with occasional flashbacks to her own brutal rape and the murder of her family at the hands of a different serial killer, a series of events that made her the tormented woman she is today) who heads the FBI's L.A. Violent Crimes Unit, and the antagonist in this debut effort is a serial killer known as "Jack Jr.," who believes he's a descendant of Jack the Ripper.

This book is chilling to say the least. WARNING: Not for the faint of heart: descriptions of Jack Junior’s despicable crimes are gruesome and occasionally even upsetting-BLOOD AND GORE GALORE! Combined with the simple manner in which the book is written (no fancy, unnecessary words) the result is a story which gets straight to the point, conjuring up graphic images in an instant. The details of the various crimes are explicit. Jack Jr. isn’t content merely to kill. He tortures, he rapes, he slices, he eviscerates, he leaves internal organs in plastic bags next to the body. It can make for uncomfortable but riveting reading.

I enjoyed this read so much that I immediately went on-line to check and see when McFadyen's next offering was coming out. Lucky me, I found out that "The Face of Death" just hit the shelves this month! I'll have to go out in search of it, because I just can't wait to see what mayhem hits Agent Barrett's life next!

I fully expect to see a movie based on "Shadow Man" to hit the big screen before long, it's that good. Wonder who they'd get to play the part of Agent Smoky Barrett?