Sunday, February 12, 2006


My friends make sure I don't get too down in the dumps by bombarding me with goofy, quirky and sometimes downright odd e-mails. Here's a small sampling of the latest batch.


Working people frequently ask retired people what they
do to make their days interesting.

Well for example, the other day I went into town and
went into a shop. I was only in there for about 5 minutes,
when I came out there was a cop writing out a parking

I went up to him and said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?"

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.

I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires.

So I called him a s---head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20

The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.Personally, I didn't care. I came into town by bus.

I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important at my age.


"Hello, is this the Sheriff's office?"


"I'm calling to report about my neighbor Virgil Smith. He is
hiding marijuana inside his firewood!"

"Thank you very much for the call, sir."

The next day, the Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.

They sneer at Virgil and leave.

The phone rings at Virgil's house.
"Hey, Virgil! This here is Floyd. Did the Sheriff come?"


"Did they chop your firewood?"


"Happy Birthday, buddy!"
(Who says rednecks aren't real bright!)?

Ya'll have a nice day, now. Ya Hear!

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