HAPPY HALLOWEEN

Damn, I even scare myself!

Hope y'all have a happy and safe Halloween & that you get lots more treats than tricks.

DEVILS NIGHT

HAPPY DEVILS NIGHT Y'ALL.

I'd never heard of Devils Night until recently. For those of you who didn't know either, Devils Night is always October 30, the day before Halloween and has always involved acts of criminal behavior. I've TPed a yard or two in my time, even tossed a couple of eggs (now's there's a fine of $50 per egg if you get caught). However, not to hurt anyone's feelings or anything but some of those folks up North have taken Devils Night to a whole 'nother level and resorted to outright arson.

After reading the definition and how it started I can see why it never caught on here in the South. Our motto is "Good Food, Good Friends & Good Times". We're mostly laid back and want nothing more than to have fun, maybe indulge in a few bad habits & if you're really lucky, be involved in a little hanky-panky.

The hell with burning down houses, we Southerners just wanta have a good time and get laid.

I did lots of Google searches and found nothing I wanted to post about Devils Night but I did find a poem here:

DEVIL'S NIGHT

Don't go out on Devil's Night.
Stay in your bed and keep on the light.
Little demons and ghouls have their fun all right,
outside on the streets this Devil's Night.

You don't want to know what mischief they cause.
On Halloween Eve they run without pause,
flying and laughing, and breaking the laws,
you really don't want to see the mischief they've caused.

Please heed my words, stay under the covers,
and tell your friends and your sisters, and of course your brothers.
Stay in bed, don't even peek through the shutters,
'cause a goblin or ghost may spook you to stutters.

Just wait until daybreak on Halloween Day,
when you know all the ghouls and ghosts are away.
They hate the daylight, "it's no fun," they say.
So just please, please wait to Trick or Treat on Halloween Day.

ZIPLOCK OMELETTE

How cool is a recipe where you don't have to wash dishes! This came from the Men in Aprons blog (where they show pictures of the actually "boil in the bag" process) and was pointed out on the Hungry Girl site.
NOTE: one of the site commenters said you have to use a freezer bag. I haven't tried it yet so I guess we'll all have to experiment.
PSS: Jackie Sue, the good ole boy who runs the Men in Aprons is from TEXAS!

And now, it's time for an entry into .. TALES OF THE WEIRD! Did you know you can make an omelette in ziploc bag? It's true, my friends. No omlette pan, no flipping, no breaking. Just pure and simple egg goodness. There's not even a need to get out a bowl to beat the eggs in. Of course, if you're like me, you enjoy breaking out the omelette pan and trying to master the flip

.

Ingredients
- 2 eggs
- Your choice of add-ins (ham, bacon, onions, peppers, cheese, hash browns, etc.)

Set a large pot of water to boil. Meanwhile, crack the eggs into the bag, and shake to combine them. Put in your ingredients and shake gently to combine.
Before placing the bag in the boiling water, make sure to get the air out of the bag and zip it up. Place the bags into rolling, boiling water for exactly 13 minutes. You can usually cook 6-8 omelets in a large pot.
Open the bags and the omelet will roll out easily. Be prepared to be amazed.

EMPTY BED BLUES

On the way home this morning I sat at a railroad crossing, admiring the multicolored tags of anonymous Graffiti artists that adorned boxcars and tankers as they flickered in and out of my high beams. The car rocked and swayed in a buffeting wind as if I were riding the rails myself. Russet leaves swirled and skittered by, sometimes hanging for a moment on windshield wipers that swiped at a chilly drizzling rain, and the flashing red of the crossing lights made the moment seen almost surreal like something out of the Twilight Zone.

Thoughts of lounging on high thread-count sheets were running through my mind when the soulful voice of Sheba Potts-Wright ("I Need A Cowboy To Ride My Pony", "Slow Rolling") drifting from the speakers reminded me that silky sheets were all that waited for me. Damn, it's cuddle-up weather and there's no hunk of warm man-flesh waiting at the house! I usually revel in the freedom of my singleton status but nothing beats shared body heat on a cold and dreary day.

But I can wait for Tuesday, when both Sweet Thang and I have a day off. Ah well, I can always dream a little dream until the real Sweet Thang graces my empty bed.......

SAY HOWDY

I want Y'all to all go over to Jules and say Hi (ain't she pretty!). She's a wonderful lady who had a run of bad luck a while back (two trees fell on her house!) and is just now getting back into blogging. She deserves to get a little blog traffic to welcome her back to the Blogsphere.

Tell her Junebugg sent ya!

PS. I'm fine after my fall from grace, turns out that the only thing badly bruised was my ego.

IS MY FACE RED?

I've never been what you would call graceful. My name and the words "Poetry in motion" have never been mentioned in the same sentence, and for good reason. I stride instead of glide and the few times I've attempted to dance it looked more like a spastic being electrocuted than Ginger Rogers tripping the light fantastic. Maybe that's why I was never any good at sports, no coordination (plus the fact that I don’t always play well with others).

OK, so now you have the picture of a klutzy stumbling bumbling Junebugg in your mind. Add to that equation an all day shopping excursion wearing a brand new pair of slick-soled, high-heeled cowboy boots fresh out of the box.

Can you see where this scenario is headed? Come on, it doesn't take that much imagination. That's right. I fell, TWICE. In the Mall and AGAIN in Wal-Mart. And no, I wasn't drinking, thank you very much.

You would think, considering how much padding I'm endowed with, that I would bounce like a super ball, but noooooo. My butt didn't hit the floor, I landed on my right knee both times. Did you know that those stores are built on concrete slabs? A knee cap doesn't have any padding, and bone slamming against concrete while being propelled by the body of a falling plus sized female creates quite a smack.

I did manage to hang on to all my bags of loot but I know I looked funny as hell with my ass stuck up in the air (no wise cracks about my best side being up). Luckily each time we were leaving the store when I attempted to plant my face in the floor, so I didn't have to deal with the embarrassment of the many bystanders who witnessed my fall from grace following me around, constantly asking me if I was alright.

My knee cap is now missing a bit of skin, plus both my right thigh, the left side of my neck and shoulder, and my lower back are aching just a bit. I'll live, but I expect to be more than a little tender in those areas when I roll out of bed in the morning. I can't wait to see the size and color variations of the bruises I know will develop over night.

It could have been worse; I could have broken something and not been able to get up & make my escape. I can see it now, me lying there in the floor like a beached whale, surrounded by my sexy new lace thongs and what-nots, the crowd of gawkers growing larger by the minute, while someone calls an ambulance so even more people can learn that I can't walk and talk at the same time.

I think I'll take an aspirin or three and go to bed.

TUESDAY'S TALES

I'm struggling for something to write about, nothing much going on around my little portion of Moulton.

The sisters and I spent Sunday going through our parents personal effects, trying to divide things up where no one feels left out or slighted (not easy with 5 women). I'm glad to say that things went well and there was no mayhem, ugly words or bloodshed. I brought home tons of old pictures but my scanner died so I can't share any of them right now (gotta buy a new one some day). I went and applied for a loan to buy out one of the sisters' share of the family's 80 acres. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with almost 40 acres but I'm sure I'll think of something.

Karen and I spent today shopping in Florence and I got the Oriental inspired tunic at the left. Classy looking, isn't it. I figure it'll be good for a dressy event that I don't want to actually wear a skirt to and I love the Asian look. The satin is really sensuous next to my skin,plus it's really forgiving of the extra padding I seem to have picked up in the last few years (damn gravity and Father Time!) The older I get the harder it is to try to stay in shape, but HEY round is a shape! I just wish it was red and black instead, red is soooo my color!

I've spent almost every night watching horror movies, one of the best things about this time of year. The Lost Boys, all the Halloween movies, Skeleton Key, Cursed, and tons more. Tonight I've been sitting in front of the TV giving myself a pedicure, my toe nails are now Vampire Red (red/black, the color of dried blood) . I'm trying to get myself in the Halloween mood and I figured I'd try the extreme color on my toes before I got brave enough to vamp out my finger nails where every one and their brother can see this fat-ass old woman trying to act vampy.

Nite y'all, it's getting late and I've got a comfortable bed and a good book calling my name.

BIKERS FOR BABIES 2006

At last, I'm posting the long awaited 2006 March of Dimes Bikers for Babies pictures. Sorry it took so long, I have no good excuse and I'm too lazy to make one up. As usual, if you wanta see a bigger version just click on the picture.

I took tons of pictures in the Barber Vintage Motorsports Museum but I'm only going to post a few. If you're interested, the site has a wonderful slide show that I highly recommend.

No snide comments about me and Sweet Thang's du-rags, after several hours wearing a helmet, your hair is smooshed flat and needs covered up so you don't scare small children!



This sculpture is out front of the museum. Isn't it wonderful! And the men are naked (the pic on the website shows full-frontal!)

Muscle Shoals, Alabama has enjoyed a long and successful music tradition and BLACKLAND is another band that is putting Fame studio on the map. They kicked butt in Leeds with Rock & Roll featuring bold guitar playing and blues driven vocals.

I'm not sure what that smirk means, I kinda caught him unaware. I forgot to make him put sunscreen on his face and you see a little pink, but the next day he was bright red and a day after that he was peeling. Hey, he's a grown man and it wasn't my pay to take care of him! I put my sunscreen on!!
All those female riders made me lust after a bike of my own, but I don't see it happening anytime soon. As much as I love to ride I hate to spend that much on something that I can't use all year round. I'll just continue to ride behind Sweet Thang and save my $$$ for fancy vacations and exotic shoes.

TELL ME~~~~~~~~~

Would you rather be lucky OR good?

~How come?~

{For you yankees, that means explain why}

TEST FOR DEMENTIA

It's that time of year to take our annual test. Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it, you lose it! Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence. Take the test presented here to determine if you're losing it or not. The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you've made your answer.

OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.

1. What do you put in a toaster?













Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," give up now and do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, bread, go to Question 2.

2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk." What do cows drink?

















Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," don't attempt the next question. Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat. Content yourself with reading a more appropriate literature such as Auto World. However, if you said "water", proceed to question 3.

3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?


















Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks," why are you still reading these??? If you said "glass," go on to Question 4.

4. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London , 17 people get on the bus; In Reading , six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon , two people get off and four get on; In Cardiff , 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What! was the name of the bus driver ?





















Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don't you remember your own name? It was YOU!!

PS: 95% of people fail most of the questions

ODDS & ENDS

I've got nothing to blog about that doesn't involve others, and I'm not even going there. So I'm doing a very first ever Monday list.

1. Tonight starts ABC's 13 NIGHTS OF HORROR, a regular Halloween tradition. Movies range from The Sixth Sense to Scooby Doo-Monsters Unleashed, definitely something for everyone. Plus there are some kid-friendly downloads and such if you're interested.

2. Speaking of Halloween, here are some more freebies, like stationary, screen savers and sound effects.

3. Windows Live' OneCare has come up with a way to remotely help out a friend infected with those darn 'puter cooties (Sorry JackieSue, you both gotta have Windows Live messenger for it to work)

Are you the one your friends and family call when they need help with their PC? Hang up the phone. With our scanner and Windows Live Messenger, remotely diagnosing and fixing everything from viruses to hard-disk fragmentation just got a whole lot easier and faster.

4. StarPulse is the place to go to see movie trailers for movies past and present plus music videos. They're arranged alphabetically and even manage to slide by our work-place censors!

Well, I'm at work and there are buzzers going off and alarm lights flashing plus folks yelling on the radio and every phone in the room is ringing off the hook. Guess I better go and pretend that I know what I'm doing.............................

DAD-GUM TECHNOLOGY

I've been wrestling with this dang 'puter for TWO WHOLE DAYS! But after a small stomping-my-feet session, a little hair pulling, making some ugly faces and a whole lot of cuss words, Junebugg came out on top. I ain't a-scared of no piece of plastic and wires and whatever else is in this blasted hunk of electronics.

The demon machine "lost" the CD-ROM drive. Well, it wasn't lost, the drive showed fine in my device manager except for an error code 39, but every time I went to burn or read a disc the thing went nuts and swore to me that the CD-ROM was missing {my 'puter must be male, they're usually the ones who lie to me}.

Thankfully, I found an automatic gizmo on Microsoft.com that whipped that puppy right into shape! Something about upper and lower filters or some such techie-shit. I swear they made this stuff hard for normal people to understand on purpose.

My Dell Jukebox went ape-shit, too. Every time I went to listen to a few jams, the thing would freeze up and I'd be ready to take a ball bat to the monitor before it would close. Hey, I'm a Scorpio, I don't give up that easily! I got the Jukebox fixed by doing an uninstall/reinstall several times and deleting a folder or two. Thank the Goddess for online help and forums.

Damn, I'm getting good at all this do-it-yourself 'puter stuff {puffs out more-than-ample chest and pats self on back, which is hard to do too!}

SEX ON MARS

The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough Frequent Flier miles. They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc. Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex.

"JUST HOW DO YOU GUYS DO IT" asks Maureen. The Martian responds, "Pretty much the way you do." A discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another.

Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a teeny weenie member about half an inch long and just a quarter-inch thick.

"I don't think this is going to work," says Maureen.

"Why?" he asks. "What's the matter?"



"Well," she replies, "It's just not long enough to reach me!"

"No problem," he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite impressively long.

"Well," she says, "That's quite impressive, but it is still narrow."

"No problem," he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman.

"Wow!" she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad, passionate love. The next day the couples rejoin their other partners and go their separate ways.

As they walked along, Mike asks, "Well, was it any good?"

"I hate to say it," says Maureen, "but it was wonderful. How about you?"

"It was horrible," he replies. "All I got was a headache. She kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears."

FOUND AT LOLLYGAGGING

Hey, this one hit kinda close to the mark!

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well. An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly. You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view. A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary. You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

TAKE ME BACK TO THE SIXTIES

Turn up your speakers, sit back, watch & listen. Man, I wish I had the soundtrack to this little video!

TAKE ME BACK TO THE SIXTIES

BIKERS FOR BABIES

First and foremost .................. I just want to state for the record that:
I'M SO DISAPPOINTED IN Y'ALL!
I give y'all a prime opening like "polishing his Fat Boy"and didn't get not one single solitary nasty, snide, pun-laden comment about it! Here I thought that I had gathered a fine upstanding readership, each one equipped with a twisted, warped, raunchy, slightly-off-center sense of humor to match my own and yet y'all let an opportunity like that go by ........................ I just don't know what to say. Maybe it was the thought of frost bitten nipples that threw you off?

Anywho, the ride was wonderful. All body parts survived except for a few assorted aches & pains and Sweet Thang's face is so sunburned that it looks like he's about medium rare (of course it's my fault, I forgot to remind him that you need sunscreen even if you feel like icecicles are hanging off your mustache). When we left the house at 7 AM it was bitterly cold on the back of that bike, but by the time we left Huntsville at 9 AM the temps has hit the 50s and it was fairly comfortable, me being decked out in black leather and wearing longjohns. Yep, I was practically gift wrapped but I WAS WARM!

I carried one of those disposable cameras, so Y'all gotta wait for me to get the film developed before you see any pictures. The group we rode with from Huntsville numbered 250 some odd bikes. We were riding toward the front of the pack and when you looked in the review mirror you could see bike headlights stretching for miles down the mountain. It was beautiful, I would have loved to have gotten pictures but it's hard to do from the back of a moving Harley.

The meet was at the Barber Motorsports Park in Leeds, Al. The Barber Vintage Motorsport Museum was awesome and damn it's big, with 5 stories of vintage race cars and motorcycles from all over the world. I highly recommend that you visit if you ever get the chance. I promise that you'll walk around going "OOOOO" and "AAAAHHHH"; but I warn ya, you'll have to drag any male partner out when you're done.

We even had the chance to ride several laps around the twisty-turny racetrack where the curves are slanted at breath-taking angles. It was a blast and I only had to thump Sweet Thang upside the helmet once (well, maybe twice) for trying to fly-like-a-bat out of hell around those hairpin curves with me hanging on behind him. I do believe it was the threat of making him sleep alone (aka send his ass back to his house) if we survived that slowed him down, I know his skull is too thick for my banging on his helmet to make a difference! All he kept saying was "I was only doing 75 MPH!" but I swear you would met yourself, those turns were so sharp!

The curve's too sharp and you're going too fast when the damn foot pegs are scraping sparks off the pavement!
There was a local Muscle Shoals rock band, Blackground (can't find their website), who made the trip down and entertained everyone with live jams from the back of a flat-bed trailer, and of course you always have your vendors selling everything from T-shirts to leather du-rags.

Bikers came from all over the state, plus I saw groups from Tennessee and Georgia, too. It was just one big party with thousands of bikers all getting along for a good cause, I didn't see not one fuss or scuffle. What surprised me the most was the fact that 80% of the people there were gray haired! LOTS of them were in their 60s, 70s, and even a few in their 80s! I guess this what they mean about the "Golden Years", no one told me that they were spent on the back of a Gold Wing!

We all had a blast and then everyone wandered back home whenever they felt like it. I'll post more when I get the pics to go with it. I always do better when I have visual aids.

NIPPLE-TINGLING WEATHER

It's in the mid 40s outside but Sweet Thang's out there polishing his Fat Boy for the March of Dimes Bikers for Babies ride in the morning.

We leave Huntsville at 9 AM and ride to Leeds, a little over 200 miles away. It's going to be a chilly trip, low 40s when we start out and the high is only gonna be in low 70s. The breeze on a bike will make the wind chill drop WAY DOWN!

I'm bundling up and hoping Sweet Thang's wide back will knock off most of the wind. There'll be hundreds of bikers meeting at Leeds and lots of activities when we get there. Fun for all and it's for a good cause, too.

I probably won't be back in time to post tomorrow, so y'all keep your fingers crossed that everything goes well and I don't get frost bite! I'll give you the details when I can.

STEPPING OUT

This article in The New York Times scared me into getting off the couch and on my feet. In particular this quote made my heart go pitty-pat and not in a good way:

The researchers published their data in the May 3 issue of The Journal of the American Medical Association, finding that being unable to walk a quarter mile within five minutes portended troubles. For each minute beyond five, the risk of dying in the next four years increased by a third, the risk of having a heart attack
increased by 20 percent, and the risk of having a disability increased by half. Those who took more than six minutes for the quarter-mile walk had the same risk of dying or having a heart attack as those who could not walk the distance at all, and the effect was independent of age.

What's really scary is the fact that my Mom was bed-ridden by the time she was in her mid-60s and dead before she reached 70. Damn, I'm pushing 51 hard and heavy! Most of that shit is hereditary and as much as I love my family our genetics don't bode well for longevity. My maternal grandfather died of a massive heart attack in his early thirties as did several cousins, and the rest of our kin usually kick the bucket anywhere from 50 to 75!!

I do believe it's time to break out my walking shoes and go visit Mother Nature. I can walk and look at the changing colors, the weather is much nicer to get outdoors without breaking a sweat; plus it'll help get my tired old heart and my wobbly ass in better shape.

Who's up for a hike and a picnic?

PURTY POOTY PUTY-TAT

When I got home from work yesterday, I got me a little stray pussy. What was that you said? NO! Get your minds out of the gutter, I don't swing that way!! Not that I couldn't if I wanted to, me being the vibrant sexy mature woman that I am, but I prefer the male of the species; this stray doesn't happen to swim in my part of the gene pool.

When I got out of the car, my posse of puppies had an itty bitty kitty hemmed up in the corner of the carport. I can't believe she was brave (or foolish) enough to wander up in a yard full of yammering slobbering k-nines! Naturally I had to wade through the squirming barking pack of pooches, rescue the errant feline, and bring her in the house. She's skinny as hell and hobbling around 3 legged, but nothing seems to be broken. I figure that the hounds gnawed on her back leg a bit before I got home. The leg just seems to be a little tender; it sure hasn't stopped her from jumping up on the furniture.

The kitten appears to have a lot if Siamese in her, she's got the biggest blue eyes you've ever seen, that foxy-shaped face the breed is known for, and her fur is Siamese gray except she's got rings around her tail and lacks the black markings on her legs.

Rufus is pissed at the invasion, this is his house and he doesn’t plan to share with anyone; man, dog or kitten. He stalks around all offended and huffy with every hair on his body standing straight up. Every time the kitten tries to make friends he hisses and growls like a bull dog (I never heard that sound out of him before!) but so far there's been no bloodshed or mayhem. Personally, I think his bark meow is worse than his bite. Rufus is sticking to high ground and leering down at the kitten like a vulture waiting for dinner to die. He's gonna have to come down one day and I figure that's when the battle of the puty-tats will be on.

We have one major problem with this lovable foundling. She's a bit, er, odoriferous, pungent, miasmic; you know gassy. Hell, the cat farts every 5 minutes. This tiny bit of fluff gives off a nauseous stink that is curdling the paint on the walls and will burn the hair out of your nose. It's hard to believe that such a small body can emit such a awful stench! I don't know if it's something she ate while scavenging around on her own or what, but I hope it's not a permanent thing because I'm not sure I can stand the smell. Of course her pooty propensity explains 2 things, why we've named her "Stinky" and the title of this post.


On a lighter note, Sweet Thang showed up at the door with roses, JUST BECAUSE. Damn, I must be doing something right!

DISTURBING FASHIONS

"Kangaroo scrotum pouches are unusual sentimental little gifts that last and remembered for a long time because of its uniqueness. "

OK, now I've seen it all. I found this link over at Toxic Twat's blog and just had to pass it on. Guess we'll have to ask Apos about how popular these are, her being an Aussie and all. And it's not a one hit wonder, here's another site advertising the recycled nut sacs as:

"special elegant outrageous unusual gifts for wedding, St. Valentines, birthday, etc. small romantic gifts with big sentimental value"

I can see it now, "Honey, I love you so much I got you a scrotum of your very own".

Of course you have to pay extra for the fancy unusually sexy shaped Collectable Pouches.

Wonder if PETA knows about this shit?