GIRL TALK - GUYS, YOU WERE WARNED!

Mom was a modest woman, raised in a time and place where private matters absolutely were not discussed in public. Any mention of bodily functions or anything remotely sexual would cause her face to flush bright red and her eyes to look anywhere but at the person who dared to bring up such an unlady-like subject. If forced into such a topic she was the Queen of Euphemisms, Mom could say more without actually saying anything than any person I ever met.

Somewhere in my early preteens it came time for her to tell me about "becoming a woman" (talk about euphemisms!). I don't remember how old I was, 10 or 11 maybe. But this time Mom had a plan!

Secretly, she sent away to Kotex for a little kit with a sample of everything in it (remember this was back in the day when you had to wear a sanitary belt) and a few pamphlets describing EXACTLY what would happen in great detail.

I wish I still had those pamphlets, I'm a little sentimental towards them. They were relatively upbeat -- telling you that there were some myths out there and that having your period didn't mean a thing, and that you could dance and do anything you wanted. It glossed over the cramps thing, which it could have stood to discuss in more detail, but I guess they wanted to not scare kids. Heck, the fact that you tried to bleed to death and felt like you'd eaten green apples each month was bad enough!

When my kit came in the mail she handed the box to me, explained that it was something I was now old enough to know, told me to read it and we would talk about what I had learned. I didn't know what was going on. It wasn't my birthday, why was I getting presents?

I went into the bedroom that I shared with Donna, lay across our bed and tried to make sense out of the funny looking stuff in that box. Mom must have stood guard, it was the first time I had ever went into a room and not be interrupted by a younger sister wanting to know what I was doing, what I had, where it came from, and why didn't they have one too.

In the package there was a piece of elastic with metal doohickies hanging off in a couple of places, 6 long thick cottony things that looked like I don't know what, and those cute little books. Lucky for me, I started reading young and could figure out that these weird things were supposed to be strapped on and shoved up between my legs. Yuck! How could I keep from walking spraddle-legged with that wad of stuff stuffed up into my crotch??

Then came the fun part. Nobody around our house ever ran around undressed. Although Mom and Dad were physically affectionate with each other, hugging and kissing and sitting in each other's laps, there was no bare skin or hanging out in your underwear. With 5 daughters in a three bedroom house with no indoor bathroom (days of the outhouse, y'all) modesty and privacy were highly valued and hard to come by.

Now not only did Mom have to have "the discussion", she actually had to show me how to wear that stupid belt and attach the pad. Fun stuff girls! If you think that wearing a pair of thongs are a pain in the butt (pun intended), then you ain't seen nothing until you try wearing a pad & belt all day.

The pads included with the kit were bulky and had long tabs on either end to hook onto the belt. The whole thing put together had the effect of a great big wedgie. It was lovely, the pads leaked and if you wore a tight skirt or pants you could see the outline of the belt. The tabs chaffed in the back and you could wind up with a red, raw ass crack.

We got through all this mother-daughter bonding with lots of flaming cheeks and giggles. The topic of sex was never brought up, I believe that Mom had all she could stand with just the "Curse" discussion. Being the oldest of 5 girls, Mom had to start with me but I'm sure she had her "bloody speech" down pat by the time Lana rolled around.

Dang, wonder what Mom would have ordered through the mail if she had planned the "Facts of Life" talk?? Maybe a catalog from Adam and Eve?

Thanks to MUM (MUseum of Menstruation ) where I found a lot more than was included in my first kit, including a Halloween Costume made out of feminine hygiene products!

Technorati Tags: Family, Mother+Daughter, Menstruation, Humor, Growing Up, Kotex, MUM, Feminine, Museum of Menstruation

NO PARENT LEFT BEHIND

I promise you cannot read these and not laugh out loud. These are REAL notes written by PARENTS in a Tennessee school district... (Spellings have been left intact.)

1-- MY SON IS UNDER A DOCTOR'S CARE AND SHOULD NOT TAKE PE TODAY. PLEASE EXECUTE HIM.

2-- PLEASE EXKUCE LISA FOR BEING ABSENT SHE WAS SICK AND I HAD HER SHOT.

3-- DEAR SCHOOL: PLEASE ECSC's JOHN BEING ABSENT ON JAN. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 AND ALSO 33.

4-- PLEASE EXCUSE GLORIA FROM JIM TODAY. SHE IS ADMINISTRATING.

5-- PLEASE EXCUSE ROLAND FROM P.E. FOR A FEW DAYS. YESTERDAY HE FELL OUT OF A TREE AND MISPLACED HIS HIP.

6-- JOHN HAS BEEN ABSENT BECAUSE HE HAD TWO TEETH TAKEN OUT OF HIS FACE.

7-- CARLOS WAS ABSEN YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE WAS PLAYING FOOTBALL. HE WAS HURT IN THE GROWING PART.

8-- MEGAN COULD NOT COME TO SCHOOL TODAY BECAUSE SHE HAS BEEN BOTHERED BY VERY CLOSE VEINS.

9-- CHRIS WILL NOT BE IN SCHOOL CUS HE HAS AN ACRE IN HIS SIDE.

10-- PLEASE EXCUSE RAY FRIDAY FROM SCHOOL. HE HAS VERY LOOSE VOWELS.

11-- PLEASE EXCUSE PEDRO FROM BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD (DIAHRE, DYREA, DIREATHE), THE SH**S. NOTE: [WORDS IN ( )'s WERE CROSSED OUT]. (Love it! :-) )

12-- PLEASE EXCUSE TOMMY FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD DIARRHEA, AND HIS BOOTS LEAK.

13-- IRVING WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE MISSED HIS BUST.

14-- PLEASE EXCUSE JIMMY FOR BEING. IT WAS HIS FATHER'S FAULT. {You know, this could be legit! ;-) }

15-- I KEPT BILLIE HOME BECAUSE SHE HAD TO GO CHRISTMAS SHOPPING BECAUSEI DON'T KNOW WHAT SIZE SHE WEAR.

16-- PLEASE EXCUSE JENNIFER FOR MISSING SCHOOL YESTERDAY. WE FORGOT TO GET THE SUNDAY PAPER OFF THE PORCH, AND WHEN WE FOUND IT MONDAY. WE THOUGHT IT WAS SUNDAY.

17-- SALLY WON'T BE IN SCHOOL A WEEK FROM FRIDAY. WE HAVE TO ATTEND HER FUNERAL.

18-- MY DAUGHTER WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE SHE WAS TIRED. SHE SPENT A WEEKEND WITH THE MARINES. {I absolutely LOVE that one!}

19-- PLEASE EXCUSE JASON FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD A COLD AND COULD NOT BREED WELL.

20-- PLEASE EXCUSE MARY FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. SHE WAS IN BED WITH GRAMPS.

21-- GLORIA WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY AS SHE WAS HAVING A GANGOVER.

22-- PLEASE EXCUSE BRENDA. SHE HAS BEEN SICK AND UNDER THE DOCTOR.

23-- MARYANN WAS ABSENT DECEMBER 11-16, BECAUSE SHE HAD A FEVER, SORETHROAT, HEADACHE AND UPSET STOMACH. HER SISTER WAS ALSO SICK, FEVER AN SORE THROAT, HER BROTHER HAD A LOW GRADE FEVER AND ACHED ALL OVER. I WASN'T THE BEST EITHER, SORE THROAT AND FEVER. THERE MUST BE SOMETHING GOING AROUND, HER FATHER EVEN GOT HOT LAST NIGHT.

NOW WE KNOW WHY PARENTS ARE SCREAMING FOR BETTER EDUCATION FOR OUR KIDS.

SNAP, CRACKLE, & POP

I just stood up and did a full hands in the air stretch. I swear I heard as well as felt my spine pop in several places. Damn, I sound like a bowl of rice crispies! Sitting in a chair in front of a bank of ‘puters from 5 A.M. until 2:30 P.M. is rough on your back, especially when you get my age. Working the weekend on a fine sunny Saturday sucks big time. It's 80 degrees out there and I'm trapped in this stupid control room.

Come on 5:30!!

I'M SUPERWOMAN

I'm at work on a slow Saturday doing a little blog cruising. I got this doodad over at PhilM's.

They must have met me several years ago. I'm no longer very lean, although the rest is true (I'm so modest HeeHee).

Your results:
You are Supergirl
Lean, muscular and feminine.
Honest and a defender of the innocent.


Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz

The Napoli Google Bomb

I know I said that I don't usually do politics, and I don't, BUT somethings need to advertised, just because what you don't know CAN hurt you. I lifted this entire post form Pat's blog. Help spread the word and save your wife, daughter, sister, and every other woman you know from the likes of Bill Napoli, a Republican state senator for South Dakota.

The Napoli Google Bomb
napoli (not to be confused with the proper noun, which indicates the Italian city)
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): napolied
Pronunciation: na'poli
1. To brutalize and rape, sodomize as bad as you can possibly can, a young, religious virgin woman who was saving herself for marriage.
2. To "hella rape" somebody.

Etymology: From State Senator Bill Napoli's (R-SD) words on an acceptable description of rape that would merit an exemption from South Dakota's abortion ban.

Bill Napoli

Urban Dictionary: Napoli

For the 4-11 on the Google Bombing efforts, see Smart Bitches.

OK, now back to me. For those of you who haven't heard Napoli's definition of necessary abortion, here it is, in a direct quote:

"A real-life description to me would be a rape victim, brutally raped, savaged. The girl was a virgin. She was religious. She planned on saving her virginity until she was married. She was brutalized and raped, sodomized as bad as you can possibly make it, and is impregnated.

I mean, that girl could be so messed up, physically and psychologically, that carrying that child could very well threaten her life."

South Dakota's law makes it a crime for a doctor to perform an abortion unless the mother's life is endangered. Quote from CNN: "The state legislature of South Dakota..........have usurped the right of the women of that state to decide whether or not to bear the child of an unwanted pregnancy. THEY will decide. Women will do what they decide". There are no exceptions for cases in which a mother's health may be threatened or cases in which the pregnancy results from rape or incest .

Spread the word & join in on the Google Bombing efforts. Go to Smart Bitches and post the links on your web site.

Update: Success-Napoli Google Bomb

Technorati Tags: Abortion, Bill Napoli, Rape+Napoli, Google, Politics, Women's Rights

I JUST WANT TO SHOOT SOME PEOPLE IN THE HEAD!

This is about Lucky and his mistreatment at the hands of the cruel and vicious people who used him as a "bait dog" to train fighting bulldogs. Here are links to his whole story. The sad thing is, several similar cases have happened around here. Lucky is the first survivor to have been found.

I've been following this story for a while, but haven't posted about it because it was so sad. I also have had a hard time writing this without resorting to vulgar language.

I have to admit that I am ashamed that such things happen here in my neck of the woods. But now things are looking up for this poor pup and I can't help but brag about how people have opened up to this "underdog".

Luck was found wrapped in a trash bag, still alive and thrown in a dumpster. His mouth was duct-taped shut, eyes swollen, multiple bite wounds over his head and neck, and his already rotting front leg dangling by a shred of skin. Thank goodness someone with a kind heart heard a whimper and did something other than walk on by.

The good Samaritan called the Decatur Animal Shelter. The Shelter employees took Lucky to a local vet who treated him and offered a $5oo reward for information leading to the arrest of the Sadistic nimrods who did this.

A veterinarian in Tallahassee, Fla., contacted him after reading about Lucky when THE DECATUR DAILY's story ran nationwide called and offered to provide a prosthetic limb. Lots of trials and operations later, the prosthetic failed to work. But Lucky was healing and healthy.

And the reward continued to grow as people came out of the woodwork to help. What was $500 turned into $6000, then finally, $14,000. But so far no one's been arrested. I have hopes that when they find the culprit the legal system will bring back public stoning.



OK, now for my point. I don't usually do politics but this is a special case. I need y'all, that means YOU ALL, to help push the House to approve H.R. 817, which would make all organized animal fighting a federal felony.

Currently, dogfighting is a federal misdemeanor. It is a felony in 48 states, including Alabama, while chicken fighting is a misdemeanor in 16 states, including Alabama.

This law targets the people who breed fighting dogs and chickens and have all these markets all over the country. Right now we've got some of these major breeders of fighting dogs who advertise in magazines and on the Web, and they make big money selling game-bred pit bulls off of proven bloodlines.

So write a letter, send an e-mail or fax. This could happen to your darling dog!! These people pick up any animal that will stand still long enough. Dogs go missing all the time, and the majority of them are either used as "bait dogs" or as subjects in lab experiments.

Let's speak out for our 4 legged companions who can't speak for themselves.


Technorati Tags: Dog+ Fighting, H.R. 817, News, Lucky+Dog, Decatur Daily, Animal Cruelity,

SO, YOU WANTA BE A JET PILOT?

Today is the first time I've touched a 'puter in days. It's been way too nice outside to spend my few days off inside. I haven't done anything worth blogging about, but I had a great time doing it!

In place of a well writen post (Yeah, like I ever give y'all one of those!) I'll give you this link that Carol sent to me. It's a game that the Air Force uses to train their jet pilots and check their coordination. It looks simple (no planes are involved) but believe me, it's not!

So go and play Excapa! and let us know how well you do. 18 seconds is supposed to be brilliant, but I never got past 10 seconds. Guess I'll have to stick to driving a car!

MY GOD - THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!!

After I saw a silver headed penis lurking in DB's new coffee maker, I decided to do a web search for phallic symbols. Surely I'm not the only one with an active imagination (or a dirty mind, take your pick). I didn't include any of the actual graphic images of peni (plural for pensis, I looked it up) , dicks, cocks, aka male genitalia, that would have been too easy and y'all know what one looks like, anyway.

(On a semi-related note, Big Dick has a hysterical list of euphemisms for self gratification).

First I ran across CULTURAL STUDIES/SEXUAL ANXIETY:THE CONFESSIONS OF A MEDIEVAL(IST) by Jaxqueline Murray. Although a bit dry, it's well worth reading. I particularly like the line "I spend my time trying to peek into the sex lives of a society approximately 800 years in the past......I have been exposing and gazing upon the genitals of medieval men". You gotta love an academic who thinks and writes like that. The lady has some valid points if you read the entire paper.



Then of course you had Sigmund Freud, founder of psychoanalysis, who deemed all kind of things as sexual symbols. Neckties, trains, snakes, cigars, sticks, umbrellas, posts, trees, all representive of the male organ. The man needed a doctor himself with such quotes as "objects which share with the thing they represent the characteristic of penetrating into the body and injuring - thus, sharp weapons of every kind, knives, daggers, spears, sabres, but also fire-arms, rifles, pistols and revolvers (particularly suitable owing to their shape)", from his work "Introductory Lectures of Psycho-Analysis" (1916-1917),

Next I did a Google Image Search for phallic symbols. Just a few that I found, excluding the obvious ones (I had lots more, but Blogger is acting up and they keep disappearing!!! ).


Yep, looks phallic to me


Mother Nature gettin' in on the act.


Of course, the media has been using sexual innuendo for ages. Fun with phalluses- as the images below depict, phallic imagery is a favorite of advertising firms for representing sex, masculinity, power, and the "ideal man".



Now that I have you all hot and bothered, I'm going to leave you with a spicy little poem.


Jane Hirshfield's "Of Gravity and Angels"
And suddenly, again,
I want the long road of your thigh,
under my hand, your well-travelled thigh,
your salt-licked & come-slicked thigh,
and I want the taste of you, slaking,
under my tongue (that place of riding desire,
my tongue) and I want
all the unnameable, soft, and yielding places,
bell & neck & the place wings would rise from
if we were angels,
and we are, and I want the rising regions of you
shoulder & cock & tongue & breathing &
suddenness of you
opening.

Technorati Tags: Sex, Jane Hirshfield, Phallic+Symbol, Freud, Advertising

IMAGINE

I got this from Lady K. It seems like a lot of fun, and y'all need to play with me PLEASE. I know y'all all got tons of imagination (after all, I've read your blogs) so make up a story about you and me. No holds barred, now TELL ME A STORY.

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, (even if we
don't speak often or don't really know each other) please post a comment with a
COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL memory of you and me. It can be anything you want - good or bad - BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE. When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people DON'T ACTUALLY remember about you!

Technorati Tags: Meme, Story, Fiction, Friends

SIGNS OF SPRING

Lord knows I'm not in the best of shape. Between Father Time, Mother Nature, and Mr. Gravity, various bits have started to sag and bag. I tend to be a bit of a hedonist (i.e. I enjoy good food and drink) which hasn't helped me keep a girlish figure. I don't tend to dress my age, I'm a jeans and T-shirt kinda gal. No knit suits and sack-like dresses for me. I wear shorts and bathing suites in public. So you know I'm not a prude in the clothing department.

BUT.....
This warm weather continues and the birds, bees and flowers aren't the only thing Spring-like that's making an appearance. The shorts and halter tops have come out of the closet and hit the streets.

Far be it for me to talk about bellies becoming muffin tops or thighs jiggling (that's like the pot calling the kettle black!). It's just that I went to WalMart the other day and I couldn't believe the amount of fish-belly white fat that was exposed.

Females of all ages were strutting their stuff in the sunshine. Overweight teens, puffy 20 somethings, pudgy 30's Mamas, middle-aged madams, they all proudly displayed their overhanging middles and cellulite for all to see.

Now I don't know about y'all, but I like to show my assets and cover up the things that aren't all that attractive when I go out in public. I would love to wear some of the fashions in the stores but I know I no longer have the figure to pull then off ( I'm not fond of hearing people snicker when I walk by). I know what I look like, what looks good on me, and what is only wishful thinking when I admire that skimpy outfit in the store.

So Ladies. Strut your stuff but look in the mirror before you leave the house. Check out both the front and the back view, please. Just because it comes in your size doesn't mean that you should wear it!!

Show your beautiful self to the world, but some things should remain a mystery. It's far more sexy to allude to something than to flash it for all the world to see. Let's put our best, er, foot, out there for everyone to see.

Technorati Tags: Fashion, Rant, Weight, Appearance, Spring, Fat

FIND THE MAN IN THE COFFEE BEANS

I found this at Greg's World (Greg and Big Dick are the ones who do the Fat Friday photos).

I'll admit, I didn't do too well at this. See what you can do and let me know in the comments. It'll be nice if I find out someone else has a few seconds trouble spotting the guy (I think I'll call him Juan).

This is an actual test-Can you find the man within 3 seconds?

This is pretty interesting -- it is actually a test (not a joke), although I don't know how scientific the explanation is. Read directions below and give it a try.

According to medical experiments if you can find the Man's Head within:
3 seconds: your right brain is more developed than normal people
1 minute: your right brain is developed normally
1-3 minutes: your right brain is slow in reacting, you should eat more meat protein
If you can't find the Man's Head in 3 minutes or more: your right brain is a disaster ... extremely slow in reacting, eat way more protein and try some Ginkgo Biloba.

AND, YES THERE REALLY IS A MAN IN THERE.

Technorati Tags: Memes, Tests, Puzzles, IQ, Links,

TAGGED

I got tagged by Doreen over at Thanks For The Ride, Lady with the 7 song Meme & the rules are:

List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they're any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying now. Post these instructions in your blog along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they're listening to.

Dang, this is hard! I love music of all kinds and listen to whatever my mood calls for that day. I range from oldies to hard core head-banging rock to country to blues. Plus half the time I can't remember which group goes with which song. Here are my choices in no particular order.

1. "If I Was Getting It at Home" by Peggy Scott Adams: (click #7 to hear a clip of this song). Peggy Scott Adams is a homegirl from 'Bama who's been rocking the R&B world forever. This is an older song and I couldn't find the lyrics anywhere but one of my favorite lines from it goes something like this "I might not be a spring chicken, but I ain't an old hen. Us women over 40 need a little now and again". Amen Sister! If you ladies out there have never heard any of Peggy's stuff, go online and check her out. Download a song or two. I've got a homemade CD of Peggy, Sheba Potts Wright, and Denise Lasalle that is our "Girls Gone Out" music.

2. "Battleship Chains" by Georgia Satellites: Their first album "Georgia Satellites (1986)" was my feel good/driving music for a while. Now I've got it on CD and the fun continues. I can't help drumming on the steering wheel with the sound jacked up while people wonder who's the crazy lady driving way too fast. At least they get out of my way in fear!!

3. "18 Wheeler" by Pink: You can blame Karen for this one. She's a Pink fanatic and I've been around her. Now I have this song stuck in my head. Gotta admit it makes a good "Get out of my face" song.

4. "Rock Star" by Nickelback: Karen's fault again.I love Nickelback, and she bought this CD. Now I gotta steal it long enough to burn me a copy. It talks about the "illusions" people have what it's like being a rock star so well I want to quit my job, write a rock song, learn to play guitar, and be a Rock Star too.

5. "Disease" by Matchbox 20 : This song got me through a lot of heartache and tears. In fact, the whole "More Than You Think" album is great. I know, they've been around a while but HEY I like this group. Go here to listen to any of their albums for free.

6." The Martian Boogie" by Brownsville Station: (click #18 to hear a clip) I've been collecting some of the stuff I listened back when and I just received "Smokin' In The Boy's Room: The Best Of Brownsville Station" a few weeks ago. My son just rolls his eyes but this is goldie oldie for me. Besides, I get to sing it around the house just to irritate him!!

7. "Old Red" by Blake Shelton: I'm not usually into country music much, but I like this one. It's a feel good country song that's fun to sing and will give you a giggle. Besides, the Sheltons' are kin and you know how we Southerners are about supporting our folks. The fact that he sings beautifully and is damn cute helps, too. Go here for videos and your daily dose of eye candy.

BONUS: "Good Ol' Boys" by Willie Nelson: My 6 year old grandson is a Dukes of Hazzard fanatic. He watches it several times a day, knows all the episodes by heart, has the movie memorized, and walks around singing this song all the time. Neither He nor I could carry a tune in a bucket but we have a blast with this one.

I'm not tagging anyone, but play if you want. Leave a comment here to let us know to come and check out your music tastes.

Technorati Tags: Music, Memes, Blog, Fun, Favorites, Tagged

I'm A Goddess!

I've been over at Ma's again and stole borrowed this quiz. She was Snow and both Bitichitude and I are:


Water You are the Goddess of Water.
-You are an easygoing spirit, and love being around
people. You have strong emotions when
provoked, but are a generally happy person.
You are non-confrontational, preferring to go
with the flow.


Which Elemental Goddess Are You? (yes, it has anime pictures)
brought to you by Quizilla

UP UP AND AWAY

Every thing around here is up. The temperature, the buttercups, my weight, my blood sugar, my Cholesterol.

Spring is in the air, and I need to get off my more-than-ample behind and start moving around. I got out today and pulled a few weeds but the greening grass and fallen limbs gave me out just looking at them.

Time to tune up the lawn mower and trim the grass plus rake up the left over leaves, pile up the limbs and have a bonfire. I need to scrub the grill, too. I'm ready for cook-outs and friends hanging around pitching horseshoes and playing badminton. Maybe going to the mountains of Bankhead for some day hikes and wading in the creeks (while keeping a lookout for dangerous wild critters like rattlesnakes, copperheads, cotton mouths aka Water Moccasins and feral hogs).

All this sunshine is giving me cabin fever.

EARLY WARNING SYSTEM FOR DATES

I got this from Pisser. Click on the picture on the left to enlarge it and read the meanings. How many of these people have you made the mistake of getting involved with?

Wouldn't it be nice if your potential date came with a tattooed warning about his/her bad habits? Think of the time, trouble and $$$ saved if you knew before hand that the Sexy Thang coming on to you was a bum or freak or Mama's boy/Daddy's Girl!!

Of course, people change. So the tattoo might have to be altered if the asswad changed his/her ways. But come on people, how many times does a true "Hell NO" become the "One".

What would your tattoo say about YOU?

WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BRAIN?

Found this at Ma's.


GREEN:

At work or in school: I work best by myself.

I like to focus on my ideas until my desire

for understanding is satisfied. I am easily

bored if the subject holds no interest to me.

Sometimes, it is hard for me to set

priorities because so many things are of

interest.

With friends: I may seem reserved. Although

my thoughts and feelings run deep, I am

uneasy with frequent displays of emotion. I

enjoy people who are interesting and of high

integrity.

With family: I am probably seen as a loner

because I like a lot of private time to

think. Sometimes, I find family activities

boring and have difficulty following family

rules that don't make sense to me. I show

love by spending time with my family and

sharing ideas and interests.


What Color is Your Brain?
brought to you by Quizilla

TUESDAY'S TALES

I spent most of last night in the emergency room with Karen. It turns out that she's got pleurisy. They gave her Tylenol 4 and Keflex (she's allergic to most everything else). I did a lot of people watching while there but didn't see anyone worth blogging about.

Welcome to Casa Junebugg. It's been raining for days, but the sun has finally come out and the temperature is up in the 60s so I got out with the camera.

I've got a whole 2 acres here on my private little Ponderosa in North Alabama. That's a pond on the right, but the rest of it is standing water. I told y'all that I lived in a bunch of trees!

The teal 4X4, the silver OZ Rally Racer in the carport, and the Triumph Spitfire in the back are mine. The black S10 is my son's.



Here's a view of my deck (complete with several grills and an outdoor fireplace) on the other side of the house. There's usually a hammock hanging between the trees, but it's put up for the winter. This is where we spend our summers cooking and hanging out. Man, I can't wait until summer finally gets here. Notice the fallen limbs on the roof?



The view from the road. It ain't much, but it's all mine and it's paid for.

SUNDAY FUNNIES

KING RUFUS IN HIS TOWER OF POWER



I can think of a lot of comments for this one. "Crack of Doom", "Christian Crack", "Lost Thong", "Getting Cheeky". I'm sure you guys can ass add, a few more!

I'M A LAZY BITCH, SO WHAT OF IT!

Today's been a slow, lazy day with rain and dreary skys, so I've spent the entire day doing laundry (WTF is it with laundry, it seems to fornicate and multiply every time I turn my back!) and watching VH1 One Hit Wonders.

I'm amazed at some of the fashion mistakes that we used to think was so hot! Asymmetrical haircuts, Banana clips for the hair, Big Earrings, Black leather jewelry with metal spikes, Colored mascara, Colored/Designed shoelaces, Crimped hair, Doubling socks with different colors, Fingerless gloves, Press-On Nails, Leg-warmers, Multi-colored hair, Plastic spring bracelets and necklaces in different colors, Ponytails on the side of your head, Ribbons as Belts, Roach Clips with feathers and beads (and the doobies that go with them), Rubber bracelets (as many as possible on one wrist), See-thru purses, Swatch Watches (several at a time), Teased hair, Big Hair, Mullets, Mohawks. Dang, I'm glad I outgrown most of these!

I did bake a honey ham and carry some to Karen, who's laid up with Pulmonary edema. The doctor's waiting for her EKG to come back before starting any kind of treatment and she's in a lot of pain. Damn it, she's my age and that's scary. Old age sucks and I DON'T FEEL THAT OLD. Lets hope she's just got an infection, she's small, skinny, doesn't smoke or do any of the other things that would cause heart problems.

The ham has been sliced, the bone and ham scraps tossed into the crockpot with a batch of pintos, and I'm set for food for the next few days.

What ch'a doing in your part of the world?

TERRORIST BLOGGERS

I recieved this link in an e-mail but I don't know anything about the Prison Planet.com site, so I don't know how reliable the info is. Gives you food for thought. Kinda makes you go HUMMM.

It seems that Bush has targeted Bloggers as terrorists!

Homeland Security completed its “Cyber Storm” wargame to test how our government “would respond to devastating attacks over the Internet from anti-globalization activists, underground hackers and bloggers.” Given that homeland security ran the “wargame,” one may infer that the nature of the attacks by bloggers must be national security related. And, given that the major national security fear of our government is terrorists, then it looks like bloggers have made our government’s hit list of potential terrorists. But, what is the nature of this “terrorist crime” that was the subject of these wargames? ..........There are other indications that the Bush administration deems bloggers well within the reach of any definition of terrorist, if for no other reason than the crime of dissent and criticism. There are also indicators that relevant parties would be somewhat prepared to assist in the nabbing of terrorist bloggers:

Damn! I may terrorize unruly kids and dogs, maybe an occasional idiot, but I never considered myself as a threat to anything bigger, meaner or better armed than me! I must run with a bad crowd of bloggers.

What'd ya think? Are we the thugs of the internet or what?
Technorati Tags: Terrorist, News, Bloggers, Bush, Internet

BRAVERY IN THE BLAZE

MONTGOMERY, Ala. - A summary of action in the Alabama Legislature on Wednesday, the 14th meeting day: The State Senate Joined the House in holding a moment of silence in memory of Moulton Fire Chief Lloyd McCullough and firefighter Justin Jones, who were killed while fighting a fire.

From the Florence Times Daily:
Lloyd McCulloch holds his great-granddaughter Taylor Woods. PHOTO COURTESY OF THE VINSON FAMILY

Lloyd McCulloch, 64, and Dustin Jones, 23, both of Moulton, were killed late Tuesday night when the front wall of a warehouse collapsed on top of them during a fire at Outdoor Parts and Service

MOULTON -- BB Jones sits quietly in his living room chair.
Above his head is a photo of his grandson, Dustin Jones (in picture), when he graduated from high school ROTC. Dusty Jones lived with his mother Denise Moats and a younger brother Christopher Moats. He also has an older sister, Amanda Pahman, who lives in Montgomery.
"It's not easy to give him up,'' BB Jones said. "But if you've got to die young, I guess it's better to die doing what you want, and Dusty did."
"He was helping others, that's what he did, what he loved doing.''

Firefighters douse hot spots Wednesday, a day after a fire ripped through the Outdoor Parts and Service on Morgan Street in Moulton. Two firefighters, Lloyd McCulloch and Dustin Jones, died late Tuesday night when a wall collapsed on them during the blaze. MATT McKEAN/TimesDaily


Decatur DAILY Photos by Gary Cosby Jr.
Grief rules in the aftermath of a Moulton fire that killed two firefighters when a wall collapsed on them Wednesday.

This photo and article are from the Moulton Advertiser.

Technorati Tags: Firefighter, News, Moulton, Death, Pictures, Alabama, Hometown

THOSE WHO GIVE THEIR LIVES FOR OTHERS

My family got lucky last night. On the way home from work I saw a massive mushroom cloud of dense black smoke towering over the city of Moulton and the first thing I thought of were my two nephews who are volunteer fire fighters.

Later I learned that 2 of Moulton's finest, Moulton Fire Department Assistant Fire Chief Lloyd McCulloch and Justin Jones, were killed in the blaze. My heart goes out to these fine men's families.

It takes a special breed of man to lay his life on the line for others. Our military personnel, the police force and our fire fighters all live and die so we can have a decent and safe life.

Here's some of the pictures of last night's blaze from the local media. I keep thinking, "It could have been Duane (Donna's son) or Chris (sister Teresa's son-in-law)" and I say a little prayer of thanks that it wasn't. We did, indeed, get lucky.

This is the second big fire in our area in the last week. Parkway Variety burned to the ground on Feb. 16, setting off a fireworks display that beat fire fighters back and was visible for miles around. Lets hope we don't have a firebug like the ones who are on a church burning spree in South Alabama.







Technorati Tags: Firefighter, News, Moulton, Death, Pictures, Alabama, Hometown

THIS AND THAT

OK BlogBuddies, I need help.

Sweet Thang has thrown down the gauntlet as it were, and I'm at work, so my internet access is limited (dayshift, bosses, etc).

He swears that the only big name Rock & Roll band that NEVER recorded a ballad is AC/DC.

Now I don't know if it's true or not but he was so cocky and self-satisfied and had such a smirky grin on his face it made me want SOOOOO BADDDD to prove him wrong.

If I can prove AC/DC sang a ballad, or some other famous Rockers nerver did, I can prove him wrong. He swears he's never wrong (yeah right!). The Big Man needs to be humbled, I tell ya!

If you help me I'll, I'll............I'll do something good for you I swear I will (get your minds out of the gutter, I ain't that kinda girl, at least not often).


In other news, I found this over at Pat's, who got it from Kat who got it from Silma.

HOOCHIE BABIES

I've always been the Wild Child of my family. In the last few years, my age has matured me from Wild Child to Cool Aunt. So I am not ,nor have I ever been, a prude nor judgmental. Hell, I was always the one pushing the envelope.

I have a son, a grandson, a slew of nephews and only 3 nieces so I'm not well versed in female fashions for the younger set. I've seen the little Hoochie Mamas in the mall dressed like underage hookers or a pedifile's dream, and have been appalled that their mothers' would let them out of the house dressed like that.

But the other day while shopping for a friend, I was shocked speechless and that's ain't easy to do!!

There in the little girl's department, in the sizes for a child age 6 or 7 (kindergarten or 1st grade) I saw kid's thong underwear!! True, butt-floss thongs like you see in Fredericks of Hollywood catalogs. They even had matching sexy bra and thong sets for itty-bitty girls!

Now the kids that are small enough to wear this stuff would be too small to shop, so their MOTHERS would have to be the ones buying it for them. Why would a loving, caring Mother want to steal her child's innocence?

Plainly I've been out of sync because I found this article from 2002, part of which states

"Abercrombie & Fitch, the same retailer that enraged parents last year with a summer catalog of teenage-looking models groping each other and in the nude, now offers several varieties of thongs at its Abercrombie stores, the division of the company for children 7 to 14 years old."....
The rearless underwear comes in sizes for girls ages 10 to 16. The smallest size - a medium - appears small enough to fit an even younger girl.

Don't our kids grow up fast enough without the people who are supposed to protect them pushing them into early adulthood?

I own thongs that I wear to be sexy for Sweet Thang or to improve the appearance of my more-than-ample haunches in certain outfits, but there is no way that I would want or expect a little girl to wear such an adult garment.

Come on people. Let the kids enjoy the little bit of childhood they have. It will be too soon as it is before they start worring about body fat, dates, who does or does not like them. Let the kids be kids for as long as they can. It's the only chance they'll get to experience the pure joy of living free without the worry and cares the rest of us poor suckers have to deal with.

PROJECT GUTENBERG

Notice the new Project Gutenberg box underneath my title bar? It's been on the net for ages, but I just discovered it and I am so excited!

One of my favorite pass times is reading, and now I have a whole library at my fingertips. You can browse by Author, Title, Language or Recently Posted and there are 17,000 free books in the Project Gutenberg Online Book Catalog with more being added every day.

You get to read and/or download whole, entire books FOR FREE. Books of every kind. There are three portions of the Project Gutenberg Library, basically be described as:
Light Literature; such as Alice in Wonderland, Through the Looking-Glass, Peter Pan, Aesop's Fables, etc.
Heavy Literature; such as the Bible or other religious documents, Shakespeare, Moby Dick, Paradise Lost, etc.
References; such as Roget's Thesaurus, almanacs, and a set of encyclopedia, dictionaries, etc
Plus they have:
CD and DVD. "Best Of" selections on CD and DVD.
Audio EBooks, both human-read and computer-generated.
Music. Digitized Sheet Music.

As an example, here are the top 15 downloaded books from yesterday.
1.The Notebooks of Leonardo Da Vinci — Complete by Leonardo da Vinci (422)
2. Kamasutra by Vatsyayana (323)
3. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen (283)
4. The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (245)
5. Little Journeys to the Homes of the Great — Volume 01 of 14 by Elbert Hubbard (238)
6. The Art of War by 6th cent. B.C. Sunzi (213)
7. The Time Machine by H. G. Wells (201)
8. Ulysses by James Joyce (191)
9. The World War and What was Behind It by Louis P. Benezet (191)
10. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain (183)
11. Project Gutenberg "10K" DVD (183)
12. Great Britain and Her Queen by Annie E. Keeling (177)
13. The Doré Gallery of Bible Illustrations, Complete (161)
14. How to Speak and Write Correctly by Joseph Devlin (152)
15. Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka (151)

If you love to read, need to do research or whatever, go and check them out. Here's the site map. The only way to keep this treasure is to use it and promote it. Put a link on your site and help someone stay literate.

SATISFIED CUSTOMER

Dear Proctor and Gamble Company,

I am writing to say what an excellent product Tide is! I've always used Tide all through my married life as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties, I find it even better!

In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to berate me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another, and somehow I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white blouse!

I grabbed my bottle of liquid Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well, the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I would no longer be considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband.

What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having such a great product.

Well, Gotta go. I have to write a letter to the Hefty Bag people!

Sincerely,
A Satisfied Customer

ANIMAL PORNOGRAPHY

This will give you your daily giggle, Horny Animals on Google Video. This gives a whole new meaning to "acting like an animal". And Bunny Slippers will never be the same!

Chicken, check out the min pin loving on his stuffed toy! I know how you are about your min pins.

HAPPY V-DAY

Last night was wonderful. Sweet Thang cooked dinner for me {hey this is a big deal. He usually eats out}. So what if it was ribs and rice with scented candles-in-a-jar to set the mood! He even got 2 flavors of popsicle for desert.

I told him I didn't want any candy {gotta get back on my diabetic diet, I've been a bad girl}. So he did the perfect thing. I have a fetish for shoes and hats, so after much consideration {and cheating by getting my sister to help him shop} I now have an adorable mauve hat and matching scarf. I'd post pics, but I didn't have time before coming into work tonight. No wonder I call him Sweet Thang.

The rest of the night, I'll leave up to your imaginations. All I'm gonna say is we both went to sleep with a smile on our face.

I stole this from Pammy, it seemed appropriate for the occasion.

Your Candy Heart Says "Hug Me"

A total sweetheart, you always have a lot of love to give out. Your heart is open to where ever love takes you! Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a surprise romantic evening that you've planned out Your flirting style: lots of listening and talking What turns you off: fighting and conflict Why you're hot: you're fearless about falling in love

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

Early V-Day

Since I've got to work nights tomorrow, and Sweet Thang has to work days, we'll be celebrating Valentine's Day at his house tonight.

Let's see if I've got all my stuff together. Custom dark chocolate/espresso candy, check. Romancing Hampster that sings "Happy Together", check. Mushy V-Day card, check. Sexy undies, check. Flavored Love Rub, check. Lucky Love Dirty Dice (thanks to my friend Carol, that's what she got me for V-Day) to keep things interesting, check.

Well, it seems that I'm ready. Now all I have to do is show up after Sweet Thang gets home and let the festivities begin! Happy Early V-Day, ya'll.

E-MAILS FROM MY FRIENDS

My friends make sure I don't get too down in the dumps by bombarding me with goofy, quirky and sometimes downright odd e-mails. Here's a small sampling of the latest batch.

WHAT DO RETIRED PEOPLE DO ALL DAY?

Working people frequently ask retired people what they
do to make their days interesting.

Well for example, the other day I went into town and
went into a shop. I was only in there for about 5 minutes,
when I came out there was a cop writing out a parking
ticket.

I went up to him and said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?"

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.

I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires.

So I called him a s---head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20
minutes.

The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.Personally, I didn't care. I came into town by bus.

I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important at my age.

REDNECK KNOW-HOW

"Hello, is this the Sheriff's office?"

"Yes."

"I'm calling to report about my neighbor Virgil Smith. He is
hiding marijuana inside his firewood!"

"Thank you very much for the call, sir."

The next day, the Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.

They sneer at Virgil and leave.

The phone rings at Virgil's house.
"Hey, Virgil! This here is Floyd. Did the Sheriff come?"

"Yeah!"

"Did they chop your firewood?"

"Yep."

"Happy Birthday, buddy!"
(Who says rednecks aren't real bright!)?

Ya'll have a nice day, now. Ya Hear!

Technorati: Humor, E-mail, Friends, Rednecks, Retirement

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