SOMETIMES THE TRUTH HURTS

The Moslems are ticked at the Pope and he's trying to play nice with the world's playground bullies by saying "I'm sorry", but you'll notice that the Pope didn't apologize for what he said but the fact that all most lots of Islamic faithful are such hypocrites (see the definition below and let me know why you don't agree).

"The Holy Father is very sorry that some passages of his speech may have appeared offensive to Muslims and were interpreted in a way he hadn't intended them to be''

Some Moslems were so PO'ed at being called violent that they went out and bombed churches! West Bank Churches Attacked as Muslims Protest Pope's Remarks on Islam Yeah, that makes a lot of sense, "I'll prove how peace loving and sweet I am by destroying your house of worship. If that don't work, I'll go kill a few of your friends and family members so you'll know that I'm really a harmless, fun loving guy." Sounds to me like they fit the definition of hypocrite:

1-a person who puts on a false appearance of virtue or religion
2-a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings to be offended.

I found this gem at FullosseousFlap's Dental Blog and he got it from Michelle Malkin.

My friend Lorenzo Vidino, counterterrorism expert and author of al Qaeda in Europe, sent the above photo and this note:
Attached is a picture of the Pope that is circulating in Qaeda-friendly chat rooms and websites. Lovely (and predictable) that they call for his beheading. The script in red calls for the Pope's beheading. The rest of the translation:
"Swine and servant of the cross, worships a monkey on a cross, hateful evil man, stoned Satan, may Allah curse him, blood-sucking vampire."

Islam, the Peaceful Religion. Yeah, right. And I'm 21, 6' tall and weigh 100 pounds. Isn't telling falsehoods supposed to be a sin in the Koran as well as in most religions?

All this makes about as much sense as one of those guys who beat their wife/lover/girlfriend to death while all the time telling her that he's only doing it because he loves her................

SMOKE IN THE CONTROL ROOM

Sing to the tune of Smoke on the Water:

With a few red lights and a few "Oh Shits"
We make a place to sweat
No matter what we get out of this
I know we'll never forget
Smoke in the control room, Freon in the air

Jo-Jo and I were sitting in the control room, just cruising along having a good day and counting down to lunch time, when suddenly thick gray smoke that looked like a scene in "The Fog" started pouring down from the air-conditioner vents!! Talk about somebody's feet hitting the floor and heart rate speeding up, thinking that you're fixing to be incinerated will wake you up in a hurry.

The wall mounted fire-alarm light started to strobe like a bad 60's flashback and in minutes visibility was almost gone. About that time several Maintenance men ran out of the rack room next door to check and see if we were in the same shape as them, they were getting smoked out too!

Everyone's first thought was "FIRE". The Maintenance men left in a hurry to try and track down the problem (at least that's why they said they were leaving us behind!). Jo-Jo and I both jumped up in a panic, turning round and round in circles frantically trying to figure out what to do.

I felt a little better when Jo-Jo turned to me and said with a totally straight face: "This don't look good! You know if we burn the control room down we'll have to work overtime". There's nothing like a good co-pilot to keep you in the proper frame of mind.

The Maintenance guys finally come back and tell us it's not smoke, it's Freon leaking into the ductwork. By this time the room is thick with greasy Freon fumes and our eyes and throats are burning from inhaling the nasty stuff. But we can't leave (we asked the foreman to let us but nada) because control room operators are like the Captain of a ship, you go down with the vessel while the crew is allowed to abandon you like rats jumping off a sinking ship in those old pirate movies.

So we flung all the doors open (the room is supposed to be sealed with a positive air pressure to keep the 'puters healthy) and scrounged up some box fans to help clear out the room. It took awhile but finally things were back to normal and the day slowed down again. Ever notice how time drags and the clock stops when you're waiting for something?

So that's my excitement for the day, what did you do that made your heart go "PITTY-PAT"?

BIKER JOKE

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to Hang out with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God.

God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?"

Arthur said, "Yep, that's me."

God said, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?"

Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally he said, "Excuse me, but aren't You the inventor of woman?"


God said, "Yes."

"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions;
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;
5. And the maintenance costs are enormous!"

"Hmmmmm, you have some good points there," replied God, "hold on." God went to His Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."

DENTED DERRIERES & 'PUTER STD'S

It seems just plain wrong to be paid good money for sitting on your ass for 12 hours, but that's what happened yesterday. We're having a shutdown at work and I worked as "hole watch" for some of the boiler inspectors.

"One position of critical importance is that of the attendant, who commands the hole watch and is responsible for atmospheric testing, communicating with the entry team, knowing when to call for help, and leading evacuation procedures."

Talk about boring! You have to wear an ugly neon green vest and keep an air horn and radio on you at all times to signal for help in case someone getts gassed or has a heart attack or falls down a hole or off a scaffold (all of which have happened here before-several times in fact). I've got terminal hard-hat hair and a permanent dent in my butt from perching on the handrail of a 3'X5' scaffolding platform for 8 hours and peering into a small hole while hoping nothing goes wrong.

Oh well, the money is good and it's better than digging ditches. It would have helped if I had something to read, but reading or sleeping is a firing offense while on hole watch and I don't blame them. If I was in a dangerous position I'd want someone looking out for me too. You sit in one place keeping your eyes on the people inside the vessel until they get done and hope you don't have to go pee cause you can't leave!

Then when I got home the 'puter was a blank screen!!!!!!! I managed to get everything back but the darn thing won't hook up to the internet. The modem is working but when I get it to dial out, MSN claims that the name/password is wrong except that they're not because I can log on here at work. This shit never happened until my 31 year-old son started playing with it. I'm blaming him. Yep, it's all his fault. Probably some kinda 'puter porno STD or something

So my blogging will be sporadic at best until I get what ever bugs he's let in my poor abused 'puter flushed out and on line again. Have faith y'all, I ain't gone---just sidelined for a bit.

BUSY DAY

This morning Donna, Lana and I were at the lawyer's office trying to get our parents' estate settled. The land has been split into equal value parcels and the paperwork is being processed for the deeds, so now if all
5 sisters {do any of you have any idea how hard it is to get 5 people on the same page?} can just agree on the division of the small stuff we'll be done AT LAST. Things seemed so much easier when we were young and the only thing we had to argue about were toys.

The grandson has had his 7th birthday party, gotten tons of presents (I got him a remote control General Lee, he's a Dukes of Hazard fanatic) and I've just finished all 2 acres of our yard..

Now I'm hitting the shower, slipping into something comfortable and being lazy for a spell. Hope y'all have a good day.

OLDER BUT STILL KICKING

I was out on my deck yesterday when I happened to glance across the road and saw my elderly neighbor, Mrs. Dutton, hobbling through the tall grass and chasing her grandkid's escaped pony (a slow motion chase, with the pony wondering around and Mrs. Dutton leaning on her walking stick as she made her way through the snakey growth). This wouldn't have been so notable except that Mrs. Dutton is at least in her 80's and just barely able to walk plus her house is 1/2 mile away! Mr. Dutton died in 1999 but the old lady refuses to ask for help from anyone and insists on doing everything for herself.

I kept seeing a vision in my mind of the pony knocking her down and all the other horses trampling over her poor old body so my son,Chane, crossed the fence and helped her lead the errant equine home.

Watching her struggle with her own shaky gait, the overgrown pasture and willful pony without any complaint or concession to her advanced years, I could only admire her strength of will & character. One of my hopes for the future is that when I reach Mrs. Dutton's age (if I live that long) that I'm half as feisty as her.
Here's to strong, independent women whatever their age!

YEAH, RIGHT.......

A must read!!! You will laugh your ass off!!! An actual 1955 Good Housekeeping article!!!!!! WOW!!! We've come a long way baby!!!!! (hope y'all can read it , click on the picture to enlarge)

ACTUAL 1955 GOOD HOUSEKEEKING ARTICLE:

SHE LIVES!

I know I've been absent from the blogsphere but it's hard to go online from the back of a motorcycle. I've had my fat ass perched on the back of Sweet Thang's new Harley Fat Boy while we and a few friends spent the weekend cruising the country back-roads. I had forgotten how much fun it is to just leave everything behind and ride for the pure fun of it! Just call me a Biker Babe, I had a blast and I'm ready to go again.

Yesterday was spent with sisters Teresa and Donna just knocking around Moulton and having lunch. Today was spent shopping in Decatur with Karen (I scored some great shoes!).

So far vacation's been great. I haven't left my local area or done any of the "traditional" vacation things but it's great getting up when I want, not having to worry about going to work and just being lazy. And I've still got 2 ½ weeks to go!!

SUSPICIOUS MINDS

I'm sitting here at work waiting on quitting time and the beginning of 2 weeks of vacation when the phone rings. "Good, You're there. I just had a bad dream.....and I didn't like it so I had to call and check to see if it was true."

Well shit, I knew I was a woman of various strange, weird, and wonderful powers .......... but affecting someone's dream-state from 30 miles away is a little much, even for me! I don't do dream interpretations and I don't like the sound of this one. But being the daredevil witch .... bitch .... wench that I am, I foolishly asked "Just what exactly did you dream about?" Big mistake, I should have known better.

"You were with another man and I didn't like it!"

Bloody Hell!! I work 12 hour swing shift with a fair amount of overtime and if I do have a day off he's either at the house or calling me or wanting to know where I've been. It's not like I have a lot of time or opportunity PLUS the last time I checked there wasn't a large demand for women who are 50, fat pleasingly plump (don't you dare snicker at me, I'll have Jackie Sue bip ya') and losing the battle with gravity.

Now I don't know if he's done something naughty and is worried about retribution (squeaky wheel and all that) or if he's just lost his ever loving mind. I'm not a trusting sort to begin with and this has made me all suspicious and shit.

Maybe I should be looking for a new feller, just in case? Hey, it's like window shopping:

LOOKING'S FREE, IT'S WHEN YOU GO TO HANDLING THE MERCHANDISE AND TRYING THINGS ON FOR SIZE THAT YOU GET INTO TROUBLE!

Besides, if I'm going to be considered guilty I ought to do the crime.

Actually, what I ought to do is load up and disappear for a week or so. Let everyone have time to get their shit together and me time to mellow out. Any of y'all got a spare bed?


PS...all the images were made with Typo Generator, you ought to go check it out.

REDHEADED WOODPECKER

I don't know much about Redheaded Woodpeckers, so I don't have a clue as to what part of the country this picture of a GIANT Woodpecker was taken.

But, as far as Redheaded Woodpeckers go, it's got to be the biggest on record!

THIS JUST MIGHT WORK..........

Installing a wireless security system in four easy steps:

1. Go to a second-hand store, buy a pair of men's used work boots, a really big pair.
2. Put them outside your front door on top of a copy of Guns and Ammo magazine.
3. Put a dog dish beside it. A really big dish.
4. Leave a note on your front door that says something like "Bubba, big Mike and I have gone to get more ammunition - back in 1/2 an hr. Don't disturb the Pit Bulls, they've just been wormed."

HOWDY Y'ALL

You know those jugglers that you see on TV, all those balls in the air and the guy/gal struggling to keep all of them afloat without dropping one? That's been me lately, only all my balls are slamming me in the forehead before bouncing on the floor.

Nothing worth blogging about has happened lately, just the general bullshit that happens to us all. You know what I mean; work, family and life in general. Just wanted y'all to know that I haven't been ignoring my blog buddies. I promise to do better.

STAR-CROSSED

How's this for a shitty horror-scope!

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

scorpio

Vicki,
Be prepared to do battle with that one true nemesis: your ego. Find a solution in a manner that harms nobody. This is a puzzle that could last until the afternoon, when an embarrassing episode will resolve any belief you had in your perfection.

The story of my life, I'm my own worst enemy.

IT'S THE LITTLE THINGS THAT GET 'YA

Word to the wise~~~pay attention when getting dressed! One of my coworkers is in the hospital, with an IV in his arm and sick as a dog, after getting bit on the ankle by a spider that was lurking in the dark recesses of one of his shoes. Clayton didn't even know he was bit until later when the fever and dizziness hit.

We only have two poisonous spiders in the USA (the link also gives symptoms and treatments) but even so, there are plenty of them! I've been bitten and it ain't no fun! Be careful folks, this reminds me on those horror movies we watched as kids.

Shit! Now I'm gonna have nightmares about giant spiders and turning into the Spiderwoman or getting stuck in a giant web or some such. I'll take Rufus the cat to bed with me, he loves to eat bugs and spiders.......

TIRED

Today at work was all assholes and elbows. I've got a headache, my stomach is in a knot, and all I wanta do is sleep. I'm grabbing a beer, going for a long soak in the tub and then to bed.

'Nite Y'all.

ARE YOU LONELY TONIGHT?

"Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty."
Mother Teresa
Loneliness is a very powerful emotion. It can lead to depression, illness, even suicide. Do you feel unfulfilled? Don't despair, I have the answer for you! You need a dog!

Just hear me out now! Dogs are the perfect answer to loneliness. You can drag in as late as you want, forget to feed them, step on their tail or pet other dogs and the wonderful mutt will still love you. See, unconditional love! Plus they'll get out and walk with you and protect you from unsavory characters in the dark of the night! How many significant-others can you say that about?

I can help you out. I just happen to have 10 little bundles of joy that will need a home in 5 or 6 weeks. The proud mother is a black lab/bulldog mix and the father is some handsome stranger who slipped in and had his way with the shameless hussy when I wasn’t looking.

I can't tell you much about the babies, other than some are black and others are brown. They're hidden under the deck in a space that's only 2 foot high; when I lie on my belly and peer under there with a flashlight all I can see is a quivering mound of puppy flesh. I don't think my fat ass will fit feel like crawling under there and I’m not taking a chance on getting spider-bit just to count puppies that'll come out on their own in a few weeks anyway.


Sooooo............. how many of y'all can I sign up to adopt one of these wonderful little doggy delights?

What Mythological Creature are you?

Damn, no wonder I have to shave my legs so often!!!!

You scored as WereWolf. WereWolf: Craving rare Meat, feeling caged, aggitated by being around people. Unable to control one's anger or temper. The person will give off symptoms of the shift. They will seem more hostile, blood thirsty, aggitated. They may even growl, bare their teeth or other animal like tendencies. In rare cases, some will physically change. Facial hair will grow thicker or darker, nails will become longer, canine's will seem longer. Embrace your wild side, for you are The Misunderstood WereWolf. Mermaid 67% Dragon 67% Angel 67% WereWolf 67% Demon 59% Faerie 58% What Mythological Creature are you? (Cool Pics!) created with QuizFarm.com

I GOTTA STOP DOING THIS AT WORK

JackieSue sent me an email containing quotes from I Feel Bad About My Neck: And Other Thoughts on Being a Woman by Nora Ephron (who also wrote When Harry Met Sally and Heartburn). They were funny as hell and damn if they weren't all true! Getting older is a bitch and it's nice to see that I'm not alone on this roller coaster.

So being the Bibliophile that I am, I went to Amazon.com to check out the reviews and decide if I might want to buy the book. First thing that happened, this line from Publishers Weekly made me choke on my coffee. Now all the guys here are work are wondering why I've got coffee stains all over my boobs and I'm sitting here at the 'puter giggling like a crazy woman.


"There it is, the steady spiraling down of everything: body and mind, breasts and balls, dragging one's self-respect behind them"

Damn, wish I had written that!

BOOK MEME

Patty over at This, That and Frog Hair has tagged me with what is possibly the hardest meme that I've ever attempted. I've had a life-long love affair with reading and have a wide range of taste in books. It's impossible to limit my selections to just one book, but I'm gonna give it a shot.

One book that changed your life: Too many to name, I refuse to pick just one. Most people say the Bible and it's on my list. But while I believe in a Higher Power, I personally feel that the modern Church is misogynistic.

One book that you've read more than once: The Best of James Herriot: The Complete Edition Updated and Expanded.
Absolutely one of the best books I've ever had the pleasure to read. All the stories are true, the pictures are breath taking and the recipes and trivia included on the page margins are wonderful. English country vet in the time before modern antibiotics. These stories will make you laugh and cry by turns, plus the book can be read story by story or in one big gulp. I highly recommend it.

One book that you would want on a desert island: I realize that it's not one book, but I'd have to say the 11 book Foxfire Series (a wonderful collection of traditional folk culture of the Southern Appalachians gathered by teenagers from their elders). My Grandmother Waters introduced me to them when I was a teenager and I was instantly hooked. These books teach you how to do everything from make soap to tan hides to what plants are eatable. With these on my desert island I'd be a regular female Robinson Crusoe!

One book that made you laugh: Gosh, there's quite a few! James Herriot, as I mentioned above. Anything by David Sedaris, heck I've gone brain dead and can't think of any more right now.

One book that made you cry: Old Yeller. I'm a sucker for animals, what can I say! This book (or the movie) still gets to me every time.

One book you wish had been written: Aztec by Gary Jennings. If you haven't read it, do so. You won't be sorry. But don't waste your time with the second book.

One book you wish had never been written: Almost any of the trashy romance novels (the junk food of books) I've read. They waste your time and don't leave anything to savor like a good book does.

One book you are currently reading: Punish the Sinners by John Saul and Middlesex: A Novel by Jeffrey Eugenides . I often have 2 books going at one time.

One book you have been meaning to read: A Dirty Job by Christopher Moore. Kimmy from I Wasn't Always Like This recommended it and if she likes it then it's gotta be good.

I'm not tagging anyone, but y'all are welcome to play along is you feel so inclined.

PS: Y'all go visit my little sister Donna. She's on a rant about someone calling all us Southerners ignorant! JackieSue, I promised Donna I'd get you to bip them fools upside the head and teach 'em some manners.

ULTERIOR MOTIVES?

2:00 the phone rings. "Get ready and wear something nice. We've got reservations for a swanky restaurant at 7:30. I'll be there to pick you up at 5:00."

Something nice? Where are we going and just exactly how nice is nice? Don't men know that we females need a little advance notice to get all slicked up? Hey, beauty takes time and work, that shit don't just happen all by itself! I need a manicure and pedicure, my legs are fish-belly white, my hair is a mess and it's been so long since I've truly dressed up that I don't even know what I have that will fit!

I run through the shower, slather on self tanner, and start frantically going through the closet. Time after time I yank out something and try to squeeze my fat ass into an outfit that was fine a year ago. Fabric groaned, seams split, zippers separated, and buttons popped. The pile of discarded clothing grows higher and higher as I fling dresses and blouses right and left. At last, I settle on a pants suit that I can zip up without laying down and that doesn't gap or bulge at my more-than-ample boobs. My hair's still dripping wet and I'm slapping on war paint when Sweet Thang knocks on the door.

I'm shocked when we wind up at Cafe 113, one of the most exclusive eateries in Decatur. You don't get in the door without a reservation and I wonder what the hell up. I haven't seen Sweet Thang in weeks (other than playing phone tag) because we've both been working long hours. Plus in all the years we've been seeing each other off and on, he's hardly ever taken me out (he claims that my cooking is better than any restaurant) and certainly never somewhere like Cafe 113. The most I usually get is a movie once in a blue moon.

All night long he keeps telling me how good I look, how much he's missed me and generally acting like someone on a first date. I may be suspicious natured (OK, I already know I have trust issues) but now I'm wondering what the hell is up. Has he done something bad and he's sneakily buttering me up so I'll forgive him when the truth comes out (this has happened before)? Maybe he's planning on messing up and is trying to stack the deck in his favor?

I never did find out what was up. After our meal (which was excellent BTW) we came back to my house and he dozed off on the couch. I sat there in all my finery and painted glory, watching him snore and thinking "I got all dolled up for this?"

I'll never figure men out.

"The Real Man Test"

Note: All "real men" will always answer "C" to all of these questions. Knowing this, we women will go far in understanding men, knowing what to expect from our very own male companions, and enriching our own lives if we carefully review the "C" answers.

1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire Earth. You decide to:

A. Present it to the President of the United States.
B. Present it to the Secretary General of the United Nations.
C. Take it apart.

2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you miss the most?

A. Innocence.
B. Idealism.
C. Cherry bombs.

3. When is it okay to kiss another male?

A. When you wish to display simple and pure affection without regard for narrow-minded social conventions.
B. When he is the Pope. (Not on the lips.)
C. When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is the only really sportsman-like way to let him know that, for business reasons, you have to have him killed.

5. You have been seeing a woman for several years. She's attractive and intelligent, and you always enjoy being with her. One leisurely Sunday afternoon the two of you are taking it easy. You're watching a football game; she's reading the papers when she suddenly, out of the clear blue sky, tells you that she thinks she really loves you, but, she can no longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going. She says she's not asking whether you want to get married; only whether you believe that you have some kind of future together. What do you say?

A. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but you don't want to rush it.
B. That although you also have strong feelings for her, you can not honestly say that you'll be ready anytime soon to make a lasting commitment, and you don't want to hurt her by holding out false hope.
C. That you cannot believe the Broncos called a draw play on third and seventeen.

6. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you want to spend the rest of your life with her, sharing the joys and the sorrows the world has to offer, come what may. How do you tell her?

A. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner.
B. You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say her name, and when she turns to you, with the sea breeze blowing through her hair and the stars in her eyes, you tell her.
C. Tell her what?

7. One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you to get your three children ready for school. Your first question to her is:

A. "Do they need to eat or anything?"
B. "They're in school already?"
C. "There are three of them?"

8. When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran underwear?

A. When it has turned the color of a dead whale and developed new holes so large that you're not sure which ones were originally intended for your legs.
B. When it is down to eight loosely connected underwear molecules and has to be handled with tweezers.
C. It is never okay to throw away veteran underwear. A real guy checks the garbage regularly in case somebody and we are not naming names, but this would be his wife is quietly trying to discard his underwear (which she is frankly jealous of because the guy seems to have a more intimate relationship with it than with her).

9. What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for the fact that Moses led the Israelites all over the place for forty years before they finally got to the Promised Land?

A. He was being tested.
B. He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land when they finally got there.
C. He refused to ask for directions.

10. What is the human race's single greatest achievement?

A. Democracy.
B. Religion.
C. Remote control.

CHILDHOOD FRIEND

First, I want y'all to know that I've been fightin' & fussin' with Blogger every since I got home last night and I just now got the stupid thing to post pictures. I've used all the cuss words that I've ever known (and I know quite a few), kicked furniture and screamed out of sheer frustration! If I coulda gotten my hands on the folks who are supposed to keep that shit running, I'd have gladly choked them until their faces turned blue and their eyes bugged out.

{{{{{deep calming breath}}}}

Those of you who have been around for a while have heard me talking about our childhood posse. For you new folks, we had a neighborhood gang of anywhere from 10 to 20 kids (depending on the day of the week, who was grounded and who was visiting at the time). Between us we had enough horses to mount everyone (get your dad-gum minds out of the gutter! I'm talking about riding in a saddle on horse-back not one of y'alls kinky barn-yard fantasies). Our spare time was used to terrorize the community. Cutting fences, riding to the local bootlegger to score alcohol, you name it and we tried it. But like everyone else, we all lost touch as we grew up and left home. Last night I ran up on one of those friends who I haven't seen in 15 or 20 years.

Sweet Thang and I went to Decatur to catch the free Monday night Paul Stroud's Concert By The River. They have a different band each week, everything from High School bands to Bluegrass, you never know what or who might be there. The band for last night was Jeff Whitlow and the Old Barn Band. Imagine my surprise when I looked up and found that one of the band members was a blast from my past!

The first time I laid eyes on Porter Dutton, Jr. I was 13 years old and we had moved into his neighborhood. He lived just a few miles down the road and was one of the first kids that I met. He and his shetland pony, Tonka, were founding members of our little posse, and my horse, Thunder and I were only too happy to join in. Here's the two of us. Notice the sheen of sweat and the greasy hair, not my best look. The heat index was 102 degrees, even with the breeze off the river it was sweltering. I was just tickled to find a place in the shade to park my chair!

I have to admit that Porter ain't too shabby as a musician! He plays guitar and sings BOTH. I don't remember him being musically inclined and I was shocked that he was playing in a country band, but he informed me right quick that he was in TWO bands, the other one was rock and roll. I knew that an Old Rocker like Porter couldn't have gone totally redneck! When Jeff Whitlow would take a break, Porter and a few of the other band members would play songs like "Working Man's Blues" and "Gimme That Old Time Rock & Roll". Nothing hard core, wouldn't want the crowd to get too unhappy with non-country songs.

Dueling Guitars! Here's Porter with Wayne Reburn. Wayne is one of the best guitar players I've seen in a while, and they tell me he plays with a local band called Natchez Trace. He and Porter put on quite a show!


Although I'm more of a rock & roll and/or blues fan, I have to admit I did my share of toe tapping, clapping and head bobbing. Half the crowd was up line-dancing and two-stepping all over the park. There was an elderly lady in a Minnie Pearl hat (complete with price tag) that was buck-dancing up a storm (sure wish I had gotten some pictures of her!)


This doesn't really show you how big the crowd was but you get the idea. The parking lot was full and people were having to park blocks away, lugging their lawn chairs and picnic lunches in the heat to watch the concert. But nobody complained, the show was worth the effort.

Well, that's it for my one day break, I'm back at work on midnight shift but I did get a standing invitation from Porter to come and watch his rock & roll band practice at his house. Sure hope his wife doesn't meet me at the door with a gun!

SPEEDO CRIMES

Harrison Ford with "Who's too old!"

Peter Stringfellow gets cheeky (do you think he gets a bikini wax before slipping into those thongs?)

Oh, Rod Stewart! And you claimed Maggie May was showing her age!!!!

ARMED ASSHAT ATTACKS

This chaps my ass! Our enemies don't have to invade us. Hell we're shooting each other.

Six shot, one killed at Seattle Jewish center

Haq got past security at the building and shouted, "I'm a Muslim American; I'm angry at Israel," before he began shooting.

Yeah, that makes a lot of sense, about as much as me shooting you because my cable guy didn't show up. If you're mad at them, go to their country and shoot them. Regardless of each person's ethnic background all these people, shooter and victims alike, are US citizens.

Don't pull that "foreigner" crap on me either. I've got German, Irish, English and Cherokee blood that I know of. Does that mean that I should shout "Heil Hitler" while taking scalps and then dance an Irish jig whenever someone pisses me off?

God, I had idiots and bullies! This asshat combines the worst of the two, shooting a bunch of unarmed women (one of whom is pregnant) makes him a real he-man doesn't it?

Make your mind up. Are you an American or not? If you want to be from somewhere else then pack your shit and go where ever that is and leave the rest of us alone.

LAZY DAYS

I've been a Lazy Bug! I had the last couple of days off and I swear I didn't do anything except lay under the A/C, curled up with Rufus the cat and read (me, not Rufus. He doesn't care much for reading, although he is extremely fond of cuddling). Didn't get on the net, didn't do housework, didn't see friends or family. I didn't leave the house except to go to the grocery store! Nothing, nada but chill and stay in my own little world. It's been too hot to get outside and do anything exciting, so I've lived it up in my dreams and imagination.

Luckily I have lots of reading material. Bookshelves overflowing, books piled on every flat surface and then a few even stacked on the floor! It looks as if I have my own personal library. I buy them both new and used plus I have friends who give me the ones that they've finished. I pass most of the paperbacks on, but the majority of hard covers stay. I read everything; Si/Fi, horror, mystery, history, theology; even romance (the junk food of books) makes it's way onto my reading list once in a while. What I want to read all depends on my mood, just like the music I listen to.

Now it's back to work. Maybe something exciting will happen to post about but don't hold your breath. My life seems to be in a boring stage right now.

SWEETS FOR THE SWEET

When I was a kid I loved those orange push-ups. Now I've found a wonderful low calorie, low fat cheesecake recipe that captures the flavor of them. Just the thing for all this hot weather!!

100 Calorie Low-Fat Orange Dream Cheesecake
Makes: 8 servings
1 HONEY MAID Honey Grahams, crushed (about 3 Tbsp.)
2/3 cup boiling water
1 pkg. (4-serving size) JELL-O Brand Orange Flavor Sugar Free Low Calorie Gelatin
1 cup BREAKSTONE'S or KNUDSEN Low Fat Cottage Cheese
1 tub (8 oz.) PHILADELPHIA Fat Free Cream Cheese
2 cups thawed COOL WHIP FREE Whipped Topping

SPRINKLE crumbs onto bottom of 8- or 9-inch springform pan or 9-inch pie plate sprayed with cooking spray. STIR boiling water into gelatin in large bowl at least 2 min. until gelatin is completely dissolved. Cool 5 min. Pour into blender container. Add cheeses; cover. Blend on medium speed until well blended, stopping occasionally to scrape down side of blender container; pour into large bowl. ADD whipped topping; stir gently until well blended. Pour into prepared pan; smooth top with spatula. Refrigerate 4 hours or until set. Remove side of pan just before serving. Store leftover cheesecake in refrigerator.

NUTRITION INFORMATION Nutrition Bonus: You're sure to love the creamy orange flavor of this low-fat low-cholesterol cheesecake. As a bonus, the fat free cream cheese is a good source of calcium.

Diet Exchange: 1 Starch,1 Meat (VL) Nutrition (per serving) Calories 100 Total fat 2g Saturated fat 1.5g Cholesterol 10mg Sodium 330mg Carbohydrate 11g Dietary fiber 0g Sugars 5g Protein 8g Vitamin A 10%DV Vitamin C 0%DV Calcium 15%DV Iron 0%DV

RED FRIDAY

It seems that I'm always slow on the uptake, the last one to know and all that. Even so, I think this is a wonderful idea and I'm jumping on the bandwagon. Better late than never, I hear.

Anyone who knows me knows how I feel about Bush and everything he stands for (in case you're new here, it ain't good nor pretty). Regardless of my Dubya hatred or what I think about the war, I have the greatest respect and admiration for our troops.

Our armed forces put their lives on the line to defend our freedoms. As much as we like to bitch and moan about how things are, these fine men and women go out and make sure we have to right to pitch hissy fits and talk trash about the government any time we want too.

They don't choose where they go or what they do, our so-called fearless leaders do that. That's why the following email hit so close to home. I have friends and friends-of-friends in the service, I know how awful their lives are going right now and I wish all of them could come home tonight. But until that happens, I plan to give them all the support I can. Now I gotta go look for me a new red outfit.

*Last week I was in Atlanta, Georgia attending a conference. While I was in the airport, returning home, I heard several people behind me beginning to clap and cheer. I immediately turned around and witnessed one of the greatest acts of patriotism I have ever seen.

Moving thru the terminal was a group of soldiers in their camo's, as they began heading to their gate everyone (well almost everyone) was abruptly to their feet with their hands waving and cheering. When I saw the soldiers, probably 30-40 of them, being applauded and cheered for it hit me. I'm not alone. I'm not the only red blooded American who still loves this country and supports our troops and their families.

Of course I immediately stopped and began clapping for these young unsung heroes who are putting their lives on the line everyday for us so we can go to school, work and home without fear or reprisal. Just when I thought I could not be more proud of my country or of our service men and women a young girl, not more than 6 or 7 years old, ran up to one of the male soldiers. He kneeled down and said "hi," the little girl then she asked him if he would give something to her daddy for her. The young soldier, he didn't look any older than maybe 22, said he would try and what did she want to give to her daddy. Then suddenly the little girl grabbed the neck of this soldier, gave him the biggest hug she could muster and then kissed him on the cheek.

The mother of the little girl, who said her daughters name was Courtney, told the young soldier that her husband was a Marine and had been in Iraq for 11 months now. As the mom was explaining how much her daughter, Courtney, missed her father, the young soldier began to tear up.

When this emporarily single mom was done explaining her situation, all of the soldiers huddled together for a brief second. Then one of the other servicemen pulled out a military looking walkie-talkie. They started playing with the device and talking back and forth on it.

After about 10-15 seconds of this, the young soldier walked back over to Courtney, bent down and said this to her, "I spoke to your daddy and he told me to give this to you." He then hugged this little girl that he had just met and gave her a kiss on the cheek. He finished by saying "your daddy told me to tell you that he loves you more than anything and he is coming home very soon."

The mom at this point was crying almost uncontrollably and as the young soldier stood to his feet he saluted Courtney and her mom. I was standing no more than 6 feet away from this entire event unfolded. As the soldiers began to leave,
heading towards their gate, people resumed their applause.

As I stood there applauding and looked around, there were very few dry eyes, including my own. That young soldier in one last act of selflessness, turned around and blew a kiss to Courtney with a tear rolling down his cheek.

We need to remember everyday all of our soldiers and their families and thank God for them and their sacrifices. At the end of the day, it's good to be an American.

Red Friday---Just keeping you "in the loop" so you'll know what's going on in case this takes off.

RED FRIDAYS ----- Very soon, you will see a great many people wearing red every Friday. The reason? Americans who support our troops used to be called the "silent majority". We are no longer silent, and are voicing our love for our country and home in record breaking numbers. We are not organized, boisterous or over-bearing. We get no media coverage on TV, to reflect our message or our opinions.

Many Americans, like you, me and all our friends, simply want to recognize that the vast majority of America supports our troops. Our idea of showing solidarity and support for our troops with dignity and respect starts this Friday -and continues each and every Friday until the troops all come home, sending a deafening message that:

Every red-blooded American who supports our men and women afar will wear something red.

By word of mouth, press, TV -- let's make the United States on every Friday a sea of red much like a homecoming football game in the bleachers.

If every one of us who loves this country will share this with acquaintances, co-workers, friends, and family. It will not be long before the USA is covered in RED and it will let our troops know the once "silent" majority is on their side more than ever, certainly more than the media lets on.

The first thing a soldier says when asked "What can we do to make things better for you?" is...We need your support and your prayers. Let's get the word out and lead with class and dignity, by example; and wear something red every Friday.

IT IS YOUR CHOICE. WE LIVE IN THE LAND OF THE FREE
ONLY BECAUSE OF THE BRAVE
THEIR BLOOD RUNS RED
---- SO WEAR RED! ---

SO TELL ME.......

OK, you've heard me bitch about trying to diet. Now it's y'alls turn to help out a fellow blogger in her war against jiggling thighs, bubble butt and high blood sugar. Stu Savory has already given his hints for losing weight and now it's your turn.

Tell me your favorite recipe suitable for cutting back on fats and/or calories . Anything suited to summertime and hot weather is a plus. I know lots of y'all are excellent cooks and I want the benefit of your wisdom and experience. Use the comments, post on your site and tell me about it or shoot me an email. Who knows, we might even get enough to write our own cookbook!!

Fess up and help a gal out.

BUTTS AND ASSHATS

Ever noticed how certain people insist on telling you "what to do/how to live" meanwhile doing a piss poor job in his or her own small wretched world? Sometimes it gets so bad I just wanta grab said person round the neck and squeeze until their face turns purple and their eyes start to bug out. Not exactly to the point of going to jail for murder, but just enough to get their attention and maybe vent a little frustration at the same time.

I thought that having a big ol' juicy ass was in fashion. Else why all the talk on TV and in the magazines about JoLo's booty and song lyrics like:

I like big butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung
Wanna pull up front
Cuz you notice that butt was stuffed
Deep in the jeans she's wearing
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring
Oh, baby I wanna get with ya
And take your picture
My homeboys tried to warn me
But with that butt you got
Make Me so horny

On the Tyra Banks's show the other day they were talking about a recent survey of hundreds of men asking the question: "If you had to choose, which would you prefer; a woman with a small boobs and a big butt or one with big boobs and a small butt?" Over 90% of the men chose small boobs and a big butt!!! See, I'm in fashion, except I've got boobs, brains and a butt. The best of all worlds, if only I could get Dr. Dupper to agree.

I've been trying to eat a little healthier cause Dr. Dupper is scaring me to death with all her talk of BMIs, diabetes and heart attacks. So I'm brown-bagging lunch to work and doing fairly well except that every once in a while I get a craving. The thought of a prime piece of rare steak, something sweet, even just a couple of French-fries will hit and my mouth starts to water. Once I get that taste in my mouth nothing else will do. I figure it's better to indulge in a little bit of sinfully good food instead of eating 3000 calories worth of salad trying to be good.

But the guys here at work are bird-dogging me! It's become a case of "Do what I say, not what I do". I made the mistake of letting them know that I'm trying to cut back, so if I nibble on a cookie the next thing I know I've got an overweight, beer-gutted redneck who has to tie his shoes before he zips his pants, holding a honey bun in one hand and a 20 ounce Pepsi in the other breathing down my neck grunting about "You're not supposed to eat that". Even if I'm being good, they come by and lean over my plate until I'm worried about them shedding nose hairs on my food while asking "What the hell is that?"

I tell you, it's almost enough to make me lose my appetite (actually this would probably be a good thing guaranteed to make me lose weight, but I've got a cast iron stomach).

Naw, the guys are just trying to be supportive but it's still frustrating as hell! I want me a double cheeseburger and a large fry. Prime rib with a baked potato loaded with butter and sour cream. I sit here poking at my salad while my stomach growls because the smell of cooking bacon and eggs in the break room is wandering down the hall and right into the craving area of my brain.

OK, I'm gonna quit whining now, the more I talk about food the hungrier I get. How many calories if I just chew on my pencil?

BOYS WILL BE BOYS

When I opened this email from my cousin Danny I got so tickled that Diet Dew shot out my nose!!

BOYS WILL BE BOYS, INDEED!

ZAPPED & SQUISHED

It’s been hotter'n hell here in 'Bama with the temps in the 100's but that hasn't kept me inside hibernating under the A/C, I've been burning up the roads today.

First I visited Young and Healthy Skin to have a few stray hairs removed via laser. This was the first time I've ever visited any kind of skin care clinic and I didn't know what to expect. Having a laser burn off body parts sounded painful but I was pleasantly surprised when the whole experience was so relaxing. I lay on a vibrating massage table wearing goggles while the technician zapped the errant fuzz. It didn’t hurt (thank goodness) but felt like someone snapping me with a rubber band. Getting my tattoo hurt tons more! The worst part was the stink of burning hair and not being able to see what was going on. Wearing those goggles was like wearing a blindfold for my execution. Afterward, I was a little pink but it was gone in a few hours. I may have to check out some of their other services; I need all the help I can get now-a-days.

Then I went with Karen to get her mammogram. No one likes having their titties squished in that torture device but it's a necessary evil. Men are so lucky not to have to endure anything that. Guys, imagine having your dangly bits put in a vice with a sadistic wench turning the screw!

Then it's on to traffic court with Karen to hold her hand while we see about paying her very first ticket. 50 years old, she's got her very first ticket and her maiden visit to court. She was a nervous wreck! You would have thought she was going to her own execution by the way she acted, but all she got was traffic school at a cost $100 and nothing showing on her driving record. At least her auto insurance won't go up.

Now I'm gonna kick back and take it easy. It's back to work tomorrow night and I want to enjoy my last night of freedom. I haven't been on line much, for some reason my 'puter has been really slow and locking up. I'll visit y'all tomorrow from work where I have high speed access on the company time.

OLD AGE

My buddy Carol sent this to me. I hate to admit it, but damn if one or two don't describe me!

---- I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

--- Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

--- The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.

--- Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?

--- I've sure gotten old.! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license

--- An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to
be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Walmart. "Walmart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Walmart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."

---My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

--- Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

---I'm getting into swing dancing. Not on purpose. Some
parts of my body are just prone to swinging.

---It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker

---These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."

---Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner child playing with matches.

---Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up.!

--- Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.

- --THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

WHY I STAY SINGLE.......

WARNING: FEMALE RANT!

The other night one of my girlfriends and I were planning to go watch a movie, but her husband pitched a screaming fit. She told him our plans the day before, hoping he would be mellow about it but no dice. He claimed that the only reason for two women to go out after dark was to screw around with other men! It's not the first time; he says the same thing even if we go shopping at the mall in the daytime.

It's not just the one friend with that type of marriage either. I have another married friend who's only allowed out of the house to pay bills (carrying just enough cash to cover them, her husband won't put her name on the checking account). She's not even allowed to have female friends visit her home unless he's there to supervise. What is it that we're supposed to be doing in her own home? One of our other female friends gave her a pair of earrings and her loving husband called her a whore, saying that the only person who would give her a gift was a lover.

Both of these guys say that women have no business being outside the home. That "decent women" should stay in the house and do "their job" and nothing else. No social life, no outside job, no interaction with outsiders, no hobbies, no visitors; women are supposed to just spend their entire adult lives waiting on their husbands and catering to their every whim.

What is it with some men, making them automatically assume that the only thing women are interested in is having sex with whatever man is available? Do they honestly think that women can't enjoy just being around each other without hunting down some poor man and tackling his sorry ass? Granted, some women go out on the prowl on their "girls' night out", but all of us are not constantly on the make. There are actually females who enjoy each other’s company without a man around to validate us. Besides, if I wanted to pick up a man why would I carry compition with me?

I would say that the husbands worry because I'm single and apt to "lead their wives astray" but these macho he-men act the same way regardless of who or where their wives are going, even if it's with their own mothers! Besides, we're all in our 40s and 50s. It's not like we’re models or young hard-bodies that have men falling all over us!

People wonder why I have no interest in getting married. All I have to do is look at the relationships around me and single life looks better and better.......

ANYONE GOT ANY ALKA-SELTZER?

My belly's pooching out!

The company fed us lunch today as a kinda "thank you" (never mind what for). When I opened the plate I found an 8 ounce T-bone steak, a monster-sized baked potato loaded with butter and sour cream, and a fried apple pie.

I know I didn't need all that but hey, it's free. Free means that the calories don't count! Right? Of course that's right!


I really need to get out and walk off some of this food, but I'm a prisioner here at this computer. The typical after-effects of a big meal are kicking in. You know the ones I'm talking about, the urge to take a nap while some of the excess food get digested.

I sure hope that the bosses stay gone for a while, I think I've got pie in my eyes.

ONE MORE DAY

Only one more 12 hour work day and then I get a few days off!!!

No getting up at 3:30 AM! No gently attempting to stuff my poor injured foot into a shoe while only half awake. Time to hang out with friends and maybe have a libation or three.

Hell, if I drink enough I may dance naked in the moonlight!

CHICKEN FOOT STRIKES AGAIN

I've aggravated my injured foot again! I worked out at Curves yesterday afternoon and when I went to take my sock off last night the scab was glued to it. I wound up peeling the sucker off. OUCH!

This morning my entire left foot is swollen (or "swolt" as Karen's son says) and tender and my shoe is killing me. Unfortunately I'm at work and going barefoot is not an option. I guess I got too frisky too soon, but dang it I need to get some exercise.
I'm not used to being a cripple, hobbling around like Chester off of Gun Smoke (how many of you are old enough to remember that Dillon's assistant/deputy was at first Chester Goode, played by Dennis Weaver before Festus Haggen, played by Ken Curtis?).

The guys here at work are calling me "Chicken Foot" again!

Seems like I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. With the blisters on my palms and my "chicken foot", I feel like I've got hoof and mouth disease. Good thing I'm not a horse, someone would have already shot me!

In all those old westerns they always gave the victim a good stiff drink for the pain. Someone pass the whiskey please.......

VIRTUAL MODEL

There's a website called "Virtual Model" where you can make a clone of yourself FOR FREE. The left is me now, and the right is me if I manage to lose the weight that I want by the end of the year. I'm taking it slow, I'd love to be even smaller but that's a drop of 50 pounds and I'm being realistic here.

Sometimes it helps to see yourself from a different perspective. I know that when I look in a mirror I tend to focus on what I perceive as my flaws. With this model it's easier to see yourself as others do. I don't search for wrinkles or cellulite or grey hair when I look at my model. And the before and after picture (use the Prevention.com link, it has a weight loss model) helps you be realistic about what you should weigh. If you type in a too-small number you turn into a stick woman.

Just though y'all might want to go and play with the models. You get to dress them different, too.

WEEKEND UPDATE

Sorry I haven't posted in a few days, I've spent all weekend trying to whip the yard into shape. I've mowed and trimmed and used a pole saw (See the picture at the right if you're lucky enough to have not ever heard of a pole saw). I didn't get all my trees trimmed, but I've got big blisters on the palms of both hands and a huge brush pile started, so I quit for now. I love my trees, but it gets to be a hassle keeping them trimmed and all the windfalls picked up.


I did manage to slip away long enough yesterday to go see Pirates of the Caribbean 2-Dead Man's Chest. I know he's a little freaky, but Johnny Depp just does something for me! Not only is he a good-old boy from Kentucky,he made all the girls hearts throb in the role of undercover cop Tommy Hanson in the popular TV series "21 Jump Street" (1987) and has kicked ass in a wide variety of parts every since.
Johnny can come play with my chest anytime!

Hope all y'all had a good weekend!

BELATED 4TH FIREWORKS

It doesn't take much to make a 6 year-old mini-Redneck happy. A couple of $$$ worth of fireworks, a cigarette to use for a lighting stick and alls well in his tiny little world.
It takes a steady hand!
Light the fuse and run like hell!
Sparklers, told you it didn't take much!
Remember those "Black Snakes"? Makes one hell of a mess on the driveway!
That's one happy young'un.

JUST CALL ME LEFTY

Can only one side of your body be accident prone? I was examining my still weeping/seeping/oozing boo-boo on my left foot where it was smashed by the Frozen Fowl last week (BTW, earning me the nickname of "Chicken Foot" at work) and noticed that it was the same foot that I injured when I was 16.

First, let me give you a bit of history so you can understand my question. All of us girls were active and thus accident prone. We were on a first name basis with the emergency room nurses and the Doctors all knew us as well. Between the 5 of us we had multiple incidents of stitches & broken bones; foreign objects stuck in windpipes, noses & ears; and 2nd & 3rd degree burns (Teresa threw a match in gas, human torch, but a story for another time). For whatever reason, my left side seemed to catch hell most of the time. I'll just hit the highlights or this post would take forever.

When I was 4, I fell while climbing on Dad's pile of scrap metal and broke my left collarbone. I don't really remember it, but Mom claims that’s why my left collarbone sticks out farther than the other.

I was around 12 or 13 when my sister Lana, pissed off for whatever reason, swung at my head with a returnable drink bottle. You remember the ones I'm talking about, real glass, quart size, with a screw-on top and heavy as hell. I blocked the blow with my left hand and she broke my pinkie finger. The darn thing junted out at a 45 degree angle from the bottom knuckle!! At the time, Dad said it was just out of joint, yanked it straight and wrapped it with an Ace Bandage. A week later, the thing's still swollen and purple, so Mom took me to get it x-rayed. Yeah, it was broke. Now it's crooked and has a hump on the inside of the second knuckle. But hey, I can bend it sideways, always a neat party trick and a great ice-breaker with the opposite sex. Men just love those kinda odd-ball things in a woman.

Moving on, age 14. Donna, Ricky Speegle (one of our neighborhood posse) and I were climbing a huge walnut tree in the pasture. I was wearing soft-soled moccasins and it had started to rain. I slipped on the wet bark and fell a long-long way down, landing on my back with my left arm twisted behind me. I must have sunk 4 inches into the ground and was lying across a ditch. It knocked the breath out of me and all I could do is lay there and try to suck some air in my lungs while Donna hung off a branch, looking down at me and yelling "Are You Dead?" When both of them got to the ground and got me up, my hand was on backwards and my arm was turning really interesting colors.

We walked home, I took a bath (couldn't to the hospital with all that mud on me) and on to the emergency room. Not broken, but both wrist and elbow dislocated. The Dr. claimed that the only reason I didn't break my back was because of the mud cushioning my landing. Before the thing healed, I went through 5 casts, what with being thrown in swimming pools, getting hit in the cast by a softball and getting thrown off a horse (several times). For years afterward, every time I used my left hand to pick up anything over a few pounds, my wrist would pop out of joint and someone would have to grab my hand and yank it back in place.

Sweet 16 (now comes the foot part). I was mowing the back yard with a push mower when I hit a large piece of gravel at the edge of the driveway. The mower blade broke in the center, where the bolt goes through it. Half slung out the front and half out the back. That back half got stopped by my foot! I stumbled into the house yelling for Mom, a stream of blood squirting out with every heart beat and my big toe hanging on by a scrap of skin. The cool thing was, the blade hit so hard that it knocked all the feeling out. It didn't hurt; my foot just looked like a prop out of some Slasher/Horror Film (Curse of the Bloody Foot, perhaps?).

Mom, being used to bloodshed and mayhem, calmly wrapped my foot in a bath towel, loaded me in the station wagon and headed to Moulton. Everything was fine until she turned into the emergency room entrance and hit the speed breaker there. The thump caused my foot to slap the floorboard and all those severed nerve endings woke up at one time! The nurses rushed me inside , gave me a wonderful don't-give-a-damn shot, numbed my foot and then I sat up and watched Dr. Willard reattach my toe. He kept up a running commentary the whole time, naming and showing me the tendons and blood vessels as he sewed them back together. It was almost like watching the Discovery Health Channel. I bet not many of you can claim to have actually watched while a part of your body gets sewn back on!

The toe healed, eventually, but it took all summer. I left school for the summer on crutches and started the next term still on crutches. I got blood poisoning (for which they OD'ed me on penicillin, causing me to forever be allergic); slipped on spilled oil in the garage & fell, re-breaking the darn thing, and developed strong arms from hobbling around on those cursed sticks. A summer not being able to motivate is hell for a teenage girl, even if I did have a cute guy visiting on his motorcycle!

NOW……. The 1-ton-frozen-chicken smacked right on top of the tendon (which was cut and sewn back together in the past) that runs from my ankle to the reattached toe. The damned tendon is red, swollen and has a chunk of meat gone.

My left side is jinxed! True, the right has had a few injuries; I'll tell you the story about the ring of scars circling my upper right thigh - left by a flying, shredded beer can sometime. BUT……. What can I do to make the left side of my body less vulnerable? Hell, I'm 50; I don't heal that fast anymore! I refuse sit on the couch, quit doing anything that I want, or wear some kinda padded suit.

Oh well, you gotta die of something. Just make sure my good side is to the front when I'm in the coffin…….

A SALUTE TO STEAK

Do you love to cook? Maybe you just like to eat. More importantly, do you care about the sacrifices of our service people and their families who have given their all for our country?

Then check out "A SALUTE TO STEAK". All proceeds from this $10 cookbook (sponsored by Weber Grills) will go to the following four charities that benefit Marines wounded or killed in the line of duty and/or their families.

Injured Marine Semper Fi Fund, Wounded Warrior Project, Fisher House (a "home away from home" for families of patients receiving medical care at major military and VA medical centers), and Marine Corps-Law Enforcement Foundation (assistance is primarily rendered to children of Marines or Federal law enforcement personnel who were killed on duty or died under extraordinary circumstances while serving our country at home or abroad) are all organizations that do wonderful things and deserve all the support we can give them. All that and you get a great cookbook, too!

Here's the official website (check out the video while you're there!) and you can buy it locally at Ace Hardware, Airgas Gaspro, Aqua Quip, Do It Best, G.I. Joes, The Andersons, and True Value. Where else can your $10 do so much?

Regardless of how you feel about this senseless war, these people deserve our support. They've served our country to the best of their ability and now both the injured Marines and their families are paying the price. Buy the book. The proceeds might even help someone that you know and love. Besides, it's the right thing to do. Good Karma will come your way, I promise!

Check out the following links, several of them have sample recipes to try.


*Salt Lake Marine to compete in N.Y. in 'Command of Grill' contest
*Weber Presents "Command of the Grill"
*Decatur Daily "Salute!Steak recipe book by U.S. Marines to help injured comrades, families of those killed in duty"
*Google News Stories "Command of the Grill"

BLINKYOUDOTCOM

I found a new blinkie site that I just love! Click on any of these blinkies to go to blinkyoudotcom
Damn, I wish I had the talent to create things like these. I'm just barely functional with HTML and I'm still learning CSS! It's nice of these wonderful and talented people to let others use their work, and it's FREE!
It has a lot of other options, including a custom doll maker. Go and check them out.

Damn, my doll's white britches don't show up too well, I shoulda put her in jeans.

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY

BONUS: Green-Eyed Lady has posted her response to the ABC meme and it's a hoot! She's an artist and poet who often works in adult themes, as witnessed by this snippet of her response to being assigned the letter P:

"a Period of adult Potpourri, Punctuated with Potent amounts of Pucker Power but still leaving me Panting for more… ;)"

Y'all go and check out the rest of her meme. The lady has mucho talent.

SATURDAY WITH DONNA

Donna and I spent Saturday watching the Stihl TimberSports event. The show was wonderful with a standing room only crowd; big brawny men from all over the world wielding chain saws, huge hand saws and shiny axes while young women with bulging leg muscles ran across free-floating logs that bobbed and rolled underfoot. I tended to cheer for the young pretty boys (hey, eye candy!) while Donna was rooting for a short, hard-bodied, older, bald guy. I hate to admit it, but her guy did better in the events. I guess those young thin fellers didn't have enough lead in their britches but they sure were easy on the eyes.

One event was called the "Hot Saw" event. The chain saws had been modified to use dirt bike motors and cut through the logs like they were made of butter. When they were cranked the noise was unbelievable and you could hear all the men in the crowd go "OOOOOO"! I can just see some of those Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor wanta-be Rednecks going home and trying to build a hot saw of their very own. Hope the fools don't cut off something they might need some day.


We almost got heat stroke! The temps were pushing 100 and there wasn't a bit of shade in the stands. I had a hard time concentrating on my male ogling because the tickle of big fat drops of sweat (I swear they felt like they were the size of acorns) slowly cruising down the Grand Canyon between my butt cheeks kept distracting me. That and the sweat dripping in my eyes blurred my less than perfect vision. Oh, excuse me, I forgot; women don't sweat, they perspire.

All in all, it was a good day. Good-looking men, good company, nobody fussing or fighting. It's hard to get Donna out; she's a homebody and always comes up with an excuse not to go when invited. Maybe this is the start of something new for her.

ROADT