SNOW

UPDATE: It took me twice as long as usual to get home. In the few hours since my last post, it has snowed like hell. The roads are already slick, I dread the drive to work in the morning. Cars were already in the ditch and everywhere people were sliding sideways and driving 20 MPH.

I took pictures, even though it has already gotten dark. The specks in the pictures are falling snow. You can see the snow on my Triumph 'vert and truck. That's Blackie (half lab, half bulldog) playing next to the truck, she's never seen snow before, we don't get it very often here in 'Bama.

I'm going to eat snow cream now. Ya'll stay warm.

EARLIER THE SAME DAY, BLOGGING FROM WORK
It might not stick, but we're getting our first real snow of the winter. I can see big fat flakes falling onto the pipebridge outside the control room window. Sure is pretty, but damn I hope the roads are OK in the morning. Alabama's not known for talking care of icy/snowy roads. Not enough practice, I guess.

Technorati: Snow, Weather, Drivers

PUCKER UP BABY

In honor of Valentine's Day, I've searched the net for facts and trivia about one of mankind's favorite team sport - KISSING. Kissing has long been immortalized in song, screen and art (like French artist Auguste Rodin's "The Kiss" on the right). Heck, I bet there are even cave paintings of some hairy Cromagnon couple locking lips!

I hope ya'll get lots of kisses from your someone special on Feb. 14th.

JUST THE FACT'S, MAM
~Matrimonial pollsters' studies prove that a man who kisses his wife good-bye when he leaves for work every morning averages a higher income than does the fellow who doesn't do that thing.
~In medieval Italy kisses weren't taken, or given, lightly. If a man and a woman were seen embracing in public they could be forced to marry!
~It is a (scientific?) fact that the act of kissing produces the same hormone in your body that firing a gun does.
~Hershey's Kisses got their name because the machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.
~Kissing can actually be a beauty treatment. Scientific tests show that good kissing helps reduce dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. It also makes your skin glow and your eyes shine.
~Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash away food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.
~Fifty percent of all people have kissed before they turn 14.
~Good kissing is a team effort. If something goes wrong, learn and move on.
~Good, rich, passionate kissing can help you burn up to 600 calories per hour! You burn 26 calories in a one minute kiss.
~"Bad" kisses can be cause for alarm, especially if you get them often. Bad kisses may be a sign that your partner lacks the ability to be totally intimate.
~Babies who are kissed usually have a greater capacity for intimacy later in life.
~Our brains have special neurons that help us locate each other's lips in the dark.
~Kissing can relieve headaches.



PS: Sweet Thang and I watched "Must Love Dogs" last night. It's a Chick Flick along the lines of "Something's Gotta Give" and "You've Got Mail". Lots of kissing, excellent sound track and loads of laugh-out-loud moments.

The movie was warm, funny, and even Sweet Thang liked it. Great movie to get you both in the mood (wink wink). Watch it with someone that you want to cuddle with afterward.
Technorati:Kiss,Must Love Dogs, movies, Valentine's Day, Love,

IS OLDER BETTER OR OVER THE HILL?

I've never lied about my age, I've got the year of my birth listed in my profile for the whole world to see. I talk about Sweet Thang, the fact that he's 5 years younger than me, and give more than a few hints that I still enjoy an intimate relationship, hell let's be honest, SEX.

So the following e-mail just burned my butt:

Young men don't want older women. That is a fallacy. They prefer young, tight bodies. Men with money and position don't want older women, they can and do have much younger women. Realistically, a young man may "test drive" an older woman, but that is all it will be, a test drive and a limited engagement, if it goes beyond 1 night. Older women are not attractive to younger men or to men with money and position. We can, and do, afford, much better. Sorry, but these are the facts.

Is it true that men only date a woman who is "seasoned" because he doesn't have the money to lure some hardbody gold-digger? Is arm-candy more important to the average male than someone who really cares and won't dump him if his checkbook doesn't go to 6 digits?

I admit that I enjoy the sight of a young stud with washboard abs, but at 6'5" and 350 pounds, Sweet Thang ain't one of them. But we make each other laugh, we have things in common and our personal relations leave me with no complaints. He has a good job, his own home and a fair amount of disposable income, so is it true that if he won the lottery he would leave me for some bimbo named Bambi?

Joan Myres has a photo exhibit entitled Women of a Certain Age where she states:

As a woman recently turned fifty, I find myself less and less comfortable with the way American culture defines and portrays older women. I reject these cultural limitations for my own aging. I use my camera to explore possibilities, the messages and histories expressed in other women's bodies. I wish less to define than to reveal.
None of my friends would pose for me. That was my first lesson. "My body is not beautiful," said one. Another delayed a shooting session repeatedly until she "got in shape."
Where are the images of older women? Who defines what is beautiful? Is "beautiful" part of the definition of who a woman is? We all age daily. The body but records the passing of time. What does aging have to do with being a woman? --Joan Myers

OK all you guys out there. We women of a certain age want to know how you really feel. What matters most to you, age and looks or personality and heart.
Technorati: Women of a Certain Age, Relationships, Ageing

PREPPING FOR V-DAY

I spent all day shopping for Valentine's Day with my sister, Teresa. I bought the standard cards and candy for friends and family, but I got the lingerie on the right for Sweet Thang. Do you thing he'll appreciate it or would he rather just have chocolate? Of course, that's not me in the pic, but maybe I'll look at least half as good in it as the model does. Maybe a pair of stiletto heels to make my butt look a little sexier?

What are ya'll getting your sweety for V-Day?
Technorati: Valentine's Day, Gifts, Lingerie

Your Birthdate: November 16

You're incredibly introverted and introspective. You live inside your head. You spend a lot of alone time meditating and thinking. People see you as withdrawn, and at times they are right. You are caring and deep, but it may be difficult for you to show this side of yourself. Your strength: Your original approach to thinking Your weakness: You tend to shy away from others Your power color: Pale blue Your power symbol: Wavy line Your power month: July

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

THIS AND THAT

OK, I didn't get called into a meeting tonight (see previous post). I was told that "the powers that be" were in meetings all day, so they didn't have time to to hold a meeting to decide if I should be called into a meeting. That's the way it is here. First, a meeting to discuss the pros and cons of having a meeting. Then a meeting to plan the agenda of the intended meeting, the actual meeting, and then a meeting to discuss merits of the previous meeting. Ah, corporate life.

Now for a few goodies to keep you, my fellow bloggers and bloggettes, entertained. First we have an actual live jail cam (I believe it's the only one in the world that runs 24-7) located in the Anderson County, Tennessee Sheriff's Department booking area. I couldn't make the link for the cam itself work, so go the the right sidebar link above and click on it there. The site has a disclaimer reminding you that it's a live broadcast, and you might see anything. I watched them bring in some guy in handcuffs the other day but so far haven't saw anything that I can't see on TV, DARN IT. Even when nothing's happening, the thing's addictive. And I never realized how much paperwork the police have to do. Hope they use the kind we make here!!

And now, keep repeating to yourself "Thank God that's not my kid" as you check out these photos.







Technorati Tags: Humor,Jail Cam, Police, Crime, Work, Photos, Anderson County, Tennessee

WELL HELL!

At work, I cover 5 different jobs in 2 different departments in 2 different areas of the mill. 2 of these jobs I work most of the time and I'm comfortable on them, but the other 3 I cover only a few days a year. It's hard to remember everything about all these different areas and responsibilities, I'm going to admit that the older I get, the harder it is to remember.

I've been working in a different area this weekend, and I worked here maybe 50 or 60 hours all of last year. When things run normally, it's OK. You have time to refresh and to figure out all the things that have changed (when you work with computers, I/A controls and such, things change every day).

Friday we had a major tube rupture in one of the boilers. At least that one can't be pinned on me, it was one of those "OH SHIT" deals that just happen. Luckily no one got hurt. It was a power boiler, so the thing didn't explode, just blew parts around inside of the boiler itself. Costly to repair but no one's fault.

But last night, I forgot to call another department while bringing up a piece of equipment (I haven't brought up this thing in more than a year). I'm not making excuses, just stating my case. No one is perfect, most especially me!

All indications on my end was that everything was OK, but the finished product went somewhere else. My alarm that said the other department wasn't satisfied went away and everything seemed to be normal, but obviously they weren't because I've been in one "fact finding meeting" tonight along with my union rep, and have been warned that I will probably be in another meeting tomorrow night with the VIPs who don't work nights and weekends. The other department stayed venting and never noticed that their alarms cleared. Now the environmental department of the mill is involved and I'm in deep doodoo.

Bad Junebugg!! I guess that's what I get for thinking. From now on I'm going to call everyone, scream at the top of my lungs, bug the hell out of anyone I can find and give new meaning to the term hysterical female and paranoid person. I may even develop a persecution complex!

I might just get talked to or written up with a warning if I'm lucky, but it could go as far as getting days off without pay.

Some days, it just don't pay to get out of bed.

THREES

I know I haven't posted lately, but I haven't really had anything worthy of writing about other than it's been short sleeve-weather around here and now the Weather Man is calling for snow flurries DARN IT. I got this meme over at Bitichitude's, but don't expect my answers to be as interesting as hers!

Threes
~3 names I don't answer to: Bitch, Slut, or any other derogatory, misogynistic term
~3 parts of your heritage: German (Mom's maiden name was Curnutt), Black Dutch, Irish
~3 things that scare me: Mother Nature when she's really pissed, the idea of getting old and not having enough money to live on and/or being dependentt on someone else, the state of our government, hell the state of the governments of the rest of the world too!
~3 of your everyday essentials: Diet Dew, a book of some kind (any kind), music
~3 things you are wearing right now: I'm at work, so no sexy stuff! New Balance walking shoes, pink and green camouflage panties, a pink and green floral cami underneath an unbuttoned denim shirt (at least I match, kinda)
~3 of your favorite songs: Anything except bluegrass and that old time country music that makes hound dogs howl!. I love bluegrass in person but not just to listen to. I'm not fond of rap, but anything rock, blues or that's just got a good beat and I'm there.
~3 things about the opposite sex that appeal to you: A happy person with a twinkle in his eye and a great sense of humor, someone with confidence but not so cocky that he's an asshole, Not abusive in any way, verbal, mental or physical. Been there done that, ain't going there again.
~3 things you want in a relationship: Respect, intelligent conversation and hot monkey sex
~3 of your favorite hobbies: Cooking (I'm actually fairly good at it), reading, making my own adventures
~3 Places you want to go: Australia, Beliz, The Amazon
~3 things you want to do before you die: Travel around the world, write a book (doesn't have to be a best seller although that would be nice), retire with enough money and good enough health to enjoy my so-called golden years
~3 ways that you are unstereotypically a female/male: I've worked in mostly unstereotypical jobs (welder, house-painter, pipe fitter, power plant worker, etc), I'm happier single than I ever was married (most of the women I know WANT to be married and have hubby to fall back on), I don't do ruffles or all the fussy household and/or clothing stuff. I like simple, elegant, classic designs with little clutter or fuss.
Two truths and one lie (in any order): Let's see now. Hummm....
1. Turning 50 didn't bother me
2. I've been married 4 times, widowed twice and divorced twice and did it all by the time I reached the of ripe old age of 31
3. I'll probably get married again some day
~3 (ok 4) people you would like to take this survey: This meme is now on the honour system. Do it if you dare

HNT

It's Half Nekkid Thursday, and my first HNT post. Here's my 50th birthday tattoo.




Don't ask where to see where the dragons' tails end, I don't know y'all that well! Let's just say they end on my rear-end.

I was gonna post a picture of the coconut bra that B'Tude sent me, but couldn't get a picture I was comfortable posting. Maybe I'll come up with something later.

FLIPP FLOPPING AROUND

I stole purloined borrowed this from Bitichitude, she always has cool toys and will sometimes share them if you ask nice (but don't bend the pages or get them dirty!)

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Junebugg!

1. If your ear itches, this means that someone is talking about Junebugg.
2. If you kiss Junebugg for one minute you will burn six or seven calories.
3. The water in oceans is four times less salty than the water in Junebugg.
4. By tradition, a girl standing under Junebugg cannot refuse to be kissed by anyone who claims the privilege.
5. Junebugg was originally called Cheerioats!
6. A lump of Junebugg the size of a matchbox can be flattened into a sheet the size of a tennis court.
7. Junebugg can eat up to four kilograms of insects in a single night!
8. The difference between Junebugg and a village is that Junebugg does not have a church!
9. The Australian billygoat plum contains a hundred times more Vitamin C than Junebugg!
10. There are 336 dimples on Junebugg.

I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

And now for the flip side. Hey, B'Tude, does this mean that I'm schizophrenic? No? Excellent, that means that the voices in my head aren't from a guilty conscience!!

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Vicki!

1. About one tenth of Vicki is permanently covered in ice.
2. 68 percent of all UFO sightings are by Vicki.
3. Humans share over 98 percent of their DNA with Vicki.
4. If you drop Vicki from more than three metres above ground level, she will always land feet-first!
5. Vicki is physically incapable of sticking her tongue out!
6. Fish travel in schools, but whales travel in Vicki!
7. Vicki can use only about ten percent of her brain.
8. Only 55 percent of Americans know that the sun is made of Vicki.
9. Olive oil was used for washing Vicki in the ancient Mediterranean world.
10. Vicki does not have toes.

I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

TUESDAY TIME WASTER

I found this meme at Poiesia's and because it's totally different and much easier than most of the rest, I decided to give it a try.

Here are the instructions:

1. Go to your blog archive
2. Find the 23rd post
3. Find the 5th sentence
4. Post the text of the sentence in a blog entry
along with these instructions
5. Tag five other people (which I'm not gonna do)

What I came up with was this post and this line:

aeroplane blond - one who has dyed her hair but still has a "black box"

Kinda one of those things that make you go "HHHMMM ain't it.

HNT - WANTA SEE MY COCONUTS?

It's Half Nekkidd Thursday, and my first HNT post. Here's my 50th birthday tattoo.


Don't ask where to see where the dragons' tails end, I don't know y'all that well! Let's just say they end on my rear-end.

I was gonna post a picture of the coconut bra that B'Tude sent me, but couldn't get a picture I was comfortable posting. Maybe I'll come up with something later.

Traveling Lei Part 3

CrazyRideLady has her Traveling Lei question up!

YOU WANT TO STICK WHAT WHERE!!!

Well, I have an official (of a sort) diagnosis of what ails me. One of the guys here at work has decided that I have distemper because his prize birddog had the same symptoms!


He kindly offered to bring his cattle syringe and farm-grade penicillin out to the plant and give me a shot, claiming that it cured the K-9 so of course it’ll cure a person. Lucky for me I’m allergic so I could turn down his compassionate offer without getting snotty and offending his fragile male ego. I guess you could say that he would qualify as my Redneck Hero for at least caring enough to offer.

I finally found some Triaminicin at Walgreens. Triaminicin is the only thing that really works for me other than NyQuil which of course I can't take at work. It seems that Walgreens scored the patent on Triaminicin and no one else is allowed to sell it. At last, GOOD DRUGS!

I think I might live now.

DON'T FEEL TOO GOOD

Remember when you were little and sick how your Mom spoiled you? You'd lie in bed watching cartoons while she plied you with soup and ice-cream and jello. If you were really sick she'd wipe your face with a cool washcloth and fret and worry over you. Man I miss those days!


While I was asleep last night, a slime monster crawled up my nose and lodged in the top of my head. I woke up with snot oozing out of both nostrils and an invisible band is being tightened around the top of my head. My eyes feel like they’ve been French fried and my throat has been sandpapered. In other words, I'm sick and I feel like warmed-over shit.

I stopped by First Aid on the way into the plant to score some free drugs. I signed in but was so woozy-headed that I couldn’t remember my department number (which I know as well as I know my own name). Major Brain Fart! You have to have that number for everything.

So I'm standing there, slightly wobbly, holding the ink pen and trying to remember while the medic is holding a handful of drugs WHICH I NEED right in front of me but won't let me have them because I'm so sick I can't remember a blasted 3 digit number. Damn Tease! I finally had a memory flash, wrote down the required number and snatched the drug packets before the Med Nazi took them back.

Now I'm parked here at work sneezing and snorting and blowing my nose. The slime monster is starting to move down my throat and into my chest. Sorry ass cheap drugs, I need some industrial strength stuff! The guys are staying on the other side of the room and making the sign against the evil eye every time I get close to them.

I want to go home and go to bed with a hot toddy and someone to tell me that I'll get better soon. 4 more days, I'll get a day off on Friday, if I live that long.

Send tissues, whiskey, and good drugs. I need a care package.

MY TAIL IS NOT FUZZY!

Stole Borrowed this from B'Tude.

you are the cute but psycho happy bunny. You
adorable, but a little out there. It's alright,
you might not have it all, but there are worse


which happy bunny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

SCHOOL DAZE

I realize that I've been missing in action, but I have a good excuse! The company has had me and several other operators in a Instrument/Electrical Precision Maintenance class. (Like I've ever been precise about anything!) Me, doing precision maintenance, that's a scary thing!

It was a good class, but the math just about had me pulling my hair out. It's like playing House or Columbo, taking a bunch of symptoms or clues and diagnosing what needs to be repaired. Except the patients/victims are pumps, transmitters, valves, level controls, etc. etc.

The downside was a loss of off days and free time. The upside is at graduation they gave me a diploma (good if I ever need to find another job) and a Dell Axim 51 handheld with

* Microsoft® Windows MobileTM 5.0 software with Windows Media Player 10 Mobile
*Powered by the Intel® XScaleTM PXA270 Processor at 416MHz
*Brilliant 3.5" color TFT display
*Integrated BluetoothTM Wireless Technology
*Packed with 64MB SDRAM and 128MB Flash ROM
*Integrated CompactFlash Type II and Secure Digital / SDIO Now! / MMC card slots provide flexible expansion
*Removable Primary Battery with optional High Capacity Battery
*3.5mm Headphone / Headset Jack for Headsets to support voice recognition applications
*Built-in microphone and speaker for easy recording on the go
*USB Sync Cable
*Leather Case
*Cradle/Recharger

Now I gotta learn to operate the thing. That little stick is going to take some getting used to but it gives me something new to play with (I tend to get bored easily). And it WAS FREE!

In other news, CrazyRideLady has sent me her SNAIL MAIL addy and I'll be putting her prize package in the mail ASAP. Y'all stay tuned for her version of the Traveling Lei contest.

FOUR THINGS

Stolen from Kylz.

Four Jobs You've Had In Your Life:
1. Welder/Pipefitter at Nuclear Facility (certified MIG, TIG, and stick)
2. House Painter
3. Carpenter Helper
4. Secretary for government (security clearance and everything)

Four Things You'd Watch Over and Over:
1. African Queen (Hepburn is wonderful in anything)
2. Anything by Alfred Hitchcock
3. Enemy Mine
4. Men in Black

Four Places You Have Lived:
1. Moulton, Alabama
2. Decatur, Alabama
3. Town Creek, Alabama
4. Speak, Alabama

Four TV Shows You Love to Watch:
1. Bones
2. Sex in the City
3. Law & Order: SVU
4. Anything on the Food Channel ( I zone out in front of the cooking shows)
Honorable mention: I loved the mini-series Rome on HBO but it's no longer on.

Four Places You've Been On Vacation:
1. Bahamas
2.Hawaii
3. Mexico
4. Grand Caymans

Four Websites You Visit Daily:
1. My Blog Buddies
2. My Email site
3. Google
4. Decatur Daily (the local paper)

Four of Your Favorite Foods:
1. Anything Chocolate
2. Perfectly Grilled Rare Steak
3. Good Cheese
4. Pinto Beans, Fried 'Taters & Cornbread With Real Butter (I'm Southern, Y'all, That all goes together )

Four Places You'd Rather Be Right Now:
1. Anywhere (I'm at work at 2:30 AM)
2. In Bed (See Above)
3. In the Bar for Last Call
4. Having Wild Kinky Sex

ONLY A MAN WOULD DO THAT.......

One of my co-workers, Stan, sent me this email. This has gotta be a guy thing, because no female I know would even think about trying it!



IT'S A LESSON LEARNED ABOUT TASOR GUNS

To give you some background information, Greg, the author of this email, is 58 years old about 6'3" and 220 lbs and contrary to this story, he is quite an intelligent person.

Dear Friends,

My wife is fond of saying that my last words on this earth will be something akin to "Well, I have out done myself once again." No doubt you will see this true story chronicled in a Life Time movie in the near future. Here goes.

Last weekend I spied something at the pawn shop that tickled my fancy. (Note: Keep in mind that my "fancy" is easily tickled.) I bought something really cool for my wife. The occasion was our 12th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my sweet girl. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Taser gun with a clip.

For those of you who are not familiar with this product, it is a less-than-lethal stun gun with two metal prongs designed to incapacitate an assailant with a shock of high-voltage, low amperage electricity while you flee to safety. The effects are supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, but allowing you adequate time to retreat to safety. You simply jab the prongs into your 250 lb tattooed assailant, push the button, and it will render him a slobbering, goggle-eyed, muscle-twitching, whimpering, pencil-neck geek. If you've never seen one of these things in action, then you're truly missing out - way too cool!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was so disappointed. Upon reading the directions (we don't need no stinkin' directions), I found much to my chagrin that this particular model would not create an arch between the prongs.

How disappointing! I do love fire for effect. I learned that if I pushed the button, however, and pressed it against a metal surface that I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs that I was so looking forward to. I did so. Awesome!!! Sparks, a blue arch of electricity, and a loud pop!!! Yipeeeeee. I'm easily amused, just for your information, but I have yet to explain to my wife what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, etc., etc. There I sat in my recliner, my dog looking on intently (trusting little soul), reading the directions (that would be me, not the dog) and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh and blood target.

I must admit I thought about zapping the dog for a fraction of a second and thought better of it. She is such a sweet pup, after all. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong? Was I wrong to think that? Seemed reasonable to me at the time.

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, Taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. All the while I'm looking at this little device (measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference, pretty cute really, and loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries) thinking to myself, "no friggin' way!" Friggin' way - trust me, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best. Those of you who know me well have got a pretty good idea of what followed. I'm sitting there alone, the dog looking on with her head cocked to one side as if to say, "don't do it buddy," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny lil' ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. (Sound, rational thinking under the circumstances, wouldn't you agree?)

I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the hell of it. (Note: You know, a bad decision is like hindsight-- always 20/20. It is so obvious that it was a bad decision after the fact, even though it seemed so right at the time. Don't ya hate that?)

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY *********!!!!

I'm pretty sure that Jessie Ventura ran in through the front door, picked me up out of that recliner, then body slammed me on the carpet over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, soaking wet, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position. The dog was standing over me making sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, please do it again!"

(Note: If you ever feel compelled to mug yourself with a Taser, one note of caution.. There is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You're not going to let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. Then, if you're lucky, you won't lodge the prongs 1/4" deep in your thigh like yours truly.)

SON-OF-A-***** that hurt! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at this point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get there??? My triceps, right thigh and both titties were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, as my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. give or take an ounce or two, I'm pretty sure.

By the way, has anyone seen my testicles? I think they ran away. I'm offering a reward. They're round, rather large. Miss 'em ..... sure would like to get'em back.

Greg

TOP 25 REASONS WHEN YOU KNOW YOU'RE NOT 20 ANYMORE

My friend Carol sent me this email, and damn if it ain't true!

TOP 25 REASONS WHEN YOU KNOW YOU'RE NOT 20 ANYMORE!
1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and" break up."
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because "those f**king kids next door won't turn down the stereo".
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You take naps from noon to 6 PM.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19. If you're a gal, you go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff.".
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you, and can't find one to save your sorry old a$$.

BIRTHDAY WISHES

My sister Donna is 48 today, and she's had a hard time lately. She suffers from depression, the loss of our parents has hit her really hard, she's had family problems, and her only daughter has just announced that she's getting married and moving away.

Why don't y'all go and say "Happy B-Day" to her? I hijacked her blog and posted on it (that'll teach her to give me her password HEE-HEE).

AND THE TRAVELING LEI WINNER IS.....

It's been really really hard to pick a winner out of all the wacky entries that you people had posted on the Traveling Lei Contest.

I gotta say that some of you know some strange gift-givers! What with used granny bras, sex toys on the 2nd date, sex toy gift certificates from entire divisions of the military, Christmas stocking tampons, banana roasters (I still haven't figured that one out) I've almost pulled my hair out trying to select the oddest present (and there's nothing worse than a bald-headed Junebugg!) .

So the winner of the Traveling Lei and the 'Bama Gift Pack is (drumroll please).................................

CrazyRideLady! Yes fellow Bloggers and Bloggettes, she won with this entry.

One year I recieved a very nice set of earrings, in a small metal box that was welded shut! I had to get my dad to cut it open with a torch for me!

I don't know about y'all, but having to use a torch to open a present is right up there at the top. I'll be senting her an email and getting all the details to mail the package to her.

Thank y'all for making this so much fun, and stay posted for CrazyRideLady's version of the Traveling Lei Contest.

FRIDAY 13TH - LEI IN ONE MORE DAY

OK People, it's Friday 13th (did you know that Paraskevidekatriaphobia means Fear of Friday the 13th) and tomorrow the Traveling Lei Contest will be over.

Time for the really freaky entries to show up! So go to the entry below and let us know just how kinky and weird your gift giving friends and family REALLY are!

TRAVELING LEI - PHASE 2

OK People, it's time for PHASE 2 of DB's TRAVELING LEI CONTEST.

Since we just had Christmas, the burning question y'all gotta answer to get lei'd is...... (drumroll please)......

"Name the strangest, weirdest, wackiest or most unusual gift that you've ever received."

It doesn't have to be a Christmas present, and you didn't have to get it this year. Answer in the comments and answer as often as you like. The contest is going to run until 2 weeks from today. Then I'll chose the winner and announce it here, send them an e-mail so they can send me their snail-mail addy and I'll mail the lucky person their goodies.



The Rules for Traveling Lei contests:

1. At the end of the contest, the current lei holder will ship the Traveling Lei to the next lucky winner.
2. Along with a small gift from your own state or country.
3. You must attach a creative tag to the "traveling lei", such as "Aloha from Hawai`i", or "Howdy from Texas", etc, and your blog address. The tag should be no larger than the size of an airline baggage tag or Xmas tag so we can get lots of them on there
4. When you receive the lei, you must post a picture of yourself wearing it and holding a sign that says "I got lei'd by DB in Hawaii!" (or whomever you got the lei from) like this time it's "I got LEI'D by Junebugg in Alabama" . Also post a link back to me and the person you got the lei from so we can keep track of our Aloha, as well as these rules personalized to your own site.
5. Then create your own contest for the next winner, but the rules for the traveling lei will remain the same. The contest should run for no shorter than a week and no longer than two weeks.

DB has created a Traveling Lei Page on his blog (complete with pictures of the past winners, like ME) so we can keep up with it's progress around the world. You get the beautiful lei in the picture plus whatever winnings I come up with from the beautiful state of Alabama here in the heart of Dixie.

I'm leaving this post at the top of my site until the contest is over. Come on y'all, most people get a measley kiss for New Year's. You can get LEI'D!

UPDATE: Folks, we're offical. The Traveling Lei Contest has been listed and linked on the Blog Contest Site.

TIME WASTER

Stolen Borrowed from Pammy. I got nothing else right now.

How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside. You tend to avoid confrontation and stay away from sticky situations. You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly. Some of your past dreams have disappointed you, but you don't let it get you down.

How Do You Live Your Life?

FRIDAY NITE AT THE MOVIES

I cried when King Kong died.

GIVING GOOD LEI - 2ND PLACE

YEAH ME! I placed 2nd in B'Tude's Giving Good Lei contest. Congrats to Christine for nailing 1st place. We are two lucky women, I want you folks to check the prize package that Christine is getting, and B'Tude claims that I'm getting something almost as good.

I have to hand it to B'Tude and DB, these folks really know how to get something started. I've had a blast playing both B'Tude's Giving Good Lei and DB's Aloha Traveling Lei.

That's the bestest thing about having a blog, you meet the nicest people! You get to learn about other places, hear about different ways of life, and if you're really really lucky...

YOU GET LOADS OF NEAT STUFF, FREE!

HAPPY NEW YEAR

I want to say how much YOU, each and every one of my blog-buddies, have meant to me. Your comments and friendship are one of the things that I most look forward to every day. Reading your posts on your own blogs make me think, laugh, scratch my head in wonder and sometimes leads me in directions that I never would have found on my own.

I hope each and every one of you have a safe and festive New Year's celebration and that the coming 12 months bring you joy, prosperity and happiness.

I'll be posting my GET LAI'D SOUTHERN STYLE contest post later today. Y'all come back now, ya hear!

A CENTURY'S WORTH OF DIFFERENCE

THE YEAR: 1905

This will boggle your mind. What a difference a century makes!

Here are some of the U.S. statistics for the Year 1905:

The average life expectancy in the U.S. was 47 years.
Only 14 percent of the homes in the U.S. had a bathtub.
Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.
A three-minute call from Denver to New York City cost eleven dollars.
There were only 8,000 cars in the U.S., and only 144 miles of paved roads.
The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.
Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavily populated than California.
With a mere 1.4 million people, California was only the 21 st most populous state in the Union.
The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower!
The average wage in the U.S. was 22 cents per hour.
The average U.S. worker made between $200 and $400 per year.
A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.
More than 95 percent of all births in the U.S. took place at home.
Ninety percent of all U.S. doctors had no college education.
Instead, they attended so-called medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press and by the government as "substandard."
Sugar cost four cents a pound.
Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.
Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.
Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used borax or egg yolks for shampoo.
Canada passed a law that prohibited poor people from entering their country for any reason.

Five leading causes of death in the U.S. were:

1. Pneumonia and influenza
2. Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart disease
5. Stroke

The American flag had 45 stars.
Arizona, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Hawaii, and Alaska hadn't been admitted to the Union yet.
The population of Las Vegas, Nevada, was only 30!!!
Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and ice tea hadn't been invented yet.
There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.
Two out of every 10 U.S. adults couldn't read or write.
Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.
Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at the local corner drugstores.
Back then pharmacist said, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health." (Shocking!)
Eighteen percent of households in the U.S. had at least one full-time servant or domestic help.
There were about 230 reported murders in the entire U.S.

Try to imagine what it may be like in another 100 years....
It staggers the mind. Just think of the world your grandchildren and great-grandchildren will live in!!

WARCRAFT - GAY BAR VIDEO

I've seen everything now. Warcraft Gay Bar video by Pretty Pink Ponies guild. Turn your speakers up.
Not for minors.

SOMEONE JUST SHOOT ME

Quick, someone call The CDC!! Evil People have declared biological warfare on the state of Alabama! There's a short-lived stomach virus going around that has got to be bioengineered by the very Devil himself because it doesn't kill you outright. OH NO! That would be too easy. This demon bug makes you wish you would die so you could feel better!

The first I heard of it was from SJ talking about how sick her two little girls were with the "24 Hour Vomit Virus". See how evil this insidious germ is, it's attacking small children! Next it hit my grandson along with two of my sisters, varied nieces, nephews and coworkers.

Then, at 1 AM Monday morning it got me! I spent all day Monday (MY 1 DAY OFF!) and half of Tuesday sitting on the porcelain throne with my head in a garbage can, spewing at both ends. (Not a pretty visual I know. If you're that kinky I'm not sure I even want to know you!) I started off making impossible promises to God that if he would just let me get better I would, well do whatever. After a while I was begging him to go ahead and let me die so I would just not be miserable anymore. Nothing stayed down, meds, water, soda, tea, nada.

I staggered into work Tuesday night expecting at least some sympathy only to find that half the shift had the same crud and several of them had been to the emergency room, including one that First Aid had sent from the plant. See! They're having to evacuate the plant because of this germy menace.

I'm still wobble-legged and just had my first solid food today. Lets hope that I'm on the road to recovery.

BE AFRAID, BE VERY AFRAID. THE STOMACH-BUG IS HERE... and you're next!

CHRISTMAS 2005 AT THE WATERS

The whole family spent Christmas Eve at the home place, our first one without out parents. It was bittersweet but I guess it's the start of a new tradition. Donna wrote about it better than I ever could. But I've learned one thing, if you've got family everything else will fall into place.

The handsome feller on the left is my grandson.

This is the first public view of my new tattoo celebrating my 50th birthday. I promise I'll post a better picture later.

This is Sweet Thang. Happy looking, isn't he? Of course, he's got me for a girlfriend so why shouldn't he be happy!

Me and my 4 sisters. From the left, bottom row: Teresa, Lana, and me.Top row: Tina and Donna

Every got lots of neat stuff and we all had a great time. Hope y'all had a great Christmas yourselves.

CHRISTMAS EVE

First of all, I want one of these very badly! Please, please, Santa. I promise to be good for the rest of my life if I can have one!!

Work's going well, the management actually brought in a deli tray and everyone is stuffed and hunting a place to sit down.

Tonight I go to the family home for our first Christmas without our parents around to keep us from doing any kind of harm or mayhem to each other. You know what sisters are like and there are 5 of us. Maybe for once we can all get along. No hair pulling, no scratching or eye gouging. Kinda takes all the fun out of getting together but we are the adults now and must set a good example for the kids, damn it.

I'm cruising the blogsphere, checking to see if anyone besides me is online instead of involved in festive holiday happenings. Most of the people I know are last minute shopping or doing family type things. This is almost like Christmas in Prison.

RukSak writes about how mistletoe in a bar can lead to a night in jail on charges of drunk driving a stolen bicycle. He tells a mean story and you ought to go check it out. I promise you'll get a giggle out of it.

Kim's family has a tradition that I want to steal, and Randy has **this** that I covet with all of my heart. I hope to find one in my stocking!

I just discovered Southern Humorists, a page of links to writers that:

We are Southern writers with a strong sense of regional heritage who laugh at our own shortcomings and make diversity into an asset. We are proud of our turnip greens, cornbread and rural past, but recognize football, country music, and car racing as activities of a new South. We would also like to go on record as the humorist group with the most couches on the front porch and the greatest number of junk cars rusting in the backyard.

These folks has tons of stories of Southern traditions and stories that are good for hours of entertainment.

Guess I need to go and pretend to be working. Only a few hours till I can go home, grab a quick shower and check out what kinda goodies my sisters have baked. That's one advantage to working all the time, everyone else does the cooking.

Merry Christmas, y'all (yes I can say that, it's my blog). Hope Santa brings lots of presents and you get kissed or better under the mistletoe.

DEAR SANTA

Dear Santa,
I would very much like the contents of this picture for Christmas. I've been a very good girl this year and it's time I got a little naughty.
Sincerely,
Junebugg

I DONE MESSED UP

The guys here at work are always on me to bake or cook for them "seeing as I'm a woman". Now don't let this fool you, lots of the guys here cook on a regular basis and they do a darn good job.

We've got an built-in oven and a regular stove top, so the men can cook a full course meal if things run OK. Some of my best meals are out here in the plant, cooked by some hard-ankle with a nickname like "Roper" or "JR" and might involve anything from turnip greens with smoked turkey to a venison roast to homemade spaghetti. They always do a mean breakfast - eggs every-which-way, gravy, grits, bacon, sausage (both pork and deer) and biscuits. We eat good, as you could tell if you saw MY hind quarters or the gut lots of these guys drive around. (Why is it when men get older they lose their ass and get this huge gut? Just how do they keep their britches up, it defies the laws of gravity!!)

Today, I brought the fixings to make both a blackberry and a peach cobbler. Not little cobblers either, each one completely filled a sheet cake pan. Of course I just had to bring along one of those 2 1/2 gallon buckets of ice cream, you can't have cobbler hot out of the oven without ice cream!!

Now every one is in a cobbler-induced coma. I heard one man claim that "I think I got blackberries in my eye" when asked why his head was nodding and his eyelids looked droopy. I think the whole department has OD'ed on sugar and it's my fault or so they're saying when I tell them to get up and walk it off.

It's a good thing the plant is running well, because I don't think anyone is in any shape to run up the staircase to the 11th floor, at least I know that I'm not!. Now come on quitting time, I need a nap.

I'M SO MAD I COULD SPIT

I've been browsing the blogsphere and ran across "this disgusting piece of misogyny". The sad thing is that these comments are in response to an article from Vox Day, the Christian Libertarian commentator from WorldNetDaily where he claims that rape is a myth.

Just to show you what a fine upstanding Christian feller he is, I quote:

"I have to confess that I don't understand this ceaseless quest for victimhood. Being raped doesn't confer some mystical moral superiority on a woman, it just makes her a victim. And unfortunately, in all too many cases, it just makes her a stupid one."

I'd love to toss Mr. Day (notice how nice I'm being) in jail and let a few jailhouse Romeos call him "Sweet Cheeks" while they take turns reaming out his fine moral uptight ass. Maybe use a broom handle when all the guys got tired and needed a smoke break.

Sorry , I gotta go. I'm too mad to type.

HAIR CUT AND LIGHTS

I finally got that hair cut I've been needing wanting. It's not exactly what I asked for, but it's not too bad. Of course it'll never look this way again, she styled all the curl out it and I'm a wash and go gal myself. A little make-up probably would have helped, too.

Tonight I go with sister Teresa and her family to look at the Christmas lights. This is an annual thing and we know where all the super-duper tacky light displays are. There's something about Christmas lights that bring out the kid in us. We all ride around and go "OOOOO, pretty!" as we crane our necks and point out the festive houses to each other. What can I say, we're easily entertained. Hope y'all have a good night, I plan to.

Later the same night.........


We found Santa and Drennon (my grandson) had to get his picture taken. Try as we might, all we could get out of him was the fake, shit-eating grin. I know the boy can smile, I've seen it!!

Gotta go to bed now, up at 3:30 and back to work.

LEI'D

Here I am modeling the lovely leis that DB sent me from Hawaii. The black and red lei is the Aloha traveling lei that YOU CAN WIN when I have my contest, slated to start on NEW YEAR'S DAY.

The way DB put it was "The idea is that we want to send this Aloha lei all around the world if we can. Eventually it should have tags from everywhere its been. I will keep track of the leis’ progress so we always know where it is. Simple enough?" Sounds good, doesn't it?

Notice the wind-blown hair (damn I need a hair cut) and the puffy face from lack of sleep. Not the best picture, but I just came home from work. Also note that my son, Chane, took the picture tilted to one side. Must be genetic, I'm a little warped myself.

Thanks to DB and B'Tude for coming up with this wonderful idea. Everyone come back and enter my version of "HOW TO GET LEI'D" 'Bama style. I'll even let you know what my question will be so you can be thinking of your answer. This being Christmas I thought the perfect contest would be:

"What is the strangest/most unusual/most unique gift you've ever received?"


Remember people, YOU TOO CAN GET LEI'D! Aloha, y'all.

SKETCH ARTIST

This is a sketch of Karen (on the right) and Me (on the left) done by a sidewalk artist at Point Mallard park. I think I love him, he made me look better than any picture!




I'm ready for my closeup now, Mr. DeMill!

BRITISH SEASONAL BLOGGING

Check out the British Christmas blog Tis The Season written by, and I quote:

Sisters Meg and Anna (not in the nun sense of the word) (they're actually related) (and aren't nuns) and Brothers Cliff and Jonny (Not related, just franciscan monks)(not really). End quote.

These are folks from across the big pond and I get a kick out of the difference between their habits/celebrations/language/humor and ours.

Here's an example of their stuff that I stole borrowed.

I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus(and other traumatic childhood incidents)
I saw Daddy fiddling with an elf
I saw the dog dry-humping the Virgin Mary
I saw Grandma pinching an angel's bum
I heard that Rudolf was a crap shag
I walked in on my cousin and a shepherd in the sack
I saw my uncle George playing with his horn
I saw grandad giving the turkey a right good stuffing
I heard something on the roof, I swear I did will you go and look
I saw Grandma playing with Santa's sack
I saw Eddie from next door coming down my friend's chimney
I saw Aunt Grace grappling with Daddy's package
I joined in as my brothers roasted the bird
I saw the Queen's peaches

TWEAKING

I'm trying to stay awake here at work, so I'm playing with the template. How do ya like the random saying generator?

I got tired of the pics on the title bar, so I'll just go bare for now.

LEI ME DOWN TO SLEEP

Yep, the time stamp is right, 2 AM as in early morning. I got off work at 6 pm, went Christmas shopping, and come home to multiple emergency phone calls from work on the answering machine. In bed at 9 PM, up at 12:30 AM and back at work.

Let's see, 7 days X 12 hours + 4 hours extra + 2 hours call in time = Christmas is paid for and then some. Now I need several weeks vacation to recover from the month of December.

I received DB's lei package from Hawaii and I must say he and B'Tude done things up right. I got all kinds of goodies and they even remembered my Grandson. Pictures were going up today but with this schedule it might be another day. I promise to do it ASAP. Right now I'd probably look like a raccoon with the dark circles under my eyes (not to mention the bed-head look I'm sporting. Sorry, I ain't fixing my hair at 12:30 after just a few hours of sleep).

Since this is Christmas week and everyone being so busy with family and shopping, my version of the contest to pass on the traveling lei will start the first week of 2006. A new year to see how far we can send DB's lei around the world.

WHEN DADDY LET ME DRIVE

On the way to work this morning the country song "When Daddy Let Me Drive" came on the radio and memories of Dad came flooding back.

I grew up on an 80 acre cattle farm, the oldest of 5 girls. As far back as I can remember I was Dad's shadow. Mom used to tell stories about me, barely old enough to walk, sitting at the local service station with Dad and the "Dead Pecker Bench" crowd. How all his hard-ankle buddies plied me with banana kisses while they swapped hunting stories and other manly lies.

I remember standing in the truck seat (back then NO ONE even knew about infant car seats) cruising the gravel roads with a dog box in the back as Dad made the rounds of his dog-trading friends. These good-ole-boys bragged about their hunting dogs (coon, rabbit or deer, if it ran they chased it with dogs) the way men now-a-days rave about their cars and power tools and traded dogs like a kid trades baseball cards

Back to the song. When I was around 11, Dad had me get in the truck with him and go to the back field to check on some hay he had cut several days earlier. When we got ready to return to the house, he told me to get in the truck and take it home while he drove the tractor. Whoa, I was supposed to drive! ALONE!

The truck was an old Ford with a three speed on the column. Having never had any driving lessons, I guess Dad thought that I had learned to shift gears by osmosis. I climbed in the cab and sat for a minute trying to remember which gear was where and which pedal was the brake and which the clutch. Speaking of pedals, by stretching my legs as far as I possible I could just barely reach them with my toe.

Dad perched on the tractor behind the truck and started yelling, "Go on to the house, I'm right behind you". I wasn't tall enough to see him in the rearview mirror but I imagine he had a smirky smile on his face.

I muttered under my breath about him being a coward for not riding with me on my maiden voyage as I jammed the clutch down and turned the key. After much grinding of gears and lots of jerky starts that resulted in killing the engine I managed to get the wheels rolling and started down the rutted lane to the house.

I bet I drove all of 5 mph as I dodged cows, potholes and trees on the way to the house. I almost tore the side mirror off when I nearly sideswiped a pine tree but I made it to the yard in one piece, killed the engine and got out. I actually felt proud of myself, but Dad acted like I had been driving for years.

Mom flew out of the house with "that look" on her face. It turned out that she knew nothing about my solo driving until she looked out and saw me in the truck alone. She stood in front of Dad with her arms crossed and demanded "What would you have done if she had hit that tree!!"

All Dad did was calmly reply "I'd have told her to back up and start again".

Mom passed last year and Dad joined her this past spring. Christmas Day will be their 51st anniversary. I miss them both.

HOME AWAY FROM HOME

I received several comments and e-mails wanting to know where I worked because I keep talking about long shifts and tons of overtime. So I present you with the International Papers , Courtland Alabama Mill (my home away from home) which is located on the beautiful Tennessee river and covers a little more than 60 acres. I've even included some downloadable files to show you some of the mill operations.

I work in the control room of our power plant, which is the same as your city utilities. We produce all the steam, electricity, waste treatment and water for the mill. I'm talking about enough to supply a city the size of Huntsville, AL. The plant has won numerous environmental awards, so we must do a decent job of it.

Welcome to my world. (Click on picture for a larger view.)

HO HO HO

Tacky Tinsel Tour '05

104.3 WZYP, one of our local radio stations has an annual Tacky Tinsel Tour where you send pictures of your (or your neighbors) Christmas decorations and the station posts them on it's web site. I thought some of you might get a kick out of seeing them. This is a typical example and go here to see a few more. Although we don't get any snow, everyone around here still gets into the holiday mood by stringing up lights ala Chevy Chase in Christmas Vacation.

I haven't got a tree up yet, but Santa has put a big dent in the checkbook! I didn't even have to fight the crowds much although Karen did give the clerks in WalMart hell when they tried to refuse to get some toys down from the very top shelf for us. (She's a mean little woman, all 105 pounds of her).

I tried to convince the six-year-old that we could stick a bow on the cat's head and let that be all the decorating, but neither he nor the cat agreed with the idea! I guess I'll have to try to get a tree up one evening after work.

Here's hoping you're all in the holiday mood, that you find the perfect gift for everyone on your list and that you find something wonderful under the tree or in your stocking on the 25th!

I GOT LEI'D!!!

Excuse me while I catch my breath and sit down for a minute. I'm plumb giddy and light in the head! I don't think I've ever had a man do this to me before!(imagine "Like a Virgin" playing in the background).

DB has lei'd me all the way from Hawaii (I hope it was as good for him as it was for me!). Well, OK. He lei'd three of us gals {me, 3T, and Chris) . It seems that DB is quite the stud, which makes B'Tude one lucky woman!

Even better, I'm special, but of course you already knew that. Quote:

"The traveling lei will be sent to JuneBugg this time so she can hold her own contest for the next winner."

Yep folks, I get to have my very own contest. See, here are DB's rules.

1. At the end of my contest, I will ship both leis` to one lucky winner.
2. One you will get to keep, the other you will ship to the next lucky winner along with a small gift from your own state or country.
3. You must attach a creative tag to the "traveling lei", such as "Aloha from Hawaii", or "Howdy from Texas", etc., and your blog address. The tag should be no larger that the size of an airline baggage tag or Xmas tag so we can get lots of them on there.
4. When you receive the lei, you must post a picture of yourself wearing it and holding a sign that says "I got lei'd by DB in Hawaii" (or whomever you got the lei from). Also post a link back to me and the person you got the lei from so we can keep track of our Aloha, as well as these rules personalized to your own site.
5. Then create your own contest for the next winner, but the
rules for the traveling lei will remain the same. The contest should run for no shorter than a week and no longer than two weeks.

So expect to see a pic of me getting lei'd (OOOO, pornography!!) and some kinda contest where you, too, can get lei'd plus recieve something from the Deep South otherwise known as Alabama.

Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'll go smoke and just enjoy the afterglow. It's not everyday that I get lei'd.

LET ME TELL YOU A SECRET

"SSSSHHHH! Do you see anyone around?" she says, apprehensively twisting her head from side to side like a spastic chicken watching a tennis match, eyes darting every which-a-way. "Come closer so I can whisper in your ear. Don't tell anyone or they might change the schedule before I can get out of there Friday evening. There's a rumor that I might actually get Saturday and Sunday off."

That’s a whole 48 hours without having to drag out of bed at 3:30 AM, stagger out into freezing weather and drive 20 something miles while only half awake with only one eye open. I saw on Discovery Health Channel how sleep deprivation was as dangerous as drunk driving. So y'all be glad that you didn't meet me on the road, I was definitely punch drunk for lack of sleep.

No buzzers crying "Something’s wrong". No having to try to translate static filled radio transmissions and hoping that you started the right pump/motor and that no one had their fingers in it. No worries about explosions or leaks or power demand or electrical outages.

I might even get a Christmas tree up. I would love to invite Sweet Thang, the grandson and a few friends over and have a Tree Trimming. Not only would I get to see folks that I've missed but I get help plus someone else to blame if the tree is warped or all the decorations wind up on one side.

I also need/want to talk to Santa Clause. I'm running late this year and gotta get on the ball with my present buying. With all this overtime, I've got money to buy really nice gifts for everyone and no time to shop.

I'm even having problems doing any on-line shopping, I fall asleep right after I walk in the door. I even had to ask someone else to go to the bank and deposit my paycheck from 3 weeks ago because I ran out of drink machine change and the bank closes hours before I get off and I don't have an ATM card. (Breath Bugg, that sentence is too long and rambling) The story of my life, either too much, too little, too early, or too late!

This will probably be the only days I have off until after Christmas. The talk is I might have to work until after New Years. So I’ve got 2 days to HO HO HO and GO GO GO.

If y'all are in my neighborhood this weekend, drop by. We'll drink some eggnog with a dash of cheer added in and I'll even let you play with my Christmas balls.

BLOOD SHOT EYES AND WILD HAIR

Yesterday. Up at 3:30 AM and on my way to work. Got home at 7 PM. Went to bed at 9 PM. Emergency phone call at 12:30 AM and back at work at 2:30 AM.

Damn, my eyes feel like they've been sandpapered and my hair looks like a birdnest in a hurricane. I could play the part of a zombie in any horror movie and not even need makeup.

I'm going home and fall in bed JUST AS SOON AS I CAN.

Please God, don't let anything else tear up and make all the assholes on nightshift show up.